Family 2.0

Intro

Intro our family - Joy is at home with a sick Nolan

Give my story

I have been alive for nearly 38 years, and until about 9 years ago, I never realized that I had grown up in a Blended Family

If you don’t know what that is, it is when one or more of the parents are divorced with children.

My dad was a great man of God.

Absolutely my hero

He was married 7 times to 6 different women

I was the baby of 7

I was the only one from my parents marriage

Now you may ask, how in the world did I not know that my family was blended.

I have no clue.

I never referred to my siblings as half brothers and none of my dad’s kids referred to my mom’s kids as step brothers

My mom and dad served in ministry roles in our church without hesitation from the staff

It wasn’t until I got divorced and remarried that I experienced what many families in the American church experience.

The church has no idea what to do with Blended Families

Ron Deal with SmartStepFamilies writes in 2017 Pew Research found that 40% of married couples with children in the US are Step couples

In 2015 and estimated 113.6 MIL Americans have some sort of step relationship

The one statistic that Deal spoke about that got me is this: Deal estimates that approximately 1/3 of all weddings in America today form stepfamilies.

While these statistics can be alarming, I think we should view it as an opportunity to reach a group of people that many churches don’t know what to do with.

I would like to show you where the bible has the exact blueprint for a successful blended family and how to reach them but I can’t find one successful blended family in the bible.

Abraham tried to blend Sarah and her son Isaac with Hagar and her son Ishmael whom she had with Abraham. She finally threw Hagar and Ishmael out of the house (). Jacob tried to blend 2 families with disastrous results (-38ff) his first wife Leah and her children with Leah’s sister Rachael, Jacobs second wife, and her children. Jacob’s family was eventually destroyed by jealousy, murder, rape, deceit, and favoritism. David began with first wife Michael and married as many as 28 more. His last wife was the infamous Bathsheba. Among his children we read of murder, rape, rebellion, incest, hatred, bitterness and anger (; ). Solomon, one of David’s sons, wrote Proverbs which was wisdom for life which was to be passed on from one generation to another. It contain many, many impassioned pleas to have only one wife, perhaps because of his own experience! In fact at the end of his life, he advised us to “rejoice with the wife of our youth” (Proverb 5:18). Looking back, the multiple families he created were more trouble than it was worth. Having grown up in a blended family and created one of his own, experiencing all the resulting turmoil and pain, he didn't want anyone else to have to go through what he did.

But today I would like to use one prayer from Paul to the church at Ephesus as a guide for us to be a place where blended families thrive!

PRAY

Blended Families Can Feel Alone In The Church - God Has Named EVERY Family -

If I had never told people that we were a blended family, no one would have ever known.

I spent six years at Renew and still people didn’t know that Joy and I had a blended family.

Ainsley and Emerson share characteristics

Really people don’t know until they do the math

People in the church just assume that everyone is happily married

This isn’t every church

But there is still a stigma on divorced families

This passage is what stuck out to me in my research.

Paul hits his knees to pray to the Father from whom EVERY family is named

It doesn’t say every traditional family it says EVERY family

Now I may be reaching but when I look at the greek word for family (pah - tree - AH) I see it means a group of families or a whole race or lineage

What that leads me to believe is my family of 7 siblings from 7 different marriages is still in God’s lineage

That tells me my family of mine and ours is in the lineage of God

When families come in our doors, we have to lose our perception and be ready for any type of family to walk in our doors

Don’t say “Oh”

Blended families have a place and that place has to be safe because ...

Blended Families Are Hard - God Has Given The Strength To Make It -

I have literally lived this since Michael asked me to speak on this

We have been at war

Most famiiles deal with unique things

Blending family traditions

Blending discipline styles

Blending age gaps

Time and financial constraints

Crazy other parties

These are just my families’ lists

There are hundreds of others that blended families deal with

IT is hard enough trying to learn each other in a relationship, imagine throw in someone else’s kids, crazy ex and all the other stuff it is one of the most difficult things to navigate

Families, mine included need to know there is a place to be strengthened

TO find a place to discover God’s love

When a family can be ROOTED in God’s love then they can build a successful relationship from there

Joy and I have always been able to be united

When things got hard it brought us closer together

It hasn’t been that way lately.

Families, mine included need to know there is a place to be strengthened

Verse 18

Comprehend there actually means to seize or possess

SO Paul is praying that they can seize and possess how deap, how wide and how high the love and strenght of God. WITH ALL THE SAINTS

Where are the saints? HERE

Church needs a place to be strengthened in GOd’s love

Blended Families Take Time TO Grow - God Has A Love That We Can Grow In -

We are almost 9 years in our blended family journey

THere are still struggles we have but we are growing together

Growing in our understanding of how to do this

What to do

and how to love

IT’s hard

When things are hard it seems like the love will never be there

But we need a place to grow in God’s never ending love

This place that should be able to come is here

TO find a place to discover God’s love

When a family can be ROOTED in God’s love then they can build a successful relationship from there

Joy and I have always been able to be united

When things got hard it brought us closer together

It hasn’t been that way lately.

Our kids need to know that they are loved

Going back and forth in homes is hard, the church should be a constant for them

So Why Is This Important?

I have specifically talked today about step families

Blended families can include adopted and fostered children as well.

T

I am not experienced in that side of the blended families

But there are unique issues in families that are adoptive/foster that we have to be aware of.

But today we are talking specifically about step familes

The church has to be a place where familes can come and grow together

Blended families are making up 40% of our nation’s population

HOw much of our church population are they making up?

Where Do We Go From Here?