Wisdom and Friendship

Wisdom and Friendship

; ; ,; ; ,,,,;

Opening Illustration

Well it used to be that you each day we’d look forward to the postie coming .. there was always the bills BUT their might just be a letter from a friend .. letter = envelope with a stamp in the corner

Then letter writing faded .. email took off .. everyday you’d scour your email account for the latest news from your friends and family ... but you might have noticed that the inbox is now crowded with spam .. and the online bills .. fewer personal emails

There’s a new social phenomena ... Face Book .. the social media ... people chat on line ... keep up with each other in ways that are immediate .. what they are thinking there and then ... family members giving updates .. sometimes DAILY updates

Now with Face Book you attract FRIENDS ... once people know you are on FB they ask ... “How many friends have you got?” ... funny isn’t it ... can someone really have 259 friends??

You probably remember the TV series Friends ... it was a hit show .. the words of the theme song said it all .. I’ll be there for you

We long for a Community of close friends.

Mother Teresa was asked once what she thought the worst disease would be

She answered that it was not aids cancer etc .. but loneliness

20% admit to loneliness ... no particular friend to talk through any issues with ..they have a lack of friends

Without friends we will make a mess of life .. we are NOT designed to live life on our own

Hugh Black wrote a book on Friendship and stated that Proverbs might almost be called a treatise on friendship

Hmm .. what is a friend? Are you a good friend? What do good friends do? Or do you really need friends? Maybe you’ve been hurt too many times by “friends” and given up on the notion.

In this ancient book of WISDOM . there’s some interesting answers and direction for all of the above.... there is direction to help us to choose, build and maintaining terrific friendships ..... let's take a look

Firm Friendship

OK .. lets look a few gathered ideas about friendship from Proverbs

Friends are:

➡ CLOSE

Now .. when you turn to Proverbs you clearly see that there are differences in our relationships

Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

There’s a fair question .. a faithful man who can find? .. They might be an endangered species but they are around .. NB a faithful friend loves at all times .. A true friend is ROCK SOLID. Their friendship doesn’t change as the circumstances change. You will need some discernment because some people smile and make promises and claim to have an unfailing love ... but never follow through... Fair-weather friends.

If I am so wrapped up in my own life, when trouble comes to my friend I resent having to help ... hope someone else will do that .. do the bare minimum .. would they come to you for help .. have I kept my friendships in the good times ... relationships flakey?

TRUE Friends are trustworthy at all times .. A true friend knows who you really are and does not walk away. They keep their promises even when it hurts and is inconvenient ... they’ll drop everything to help. They are there in the dark times .. just there .. the shoulder to cry on .. the sounding board to rage at .. the ear of discernment.

Family are different ..they are your own flesh and blood .. they’re obligated to be a safety net ..there when there’s trouble .. need for support. Family will be there because of loyalty .. these are the ones you invite to the wedding and the 18th birthday but .. they might not be the people that really like you ... you’re not ringing them up every week/day ... not the people you want to hang out with

So ... you don’t pick your family .. but you do pick your friends and they choose you.

Ad for computer games .. “no friends .. don’t worry with our latest game you don’t need any friends” ... sadly for some ... the TV and computer .. and Face Book .. are the only friends

There’s an illusion of social interaction .. but that’s all it is .. the danger talked about in our day and age is that people have less ability to interact with real people ..

We all need friends .. blokes and women .. it seems more acceptable for girls to have friends .. blokes don’t need them? Suppose to stand alone .. not transparent .. don’t make yourself vulnerable

ALSO Married and singles ... all need friends .. not healthy for married’s to JUST have each other

Not designed to function on pour own .. we need close friends

NOW .. if we are going to have CLOSE FRIENDS we need to be discerning .. 13:20 .. He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. Make sure you choose wisely .. the wrong group of friends leads us astray ..

It’s great to have non christian friends .. and nurture those friendships .. but our closest friends ought to be christian if we are .. there’s a common bond .. mutual interest

We need to be deliberate .. it takes investing time and effort to remain CLOSE .. AND to have good friends is to be a good friend .. we can sit around saying no one talks to me .. no one really seems interested in me .. why not go to them .. invite them around .. make yourself available to help them .. open up to them

Hear is CLOSE .. Look at A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

So a friend can be better than a sibling (NB this is said in a much more family orientated culture than ours)

A friend sticks (cleaves) = commitment out of a strong love ... and friends bring something to a relationship that nothing else can bring .. not family or neighbours etc

It’s not a contrast between 2 equal groups of people .. companions / acquaintances / colleagues may be and usually are .. MANY but there is A FRIEND

We don’t / won’t have MANY true friends .. good friendships are relatively rare ..

Sometimes .. we might be drawn into putting friendship on the back seat .. the Bible sees it as a unique necessity .. it’s irreplaceable

Friendship is not a sociological or biological necessity in most people’s understanding .. so it’s not as important .. pushed back .. maybe not worked at very much for all sorts of reasons ... busy lifestyle .. lots of pressures ... family .. their are work/school relationships but friendships get squeezed out or minimalised

Real true friendship must be BUILT

➡ CONSTANT

.. well this is a bit tricky .. now Proverbs said .. 17:17 .. a friend loves at all times .. does that mean we spend all our times together?? ... look at Seldom set foot in your neighbour’s house — too much of you, and he will hate you.

Yep a friend loves you in all KINDS of time .. the good the bad and the ugly .. a good friend is CONSTANTLY AVAILABLE ... a friend sticks closer than a brother .. he will not let you go to ruin ... won’t let you go to the bottom .. as opposed to the many companions ... the people around us because we are useful .. the face book friends ... I’ll be there even when it costs me something .. time .. money .. emotional pain etc

➡ CANDID

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.

Earnest = from the heart ; counsel = Secrets confide in someone

This is a most important part of being a friend ..being transparent .. OPEN .. FRANK .. CANDID

We can’t become the person we need to be without this counsel ... As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

This is what we need .. a friendship where there is sharing from the heart .. transparency .. making yourself vulnerable ... listening to a friend talking about things but there is a balance .. not emotional manipulation ... we need friends that are like us and unlike us

Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

This is VIVID ... friendly wounds .. wounding kisses

Words that a friend gives that are painful to hear but are necessary .. they have to hear them .. a true friend is not afraid to say what is necessary ... we are not loving by HIDING THE TRUTH .. in fact hiding the truth is similar to the work of an enemy ... betraying with a kiss

Why would we find this difficult? Because it’s painful ... we can become good at deflecting the truth .. we set up barriers and we won’t allow people to question us Do we love them enough to be a true friend?

We need to tell the truth Whoever flatters his neighbour is spreading a net for his feet.

See what he’s saying ... If you won’t tell your friend the truth so they get an accurate view of their strengths and weaknesses you are setting them up for a foot in the bear trap

They will make decisions on the basis of what they think they are .. but not the truth .. they are out of touch with reality because no one has told then honestly what they need to know .. so they keep on making disastrous decisions

Bit like auditioning for a talent night ... why didn’t his friend tell him he couldn’t sing!!

BUT ... Beware .. Proverbs is not talking about proud judgementalism ... we need to take the log out of our own eye before taking the speck out of our brothers eye ... be sensitive and be ....

➡ CAREFUL

Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbour and says, “I was only joking!”

If a man loudly blesses his neighbour early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.

Why does a man deceive his neighbour and say .. I was only joking? Why does a neighbour bless early in the morning and it is counted as a curse?

Well because you are emotionally disconnected ... I didn’t know you well enough to know that this joke would hurt you ... I don’t know you well enough to know if you are a morning person or not

But this one is a bit different

Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.

songs = joyful songs .. emotional dislocation .. how could you be my friend and be happy when I’m sad? This is automatic in true friendship .. they can’t go on rejoicing while you are grieving .

Some people just don’t get this .. they need help in discerning and reading a situation .. how many friendships are broken or weakened by the wrong thing said in the wrong way at the wrong time

That’s why you can’t have too many friends .. if we’re committed to emotionally flourishing with our friends there’s a limit .. if we are committed to sharing our lives with friends it does take effort

Don’t speak critically too quickly .. and be careful to keep a confidence 16:28 A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends. . there’s no room for gossip on friendships .. don’t talk to others about it .. your lips are sealed when a friend opens up . avoid a man who talks too much AND 17:9 He who covers over an offence promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

Here is WISDOM again .. knowing when to leave things alone

Keeping in touch is good but there is an inner circle that we don’t want to let drift

This is hard work ... being CAREFUL .. yet FRANK .. and it’s asking the hard questions out of a GENUINE love and care for someone .. speaking the truth in love

Yet this can bring some solid friendships when we give our friends permission to ask us the hard questions .. when we respond with humility .. rebuke a wise man and he will be wiser still.

A friend always lets you in ... never lets you down ... you’ve got a friend

The BEST Friend

Yet ... who’s the ideal friend ?? We have someone who might be our BEST friend .. bridesmaid at our wedding .. best man. A couple we regularly meet up with. Maybe there WAS a best friend .. Perhaps there are some sad memories of the friend who turned into a fiend .. or maybe someone close that disappointed ... someone that’s just drifted away.

Do we expect TOO much from a friend ... Is there someone who can ALWAYS be there? ... ALWAYS sticks to you .. transparent and loving .. say the HONEST things LOVINGLY?

We have a longing for friends ... but the world so mobile .. people moving away, we move away or people are taken away .. Do we have all the friends our hearts need

It can be crushing to measure ourselves against this standard of friendship we see here in Proverbs and we all fall short

We sometimes don’t have friends because we are not the friend we ought to be .. we are not great friends ... it’s hard to open up and let people in .. we are afraid .. how good are we at being there unconditionally for someone no matter what the cost?

Where do we get the power to be the friends we need to be so that we will have the friends we need

Are we asking friends .. spouses, to fill the ache .. the gap that only ANOTHER can fill? Lonely people can sometimes be looking for a relationship that has MESSIANIC proportions and expectations ... that can be most suffocating and unhealthy .. and doomed to disaster

Jesus .. never leave you or forsake us .. points out our errors .. gently but firmly

Needs to be at the centre of our lives .. the basis and model of our friendships

In we read Jesus’s last words before He died .. .. Jesus desperately trying to get across what he was about to do

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit — fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.”

One thing that we see in the opening of Genesis is that God made for friendship with Him and others ... in .. God walks together with Adam & Eve in the cool of the evening at the end of the day .. God is a friendship .. community F S HS

To restore that friendship Jesus is clear Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. .. for Jesus going to the cross VOLUNTARILY .. he LAY DOWN His life for who ? .. His friends .. yet we were still enemies at Golgotha ... the events of these next days that Jesus enters into, will establish PEACE with God .. we reconcile the great chasm between us .. will bring FORGIVENESS .. sins/our debt will be paid for and so the strength of v.15 ..not servants ... BUT .. friends ...God chose us to be his friends

That’s got to be the most amazing statement ... we are God’s friends because of the obedience of the Son

Jesus knew what it was like to be betrayed ... there was Judas ... but then denied by Peter and all the disciples fled .. with friends like that .... yep

Have you had a friend turn on you? Let you down? Have you let others down?

Jesus is THE ultimate friend ... who will stick close to you and gives Himself so you wont be ruined

I lay down my life ... lost His friendship with the Father .. took the wounds that would ultimately kill him .. so that we can have friendship with God

Here’s a friend that went to hell for me .. for you ... he will not let you down .. He will be there

All friends are still human .. they might disappoint .. they might be too harsh .. maybe they won’t always understand ... but then we are asking more from our friends than is reasonable

Jesus is the one who steps in that breach ... radical friendship

It’s the SPIRIT OF GOD now released that gives us the ability to love and forgive as well .. here is the love that will help cement our human friendships and relationships ... the grace to put everything into perspective

Isn’t that the glory of the Christian faith ? .. We are empowered to be friends with others that come from all kinds of background ... look around this church. The gospel gives us the capacity to see the depth of love we need for each other ... here is Jesus the Standard

Conclusion

Life gets tough and there are also some great things in life that are better when they are shared

The wisdom here is to help us to choose, build and maintaining terrific friendships ... we need support .. we need someone to ask the hard questions .. we need others around who out of love, will not let us go unchecked .. will tell us things honestly .. and they will stick with us

In order to have friends we need to be friendly .. we need to be a good friend to others

Wisdom knows not to ask too much of our friendships .. for there is only ONE is perfectly our friend .. there is only one who has all comfort and wisdom .. only one who is totally dependable .. only one who genuinely sticks closer than a brother

We have great relationships to enjoy as we longing wait to see our very best friend face to face