Public Enemy #1

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

We are fascinated with celebrity hook ups aren’t we. I mean People Magazine would go out of business if it weren’t for celebrity relationships. I was sad when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie divorced. I was sad when Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman divorced. I hated to see Sandra Bullock go through so much in her failed marriage. I mean the reality is that superstars rarely stay married. The primary reason it is so incredibly difficult is because they have been unable to capture and imprison or kill Public Enemy #1.

I had the great privilege of knowing two great-grandfathers and a great-grandmother. I always thought it was kind of a normal thing until I began to realize that some people never even get to meet their grandparents. My oldest three actually got to meet their great-great grandfather.

In the corner of the store that was the post office there was a cork board and on the cork board were several things I can’t remember, with one exception. There was always a stack of wanted posters. There would be somewhere between 20-50 FBI’s Most Wanted posters that had the picture of the criminal, it would give you details about their life including what they were wanted for and it contained instructions for reporting any sightings. I always got a little thrill when it said “Armed and Dangerous.” I would then make up some story in my head about me capturing this criminal in some kind of heroic fashion. I never do recall seeing a poster for the FBI’s Most Wanted. I never recall seeing a description of Public Enemy #1. It turns out that this title has been reserved for a select few. First applied to Al “Scarface” Capone and most recently applied to the Mexican Drug Kingpin El Chapo.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or First of all I want us to appreciate that before Paul writes chapter 5 he writes chapters 1-4 and in chapters 1-4 there is a theme of unity. He talks about uncircumcised Gentiles being brought into the family of God and that in Christ both Jew and Gentile are the same. So, there is just one Church filled with One Spirit. One Church filled with One Spirit should result in a special harmony that brings peace to its members.

First of all I want us to appreciate that before Paul writes chapter 5 he writes chapters 1-4 and in chapters 1-4 there is a theme of unity. He talks about uncircumcised Gentiles being brought into the family of God and that in Christ both Jew and Gentile are the same. So, there is just one Church filled with One Spirit. One Church filled with One Spirit should result in a special harmony that brings peace to its members.

So, in order for that to happen, the individual will need to be willing to sacrifice their desires for the benefit of the community. This is where v. 21 comes into play.

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

If you aren’t a Christian you are probably going to want to argue this point, but one of the measures of whether or not we are indwelt by the Spirit of Christ is that we are able to serve others selflessly and that we choose to do so normally. There are examples of people outside of Christ who may make selfless sacrifice like a soldier throwing himself on a grenade, or the Riley Howell, the young man who ran toward the UNC Charlotte gunman, but those are seen as extremes to the societal norm. The reality is that our tendency, thanks to our sinful nature, is to serve ourself even if we are serving others. We do it so that we feel good, or we do it in order to get something in return which can be a simple thanks or fame. Your ability to defer your desires in order to help another person reach their desires is not instinctive. Wanting to give up your rights to serve other’s interests ahead of your own is not instinctive. Paul says that it takes the Spirit of God moving in a person’s life in order to live a selfless life instead of a self-centered life.

This means that Paul also identifies marriage’s Public Enemy #1…you. There is no room for a self-centered life in marriage.

Ignoring the reality that you are selfish will continue to keep you from experiencing the greatness of marriage. It will prevent you form becoming a part of the unified whole.

There are two types of self-centeredness which are born out of opposite views of yourself. You can think you are either wonderful or dreadful. The person who believes themselves to be wonderful will be able to evaluate everyone else’s shortcomings and find them unworthy of service. The person who believes themselves to be dreadful will be so absorbed in trying to solve their own problems that they are unable to identify other’s needs and so they can’t serve them.

One view of the human condition is that people experience great emotional wounds and these would cause their self-centeredness. You are a victim. The other view, which is the Biblical view, is that you were always self-centered and your wounds just exaggerated your selfishness. You are a victim and you are a perpetrator.

Christianity teaches us that our own self-centeredness is the primary problem in every relationship and it is magnified exponentially in our relationship with God and in our relationship with our spouse.

If you think you are awesome the Gospel says you are more wicked than you ever dared believe. For the one who thinks you are dreadful the Gospel says you are more loved than you ever dared hope.

Jesus says in , “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. 25 For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?”

Paul expounds upon that in , “20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

One view of the human condition is that people experience great emotional wounds and these would cause their self-centeredness. You are a victim. The other view, which is the Biblical view, is that you were always self-centered and your wounds just exaggerated your selfishness. You are a victim and you are a perpetrator.

