Craig Gilbert-I Love You-4 Key Relationships

Just like college the first class in college you are in. I love you for key relationship too late. You're here. No, actually do you need to go you can go I will take you.

class if you want to be.

I am not trying to sell you anything commercial class. So I'm just letting you know who I am. And yes, you had some things on your chair. I would love you too. There's a place there to text in phm to 55588. I have a podcast in the newsletter that I would love you to be a thug drive to and Beyond if you're interested in that if we get done today, and you just don't hurt my feelings, but just to let you know I for 25 years. I have worked in church every single Sunday as a as a worship leader as a choir director much degrees are in control conducting but I played guitar when I was growing up and so I hit the hit the church scene in 94 when mainstream Mainline denominations were just discovering this thing called contemporary music. So I was hired as a conductor and I walk through the door and I found out I played guitar and they said he'll Village.

Search not became my that kind of became my moniker. I was a dual style truly loved it worship leader. And I did that for 25 years and last July. God said that's enough and called me out on my own as a consultant and I now work with churches all over the country to do work to renew worship especially purchase that are struggling churches that are finding their sentences in a size. It used to be and things aren't moving quite the way they used to or they feel like they're a little bit behind the times and they want to try to catch up a little bit. So that's what I do. God called me out into that and I stepped into it and pull it to the Full Faith. And so I took purpose start Ministries is my Ministry. I used to be called the doctor and I still go by that but I learned when I sit down across from a pastor and try to get an invitation to connect to connect to Purpose Ministries better. So, I just gave you some information. So if you wanted to be great also have a DVD, this is a lecture series that you're welcome to get the bus. Furniture in a row have the DVD that's available down in the bookstore. There's if there's they're setting up a bookstore or you can see me that's enough of that walked. There we go. Okay good. So let's get into it. We got 45 minutes. I want to make sure that there are time for questions. So I'm going to go in about 10 minutes on each of the four key thing, which is not nearly enough time. So I will be talking really fast, but I'll try to try to slow it down and face it. But if you if you have any questions just ask you don't need to take pictures of slides in the presentation, but there's really not much. It's just on here. I just have to four things and then I'm going to rip on them. So you can write what you want. Anybody wants to record this. You're welcome too if you want turn your phone on or your iPad or whatever and just recorded you're not hurting my feelings suck by Good Wonderful. So Porky relationships is

Trying to take 25 years of work and pass it down. I love this generations to come theme that the worst leader magazine has this year because a friend of mine said that you get to a point in your career when you move from from Warrior to Sage, I don't believe I'm a sage but I do believe I have things that I can share with you that you don't have to fall in the same holes that I fell into or maybe you've already fallen into the man. You need to know how to get out of them. And so today we're going to talk about four key areas for key relationships that will make your life easier as a worship leader. The first things you need to know about. What about relationships is there just are not friends anymore, but you're not the kind of friend that you used to be and then you have friends that you still are really tight with but that's a relationship.

Most likely they call you if they haven't heard from you in a while or you call them if you haven't heard from in a while, but it's really easy. As you know, what those friendships going to follow a while. I got news for you to work faster or any type of leader in your church is exactly the same thing. You have four key relationships that if you don't work if all you ever do is work at your work and I know how you do that is your worship planning fall into your music if your if your traditional person you doing score study you're doing and your volunteers are part-time how many volunteers are part-time yassi? So you got a whole nother career going on to even a whole nother thing rolling around its the paying the bills or at least helping pay the bills that's going to take up your time. And so what ends up happening in relationships in the falling by the wayside not because you were intentionally not cultivate because it just it just happened. It's just like it's just the job. And so I want to bring them to your attention and I want to give you some hints on how to go about intentionally cultivating these relationship.

And I think you need to grow is it there are a lot of people who are going to give you up. There are plenty of people out there giving you spiritual things and I believe so, please understand that I'm going to be talking about nuts and bolts stuck up in the spiritual stuff, which is really great. We lose the instruction manual right? When you go to you don't you know, some of us pray a lot while there's nothing wrong with that.

