Shames Relationship to Anger

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Good Morning! We are in a series entitled Unashamed...and we are talking about this Emotion called Shame… and it’s impact on other emotions...
Shame has been called the silent emotion because it is difficult to identify in our lives… and it’s the emotion that gets ignored the most....
You won’t find too many books entitled SHAME on the NY best Sellers list....because Ironically we are really ashamed of shame…
Shame has also been called the Master emotion because it influences all the other emotions....
Dr Andrea Brandt in article in Psychology Today says that
Shame is the only emotion that can bind with other emotions. You can feel joy, sadness, fear, disgust, and anger all while you simultaneously feel shame.
Emotions are essentially good
1. Emotions are the way that we experience life…
2. Emotions are the energy for the Soul…
3. Emotions are also early warning signals
However we need to understand -that..
When sin entered into our world... it impacted not only our relationship with God and each other but also our Emotions. Adam and Eve went from enjoying Peace with God (shalom the way things should be),to hiding the being ashamed of their nakedness. Instead of experiencing Grace and the fullness of God’s love they felt… feelings of fear guilt and shame and disgrace...
We are going to spend the next few moments talk about the relationship of Shame on Anger..
Have you noticed how Angry people are these days are pretty wound up… Anger is a very real thing in our world…
… — Just think about how politics have divided our nation…in the past several years… There was a day when politicians were able to cordially debate differences… keeping tempters controlled.
This simply no longer the case there are now feelings of hated and loathing that run deep with hate across both sides of the isle… Several years ago Peter wood wrote in his book, “ a bee in the Mouth...
"For the first time in our political history, declaring absolute hatred for one's opponent has become a sign not of sad excess, but of good character." Peter Wood
IT/S f there is anyone personality in the Bible that personifies the relation between Shame and anger it’s King Saul… There are three scene from his life we are going to look at..

