Wisdom and FAMILY

Opening Illustration

During a golf game at an exclusive golf course in Florida, 1936 , Joseph P. Kennedy was asked “So Joe what are you doing with yourself these days?”

Without taking his eyes off the ball he replied “My work is my boys”

Joseph P. Kennedy had a dream, a far reaching vision for his family - that all 4 sons would become president of the USA and reshape America

First son - Joe Jr was tragically killed in WW 2 ; Second son John was 35th president of America and was assassinated in 1963; Third son Bobby, was gunned down in a LA hotel running for president; Fourth son Ted, is an influential member of the US senate - he has led the charge to legalise marriage of homosexuals

1936 Joe Kennedy had everything and was worth millions, according to biographers, when everyone else was going under in the depression days Joe made his fortune bootlegging whisky

He was one of the most powerful men in America - owned major film studios and would become the US ambassador to England

Joe built lavish homes and a fabulously wealthy dynasty, he went to church and gave generously to the church , he seemed to be a morally upright man, but when the storms came the house came crashing down

A Supreme Court justice referred to him as the most evil man that he had ever known and a man without morals - one of his biographers called his book “The Sins of the Fathers” and the other “Seeds of Destruction”

His sons were confused about truth and morality and it is little wonder

One biographer recalls an innocent 12 yr old JFK who discovered his moral dad in the passionate embrace of another woman - he tried to kill himself throwing himself into the sea - no wonder he was confused about the truth

What is your goal for your children ? What are you working for right now? What do you want to be remembered for ? What might be the title of your biography ?

It’s good to have a focus - goal - a plan

There’s a general principle in Proverbs .. what is the goal of FAMILY ? To make sure that CHILDREN are the focus and heart of the family? To raise SUCCESSFUL KIDS? … WELL ADJUSTED KIDS? Kid’s that won’t embarrass us? Kid’s that will make us look good?

.. one of the hardest to get a handle on .. tools not rules .. no promises

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Let’s take a look

Husbands and Wives Growing in WISDOM Towards One Another

This is another tough topic … everyone of us is part of a FAMILY .. God’s design for our world is to live in families .. in community. It’s a FALLEN WORLD so we don’t start life of INNOCENCE. We start with a BIAS. SELF-CENTREDNESS .. sin .. disobedience. So it’s not a blank slate we are writing on. Therefore your family might bring PAINFUL MEMORIES .. it might be DYSFUNCTIONAL .. ABUSIVE parents .. UNLOVING .. EMOTIONALLY DISCONNECTED there might be sad and serious dislocations .. might be stuffed up!

For some family is SAFE .. LOVING .. SUPPORTIVE .. their memories are happy ..kids feel well adjusted .. confident .. which is great!

The question that resonates in the book of Proverbs .. indeed the Bible .. is this. Is the family GOD CENTRED .. to sharpen that .. are we people who FEAR GOD .. are we focused on Christ and living for HIS GLORY? Are we seeking HIS wisdom to remain in a firm relationship with God.

This takes intentional and determined effort and the assurance that the Spirit of God is with us as we prayerfully live our lives.

This morning we need to be brief .. it’s a huge topic.. so we are doing more overview than getting into too much detail. We’ll also interact with the NT .. in particular

OK .. .. this is a poem in praise of the ideal woman .. the good wife .. and she models VIRTUE

10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.

The New International Version Chapter 31

10 A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

12 She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

Wife of NOBLE CHARACTER .. or EXCELLENT WIFE = woman of strength LXX .. a MANLY woman/wife … the emphasis is being strong. How? Well it gets exhausting!

This poem goes on to say that she works hard, she makes money, she is kind to the poor, she is fearless about the future, she enhances her husband’s reputation, she speaks with wisdom—all this and more. And in her strength she is not competing with her husband. She is not going through an identity crisis over sexual politics. She is beyond that. She is giving herself away to her family and her community with wholehearted selflessness. Read the rest of the poem. She is industrious .. she has WISDOM 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

26 She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She has high standards, and she sticks to them. She’s a keeper “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.”ESV

There are struggles and pressures living in the real world and she seeks to step up the challenge.

Her husband trusts her and feels honoured to be her husband and her kids think she’s cool.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many women do noble things,

Now if you’re a mum .. or a mum to be .. you might be feeling a little vulnerable right now .. bit deflated? Overwhelmed? Maybe not feeling THAT strong .. don’t have THAT sort of impact on your husband.

but you surpass them all.”

True. No woman could live up to this standard! The function of this chapter in Proverbs needs to be unpacked in the context of LADY WISDOM .. later in the series we’ll come back to this

But DON’T MISS the next verse 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Y’see .. you might not know one end of a sewing machine from the other .. your family aren’t going to be praise you for the clothes you turn out!

Maybe you can’t bench press 120kg

You might well feel intimidated buying and selling stuff on Gumtree let alone selling real estate. You might hate cooking .. hate gardening, who wants a vineyard anyway?! Rather just go straight to the bottle shop

And you might not be a HEAD TURNER .. a lot of work has to go into the morning ritual to make yourself presentable .. you might not like what you see in the mirror, and can I say there is ONE thing as a Christian woman you are .. you are CHERISHED and LOVED and ACCEPTED by the Father Himself.

