A Caring Church - May Life Group Notes

Session1: Introduction to The Good Shepherd

The word "pastor" is derived from the verb pascere – "to lead to pasture, set to grazing, cause to eat". provides a picture of what is means to care for others pastorally: resting, leading, renewing, guiding, walking with, protecting, comforting, honouring, loving.

“1The LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need.

2He lets me rest in fields of green grass and leads me to quiet pools of fresh water.

3He gives me new strength. He guides me in the right paths, as he has promised.

4Even if I go through the deepest darkness, I will not be afraid, LORD, for you are with me. Your shepherd's rod and staff protect me.

5You prepare a banquet for me, where all my enemies can see me; you welcome me as an honoured guest and fill my cup to the brim.

6I know that your goodness and love will be with me all my life; and your house will be my home as long as I live.”

It’s All About Relationship

“Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

God is creative God:

Dynamic and evolving; not just one-off eventIn His creativity He gives us responsibility and freedom of choice.

God is a relational God:

God is Father, Son and Holy Spirit in a relationship of mutual love and respectIf God is relational and we are made in His image, we have His DNA. We are intended to live in relationship with Him and each other based on mutual love and respect.

Question: God created us in His “image” and “likeness”. How does this affect your understanding of who you are? How does it affect your understanding of who others are?

God Invites Relationship

God wants us to have relationship with Him based on genuine love, so He gives us the freedom to choose Him. However, we can misunderstand and misuse this freedom leaving us open to breakdown in relationship with ourselves (shame, guilt), others (fear, blame), the rest of God’s created order (pain, toil and decay) and ultimately with God Himself (separation).

This pattern goes on happening throughout human history, throughout our lives and the lives of those around us.

Question: how do you see this ‘pattern’ manifest itself in your own life, in the church, the local community and the wider world?

God Intervenes to Reconcile

But there is another pattern in human history that shows God’s very nature is loving and relational. All through human history God has intervened to reconcile what He has created to Himself.

“For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

“But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.”

“and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through His blood, shed on the cross.”

Question: Can you think of any times when God has intervened in human history to reconcile?

How do you see God intervening in the world today?

To what extent do you consider pastoral care as ‘intervening’ and ‘reconciliatory’?

God Involves Us

“16 So from now on we regard no-one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.

Question: what strikes you about the following:

Regarding no-one from a worldly point of viewBeing involved in the ministry of reconciliationThe title “Christ’s ambassador”

Question: to what extent do you consider caring for one another as part of God’s mission?

“34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

The Caring Church

Session 2: Who Cares?

Who is called to care?

“42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need.”

“6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith;7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

Question: who is called to care?

The table below shows that it is the responsibility of ALL in the church to care for each other.

SOME of us will be given pastoral gifts to use for the common good and a FEW will be called to pastoral leadership.

ALL

Fellowship of believers

“love one another”

“devoting themselves to the fellowship”’ “giving to all in need”

SOME

Who have pastoral gifting and may be part of a pastoral care team.

“different kinds of gifts”; “different kinds of service”; “different kinds of working”

“gave some to be” and “prepared for works of service”

“different gifts”; “if it is contributing to the needs of others, let them give generously”

FEW

Pastoral leaders, co-ordinators, trainers, specialists

“if it is leadership, let them govern diligently”

have “authority” with “responsibility”

Question: Where do you see yourself – as part of ALL, the SOME or the FEW?

Where do others see you?

Who are we called to care for?

In your group briefly make a list of the different people you think God invites us to care for.

Question: As you look at the list is there anything that challenges you?

The Family of Believers

Caring for one another, ensuring love is demonstrated in a way which builds unity, strengthening the body and takes care of the more vulnerable and those in need.

“9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves.11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervour, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”

“21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honourable we treat with special honour. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty,24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honour to the parts that lacked it,25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it. 27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

“10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”

The stranger, neighbour and enemy. Loving and caring for those outside the church, especially those who others might not want to love. Jesus cared in a countercultural way, breaking through social norms and expectations to care for the marginalised, risking criticism, rejection and misunderstanding.

“35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ 40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”

“43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Caring Together

It is important to note that we are not all called to care for everyone, but we are all called to care for someone. Additionally, there are times in our lives when we are not able to care for anyone and we need to be the recipient of care.

The Caring Church

Session 3: Caring Qualities

Question: For a few moments in your group, consider the different qualities you would look for in a person if they were to offer you pastoral care.