The First Scene … we are going call

“lost in the Baggage

I don’t know if you have a story about baggage and airports … but I came across this story which would be really hard to beat...
Ted, had just returned from a business trip and went to get his luggage at the baggage area of Chicago's O'Hare Airport.
Almost everyone had gotten their luggage.. Ted that his bags were about to cycle through the canvas flaps into the back room… He quickly reached for his bags, but unfortunately lost his balance and fell onto the convey belt and was sucked through the flaps....
So there he was, flat on his back, hanging tightly to the handle of his suitcase over his head, and riding the conveyor through the flaps into the darkness beyond.
Several thoughts were going through his mind: I've been wanting to do this for years.
I could get arrested.
Now is probably not the best time to get off.
So he rode the belt, still gripping his suitcase, till he and his bag passed through the flaps again into the light.
At this point he looked up into the face of an official-looking woman who said, "You're not supposed to do that!" To which he replied, "Have you ever tried this?!" And she bellowed, "No!" And he simply said, "Don't!"
He then swung his feet to the floor, tightened his grip on the suitcase handle, stood on the edge of the conveyor belt, and walked off. (preaching today)
In our text we are going to Saul hiding in the Luggage…and so how did he get there?
When Saul was a young man ... the people of Israel had been asking for a King and they desired to be like the other nations around them.So the
The reason being was that the Philistines posed a serious threat, and they were well equipped and well organized.
The Israelite were large but acted independently within their tribes, and none of them had a permanent army… so logic was that ..unless they found a means of uniting the tribes and building up an army, Israel would perish as a nation… .
This is just after the period of the Judges --- where Samuel was the last judge and unfortunately there was no succession planned because Samuel’s children had not followed in the ways of the Lord....
So the elders of Israel approach Samuel and request that he choose and appoint a KING for ISRAEL…
This news was disheartening to Samuel and he took Israel asking for king as Rejecting their Faith...
… Samuel prays and brings his disappointments to God.…
1 Samuel 8:7 ESV
And the Lord said to Samuel, “Obey the voice of the people in all that they say to you, for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected me from being king over them.
God’s Original plan was that Israel would be different from other nations that He would be their King and they would walk with Him and be their God. But God also endowed man with free choice and man has the ability to reject his Soveriegnty..
What is amazing about this text is that..
God reminds Samuel that He should not take this personally
• … God reminds Samuel that it’s not his job to save Israel or to save his family --- that’s God’s Job… Samuels Job is warn them and to let them know the truth but He is not responsible for choices..
• What a burden that lifts...
God had someone in mind to be King of Israel… God is bigger than free Choice… and our mistakes…
• Saul was the son of Kish from the tribe the Benjamin the smallest tribe of Israel…
• Saul and his servant had been sent on a mission to find his fathers Donkey’s that had some how got lost…
• They were searching in the region near Jerusalem when his servant suggest that they go and enquire the seer/ prophet in the City ---Perhaps He would find the donkeys…
• While this is happening... God had already spoken to Samuel to be on the look out for a young man from the tribe of Benjamin whom He was to anoint as King of Israel.
• As Saul and his Servant enter the city.. Samuel happened to be walking straight towards them on the way to temple. As soon as Samuel see Saul…
• the Lord speaks to him and says this is the man that I was telling you about.
• Samuel announces to Saul that he is the chosen one of Israel… That He would be the chosen king who would deliver Israel from the Philistines.... He was the Desire of all Israel and that the future of Israel was in his hand…
• As you can imagine Saul was in shock..
1 Samuel 9:21 ESV
Saul answered, “Am I not a Benjaminite, from the least of the tribes of Israel? And is not my clan the humblest of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin? Why then have you spoken to me in this way?”
If you remember Gideon had the exact same response after he encounter the angel of the Lord.. am I not the least? I am a nobody…
After this encounter
• Samuel takes Saul to his home and Honors Saul with a Feast… and then the following morning He is anointed as king of Israel.
Saul gives him 3 further signs
1. On the return journey home he would also find to men who would tell him that the donkeys were found and that his father was now concerned about Saul’s safety..
2. He would meet three pilgrims that would give him two loaves of bread.
3. He would pass a garrison of Philistines and then he will come upon some prophets… who will be playing instruments … then spirit of God would come upon Saul and he would prophecy with them.
God wanted Saul to know that without doubt he was Called… We need to remember that it is not man who calls us but God who calls…
So on the day of the Coronation when Israel went through the process of casting lots… and choosing a leader… it would be a mere confirmation what God had already done.God had done everything to prepare Saul for his Coronation.. but Saul still had to receive the Call..…
1 Samuel 10:20–22 ESV
20 Then Samuel brought all the tribes of Israel near, and the tribe of Benjamin was taken by lot. 21 He brought the tribe of Benjamin near by its clans, and the clan of the Matrites was taken by lot; and Saul the son of Kish was taken by lot. But when they sought him, he could not be found. 22 So they inquired again of the Lord, “Is there a man still to come?” and the Lord said, “Behold, he has hidden himself among the baggage.”
So here is Israel Gathered… they had gone through the process of casting lots… It was one of the ways the priests would determine God’s will at the time.. all the names in the hat… the tribe of Benjamin is chosen.. out of all the people in the tribe Saul’s name comes up…
Saul already knew the outcome. but he was nowhere to be found… — Can you imagine if after the election you can’t find the president… because he is nowhere to be found…
Love the fact that they enquire in prayer and God tells Israel Saul is in the luggage...
Luggage Represents all Stuff that was keeping him back… study..... … He felt Unworthy.... he was bnot good enough…didn't measure up...
Shame has a profound influence on Saul… and it is going to impact his ability to lead Israel and his family..
If we don’t get to the root of this the root will sprout up into a shoot and the shoot will soon turn into a forest...
The truth is that all of us have Baggage.. Each of us has a choice whether we controlled by our emotions… whether we are driven by shame, guilt or fear… or we let go
T/s … The Second scene we see the manifestation of Shame…

Scene Two -“ Throwing your Toys”

