How to Ruin Your Marriage in Three Easy Steps

Title- How to Ruin Your Marriage in Three Easy Steps

Passage-

Attention- I have titled this message “How to Ruin Your Marriage In Three Easy Steps”

Introduction

The Guniess Book of record records two of the longes marriages ever.

One of 80 years and one of 85 years

They were both interviewed and their responses were encouraging.

1-At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?......Remember marriage is not a contest, never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win.

2- What advice would you leave

Remember marriage is not a contest, never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win.

Her- “You must never go to sleep bad friends. If you’ve had a quarrel, you make it up. Never be afraid to say, ‘sorry’.”

Him- “Yes dear”

Not like the married couple I read about that had a quarrel and ended up giving each other the silent treatment. Two days into their mute argument, the man realized he needed his wife’s help. In order to catch a flight to Chicago for a business meeting, he had to get up at 5 a.m.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5 a.m.”

The next morning the man woke up only to discover his wife was already out of bed, it was 9 a.m., and his flight had long since departed. He was about to find his wife and demand an answer for her failings when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. He read, “It’s 5 a.m. Wake up.”

What is the main driving point (CPS)?

There are characteristics in

Friends, when we live this life in our own power we will respond in our emotions and desires and that is harmful not only to us but to our marriages, families, and our testimony

Why does the CPS matter, what is the consequence?

When we respond in our emotions and in our desires we hurt others and damage our testimony

Transition

In the life of Nabal we will see several character traits that cause marriages to at best be difficult and at worst be destroyed.

I. Anger (2-3)

Explain

So, lets get this straight…

The guy is rich…the text says not that he was rich but that he was really rich

Before we go further, lets clear this up quickly

-We sometimes fall into this trap that more money will solve our problems. But more money will not solve relational problems, it often causes more.

Nabal has plenty of material resources and even from the start of this account we find a miserable man

Not only is he rich, he has a great wife

We read that she was “of a beautiful countenance”…her appearance was beautiful

Not only that, she had a disposition that was delightful

She was intelligent

Discerning

Insightful

Pleasant to be around

Not only that but we might overlook the fact that he was from the family of Caleb…this was a prominent family in Israel. A family that seems to have been responsible for the founding of David’s hometown of Bethlehem.

You do some further study and you come to realize that he and David are

It sounds like Nabal has it all going for him...

How does Nabal communicate?

How is Nabal described?

Churlish and evil…Evil we get but what in the world is churlish

This is one of the unique things about the KJV, it has some very memorable words. Like churlish

Some people are rude unintentionally…due to ignorance

Nabal was rude in a mean spirited way…thats the sense of this word

His purpose in life was to be mean and angry

To make others as miserable as himself

We are not told why he is so miserable…but we are just told that he is more or less an angry man

In spite of the fact that he seems to have everything going for him he is a horrible person to be around

And from what we read there is no circumstances that dictate him being like this

Bridge to today

I had a boss like that once.

We started work well before he showed up....

If you didn’t see his car, or truck, or suv, or sportscar, whichever he chose to drive....pull up you never knew when you would hear his voice boom over the noise of the machinery in that building

Screaming at people…tearing them down

Your biggest hope was that when he walked by he had his golfing glove in his back pocket so you knew he would only bee there a few hours before t-time.

Relevance

I remember often wonder, what does his wife see in him besides the money

Did she know him before he had money?

Besides the money, why stay with such a miserable person?

Why does this matter?

Friends, marriage was created by God...

Marriage was created BEFORE sin entered the world, and at the end of creation God looked at all he created, including marriage and declared it not just good but VERY good

I understand that marriage can be difficult…every marriage has difficult days or periods but when you step back you ought to be able to see some level of joy.

God did not create us to be angry people or to respond to our spouses in anger

We are instead to respond in gentleness

Galatians 5:23 KJV 1900

Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

Galatians 5:22–23 KJV 1900

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

I think that this kind of anger and misery comes from what we will see next in the life of Nabal

The next two points will give us the roots of is churlishness

Transition

The first root of his churlishness is that he was

II. Selfish (4-12)

Explain

In verses 4-9 we see David doing a kind thing for Nabal

He noticed that Nabal’s men were in the area shearing their sheep and David and his men give protection to the shepherds and shearers

Now to us this may seem presumptuous that David, or anyone for that matter, would assume that they could expect food or lodging or anything for just doing something they weren't asked to do.