Die to live, lose to find, deny and follow, leave and cleave.

If your marriage is not only going to survive, but thrive you must deal with your own self-centeredness. You must arrest your desires and put them in jail or send them to the electric chair. You must assume that you are the most selfish person in your relationship.

Marriage was back in the news this past week. My children were watching the Billboard Music Awards where, among others, the Jonas Brothers were going to perform. One of the first concerts my oldest two attended was a Hannah Montana/Jonas Brothers concert at Rupp. But it was bedtime so I made them turn it off and go to bed before the performance. And the Jonas Brothers were the headline the next day, but the headline was that the Jonas Sisters (aka Jonas Brother’s Wives) stole the show. And the biggest news from the Billboard Music Awards happened afterward. It was also reported that Joe Jonas married Sophie Turner in Vegas at a Wedding Chapel with an Elvis impersonator officiating after the Billboard show. The artist Diplo recorded the whole thing and posted it to his social media.

If you are single. You also need to remind yourself of your own self-centeredness. And your question can solely be, what

Marriage was back in the news this past week. My children were watching the Billboard Music Awards where, among others, the Jonas Brothers were going to perform. One of the first concerts my oldest two attended was a Hannah Montana/Jonas Brothers concert at Rupp. But it was bedtime so I made them turn it off and go to bed before the performance. And the Jonas Brothers were the headline the next day, but the headline was that the Jonas Sisters (aka Jonas Brother’s Wives) stole the show. And the biggest news from the Billboard Music Awards happened afterward. It was also reported that Joe Jonas married Sophie Turner in Vegas at a Wedding Chapel with an Elvis impersonator officiating after the Billboard show. The artist Diplo recorded the whole thing and posted it to his social media.We are fascinated with celebrity hook ups aren’t we. I mean People Magazine would go out of business if it weren’t for celebrity relationships. I was sad when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie divorced. I was sad when Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman divorced. I hated to see Sandra Bullock go through so much in her failed marriage. I was really surprised that Chris Pratt and Anna Farris didn’t work out. I mean the reality is that superstars rarely stay married. And I believe I know why. You see the primary reason it is so incredibly difficult is because in their line of work it is almost impossible to capture and imprison or kill Public Enemy #1. And I don’t mean the Chuck D and Flavor Flav Public Enemy.

I had the great privilege of knowing two great-grandfathers and a great-grandmother. I always thought it was kind of a normal thing until I began to realize that some people never even get to meet their grandparents. My oldest three actually got to meet their great-great grandfather.

One set of great grandparents lived in the middle of West Virginia in a little community called Centralia. Daddy Choc ran a little grocery store and Grandma Mom was the Post-Mistress. The store and post office were in one building. When we visited them, often for a week at a time, there would be lots of fishing and playing outside and just hanging out at the store. Especially since they only got three TV channels on a clear day.

In the corner of the store that was the post office there was a cork board and on the cork board were several things I can’t remember, with one exception. There was always a stack of wanted posters. There would be somewhere between 20-50 of the FBI’s Most Wanted posters that had the picture of the criminal, it would give you details about their life including what they were wanted for and it contained instructions for reporting any sightings. I always got a little thrill when it said “Armed and Dangerous.” I would then make up some story in my head about me capturing this criminal in some kind of heroic fashion. I never do recall seeing a poster for Public Enemy #1. It turns out that this title has been reserved for a select few. First applied to Al “Scarface” Capone and most recently applied to the Mexican Drug Kingpin El Chapo.

Today, however, I want you to know that I have seen Public Enemy #1 when it comes to your marriage, or your future marriage, and even my marriage. Their picture is most likely not hanging on the wall of the Post Office, but it is most likely on your phone or on a wall or a piece of furniture in your house, because Public Enemy #1 is you. You are your marriage’s worst enemy.

Let me show you where I’m getitng this. Ephesians 5:21-33

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

First of all I want us to appreciate that before Paul writes chapter 5 he writes chapters 1-4 and in chapters 1-4 there is a theme of unity. He talks about uncircumcised Gentiles being brought into the family of God and that in Christ both Jew and Gentile are the same. So, there is just one Church filled with One Spirit. One Church filled with One Spirit should result in a special harmony that brings peace to its members.

