Sermon Tone Analysis

Intro

Our text for today continues Paul’s instructions to the Christian family in the gentile world.

The fact that you are in Christ and raised with Christ will dramatically affect what it means for you to be a wife, what it means for you to be a child, what it means for you to be a parent, and certainly what it means for you to be a father

Fathers

​ ESV21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

I want to begin by looking at the group that Paul is addressing specifically.

The word for father refers to the immediate aces

​Colossians and Philemon: An Introduction and Commentary iv.

New Life—At Home (3:18–4:1)The word ‘fathers’ can refer to parents of both sexes, though it may well have an eye to the importance of the father’s role, within God’s created order, in the upbringing of children.

Remember the culture that Paul is writing to.

Gentile Christians in the Roman world.

If you remember from last week, the Father, in Roman culture had the ultimate power and say in the family.

The NIV Application Commentary: Colossians and Philemon Children and Parents (3:20–21)CHILDREN WERE LEGALLY regarded as their fathers’ property, and their status, theoretically, was little better than that of slaves.

The word for father though also implies that person is the one who provides moral and intellectual upbringing for the child.

Father is a title of respectful address for the child.

They were revered deceased persons who passed down beliefs and traditions.

Finally the term father helps us begin to make the connection God our Father as the supreme deity who is responsible for the origin and care for all that exists.

More so today than in Paul’s day this address does refer to both sets of parents.

Parents often have more of a joint role in raising children in our culture today.

Often times in our relationships, one parent may be more harsh than the other when it comes to discipline.

This could be due to family upbringing and even change who it is depending upon the moment or the day.

So while especially applicable to the father, the head of the household, there is also much to be said in this to mothers as well.

Fathers are addressed in Colossians because they were the ones who had ultimate authority over children in the ancient household.

But since in the modern family mothers often appropriately take equal responsibility for raising children (and, indeed, in many families are the only parental authority), it is entirely valid to apply this verse to both fathers and mothers.

Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase in the message illustrates this point well.

The NIV Application Commentary: Colossians and Philemon Children and Parents (3:20–21)CHILDREN WERE LEGALLY regarded as their fathers’ property, and their status, theoretically, was little better than that of slaves.

As parents, and especially as fathers, our relationships with our children ought to be a representation of the relationship we have, or should have, with Jesus.

Do not provoke.

Paul’s instruction is to not provoke, not embitter, not come down too hard on your children.

The word carries the idea of — to stir someone to action, as if by challenging them to a contest; sometimes negatively, to the point of exasperation.

to provoke (challenge) v. — to stir someone to action, as if by challenging them to a contest; sometimes negatively, to the point of exasperation.

Picture two boxers at the pre fight conference and weigh in.

Staring each other down, perhaps coaxing the other into the fight through their speech.

UFC fighter Tyson Griffin stated

“A quality staredown, Griffin says, involves “two fighters that have trained hard, are hungry, and want what the other person has.””

With older children it feels like this sometimes doesn’t it.

Especially if it has been a long trying season with both parties fighting for power and respects.

Then the first punch is thrown, the first words spoken not out of love and the fight begins again.

Even without children we still have opportunity to display this sort of attitude.

At times we may square up with God because we don’t feel the situation we are in is fair or just.

But what truly is fair or just for us?

We must keep verses like and in mind.

None of us can or will ever be able to keep the whole law.

As parents we must remember that God demands of us the same love and grace which he has displayed to us in the gift of his Son, the Lord Jesus Christ , and that in the way that our heavenly Father deals with us, so we are to deal in turn with our children.

Parents are not called to rule or govern their children.

If we look to the parallel verse in Ephesians

Eph 6

Parents are called to bring up children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

This is more than just teaching our children scripture.

We must teach our children to obey, to love, to show mercy, to show grace, and to know false teaching.

Ultimately, the concern of parents is not simply that their sons and daughters will be obedient to their authority, but that through this godly training and admonition their children will come to know and obey the Lord himself.

The conversations you have with your children when they are small, when they only want to eat junk food instead of their dinner.

Tiny children’s minds receive impressions the way moist clay receives impressions.

Moist clay will take your hand very easily; you can fashion it right in.

You cannot fashion your hand into granite, but you can work moist clay into shape

Those tiny children that you have, being looked after tonight or at home with their mom, they believe what you tell them, they trust your word, they believe that you want the very best for them.

They believe all that.

You can never start too soon in forming an impression on the moist clay of their lives .

The conversations we have with our children as they begin school and interact with other students.

The conversations we have with our children about things that could potentially hurt them.

These are the important things that shape our children to who they will be and the things that become set in place when they are fired in the kiln of life.

Alistair Begg recounts some of his childhood.

“I bless God for my parents in this respect.

I was not in my teenage years getting up going, “Oh, I can’t wait to go to church.

Oh, church, more church, give me a church, give me a Bible, love church, let’s go to church.”

No, no, no, no, no, it’s like, “Alistair, where are you?”

“Not telling you.”

“Where are you?

You know where we’re going, let’s go.”

And I bless God for the memory of my father’s hand holding the Bible, even when I didn’t want to look at it.

Didn’t stop him.

Still turned it up, still held it.

Because he believed that although he couldn’t make me like it, he could help me become acquainted with it.

And he had a sneaking suspicion that in the exercise of the simple duty of it, it would have a restraining influence on my teenage sinful mind.

And he was right, because the entry of God’s Word brings light.

And “how will a young man keep his way pure but by paying heed according to your word?”

How many of you had a similar experience?

I know that I growing up, went to church out of obedience, not out of desire to go.

Begg quotes at the end there

We must show our children that church matters.

In the gathering of God’s people, Jesus is here.

Through the preaching of God’s word he convicts of sin, He converts people, and he sanctifies them, makes them more like Christ.

As parents, we have very little control over our teenage children.

The greatest influence we can have is through getting them into God’s word and leading them by our example.

One way we can do this is by leading our children to God in our prayers.

Pray with them, pray for them.

We can start this even before they are born.

Even when they are small they can still participate in prayer with you.

And when they become teenagers, they may appear disinterested but don’t assume that they are so much so that they won’t allow you lay with them or perhaps even just be in there room and to tell them -

I Don’t know if you want to pray, I don’t know if you want to close your eyes, I don’t know what you want to do, but I want pray with you before I leave your room tonight because I love you, and to be quite honest, because I don’t know what to do with you.

Then pray to God with your whole heart while your teenager can hear you.

Don’t lecture them in your prayer, rather tell God how much you love them, how much you care for them, how you would give even parts of yourself for them because you want what is best for them.

Even when we can’t talk to our children about God, we can always talk to God about our children, and sometimes we ought to do it when our children are present.

Lead them to God in your prayers.

Pray with them, pray for them; long before they can read, they can still kneel down beside you at their bed, or wherever you like to kneel.

And don’t assume that your teenagers are so disinterested that they won’t at least be prepared to allow you to lie on their bed, or at least on the bottom of the bed, and say, “I don’t know if you want to pray, I don’t know if you want to close your eyes, I don’t know what you want to do, but I want to pray with you before I leave your room tonight, because I love you—and because frankly I don’t know what to do with you.”

And then pour your heart out to God in the hearing of your teenager.

Don’t lecture them.

Just tell God: “O God, you know I love this girl so much.

God, you know this boy is the apple of my eye.