This is where a cultural understanding of Scripture comes in…it was apparently common for a man of Nabal’s wealth to assume that someone would protect a part of his wealth and respond by at least caring for their physical needs.

Especially in a culture driven by hospitality

What is Nabal’s response?

David who? Am I suppose to know who this David is? He could be a run away slave for all I know

And what does he expect me to do?

Take MY bread and MY water and My flesh that I killed for MY shearers and give it to THEM when I don’t even know who THEY are!!!!

He was being selfish!!

Along with a few other things…most of all living up to the reputation that we already read about

Seven times in one verse Nabal uses the personal pronouns “I” and “my”

Bridge to today

This transitions nicely into a question for us this morning.

What personal pronouns are found in your marriage?

Is it all about you…

Relevance

Jesus Christ is to be our example....

In we read about Jesus’ humble submission

Paul tells us that this is to be the picture of our marriage....not crucifixion but the picture of giving ourselves

Why does this matter?

We live in a would obsessed with ourselves....we are to be counter cultural

We, like Jesus was, are to be more concerned with others than ourselves.

As Paul tells us, we are bought with a price…we are not our own...

Because of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, we now are given the same opportunity to offer ourselves as a sacrifice, not on the cross but to others

This first ought to be in our marriages and families and in turn spill out towards others we meet

Transition

Not only is selfishness detrimental to marriage and what makes a person churlish, the second root of Nabal’s churlishness was....

III. Stubbornness (36-38)

Explain

What I believe is going on here is that Nabal loses his life as a consequence of his response to the news he heard.

Whether is was some sort of illness of heart issue from stress or maybe it was the Lord Himself romoving Nabal’s life…the text isn’t clear but...

I believe that we can see that as a result of his curlish, selfish, and stubborn lifestyle it cost him his life.

Maybe you are asking, why describe him as stubborn

True, I could have seen him as strong willed, resistant, pig headed, unteachable…choose the adjective you prefer

The text does tell us that he is confronted with the news that his wife responded the way that he ought to have...

Although there could have been a lot of physical reasons he died, I think that among the spiritual causes was his stubborness

I do truely believe that he was given time to respond right, and after he had made his choice that this was the point in his life that was the beginning of the end and 10 days later he died.

I am not saying that it was stubbornness that killed him but a soft heart and teachable spirit may have saved not only his marriage but his life.

Bridge to today

I know that there are many of you here this morning that have been married longer than I have but I am convinced that one of the big issues facing marriages to day is prideful stubbornness.

It is like a cancer that eats at your marriage

Maybe it begins by wanting to be right…but it grows and grows until there is bitterness and contempt in your marriage

Relevance

But these truths can save more than our marriages...

They can save us from an eternity separated from God in hell

If we would set aside our selfishness and stubbornness and humble ourselves and accept the sacrifice Jesus offered we could have a relationship once again with the creator and a future in heaven with him.

When we set aside our selfishness and stubbornness spiritually then Jesus Christ himself will help us to instill these principles into our marriages.

Conclusion

A marriage marked by anger, selfishness, and stubbornness will not thrive. It will not grow.

Paul says in that husbands are to treat wives in the way that Jesus gave himself for the church

He tells wives to submit in the manner he submitted to the Father for the purpose of being the sacrifice to bring humanity back to himself.

Review of the Principles and the Sermon Proposition

These are to be the foundation of a good marriage. If you have any of these three marks in your marriage, stop…repent and ask the Lord to restore your marriage

If you haven’t asked the Lord to restore you to Himself, Stop…repent and give your life to Him

Challenge to act now (your part)…immanence

Both of these, your eternal life and your marriage, they are to important to put off.

I challenge you to respond this morning…allow the Holy Spirit to work in your heart

Visualize Audience Implementation

Final Statement

Don’t allow your marriage to die, like Nabal did

Don’t allow yourself to die in your sins and face an eternal unishment

Whatever your situation...

Humble yourselves and turn to Jesus

Would you bow your heads and close your eyes with me?

Closing Hymn

639 Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus