We Are Our Choices

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You make 70 of these every day. In a single year, you’ll make 25,500 of them and if you live to be 70, you’ll have made roughly 1,788,500 of them. And while it will seem that YOU’VE made THEM, the truth is that THEY will make YOU! What are these things? Choices! Whatever choice you make, makes you!

Richard Halverson challenges us with this image:

Slide - Picture - Old man

You're going to meet an old man [or woman] someday down the road—ten, thirty, fifty years from now—waiting there for you. You'll be catching up with him [or her]. What kind of old man are you going to meet? He may be a seasoned, soft, gracious fellow—a gentleman who has grown old gracefully, surrounded by hosts of friends, friends who call him blessed because of what his life has meant to them. Or he may be a bitter, disillusioned, dried-up old buzzard without a good word for anyone—soured, friendless, and alone.

That old man will be you. He'll be the composite of everything you do, say, and think—today and tomorrow. His mind will he see in a mold you have made by your beliefs. His heart will be turning out what you've been putting into it. Every little thought, every deed goes into this old man.

Every day in every way you are becoming more and more like yourself. Amazing but true. You're beginning to look more like yourself, think more like yourself, and talk more like yourself. You're becoming yourself more and more. Live only in terms of what you're getting out of life and the old man gets smaller drier harder crabbier more self-centered. Open your life to others, think in terms of what you can give, your contribution to life, and the old man grows larger, softer, kindlier, and greater.

Whatever choice you make, makes you!

NEED

And nowhere is that more true than it is at your kitchen table. The choices you make in your home really define what your family is like. I know that some of us feel like there are some real problems with our homes. Some of us may look at other families and envy them. The truth is, however, that envying others doesn’t fix our problem. It takes something much more fundamental to make a real change in our homes. It takes better choices. You see, our homes are like they are, for better or for worse because of the choices we have made.

Perhaps we have chosen anger instead of forgiveness and have fractured our relationships at home. That’s a choice.

Perhaps we have chosen sexual self-gratification over the hard job of building true intimacy with our mate and have created hard-hearted distance in our marriage. That’s a choice.

Perhaps we’ve chosen the virtual reality of social media over investing time in knowing our kids and they have grown completely unresponsive to us. That’s a choice.

Perhaps we’ve chosen to neglect patient discipline of our children to opt for the path of least resistance and they are increasingly out of control and angry. That’s a choice.

Most of all, perhaps we’ve chosen to neglect spiritual education and example. We have allowed the culture to rule our decisions and we’ve reaped a family that cares very little about God. That’s a choice.

BACKGROUND

And the family we sit across the table from is not the family we wanted when we said “I do.” How can that change? Well, it will change the very same way it got like that in the first place. It is a choice. And the question this morning is this: If we are our choices, how can we make choices that change our families so that our families can change the world? I think the Bible offers some insight here.

We’ve been walking through Ephesians chapter 5 over the past couple of weeks looking at some biblical principles that will help us have world-changing families. The first week we spoke of the foundation of the world-changing home. It is experiencing the love of Christ so deeply in our hearts that we are able to give to others without having to receive anything back from them.

Then last week we talked about the impact that our families can make in the world when we truly pursue the biblical kind of lifestyle that the Bible prescribes for Christ-following families. Today, the rubber meets the road, you might say. Today we look at the fundamental action that creates the opportunities God gives your family to have the kind of impact He wants us to have. That impact comes down to some key decisions—some concrete choices you lead your family to make. Read about these choices in : 15 See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, 16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit,

Ephesians 5:15–18 NKJV

See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit,

Ephesians 5:15-18

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These verses describe some clear decisions families make to become world-changing. What are they? How do families make the right choices? Well, first, they

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Families who make the right choices UNDERSTAND THEIR URGENT PRIORITY

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At their most basic level, choices reflect priorities. We do what we consider most important. Now notice I didn’t say we do what we want others to BELIEVE we think is important. No, we do what we genuinely consider to BE most important and those can be two very different things. In fact, our priorities—those things we consider to be most important—flow out of some clear inner motivations each of us has. In , Paul describes what a disciple’s motivations ought to be.

