How to Have a 4-D Marriage

In the eyes of God the marriage relationship is the most important relationship among humans. It is a pillar of strong society, a strong church, and of strong family. However, as Americans we have lost sight of the original purpose of marriage and that not only is it a covenant between a man and woman, it is also a covenant between the ones who are getting married and God. It is a three way covenant.

We look at our world today, and we see that the marriage relationship is not a sacred relationship. Instead of seeing what God has to say about marriage, we look to ourselves and culture. Because of this, our country has the highest divorce rate among the industrialized nations of the world. It affects the Christian marriage almost as much as the non-Christian marriage.

George Barna noted that Americans have grown comfortable with divorce as a natural part of life after a 2008 study.

“There no longer seems to be much of a stigma attached to divorce; it is now seen as an unavoidable rite of passage. Interviews with young adults suggest that they want their initial marriage to last, but are not particularly optimistic about that possibility. There is also evidence that many young people are moving toward embracing the idea of serial marriage, in which a person gets married two or three times, seeking a different partner for each phase of their adult life.”

https://www.barna.com/research/new-marriage-and-divorce-statistics-released/

It is important that we as believers lift up and grow the God-ordained institution of marriage.

A God-honoring marriage takes work. Those of us who are believers, we know that we are not immune from the tragedy of divorce. It is something that has been a thorn in the side of God fearing families for millenniums.

The prophet Malachi gave a word from God to

Passage

New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update Chapter 2

13 “This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand.

14 “Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.

15 “But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth.

16 “For I hate adivorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with bwrong,” says the LORD of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

17 You have wearied the LORD with your words. Yet you say, “How have we wearied Him?” In that you say, “Everyone who does evil is good in the sight of the LORD, and He delights in them,” or, “Where is the God of justice?”

Lessons from God’s Word

There is a correlation between marriage and God’s blessings. (vs. 13-14)

Judah was having an issue with faithfulness.

Faithfulness to God

Faithfulness to Marriage.

Could it be that we have such an issue, such a rise in our divorce rates, is because we have lost what it means to be faithful?

Because we can’t be faithful, God can’t bless us as He desires.

We may go through the rituals of religion. You may do good deeds, but if you are not faithful to God, God says I can’t bless you.

If you are going to disregard the marriage vows, I can’t bless you as I desire!

A call to salvation is a call to be faithful.

When you make a commitment to your spouse, that commitment of faithfulness to each other is also a commitment to God that you will be faithful to each other.

, NLT

New Living Translation Chapter 3

3 Never let loyalty and kindness leave you!

Tie them around your neck as a reminder.

Write them deep within your heart.

4 Then you will find favor with both God and people,

and you will earn a good reputation.

God Hates Divorce. (vs.16)

God hates divorce because it goes against His plan for marriage. (One Man, One Woman joined together till death).

Genesis 2:24 NASB95

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

God hates divorce because it is painful.

When you join two things and make it one, it is difficult to take the one apart and make it two again without any damage.

Divorce is taking what marriage made as one and trying to make it two again. It cannot be done without pain and scarring.

Not only is it painful for the past marriage partners, but it is painful for the kids, and it is painful for the extended families.

Anyone who says that divorce is easy is lying. You talk to anyone who has been through it, they know the pain. You talk to the children, they will tell you about their hurts. You talk to the extended family and they will tell you about the emptiness of losing a family member.

Someone has said that going through divorce is similar to going through a death of a loved one.

The acceptance of divorce, or any sin, wearies the LORD.

The acceptance of divorce wearies the LORD.

Here is a statement that may get me in trouble with our culture.

Divorce is a sin. It is a sin because it fails to meet God’s standard for marriage. It is a sin, but it a sin that can be forgiven and redeemed.

However, it is not a sin that can be made un-sinful by man.

Just like today, the Judean people were making actions that were sinful and saying that they were good.

New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update Chapter 2

Everyone who does evil is good in the sight of the LORD, and He delights in them,”

God cannot delight in you if you say that your sin is ok, not matter what the sin is.

That attitude makes God tired. It breaks God’s heart. It brings those who do these things on the cusp of facing God’s judgment.

We must work hard at keeping healthy marriages because they are a God-given pillar of our society. We do this by having 4-D marriage. Principles, or actions, to strengthen the Covenant of Marriage.

How to Have a 4-D Marriage

1. Dialogue Daily

For any relationship to grow close there must be quality communication on a consistent basis.

Make time to communicate with your spouse regularly.

Men even though we are conversationally challenged we must talk with our wives.

Talk with our wives.

Keep it interesting

Don’t just talk about what we you are going to have for supper.

Things to talk about …..

Dreams

Frustrations

Funny things that have happened in the day

What is going on inside of us …..

Keep it positive

Ephesians 4:29 NLT

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

Think before you speak, “Is what I’m about to say going to build up my spouse or tear them down?”

Think before you speak, “Is what I’m about to say going to build

up my spouse or tear them down?”

Men – we need to sweet talk our wives

Ladies – we need to know that we are important and appreciated.

appreciated.

2. Date regularly

Just because you are married doesn’t mean you need to stop dating.

Schedule dates – Don’t let others take away from it.

Get away together without the kids

A weekend together

Fight against the empty nest syndrome early, by spending quality time away with your spouse.

quality time away with your spouse.

In the term of human relationships the marriage relationship should come first.

come first.

Don’t allow your kids, or your kids activities, come between your marriage relationship.

your marriage relationship.

Nor work or anything else.

3. Devoted to each other

Remember your vows …. Till death do us part

Marriage is a terminal relationship

Not because it will kill you but because it stays in effect until

God calls one of you home.

Understand that God’s plan for marriage does not end in divorce.

divorce.

Malachi 2:16 NASB95

“For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

Divorce is not in God’s plan for you, but if divorce has happened to you, God is merciful, and God can heal all wounds.

For us to do away with divorce we must

Keep your promise to your mate (don’t deal treacherously)

Deal treacherously means don’t break faith

It is said three times in this passage (vs. 14, 15, 16)

You have promised before your spouse, before friends & family, and before God that you will be married forever no matter what.

family, and before God that you will be married forever no

matter what.

Allow your love for each other to grow.

First love is full of emotion; old love is a love that has grown stronger than emotion.

stronger than emotion.

What will you do when you don’t feel the love?

Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote a letter to a young woman who was about to be married discussing love in a marital relationship.

who was about to be married discussing love in a

marital relationship.

Is there anything more beautiful in life than a young couple clasping hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love? Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed, but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love.

4. Devoted to God

As we mentioned earlier the marriage is a commitment between the husband and wife, but it is also a commitment between the husband, wife, and God.

We fail to remember that when the marriage ceremony happens, and the commitments are made, that God is involved.

For a marriage to stay healthy and thriving, God must be involved in the marriage.

How can that happen?

Pray together

Worship together

Serve together

Conclusion

Despite what our world tells us, divorce is painful, and it goes against God’s plan for marriage. Divorce is a sin.

However, just like other sins, God can forgive and restore the individuals who go through divorce. He can heal the lives who have gone through divorce.

If you have gone through divorce understand that. Have you asked God to forgive you? Have you allowed God to restore and heal you?

For some of you, you have gone through divorce through no fault of your own. You may have fought hard for your marriage to stay, but your spouse refused. Have you allowed God to heal you? It starts first with learning to forgive your ex-spouse.

Couples, we have to realize that divorce should not be an option in our marriage relationships. Because of that we need to look to God to keep our marriages strong, and do everything in our power to keep our marriages strong, fresh, and godly.

Married couples, I encourage you to covenant with each other to keep your marriages strong!

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