Intentionally build this thing. I believe that our worship leading is spiritual. I understand that. I spend a lot of time in prayer and effective worship leader or pass or anything else. There's an instruction manual you got to follow you have to do because you can't just say what I prayed about it. I mean you can it's so please understand. I'm not I'm not demeaning that I'm simply saying there is a place for that. But today we're going to talk about nuts and bolts is everybody okay with that or we clear cuz everyone

I'm taking this for granted right? I'm assuming that we all pray and that we all study the Bible and then we all have a relationship with you know that so is everybody with me. So I'm just going to go straight into him cuz we just don't have a whole lot of time and I want to make sure we have time for questions. Worship leaders, you're a worship leader music director something on those lines under the pastor relationship for the pastor to worship leader leader relationship should be right up at the top should be right up at the Top This is a relationship that has to be cultivated. And if you have a pastor that is and I'm up right now. I'm just going to talk worship leader for passwords. I'm talking to you too, because this is some of the things your worship leaders are expecting from you. If you have a pastor who is recalcitrant doesn't want to just date they kind of their in their own head. I work for so that you know in 25 years. I worked in the Methodist Church. So we have itinerant pastures work on rolling pastures over. So in my career, I work for 9 different senior pastors. I've been a for church at work before churches, but I work for 9 difference in your password and I work for over 35 associate pastors workout plan worship with and worked with over 35. I don't care what your problem is and it requires your it requires your diligence. I'm going to give you a few hints on how to have a great relationship when you pass your first of all pray for your pastor. Can I see I told you I wanted to do spiritual stuff and pray for your pastor. My guess is you probably don't break your fast or nearly enough. You may pray about your pastor, but you don't pray for your pastor. Worship leaders. We don't remember all the time that enough times. This is the person you've been called to Shepherd your church. This is the person you have a role in that responsibility in that but it's their job. And and I know a lot of worship leaders who get the get the big head and they think that were equal. I'm sorry, but you just not you're not it's God didn't put that on you. If you want that job. You can take it. You can go get ordained and do the work and because that's where you're calling is the pastor's there's a relationship when your pastor pray for them. Second thing is along those lines understand your role. In some and some Pastor Wesley relationships. Y'all are Partners. I had one Pastor that worked with what I was an equal partner of everything else and I say what I really don't care.

You may think that's a dream job. I got news for you. That is not a dream job responsibilities by the fence where you have a super controlling obsessive compulsive micromanaging copter and you think that the grass on the other side of whatever whatever I want. It would be great if it's not. Okay. I also know how difficult it is to serve the Super Man it micromanaging. They think there are better worship leader than you are faster. That's a whole different relationship to relationship. You have to work through to because remember again, what's your role in that relationship? I had one Pastor who was I was the facilitator? My only role was to make that pastors dreams come true. That's that's what I was supposed to do. Well, I understood that now that wasn't my favorite time of my my career, but I knew that that's what my responsibility was knowing responsibility will work always toward that you know that Pastor worship leader relationship know your responsibility. Where are you? Where are you called to be in that relationship and being okay with that. If you're not okay with it, then not something you got to cultivate to, you know, and so they'll that goes to the third talk to your pastor not about your pastor. Talk to your pastor not about your pastor.

Now that doesn't mean that you can't find somebody that you truly trust make sure that you trust them but that doesn't mean you can't find somebody that you truly trust and that you can you got to have somebody you can vent to you. Got to you got to have somebody safe that you can have conversations with and that you can be honest with and and hopefully you can be honest with your password. But we all know there's that doesn't always happen. You got to have somebody that you can be honest with the ultimate leaks. You got to talk to your pastor. We are almost all just about every worship leader I've ever met is conflict avoidant. We don't like it has a few of us. Who do I don't mind it. I got one friend. Who's just a man. He's he goes to war every week. I just did and so we we we avoid when we're feeling uncomfortable with our pastor. We avoid our pastor. We don't actually talk to the pastor and address the issues. I will tell you this relationship goes a long way in a lot healthier for you. If you will just talk to them. Now. Some people will tell me what my pastor will talk to me. That's something you got to work on to you got to work weather showing up in their office unannounced or it's you know, whatever. I always just most of my passwords. I just called him and made an appointment. I called the pastor secretary and made an appointment, you know, the passwords assistant know if this is this is something you have to cultivate you can't avoid it. You can avoid it and and running to running to a Facebook page and just burning your pastor on a Facebook page and getting and you'll get a whole lot of support will be all kinds of people who will tell you.