Ephesians 5:15

Ephesians 5:15 NKJV

See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise,

In the first place, a disciple’s actions are to be motivated by GODLY WISDOM. He says in v 15, See then that you walk circumspectly, NOT AS FOOLS BUT AS WISE. You’ll recall from what we have already learned in previous messages that when Paul speaks of our “walk,” he is speaking of the way that we habitually live. He is talking about the routine of our lives.

We should be motivated by GODLY WISDOM

We should be motivated by GODLY WISDOM

GODLY WISDOM

In the first place, a disciple’s actions are to be motivated by GODLY WISDOM. He says in v 15, See then that you walk circumspectly, NOT AS FOOLS BUT AS WISE. You’ll recall from what we have already learned in previous messages that when Paul speaks of our “walk,” he is speaking of the way that we habitually live. He is talking about the routine of our lives.

And what he says here about our routine is very significant. He says that the routine of our lives should be characterized by a certain attitude. We are to “walk circumspectly.” Now that’s not a word we use today, but it means to walk accurately, morally, and carefully. If you take that whole phrase together, Paul is telling us that disciples live careful lives that are driven by the wisdom of God. When I have the wisdom of God, I have insight into the true nature of God so that I understand how He would what me to live my life and what choices He would have me make. So my priority in the decisions of my life is to have the mind of God and allow what He wants to drive what I do. I am motivated by godly wisdom.

We should be motivated by ENGAGING RELATIONSHIPS

Ephesians 5:15 NKJV

See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise,

Ephesians 5:15–16 NKJV

See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

And then I am motivated by ENGAGING RELATIONSHIPS. V15, again, says: See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise (watch!) REDEEMING THE TIME. When Paul used that word to write this letter, it would have struck home with the Ephesians. You see, they still practiced slavery then. If a slave was freed, he had to be “redeemed.” He had to be bought back from his current master. The idea is to buy something with passion.

But notice that we are not buying objects or even slaves, we are buying TIME. We are to passionately buy back every second of time we can. The idea that Paul is communicating to us is that we, as the followers of Christ, are to MAKE THE MOST OF EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY to fulfill the thing that Jesus called us to do. And what did Jesus call us to do? It’s simple! We are to make disciples. So, I firmly believe that, when Paul tells us to redeem the time here, the practical impact of that instruction is that we are to be passionately committed to engaging in life-changing relationships. That is the thing that is to occupy our time and we are to spend every moment of our lives engaged in it. That is the thing that is to drive our priorities.

We should be motivated by COMPELLING URGENCY

Ephesians 5:15–16 NKJV

See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

We are to be motivated by godly wisdom; we are to be motivated by engaging relationships, and we are to be motivated by COMPELLING URGENCY. Look at v15: It says, See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time (watch!) BECAUSE THE DAYS ARE EVIL. Simply put, we are engaged in a spiritual battle.

We are to be motivated by godly wisdom; we are to be motivated by engaging relationships, and we are to be motivated by COMPELLING URGENCY. Look at v15: It says, See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time (watch!) BECAUSE THE DAYS ARE EVIL. Simply put, we are engaged in a spiritual battle.

Some time ago, right after I preached, I encountered someone in the congregation who asked me: Preacher, do you really think that Satan is that involved in our world today? After all, Jesus defeated him when he died on the cross, so don’t you think that most of the wickedness and problems we face today are just because of our own sinful nature.

Well, now I will admit that Satan finds a great ally in my own heart because of my sinful nature, but if you believe that Satan is not involved in this world today, you are just dead wrong. And I’m not just being dogmatic when I say that, I am being biblical. Satan is very active in this world today. In fact, in the very next chapter, Paul goes on to say, 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Ephesians 6:12–13 NKJV

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Christian husband, do you want to know why your secretary is more appealing to you than your own wife? It’s because you are in a spiritual battle!