How many of us can relate to this picture? (kid having a tantrum)
All of us parents have had that moment when we have had our children loose… it… they didn’t get what they want and so the throw a tantrum…It dosen’t matter when you are it just happens… normally in the middle of the store.... And its over the craziest things… these are real tantrums..
- Because she wanted to egg to be square shapped..
- Because the dog ate the biscuit that he offered to the dog
- Because the chocolate melted in his mouth when he chewed it..
- Because I asked him to wash his hands after play…
Then there is this moment (show picture)…. When he has no idea what he was mad about…
Well this scene … Saul is going to throwing a tantrum of note..--
In Samuel 17 we have the well-known Story of David and Goliath.
Israel had been tormented by the Philistine Giant Goliath and nobody in Israel had the courage to face him one on one.. That is until David shows up and offers to fight Goliath.... and defeats him with a sling and five stones.… And immediately after killing Goliath and chopping of his head….David becomes a Hero in Israel..and David is promoted to head up Sauls army…
The problem is that David is too good at his Job… He is so successful… that he would win these battles against the Philistines and the women of Israel… would welcome him home with singing… they chanted that David had killed his 1000’s but Saul his 10 000… and this made Saul extremely Jealous..
1 Samuel 18:8–12 ESV
8 And Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him. He said, “They have ascribed to David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed thousands, and what more can he have but the kingdom?” 9 And Saul eyed David from that day on. 10 The next day a harmful spirit from God rushed upon Saul, and he raved within his house while David was playing the lyre, as he did day by day. Saul had his spear in his hand. 11 And Saul hurled the spear, for he thought, “I will pin David to the wall.” But David evaded him twice. 12 Saul was afraid of David because the Lord was with him but had departed from Saul.
So Saul becomes very Angry… at David… because of the woman of Israel…The Hebrew word here means to be kindled of enflamed with anger… to burn with anger… This was something that maybe started off small --- but over time had become a huge issue… he was now at a boiling point…
• In Saul’s mind David was after much more than being a hero .. He was after his kingdom.… Saul says “What more can he have --- the glory --- what next the kingdom?
Anger can be distructive… but there are two sides to Anger.. Negative Anger and then Positive Anger…
Anger in itself is not necessary a sin…The Bible tells us in
Ephesians 4:26 ESV
26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
We see that God himself often got angry…
On Mount Sinai in Exodus 34 and Moses says, “Show me your glory, tell me the essence of who you are,” God says, “I will declare my name for you,” and do you know what he says?
He says, “I am the Lord, slow to anger. That’s my glory. I get angry, but I’m slow about it.”
Tim Keller, say it like this…
The ideal is not no anger or blowing-up anger; it’s slow anger. It is a sin to never get angry. It’s a sin to blow up with your anger.”.
Anger in a positive sense, alerts us to danger or injustice … for example but we ought to get angry over those in the world who are treated poorly…
Anger should be a motivator to practice Micah 6:8 where it tells us how we ought to respond with justice and love… like it says in Micah—Do justice and love mercy…
Micah 6:8 ESV
t Anger can override those feelings…Saul could not see all the positive traits in David… David was not only courageous but loyal… there are several times that David had opportunity to kill Saul but he refrained…
Anger becomes sin for us when it is misdirected… When you get mad at the waitress because your steak is overdone, when you yell at your kids because you had a bad day at work, when you punish yourself for something someone else did, that's misdirected anger. Sinful anger is a hurtful and misdirected display of passion.
Saul allowed Anger to Dominate his life and thoughts……
Samuel tells us from the day forward Saul looked at David differently… David was no longer a friend and ally but a very clear and present danger to Saul and his Dynasty...
The next day while Saul was resting and David was ministering to him in Music we are told that an evil spirit from the Lord came upon Saul..
Some may question how an evil spirit could come from God. God has complete control over all spirits, both good and evil, but we should not forget that God exercises his sovereignty through a permissive will as well as a positive and active will. God permits human beings to do evil if that is their choice. He did not make Saul do wrong by deliberately overpowering his will through sending an evil spirit..
When this wrong spirit came upon Saul he was filled with rage…he picked up the closest thing next to him that happened to be his Javelin and tried to pin David to the wall. Well Fortunately, David was fast and he ducked, and the spear missed.
What is interesting is the Bible says this happened not once but twice… Now, this tells us that David went back into the room…This classic example of abusive relationship… where Anger ..… Anger is used as a weapon to shame others… David kept on letting Saul off the hook… thinking that is just normal behavior… but it really is not… When Anger is motivated by Shame.. it often manifests in shaming others..…and throwing tools
T/s The last Scene is the scene of being…

Scene Three - “Stuck in the Moment ”

