A Loving Husband

Jonathan M Melchior

Colossians 3:19 • Sermon • Submitted 6 years ago

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A Loving Husband

Picking back up our series in Colossians

& Ephesians 5:25

English Standard Version Chapter 3

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

gives us a commentary on this verse in Colossians.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Pray

Intro - I am going to preach a sermon to myself. I invite you to listen in.

_________________________________________________

***

Yet it was the will of the Lord to crush him;

he has put him to grief;

Intro -

Christ followed in submission to the Father when it was crucifyingly difficult.

Christ asks Christ followers to do hard things.

Today, I am going to preach a sermon to myself. I invite you to listen in.

He asks us to submit to hard things.

He submitted himself to the Cross when His father asked him to.

Big idea - God has called husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the Church.

1. Husbands are called to love their wives like Christ.

Intro - Today, I am going to preach a sermon to myself. I invite you to listen in. Like the subject of sin, being a godly husband or wife is a sermon that we need to hear regularly. Husbands, our passages today start out with a monumental challenge.

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Intro -

1. Husbands are called to love their wives like Christ.

Today, I am going to preach a sermon to myself. I invite you to listen in.1. Husbands are called to love their wives like Christ.

gives us a commentary on this verse in Colossians.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Men, I call this command to love your wife like Christ “the Impossible command”

Men, we are to love our wives like Christ with: perfect tenderness, deep compassion, a passion for what is in her best interest, attentiveness to her needs, supportive of her goals, always forgiving, desirous for her spiritual growth, paying attention to her health and physical needs, serving her in her daily tasks … and the list goes on.

Men, I call this command to love your wife like Christ “the Impossible command”

Agape love - is unconditional love, so we love our wives, not if they fulfill their roll and meet our expectations. We love regardless of her performance.

We simply love no matter what.

Bad News - In my broken state, There is no way I’ll ever come close to loving her like Christ loves His people. I am too much of a mess to be able to love her with the power and purity of the Messiah. I’m going to mess this perfect Christ like love up and mess it up daily.

So how does a broken man obey a command that is impossible for him in the power of his own flesh to accomplish?

I am too much of a mess to be able to love her with the power and purity of the Messiah.

2. I can only love my wife like Christ by depending on Christ’s power.

A perfect love must haver a perfect power.

???

I must depend on the power of the Spirit of God to love my wife like Christ.

I must depend on the power of the spirit of God to love my wife like Christ.

Galatians 5:22

Prayers of a husband:

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love,

I John 4:12-13

1 John 4:12–13 ESV

12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.

1 John 4:12–13 ESV

12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. 13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.

English Standard Version Chapter 4

12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

13 By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.

I John 4:12-13

It is through the power of the Spirit of God that we love our wives with the love of Christ.

Illustration - The power of God’s spirit is the same power that raised Christ from the dead. To love like Christ you must have the power of the Spirit of Christ. Who is the Holy Spirit.

-When we love in our own strength we haver the horse power of a hamster wheel inside of us. Nothing.

When we love with Christ’s love, we have the strength of a “V16” Train engine.

You’ve got power. Can I tell you - when you depend on the Holy Spirit, you will receive spiritual spiritual strength you never had before.

-You won’t feel this robust adrenaline kind of strength, but you’ll find yourself being able to obey and follow Christ like you never have before!

-This is not a love that is empowered by romance, sex or laughter.

-This is a love that is empowered by the spirit of the living God.

-It is a selfless love.

1 John 3:16 ESV

16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.

This kind of love comes when we ask God for help.

Here are some prayers you can pray to help you love your wife like Christ.

Prayers of a husband:

-Fill me with your Spirit and your spirits power to love my wife like Christ loves the Church.

-Help me to see my wife like you see her:

An image bearer of God.

A sister in Christ who is righteous before God.

A person who was created exactly how you want her to be.

-Help me to celebrate our differences and quirks, not be annoyed by our differences.

-Help her to grow deep in her understanding of you, love and trust of you.

Men, we must depend on the power of the Spirit of God to love our wives like Christ.

Transition - Not only must depend on the Holy Spirit to love my wife well, but I must also ...

3. I must internalize the love of Christ to extend the love of Christ

2. I must internalize the love of Christ to extend the love of Christ

A) I will only be able to love my wife as Christ loves the church when I fully internalize and accept the love that God has for me. (Repeat)

Why? I cannot give away what I have not received.