Christian husband, do you want to know why your secretary is more appealing to you than your own wife? It’s because you are in a spiritual battle!

Christian wife, do you want to know why you have shut up your heart to your husband and you will not even given him a chance anymore? It’s because you’re in a spiritual battle.

Christian father, do you want to know why Satan is making it so hard for you to get along with your wife? It’s because you’re in a spiritual battle!

Christian mother, do you want to know why you are always having to get on to your children? It’s because you’re in a spiritual battle.

Christian teenager, do you want to know why you’re always wanting to rebel against your mom and dad? It’s because you are in a spiritual battle! And you don’t win battles unless you make winning a priority!

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And here’s the point, parents. Families that make the right decisions about the things of life have an urgent priority to glorify God in all that they do and that urgent priority is focused on three motivations. It is focused on godly wisdom, engaging relationships and a compelling urgency to obey God.

We need to know this because TRIVIA CAN CAPTURE OUR AGENDAS

And that is something that we need to hear! We need to know this because, as a family, TRIVIA CAN CAPTURE OUR AGENDAS. Unimportant things can keep you from doing what is really important. Can I just give you an example?

Many families today see coming to church as a family as something that they can take or they can leave. I recently read an article by Cary Niewopf entitled Ten reasons committed church attenders are attending less often. I won’t give you all ten, just the top two: The number one reason people are attending church less often, Cary said, was more affluence. Because we have more money we have more options and we’re gone more.

The second reason he gave was SPORTS. Parents have kids in travel ball team sports and they keep their families out of church for that. Now I want you to hear me this morning. I know we all have to miss occasionally, but when you allow something like sports to capture your kids’ agendas, you are teaching them a very BAD lesson and I would contend you are allowing trivia to capture your agenda.

We need to know this because ISOLATION CAN SABOTAGE OUR AGENDA

We need to hear this urgent call to wisdom because trivia can capture our agendas and then ISOLATION CAN SABOTAGE OUR AGENDA. If our motivation for our decisions is to engage in relationships, that means we are going to have to open up our lives and our families to engage with others. We live in a very isolated society. Cell phones and social media make it possible to be isolated even while sitting in a crowded room. It’s insidious. We may not even mean for it to happen, but, unless we are very intentional about developing relationships, we will be isolated.

I tell you we need to hear this call to wisdom because trivia can capture our agendas and isolation can sabotage our agenda and then CARELESSNESS CAN COMPROMISE OUR AGENDA. There has to be a powerful sense of urgency if we are going to make world-changing decisions in our families.

TRANS

And that, after all, is what we want to do. We want to have families that are powerful forces for life-change in this world. That will flow from the decisions that we make. The right decisions are made by families that understand their urgent priority and then by families who

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DISCERN GOD’S SPECIFIC WILL

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Ephesians 5:17 NKJV

Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Now, when you look carefully at these verses, it’s clear that the idea of “wisdom” is critical to what is being said. In v15 it says, 15 See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, 16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is . . . In English there is no difference in the root word for “wise” in v15 and the root word for “unwise” in v17. Not so in Greek. In Greek, the word for wise in v 15 means to have an insight into the character of God and His plan through His Spirit and through His word. It speaks of someone who has a generalized awareness of the powerful holiness of God and how His nature influences His plans for His world.

Now, when you look carefully at these verses, it’s clear that the idea of “wisdom” is critical to what is being said. In v15 it says, 15 See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, 16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is . . . In English there is no difference in the root word for “wise” in v15 and the root word for “unwise” in v17. Not so in Greek. In Greek, the word for wise in v 15 means to have an insight into the character of God and His plan through His Spirit and through His word. It speaks of someone who has a generalized awareness of the powerful holiness of God and how His nature influences His plans for His world.

In v 17, however, the word translated “Unwise” is a much more specific targeted term. To be “unwise” means to be someone who lacks the practical discretion to be able to make the right decisions in the specific situations of life. A paraphrase of v 17 in context might sound something like this:

Since the days are evil and we need to redeem the time, we must be able to discern what God wants us to do in the specific decisions of our lives.