So, in order for that to happen, the individual will need to be willing to sacrifice their desires for the benefit of the community. This is where v. 21 comes into play.

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

If you aren’t a Christian you are probably going to want to argue this point, but one of the measures of whether or not the Spirit of Christ is in us is that we are able to serve others selflessly and that we choose to do so normally. There are examples of people outside of Christ who may make selfless sacrifice like a soldier throwing himself on a grenade, or like Riley Howell, the young man who ran toward the UNC Charlotte gunman, but those are seen as extremes to the societal norm. The reality is that our tendency, thanks to our sinful nature, is to serve ourselves even if we are serving others. We serve so that we feel good, or we do it in order to get something in return which can be a simple thanks or fame. Your ability to defer your desires in order to help another person reach their desires is not instinctive. Wanting to give up your rights to serve other’s interests ahead of your own is not instinctive. Paul says that it takes the Spirit of God moving in a person’s life in order to live a selfless life instead of a self-centered life.

Paul believes that a healthy marriage is going to require selfless service.

This means that Paul also identifies marriage’s Public Enemy #1…you. There is no room for a self-centered life in marriage.

This is why so many Hollywood marriages fail. Each superstar has to be willing to sacrifice their identity, their fame, their goals in order to help the other one become who they desire to become. Now, ideally, if both are doing that both are achieving what they desire. The problem, of course, is that it’s not good for business. Individualism wins.

When we enter into marriage we think the person we are marrying is wonderful. We have all kinds of expectations of our future life together and all of them are great expectations. The irony is that we say these vows that include in sickness and health and in poverty or wealth, but we only expect health and wealth. We think we’re going to always be employed, always have sex, have a boy and a girl who go to Harvard or play basketball for UK. It’s kind of like taking meds without paying attention to the side effects.

But it won’t take long and the cracks will begin to appear, and you’ll realize that they aren’t all they were cracked up to be. Their selfishness will begin to take a toll on your relationship. I think Kristi and I didn’t even wait for the Honeymoon to be over before we recognized that each of us were pretty selfish.

For a long time we both pointed the finger at one another. Let me just say that this is not the right way to go about it. The better way to go about it is to look in the mirror and say, you are the problem. What are you going to give up for her or him?

Submit is a military word. The military cannot operate effectively if you don’t submit to your commanding officer and to the rules of conduct and combat. You must be willing to submit in order to help the whole become something greater than you could be individually.

Ignoring the reality that you are selfish will continue to keep you from experiencing the greatness of marriage. It will prevent you from becoming a part of the unified whole.

There are two types of self-centeredness which are born out of opposite views of yourself. You can think you are either wonderful or dreadful. The person who believes themselves to be wonderful will be able to evaluate everyone else’s shortcomings and find them unworthy of service. The person who believes themselves to be dreadful will be so absorbed in trying to solve their own problems that they are unable to identify other’s needs and so they can’t serve them.

One view of the human condition is that people experience great emotional wounds and these would cause their self-centeredness. You are a victim. The other view, which is the Biblical view, is that you were always self-centered and your wounds just exaggerated your selfishness. You are a victim and you are a perpetrator.

Christianity teaches us that our own self-centeredness is the primary problem in every relationship and it is magnified exponentially in our relationship with God and in our relationship with our spouse.

Jesus says in Luke 9, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. 25 For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?”

Paul expounds upon that in Galatians 2, “20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Die to live, lose to find, deny and follow, leave and cleave.

If your marriage is not only going to survive, but thrive you must deal with your own self-centeredness. You must arrest your desires and put them in jail or send them to the electric chair.

You must assume that you are the most selfish person in your relationship.

If you are married or in an exclusive relationship at some point today take out your phone and turn on your selfy camera or go look in the mirror and say I am the most selfish person in this relationship.

Ask yourself,

”How can I serve my husband in order to help him become who he wants to be?

How can I serve my wife so that she can become who she wants to be?

And then all of us, both married and single need to ask a third question. “How can I serve Christ so that His Church can become who she was meant to be?”

You are Public Enemy #1 in your relationship with God.

You are Public Enemy #1 in your relationship with your Church.

You are Public Enemy #1 in your relationship with your spouse.

If you want to begin to fix any or all of those relationships you have to start by admitting that, and then deliberately begin to sacrifice what you want for the good of the mystical union between you and God, between you and the Church, between you and your husband, between you and your wife.

Pray

Benediction