How do I internalize the love that God has for me so I can then extend it to my wife?

B) Daily I must consider the the greatness of Jesus love in the Gospel.

-It is interwoven into how women follow their husbands lead.

-It is the example that God gives us when Husbands are called to love their wives.

“As Christ loved His church”

Personalize this, “As Christ has loved me.”

-If I am going to grow daily more like Christ, if I am going to be a disciple of Jesus - the Gospel must be at the center of my life.

-This is why we push you to daily Bible reading. Daily time with God. To keep Christ in the center of your life.

-Men, The Gospel must be at the center of your mind and heart if you are going to love your wife like Christ.

ILLUSTRATION Of OVERFLOW

Why? Christ is the only perfect example of loving someone that is broken or who has sinned against you and fully forgiving them.

-He gives us an example of perfect sacrifice for sin.

-Perfect forgiveness

-Perfect servanthood

-Perfect patience

-Perfect love.

-Perfect Payment for sin

Gospel message:

When we had rebelled most. When we failed God most because of our sin. When we went our own way and not God’s way. When we were enemies of God.

Christ made the perfect sacrifice for our sin by paying for them on the cross.

(NLT)

18 For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And it was not paid with mere gold or silver, which lose their value. 19 It was the precious blood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God.

Because of the Sacrifice on the Cross …

I can forgive my wife much, because Christ has forgiven me of much.

I can serve greatly, because Christ has done for me what I could not do for myself.

I can love deeply, even when offended, because Christ has loved me deeply during the times that I have offended Him.

When I keep Christ at the center of my mind, their is an overflow into how I treat my wife.

Application Continued

As a man I cannot only understand and believe theologically what Christ has done for me.

As a man I cannot only understand and believe theologically what Christ has done for me, but ...

… I must receive in my heart and emotions the great love that God has offered me.

Men, We must open our emotions to Christ and receive both in my head and my heart.

Just like the love you have for your wife is given to not just her intellect, but also to her heart … God’s love for you is given to your heart as well.

I must rejoice in head and heart in the love of God.

Receiving in my heart God’s love, his comfort, his nurture will help me extend that same love to my wife.

-If you believe the lie:

-God might love me some, but he could never love me because if my past.

-I am so inconsistent spiritually, he could never love me.

-I struggle with lust or anger in some way every day, He can’t fully embrace me because of my sin...

When you reject those lies, you open yourself up to

I must celebrate the love the God has extended to me...

I must internalize the love of Christ to extend the love of Christ

In what ways can I love my wife like Christ loves His people?

in what ways can I love my wife like Christ loves His people?

4. Be Gentle

“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”

In our impatience, in our anger, in our pain, in our focus - we as men have the tendency to be harsh.

Harsh with your words, harsh or rough physically, harsh relationally

To be gentle:

Illustration - Myself praying to love my wife “…dearly tenderly”

When you are in a hurry slow down around your wife.

Instead of harsh words when you are angry say,

“I’m really upset right now. I need some distance and some time.”

Instead of harshness when you are in pain -

“My back hurts really bad. I can’t talk at the moment.”

Don’t put your hands on your wife unless you are giving her affection.

Sometimes being gentle means - stopping what you are doing, looking her in the eye, listening and encouraging.

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

I Peter 3:7

Illustration - What I found myself doing was actively removing impatience or harshness from our relationship. I’ve been trying to remove what was pulling our relationship down.

-However, I was neglecting to add what would bring her up.

-We can say we honor our wives, but honor without action is not honor.

-I have to not only take out the negative (harshness), but bring in what lifts her up … bring in love, bring in affection.

-Lift her up by bringing honor, obedience and love.

Another way to love well is to …

English Standard Version Chapter 5

29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

Another way to love well is to …

5. Cherish your wife.

-30

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

Cherish means to deeply value.

What we cherish is most important to us.

What do you Cherish, You Cherish you grandchildren, Cherish your time off, your hunting/fishing, your classic car. You can detect what you cherish by what you spend the most time thinking about or spending money on.

Cherish your wife by telling her those qualities that she has that you are grateful for. Look for her strengths, consider how those strengths effect your children and your marriage. Tell her that. Write her a note. In prayer with her thank the Lord for her.

If you feel like your heart is getting hard toward cherishing your wife ask God to help you cherish her. Ask God to help you perform acts of love for her.

Show your wife that you cherish her.