That's not healthy. Healthy it's not going to get you anywhere this is a relationship is key and you really have to this relationship if you want to be a healthy long-lasting worship leader work on that Pastor

Again, it is very easy for us to take our teams for Grant. These are relationships that we don't work on nearly enough.

Some of us do some of us are really good at it. But in this case you are. You are essentially a pastor to your team. I don't know about your pastors the most expected that of me. He's like, that's your team. I'm giving you those people to Pastor. You want to be a pastor. You want to know what it's like to be a pastor.

UK notice, there's a difference between a pastor and a preacher. Lots of people want to be a preacher be a great preacher. I can't be a pastor. God did not give me those gifts just did not give me those gifts. I'm doing good to Pastor V. You keep the few people who are on my team good Lord. And when I was in a big church with a 60 Boys Choir trying to be a pastor to 60 people was but this this relationship with your team. You've got to build it. You got to work on it personal. Don't just think that you know, we can't just automatically think they're you know that they just no longer care about rehearsal if you had a relationship with your team member than you may know what's going on really going on in their family that they may have something else on their mind and they just lost their job and I didn't tell you this this this relationship with your team is going to solve all kinds of issues for you because instead of assuming you're going to know things. Because nine times out of 10 when we assume we know what's wrong. We're almost always wrong. We almost always miss it. There is a there is a famous line when you study psychology. That is the presenting problem is really the problem. It's just a symptom of the problem and you will know that if you're building a relationship with your team, so take time before rehearsal. If you do see me will get you to a store. I have to I forget this is this is where I this is where I fall down. This one I don't fall down on because I can't live if I don't have a great relationship with my pastor. I can't do ministry on a regular basis because I'm I'm more worried about charts and skill and prep and worship design and I just take people for granted until they don't show up. And then it's like the first time I noticed is that they're not there. That's the first time I've noticed them is too late. I haven't been doing the work. Are you noticing your people? So here's another one. Are you noticing your people when they come or do you only notice them when they jumped? Are you noticing them when they're doing well, or you only noticing them when they're making mistakes? Are you so in the producer mode in rehearsal that you just assume everybody is going to come with her music learned and there and there and their voice is ready. And so when everybody does that you just come on everybody. Well, if you're doing a team is predominately volunteers, that's kind of rough. That's kind of rough. We've but we got to do what we've got to work at now some of your really great at it. You got the opposite problem. You did everybody the benefit of the doubt. And so then the problem you get is that they they don't take you seriously and they don't show up and they don't do this cuz they know you're going to be gray. So that's awesome nurturing a team holding expectations.

but this is something we do actively this is not something that we take for granted, but we do we do it and so I was I would really encourage you to make a list. How can I better and I want to hear the question distinguish right this one down and and contemplate it when you get back home. How can I better faster my team and actually use that word? Now this does not mean I'm ordaining you and your knowledge of Reverend and those of you were in here. How can I better Pastor my worship leader? How can I better Pastor his team or hurting?

Anybody or all your pastor show up? Here's the thing. Pastor the seen this pastor in support of my relationship with my pastor is I need your help pastoring my team. I need you to actually come to my rehearsal every now and then to tell my team how great they're doing because they're eating here. There's a big responsibility as your pastor is your pastor leaning into your team. So which one you coming to pick one for the first 10 minutes and just tell him how great their do. How can I help? What can I do for my teeth? What can I bring what can I you know, I got it could be something really simple guys. I've got a guy that I serve with for a while. He's not a choir and he a little volunteer if he can pull the volunteer acquire these guys call in the main choir. They were little sub Ensemble and they love the music. That's why they did it, but he never took that for granted and so he like to bake and so every time they had a rehearsal he had fresh fresh straight something for them. That was his act of love for his team. And it's just that was his thing. Right so they always knew that it what they didn't come for the cookies they came for the relationship because they knew he loved them and he would trout recipes on them and they were just absolutely adored him not because he bakes things for them. But because of what baking represent is that make sense don't seem like a small thing to you. But what can you do that's going to show your team that you love them and that you appreciate them and that you can be consistent. So there's the last one passed your MyTeam consistently. Not just one special recognition day. I mean those are nice but consistently that tells your team that they're important to you and that you care about them and that you value them because I got news for you that will improve that relationship all day long on Sunday and it will make you a whole lot more capable to do anything new. Anybody ever want to try a new song? Everybody's kind of resistant. I never happened to you. You want to try something new?