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And I can hear your objection. You say, “That’s just the problem, Rusty! I wish I knew what God’s will was in the specific situations of life, but I just don’t. How do I learn that?

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Well, if you want to know how to have the wisdom spoken of in v 17, you must have the wisdom spoken of in v 15. If I want to know how to make good decisions in the specific situations of life, I must be thoroughly acquainted with the character of God and His plan. I must know His character and His word through His Spirit so that so that I begin to react to the specific situations of life the way He would react to them.

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And right away you should begin seeing some very good applications for us in our homes and with our families. We desperately need to know what to do in the specific situations of life. In fact, sometimes we just want someone to come along and just tell us what to do because we get so frustrated with trying to figure it out. May I just tell you? There is no shortcut to having this kind of wisdom! It comes from being in touch with God. It comes from seeing what God sees—by knowing Him through His word. It comes from feeling what God feels—by experiencing Him through His Spirit. And then it comes from doing what God wants. Obeying Him from our hearts.

So let me ask you, parent: Are you exercising this kind of discernment in your family? Do you see what God sees, feel what God feels, and do what God wants? Would you even know what that looks like if you were to see it? You might say, “Probably not, Rusty. I would not know what that looks like because I don’t think I know of any family that is really doing that.”

Wow! That’s quite an indictment, isn’t it? How is it possible that so many “Christ-following” families have so little experience in really discerning and doing what God wants in the sticky situations of life?

People have trouble discerning and doing the specific will of God because they are DISCONNECTED.

May I just suggest a couple of reasons? In the first place, I think that people have trouble discerning and doing the specific will of God in their lives BECAUSE THEY ARE DISCONNECTED. What I mean when I say “disconnected” is that they have refused to allow the truths of scripture to deeply scrutinize their lives. They believe the truth of Scripture they say, but they disconnect the truth they learn from the way they live their lives.

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Slide - Picture - Frederick Douglass

Frederick Douglass was a Christian abolitionist before the Civil war. Born into slavery, he remained a slave until, as a young adult in 1836, he escaped. He recounts his masters whose hand would hold the lash in the sunlight by day and hold the Bible in the candlelight by night. One writer said:

For Douglass, the problem was not Jesus or Christianity; it was the hypocrisy of Christians. He condemned what he called the "corrupt, slaveholding, women-whipping, cradle-plundering, partial, and hypocritical Christianity" everywhere present in America. He blasted "the man who wields the blood-clotted cowskin during the week, fills the pulpit on Sunday, and claims to be a minister of the meek and lowly Jesus." He derided the slaveholder who "covers his infernal business with the garb of Christianity."

Now what was the problem here? The problem was that my ancestors didn’t connect the truths of Scripture with the wickedness of slavery. They had a huge blind spot.

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And our Christian Culture has a lot of blind spots as well. We fail to “connect the dots” when it comes to our modesty. We know that the Bible teaches us that women (and men too) are to dress themselves with propriety and discretion, but we somehow think that anything the world says we can wear fits that description. We fail to connect the dots.

We know the Bible teaches, even right here in this chapter, that we are to not even to speak of the sinful things done by unbelievers sexually, yet we will let the grossest kind of sexual sin be displayed and even celebrated in our homes every night. We fail to connect the dots.

I could go on, but I think you get the idea. Discerning God’s specific will in our lives means that I have to let the Word of God and the Spirit of God connect the dots. It means I begin to live out the reality of what God’s word teaches me, and I begin to make decisions that change the way lead my home

TRANS

Maybe you hear that and it discourages you a little bit. It’s not that you would disagree with anything I’m saying, it’s that you just don’t feel like you have the desire or the spiritual power to really carry it out. You know that having a world-changing home is a matter of your decisions, but you don’t know if you have the power to change those decisions. Well, if that’s you, don’t give up! Don’t feel like you’ll never be able to change. You really can have a world-changing kind of home, last of all, if you:

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RECEIVE THE SPIRIT’S POWER.