Transition- Next

6. Serve Her

Ephesians 5:

Look for areas of life that your wife is passionate about... art, food, children, travel, shopping, gardening … create an experience that she will enjoy and join her in it.

Illustration - Do a task for her that she doesn’t enjoy. One of the things that Susan likes for me to help with from time to time is cleaning the bathrooms. Not my favorite thing. One of the best ways to serve her.

In Christ’s submission to the Father HE also served His Church (His Bride). He gave Himself up for her. Christ did something for us that we didn’t know we needed.

7. Graciously Lead her - Especially Spiritually

3 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

We see that the husband is the head or the leader of his wife and family.

John Stott says this about headship.

John Stott explains: "If headship means 'power' in any sense, then it is power to care, not to crush; power to serve, not to dominate; power to facilitate self-fulfillment, not to frustrate or destroy it. And in all this the standard of the husband's love is to be the cross of Christ, on which he surrendered himself even to death in his selfless love for his bride"

Husbands, Lead your wives by Praying with your wife.

Pray with her. Share what you are learning spiritually. ...

Read scripture together.

Share what you are learning spiritually.

Initiate spiritual conversation.

Graciously lead her.

Finally, we see what

Finally, we see that our marriages are a parable to those who do not know Jesus.

8. My Marriage is a picture of Christ to others

Eph 5:31

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Men, as you lead with love & women as you follow your husband with graciousness, your marriage will be a picture of Jesus relationship with the Church.

He (Christ) leads us, He serves us, He saves us

We (Church) submit to Him, We obey Him, We look to Him.

Our marriages paint a picture to others of how God’s people are to relate to Christ and Christ to His people.

This is why God has called husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the Church.

____________________________________

3. Gospel - Christ took the punishment for our sin on Himself.

As we close today let me ask you 3 important questions:

He offers you forgiveness of Sin.

A. Men, what is one thing you can do to love and lead you wife more completely? What is God placing on your heart in this very moment?

He asks that you allow Him to be your Master and that you trust in Him.

B. How are you doing internalizing the love God has for you through the Gospel?

4. Close

C. Men - If the way you treat your wife was the only way someone could know how Christ relates to His people, what would they come to believe about Jesus?

PICTURE OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH

D. Women - If the way you treat your husband was the only way someone could know how God’s people were to relate to Christ, what would they believe about how they were to respond to Christ?

Truism -

Why? I cannot give away what I have not received.

B) The greatness of God in the Gospel must be a daily contemplation.

-It is interwoven into how women follow their husbands lead.

-It is the example that God gives us when Husbands are called to love their wives.

-If I am going to grow daily more like Christ, the Gospel must be at the center.

-Men, The Gospel must be at the center of your mind and heart if you are going to love your wife like Christ.

Why? Christ is the only perfect example of loving someone that is broken or who has sinned against you and fully forgiving them.

-He gives us an example of perfect sacrifice.

-Perfect servanthood.

-Perfect patience

-Perfect love.

-Perfect Payment

Gospel message -

When we had rebelled most. When we failed God most because of our sin. When we went our own way and not God’s way.

Christ made the perfect sacrifice for our sin by paying for them on the cross.

(NLT)

Because of the Sacrifice on the Cross …

Lets pray.

1 Peter 1:18–19 ESV

18 knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot.

I have been forgiven much and will forgive much.

I have been served in the greatest way and will serve my wife greatly.

I have been deeply loved and cherished and will extend the great love that has been extended toward me.

As a man I cannot only understand and believe theologically what Christ has done for me. I must receive in my heart and emotions the great love that God has offered me.

I must rejoice in head and heart in the love of God.

That heart felt receiving from God his love, his comfort, his nurture will not onlyu grow me spiritually, but will help me extend that same love to my wife.

I must celebrate the love the God has extended to me...

-What I found myself doing was actively removing impatience or harshness from our relationship. Christ certainly removed the wrath of judgement of God when our relationship with Him started.

-However, God did not only remove what pulled the relationship down, but He added what lifted the relationship up.

-He bring love and patience.

-We bring honor, obedience and love.

Men, when you love your wives. Yes, remove that which hurts your relationship, but add what lifts your relationship.

This is why it is so imperative to become deeply committed followers of Christ. Not only in obedience, but also in knowing our God.

Illustration of womens faces being burned with Acid in India to get more money from the family.

How submission worked in my home or leadership worked in my home.

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