You might even live for that switch. That was that was my 40 days in the desert ghost. What helps you get you through know and believe that you love them and care for them. You may love and care for them and know that you do but Tuesday know it and how do you show it? What are you doing? And it may be something simple as just saying their name, you know, there's a rehearsal actually saying their name not know guitar player. You know, it's really when you just gonna say hey.

Carol I don't know your guitar players do something

Is this is a horse that I never stopped writing? This is a drum that I never stop beating. I'm in the 21 churches this year and every single one of those churches could be better off if they just had a better platform to few relationship the platform. The few relationship is beyond. It's just beyond explanation is beyond quality it there. I cannot tell you how much this relationship means and anybody. Story after Story of I went home and really focused on my congregation and everything changed everything changed my relationship with my church changed because we built a better relationship between the team building out here. I'm building out here we started with a pastor and now we're going to a congregation and and we've got to this is these all these relationship build on each other. So as y'all were the fryer 5 minutes before class started you're walking around shaking hands. This is my this is my thing for 7 years now and I will never stop regardless of how much time they cut out of my sessions will never stop doing this if you're not shaking hands with your congregation if you're not developing relationship, you're not leaving anybody. You're not a leader. You're not a leader. You're a performer. A leader has a relationship with all those that they lead. Because then why are they following and they won't follow you very far and they won't follow you very easily and they certainly won't follow you through the really tough times without griping and complaining and making your life miserable. You can mitigate all of that, but you can mitigate it. You can make it less if you got a great relationship relationship. Are you out shaking their hands? Are you out getting to know them? Are you going to coffee with some of them? What are you doing with your critics? You will have them in your church. Every one of you what do you know?

We are coffee and we sit on a we talk because I want to hear from them because I can learn from them. Every criticism is important because they feel and if I want to change how they feel I got to understand why they feel that way so I got to have a relationship with them. So, you know, and I can do cool things then because example when I'm doing a song about he's not going to like it because I know Jacques and I know what he likes. He doesn't like we're getting ready to do a song the shop doesn't like I'm going to go out before church starts.

Glad your church dating sites in the worship service. Let me tell you why it's the first time I've sat down next to shop because I'm having a relationship with somebody being able to do that.

It really does but you have to work at that relationship and this is the hardest one because this is the one that takes the most time. How many of you were like running or if you're running around on Sunday morning putting out fires call me. The fireman was me on Sunday. He's running around and somehow I got put in for whatever reason all of a sudden adjusting the thermostats became the music director for whatever reason it always became my job every church. I was in a sword this church. I won't do that never fail running around you're busy. You're you're you're you're you're feeling the pressure you're feeling the stress and so you don't take the time. Take the time. You have to do it my rule for my team was the last 10 minutes before church starts. Everybody on my team has to be out in the congregation shaking hands. That was my rule stage dark tan before stays dark tan before I don't care if we think there's going to be a disaster stays dark tan before and we're off the stage instruments down. Nobody's tuning no waste nobody's bang on the drum stage dark not talking to each other talking to the congregation off the platform shaking hands. Welcome everybody to church say thank you for being there. You know, so many churches are complaining that they're at their attendance is going down as a national issue. It's not just you but everybody check Barna you'll find out it's it's everybody average Church attendance. These days is 1.7 times a month. Average attendance for a good loyal congregation number is 1.75 times a month. So everybody's losing people and yet nobody saying thank you for coming.