There is this true story of a couple who were trying to figure out where to put a hole in his wall for a TV wire. So… they hatch this plan…
The husband tied an alarm clock to a rope and set the alarm to go off after 10 minuets… He then went to the second floor of his house and lowered his wife's alarm clock on a string through an air vent—
But then the string broke. The clock fell but fortunately it fell in the right place so when the alarm went off, "[h]e could still hear where he needed to poke a hole in the wall.”
The problem was that the alarm was now stuck in the wall and continued to off at the same time every night…
The couple didn’t bother with the clock because they figured that it would like die soon..., but each night he and his wife would be treated to about a minute of beeping that could be heard "from any room on the first floor…. Well this went on for 13 years..
One of the problems with
What we learn from Saul is that unresolved Emotions like Anger don’t just go away on their own..
In 1 Samuel 20 — David approaches Jonathan… who had this incredible friendship……Jonathan loved David as his own soul.. they were knit together in this tight relationship.
David confides in Jonathan that he has concerned that Saul still wanted to Kill him… Interesting that this is even a conversation…right??
There were already 8 attempts on Davids life at this point…and yet David was willing to give King Saul the benefit of the doubt…
Jonathan finds it hard to believe that his father really wanted David dead..
We can make excuses for anger in our family… that’s just the way that person is… Saul got angry but he really didn’t want to cause harm…
So David says lets test your theory… let’s test that Saul won’t act on his anger.… The plan was that David would not attend the New moon festival… it would be obvious that David was absent on the first night .... but on the second night it would be glaringly obvious and an issue…When Saul asks about the whereabouts of David.. Jonathan would make an excuse… and say that David had family commitments. Jonathan tells his father that David has gone to a family sacrifice at Bethlehem
As soon as Saul hears the news he explodes with anger.
1 Samuel 20:30–34 ESV
30 Then Saul’s anger was kindled against Jonathan, and he said to him, “You son of a perverse, rebellious woman, do I not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame, and to the shame of your mother’s nakedness? 31 For as long as the son of Jesse lives on the earth, neither you nor your kingdom shall be established. Therefore send and bring him to me, for he shall surely die.” 32 Then Jonathan answered Saul his father, “Why should he be put to death? What has he done?” 33 But Saul hurled his spear at him to strike him. So Jonathan knew that his father was determined to put David to death. 34 And Jonathan rose from the table in fierce anger and ate no food the second day of the month, for he was grieved for David, because his father had disgraced him.
Saul in his anger turns on his own family...
Saul tries to shame Jonathan into changing loyalties from David to himself by bringing Jonathan’s mother into the dialogue. Then Saul adds even more to his shaming process: he says to Jonathan, “Because of your shame of family betrayal, you also have dragged your mother into this situation. When you side with David your friend, you also will dethrone your mother.”
In other words, if Jonathan doesn’t become the next king, his mother will lose her place as the queen mother. Saul is using the power of shame in a “double whammy.” Not only does he shame Jonathan directly, but he attempts to manipulate Jonathan even more by putting the weight of shame on him for how he will affect his dear mother
We can see this in the story of King Saul and Jonathan that Saul is actually using his anger to cover his own shameful behavior.
Anger is often used to cover shame. All of us perceive shame as dangerous to ourselves. We don’t like shame, and we don’t like feeling ashamed. It is typical to react with anger when someone tries to shame us. Interestingly, when Saul attempts to control Jonathan through shame, Jonathan does not try to shame his father in return.
However, Jonathan uses his anger to counter his father in a honorable way. The Scripture says Jonathan responded with fierce anger and left the room. Perhaps Jonathan did not want to use his fierce anger on his father, as his father just had done to him. Jonathan’s response was to “get out of there” because his father’s attempt to shame him had roused such indignation in Jonathan
Saul is stuck in the Moment… He can’t get past his shame…
… Saul spent his whole life Angry, jealous, Chasing after the wrong things… and never filled his calling…
At theend of his life… He seeks out a mediam (the witch of Endor) to call back Samuel from the Dead… and he gets the message that he and his sons were going to die the next day at the hands of the Philistines… Not too comforting.. the next Day Saul is mortally wounded in battle and falls on his own Sword and the philistines drag his body into their temple... Tragic ending---
This is the same Saul… that Samuel said… Was raised up to defeat the Philistines… Shame kept him in the moment and he was never able to move past his shame.
Author Mike Yconelli tells this story where on one of his many trips.... he got Stuck in San Francisco one night and missed his connection back home. I was angry and upset, and I called my son on the phone. I wanted him to encourage me. I said, "Man, I'm stuck in the airport; it's been a horrible day. I've been traveling too much."
My son said, "You know, Dad, if you didn't travel so much, you wouldn't have things like this happen." Well, I didn't appreciate that. I was ticked off. I said, let me talk to your son [my two-year-old grandson]. Well, I forgot that when you're two you can't talk, and when you're 60 you can't hear. This is not a good combination. He's mumbling on the phone. I'm hoping that this is going to make me feel better. It's making me feel worse.
Finally, I've had it. I hear the phone drop onto the floor. Now, I hear the kids playing. I'm stuck in the airport. I have this miserable experience. I'm furious and angry, when all of a sudden I hear crystal clear over the phone, "I love you, Grampa."
Yconelli says ...You know what? All my anxiety, everything went out the window.
There are people who are so busy they're at their wits' end. If they'd only stop for a minute, they could hear the God of the universe whisper to them, "I love you."
Saul’s life is marked with this root of Shame that leads to insecurity, shame, jealousy…
When you think about it… God Chose Saul.. He filled him with his spirit and gave him a new heart… And if he had taken the time he would have heard God’s words .... I love you… God could have delat with all that baggage… and he could have become unstuck..
There were many times - When he could have chosen to get off the off ramp but he kept on being ruled by his emotions..
At the end of the day we choose our responses…
Proverbs 25:28 ESV
A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.
Well we need Self-Control. --- Which is one of the Fruits of the Spirit…What we need is that our emotions are not influenced by shame but under the influence of the HS..
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