As you think about your list of qualities, which of these do you think are essential and why?

“12 When He had finished washing their feet, He put on his clothes and returned to His place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” He asked them. 13 “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16 Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.”

“26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, He said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.”

Question: how did Jesus show His care for those in these stories?

What difference do you think this made to them?

How do your thoughts here compare to your earlier discussion on caring qualities?

“3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?”6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.7 When they kept on questioning Him, He straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

“22 They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. 23 He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When He had spit on the man’s eyes and put His hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?” 24 He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.” 25 Once more Jesus put His hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.”

Question: how did Jesus show His care for those in these stories? (think about the on-going pattern of creativity, relationship, invitation, involvement and reconciliation as well as the direct qualities Jesus demonstrates).

What difference do you think this made to them? How do these stories compare to the previous stories?

There are so many ways in which Jesus cared for the individual needs of individual people: physically, psychologically, relationally and spiritually. His care for them was unique to their circumstances, which is perhaps a hallmark of quality care. It can be all too easy to get prescriptive and use the same approach for everyone but this not how Jesus went about loving people.

The list of qualities below is not exhaustive. Jesus cared for people, sacrificing self, by:

Noticing and giving time to themBeing interested in themAsking what they neededGiving them value and purposeBeing protective of themShowing them tenderness and compassionHumbly serving themAffirming and encouraging themBuilding up their faithWeeping and sharing His vulnerability with themChallenging and giving them responsibilityBeing truthful with themAllowing them space to learnForgiving themFeeding themWithstanding criticism for them

Question: how do the qualities of Jesus challenge you in your care of others?

Loving one another is a matter of will and commitment not emotion. It is born out of a deep understanding of and security in the love God has for us.

The Caring Church

Session 4: Listening

“To answer before listening – that is folly and shame”

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Question: Think about a time when you were not listened to with care and attention. What effect did this have on you? Now think about a time when you were listened to with care and attention. What effects did this have on you?

The contrast of being listened to well and listened to poorly (or not at all) is a stark reminder of both the healing and harmful potential of listening.

Being listened to / heard can help us feel:

Not being listened to / heard can help us feel:

Valued Devalued Accepted Judged Respected Disrespected Significant Insignificant Loved Unloved Not alone Isolated Encouraged Discouraged Understood Misunderstood Relieved Frustrated Less burdened Troubled Supported Hurt and angry Clearer in perspective Confused

Listening to God

Question: when we are listening to others why is it important to keep an ear listening to God?

“1 My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,

2 turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding—

3 indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,

4 and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,

5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.”

Question: what do these verses show us about ‘turning our ear’ to God?

Question: What are some of the difficulties we need to be aware of when we listen to God for others?

As we listen to others we need also to listen to God as He alone has the ultimate understanding of each person’s life and needs (which is why we must not judge one another). We listen to God for:

His wisdom – His understanding about a situation is perfectHis guidance – He knows the best thing to do in a situation

is rich in enabling us to see HOW we listen to God for His understanding by:

Being aware of His word and instructionsListening with our earsApplying our heart (emotions)Calling out for insight; crying aloud for understanding (voice)Looking for it (eyes)Searching for it (commitment and perseverance)

As we listen to God for others we need to be careful about:

Hearing in different ways – God speaks with us in many waysTesting what we might be hearing with an awareness of our own agendaApplying what we might hear appropriately, tentatively, honestly and respectfully.

Listening to Ourselves

We ‘listen’ in many ways: physical, psychological, relational and spiritual. Sometimes we hear with our ears; sometimes we have a ‘gut sense’ about something.

Question: Can you think of some ways our ability to listen is affected?

Our physical bodies (e.g. hunger, tiredness)?Our thoughts and emotions (e.g. I feel anxious that I am out of my depth)?Our relationships (e.g. lack of support)?Our spirit (e.g. disquiet)?

As we listen to ourselves we become clearer about our tiredness, motivation, values and beliefs, fears and prejudices, hopes and expectations, strengths and limitations, attitudes and behaviours. All these can become blockers in our conversations with each other and with God. Being aware of them means we can prayerfully hand them over to Him.

To learn more about ourselves, consider the following:

What values motivate me? What are my main fears? What sort of people do I struggle with? What do I hope for most? What do I expect of myself? What are my strengths?

The Caring Church

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled

As to console,

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive,

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

St. Francis, 13th Century

Question: what will I do differently in caring for others?

What can our group do differently to care for others in the church or wider community?