How does that work? We take our people for granted we take our people for granted. So you take your team for granted your team takes the congregation for granted. I have so many team members disable congregation never sings. Well, what have you done to fix that? What do you mean what have I done to fix that? But why you think it's my job, but I'm not the only one on this platform every one of you's a worship leader. I don't care about you. Just press on the Ableton your worship leader. Cuz if you don't press go it doesn't happen. So everybody on the team is a worship leader always left one person behind the board, but everybody else stage dark. Everything's dark 10 minutes before get off. Say thank you for coming. Let him know how excited you are theater build that relationship going to look at look at where is your posture?

Shaking hands after church there standing at the door shaking everybody's hand to goes out. You know, we're doing returned on the stage. How does that work? You want to beat you want to be equal to Pastor do the work you want to do. Do you want to have the same responsibility the same calling do the work and it's just a nuts-and-bolts thing. I'm just telling you and in so many times we get miserable and We complain we get burnt. Where do you know my favorite? My favorite scripture in the Bible is Moses in the desert screaming a God. Why don't you do right? Because they're not singing anymore. They're not doing this or not responding the way I thought they were going to respond. Not start blaming God and I swear I swear God keeps falling down due to work. Did you do the work? Did you plant the seed? Did you pull out? Did you plow the field? Did you do the work and your life will be so much easier. It just will be perfect, but it will be easier. It really will last one.

What are you doing build your relationship with God? This is now I put this one last because this is the foundation for all of them. This is the foundation for all of them. Because here I want you. I want you to notice something when I talk about your relationship with your pastor. I talked about the you understand your role. Do you understand their role? Do you understand? You know, do you understand all that only way that you can make all of that work is my house loving this person. Even when they're making you mad or nah, I'll get out loving this person. Relationship with your team during your team requires you to love them what I just said everything I told you was do something that shows them how much you love them right bring that reflection riding with your congregation congregation, or are they just consumers to you? Are these people you're in a relationship with or these people? You're just selling Jesus to he said it. What is true? Are we just telling a song are we just wanting them to participate are we just wanted in the sink lot or we in a relationship with them? So I've got all new material. I stole some of my found this I got four new classes this year. Nothing new me. Nothing nothing old if there's foundations that are in here worship is this

This is the relationship of worship and she was gone and you with others. But you would God if you with others. And if you're not building these relationships, you're not doing this. And if you don't think this is important. What did Jesus say I bring you a new commandment? that you

right and went. In Jesus asked. What's the most important command? What did Jesus say love God? God and love others and worship. Worship is not just about this because God is looking down at you saying you look at the brothers and sisters that I called to be with you. Look at them and love them to look at them and love them too. So every single one of these relationships is built on love or requires. Love to be to be at its peak requires love and where does love come from? So you're not building this relationship with God specifically in the role of loving others. Not just letting God. I'm not talking about the one on one relationship specifically about this part about relationship. What are you doing to build your relationship with God as it pertains to loving others. So I want to be real specific about that bottom one. This is not the same thing as joining a Bible study. It's not the same thing as you know, your daily scripture reading that's you know, there's personal edification and there's a personal relationship there with God, but I'm sorry but very specific work on the relationship. What are you doing to build a relationship with God so that When this relationship gets difficult and this relationship gets difficult and this relationship gets difficult. You're not running to this relationship and being David in the Psalms and saying why why why why? Oh, why why would your running to God saying God help me? Your understanding what this role is to this in relationship to this. I think that when I when I Council worship leaders in the council music director isn't a certain churches. This is this is be this this aspect. It's missing. Is this understanding that's missing. And nine times out of 10 and when we start looking at how these relationships breakdown it's this understanding of love love the way God loves and way God calls us to love others that's missing. That's the part that gets broken down because and how long a real honest with you here because it hurts. Because it hurts when those relationship break now it hurts because we're artists right we're investing ourselves and it hurts and what happens when something hurts folks. What is our natural gut human reaction to something that hurts. What do we do physically something hurts? We hide it we cover it, right? We hold you ever see a little kid and what do they do? We pull it in and we covered we hide it cuz we don't want to get hurt again. We don't want to get hurt again, but the problem is that's not scriptural. It's not when it comes to relationships. We have to work through them. We have to we have to build them and the only person who the only relationship is going to make that possible relationship with God. Because you can't I love the fact that we love to preach. Love your neighbor. We can't love the person at the end of the pew. Are you going to love the person that's mowing their lawn at 7 in the morning on a Saturday morning when you wanted to sleep late?