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Ephesians 5:18 NKJV

And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit,

Ephesians 5:18

This section of Scripture ends with the verse that makes the whole chapter possible. It’s : And do not be drunk with wine in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit. Nothing can change until the Holy Spirit brings His power to bear on you.

This section of Scripture ends with the verse that makes the whole chapter possible. It’s : And do not be drunk with wine in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit. Nothing can change until the Holy Spirit brings His power to bear on you.

Now, the truth is that, when you were saved, you received the Spirit. He already lives in you. But this passage isn’t speaking about POSSESSING the Spirit, it is speaking about BEING POSSESSED BY the Spirit. Paul was writing to people who knew Christ. They possessed the Spirit, but Paul still tells them that they must be constantly being filled and refilled by the Holy Spirit. And notice that he tell them this in such a way as to let them know that they have to DO something if it is to happen.

It’s the same way with those of us who know Jesus. Just because we received the Holy Spirit at Salvation, it does not mean that He is filling and overflowing us. If THAT is going to happen, there is at least three things that we must do:

What must we do to be filled with the Spirit? DECIDE

First we must decide. This is a command to be filled and we have to decide to that we are going to be filled. Notice that being filled with the Spirit is contrasted with being drunk on wine. Listen! If you get drunk on wine, it will be because, at some point, you decide to drink wine. In the same way, if you are filled with the Spirit, it will be because, at some point, you decide to actively surrender to the Holy Spirit. You must decide.

What must we do to be filled with the Spirit? LISTEN

And then if you are filled with the Spirit, you must listen. O this is so important!! God speaks to us constantly through His Spirit and His word, but we are so busy that we often do not hear Him. A. W. Tozer entitled one of the chapters of one of his books, God tells the man who cares. That is truth! God will speak to the man who takes the time to listen. If I am to be empowered by the Spirit, I have to decide to surrender and take the time to listen, and then,

I must obey. Listen, when you are drunk, if you get drunk enough, the wine takes over. In the same way, when you surrender to the Spirit and are filled with Him, you begin to obey the Spirit and you are empowered to follow Christ.

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And our families need to hear this! There has never been a family issue that the Holy Spirit cannot solve. I’m not saying that it may not take time. I’m not saying that it may not take great humility and even humiliation. I am saying that there has never been a family issue that the Holy Spirit cannot solve. I am saying that if we would make our decisions through the leadership and power of the Holy Spirit, our choices would be radically different. And because our choices would be different, our families would be different and because our families would be different, our impact would be different. We could change the world from our kitchen tables.

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Picture - Keller book

Tim Keller in his book, The Meaning of Marriage, writes about the difference that the Holy Spirit makes. He says

if your only source of love and meaning is your spouse, then anytime he or she fails you, it will not just cause grief but a psychological cataclysm.

If, however, you know something of the work of the Spirit in your life, you have enough love “in the bank” to be generous to your spouse even when you are not getting much affection or kindness at the moment.

To have a marriage that sings requires a Spirit-created ability to serve, to take yourself out of the center, to put the needs of others ahead of your own. The Spirit’s work of making the gospel real to the heart weakens the self-centeredness in the soul. It is impossible for us to make major headway against self-centeredness and move into a stance of service without some kind of supernatural help.

The deep happiness that marriage can bring, then, lies on the far side of sacrificial service in the power of the Spirit. That is, you only discover your own happiness after each of you has put the happiness of your spouse ahead of your own, in a sustained way, in response to what Jesus has done for you.

You see, that happiness you are seeking in your home may be missing because you lack the powerful presence of the Holy Spirit, or you are refusing to allow God’s Spirit to truly make the difference in your home.

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VIDEO - https://vimeo.com/104466254

Did you catch it? This marriage had ended, but it was brought back together by different decisions that were made through the power of the Holy Spirit that revealed to them God’s specific will for their lives and forever changed the priorities of their lives. Can I just tell you that God may want to do the same thing for you, but that change you are looking for begins with a CHOICE. You must decide that you will pursue a different priority, discern God’s specific will, and surrender to His Holy Spirit.