If you can't love the person down at the end of the few that just does it just happens to not like the same song that you like. You see what I'm saying? We have to learn this love and then that way we pull into all of these relationships. We really do but that takes work your married.

It's work, isn't it? It's working days when you've been married for 27 years not days when you just punched and you both look at each other and go neutral Corners neutral corners and rest of the day.

But you learn how to communicate with each other. I hate to tell you this Garageband for for 15 years and he said what was it like being married to six people and their spouses and their family. Extended family, right? That's anybody were playing a band. I mean, I'm not sure about your church being out on the road kind of Bandits, isn't it like that you agree? Because they bring all their garbage and you got a deal with it. And if they're mad at some point is is that we understand these relationships, but we don't bring that understanding to these relationships and relationships. You can't take your team members for going if you can't take the pastor for granted. I told my password. I told several my password to the best wife ever had.

And I don't mean that because for anything other than this that tough of a relationship, I mean the talk we had to go through some stuff going through some stuff.

You know my team same thing. So I throw those up there those four things. We got to stop for questions, but all of us have those moments.

Make you a great worship leader, I notice I didn't say anything about playing.

Nothing about pulling out better charts. Making fewer mistakes going to make you a great worship leader. Is that because then they will love you in return they will. They will and God will teach you how to love them even when they don't. Okay questions.

Well, so go home take this with you and just ask you ask that question. How can I be a better Pastor? How can I be a better leader to my team? How could be a better pastor at those relationships rules the Golden Rule? How do you wish they would treat you treat them the same way whether they treat you that way or not. It really comes down to that. Any other questions anybody? So I got three other classes, they're all different. They're all brand new delegate some things.

So my iPad that question asked before and I'll give you the answer that I that I truly believe in if it's okay, I would start at the first seat on the far left. And I will keep track of where I ended. I would literally have somebody here on having a system. I would have my assistant say Okay pay attention to where I finish and I want you to mark that down cuz that's where I'm going to start next Sunday. Here's the reality everybody sits in the same seat of a car so you can work your way across. You work your way across and I got news for you. Those people are sitting over there. They're watching you.

They're going to see you and they're going to know that you're coming and they're going to see that you're working and they're going to see if people notice I can't tell you how many I had somebody come up to me and literally say I can't I love the way that you're always out there. So if you're in a big section for this week and make sure the whole church is covered.

She just brought him out. You got to give him assigned areas if it's really big church and cover it up in the sky on once a minute. So I I cultivate the ones I cultivate the ones that I feel or so here comes a little spiritual moments. I really feel like God lets me know if I don't take a lot of people to coffee. Does that make sense?

And the people who come find me those the ones get to go to coffee that we go to coffee or that we have a phone call or we share an email or something like that. They come find me a lot of hands, open the door show me where I need to be cuz I still do I mean

cultivating that relationship with your pastor

or just there's a bisque just build a personals. We never never really got there. But we were we were deep into the worst stuff and I was always listening listening listening just depends on what level of force but I just never took no for an answer. I was always going to you know, even if it meant catch them as they were getting out of the car in the parking lot. Are you just going to stalk me the parking lot? If you don't talk to me? Yes. Cuz I can't do this without you and I was my stock answer I can't do this without you. That I can't do it. Once I started I won't do this without you. This is this is this is this is something we do together. I need you. I need you not to not to come right my charts and leave my fan practices, but I need you you're my pastor to you know, and so that was that's kind of my answer to that. It's different with every Pastor. You'll find where works with the pastor that you have anybody else? Thank you so much for being here, please. I really would love it. If you would sign up for the sign up for the newsletter or sign up for the podcast trying to trying to get some stuff out. There aren't I think this stuff is really helpful and we're also giving away two free DVDs on Monday for later this week to anybody that signs up so go get yourself on that. All right if you guys Come back and see me if you want we're not is my next one next one supporting burnout.