As a CHRISTIAN WOMAN .. WIFE you don’t have to PROVE anything .. you are right with God because of the cross .. Jesus who died in your place has made you perfect .. and in truely knowing that you are a woman who FEARS God .. who seeks to please and honour the God who loves you .. who seeks to SERVE you family and others .. however imperfectly .. the one thing you strain to do is to walk with Christ .. grow is GODLINESS .. in HOLINESS .. in CHRISTLIKENESS .. working and growing at the ways that you can love your husband and your children .. and if a wife to be .. work at being a woman of God .. you can do that! The Holy Spirit is committed to that for you. Jesus prays for you as you do that

Friends we have to fight the world and the society that dictates terms to us .. so much is made of our BEAUTY .. our IMAGE .. fashion .. it’s thick eyebrows remember girls .. it being a woman who stands up for herself .. shows these blokes what she is made of .. a world that fast defines ourselves by our sexuality .. a world that is impressed by being a career woman / super mum / fulfilled and happy in her own skin … and good between the sheets .. so much of what is promoted by a feminism agenda

What does a godly woman want to do who fears Christ? Who puts Him first. gives guidance on family matters . Look at vv.21ff

Everyone of us has a responsibility to act toward each other lovingly, gently, meekly - looking to be other - person – centred

What Paul draws out now is a series of practical applications of that principle

NB there’s a strange thing in our NIV Bibles .. they’ve put the wives and husbands heading between verse 21 and 22. which breaks the flow. "submit to one another... out of reverence for Christ." Christ is the motivation and the model. Everyone of us has a responsibility to act toward each other lovingly, gently, meekly - looking to be other - person – centred

What Paul draws out now is a series of practical applications of that principle ..to submit. A submission that's all about devoting yourself to the best interests of the other. A submission that's going to look different depending who you are. That's going to be driven by your reverence for Christ.

Wives Surrendered to Christ

Wives Surrendered to Christ

Women are not inferior to men! Yet God’s blueprint - His WISDOM for the wife and for the husband .. in a family that works .. goes like this .. pick it up at v.22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

We’ve got to deal with that word .. SUBMIT .. sure does CLANG for us 21st century, modern western readers ... and a lot of that is because we wrench it out of it’s context .. as I’ll try and explain

We are not talking about women being oppressed, servile, dominated - but of her God given function in the family .. the voluntary submission or surrender as AN EQUAL .. and where there is MUTUAL love and commitment

I am well aware that some husbands see themselves as grand sultans who have the domestic ethics of "Jabba the Hut" - or .. an old unbiblical, Victorian concept of the wife cow towing to insecure men - wives who don't dare move for fear of their husbands - who have to crawl for grocery money let alone a new outfit

Even Christian men who are all grace and love in the church and rule their homes with a rod of iron beating their wives over the head with verses about submission and roaring at the top of their voices - "I'm the Boss" (the proverbial Dr Jekel and Mr Hyde)

These evil thoughtless, selfish men have perverted the word of God - and while it gave rise to the suffragettes and the feminist movement IT IS NO REASON TO THROW OUT THE BIBLE

A wife must see that her greatest glory is to lovingly surrender to her husband - why? Because she loves the Lord Jesus and obedience to her husband (ie willing submissiveness), is obedience to Christ ..see v.22 as to the LORD - not that the husband is the Lord but that submission is the duty they owe to the Lord

What about the blokes? Back to .. v28  Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

The kids stand up and speak respectfully to their mum .. esteem and admire her as a woman of God .. and they learn that from their dads .. the husband sets up the tone of praise not putdowns OR ridicule

To cherish and nurture your wife .. to cultivate and encourage her godliness is your HUSBANDRY

ILLUSTRATION

The story is told in the Midwest of America of a farmer and his wife who were lying in bed during a storm

Suddenly the funnel of a tornado developed and sucked the roof off the house - drawing the bed and the couple up into the air

The wife began to cry

The farmer immediately said "This is no time to cry - pull yourself together"

She called back "I can't help it, I am so happy - this is the first time we have been out together in 20 yrs!"

Care for her ... talk things through with her .. even though you don’t feel like it, express what you are thinking and feeling from time to time .. praise her in front of the kids

Ladies .. he is not wired as you are .. cut him some slack .. sometimes he needs space to think through things .. most guys don’t verbalise their thoughts like most women do .. there has to be some understanding of how we both tick

Fella’s .. God wants to see your wife become more and more capable because of YOUR influence in her life .. encouraging her in godliness.. that’s not a pep talk. That’s the Bible.

Back to .. how do HUSBANDS express their SUBMISSION to Christ?

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, people have never hated their own bodies, but they feed and care for them, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.”

You can fake it at work .. not at home

The real litmus test is this men:

Is your wife more like Christ because she is married to you?

Is she becoming more holy and blameless?

Your wife is a going to be a dazzling creature in heaven in her resurrection body - husband, God has ordained that you will be part of that transformation process while on earth

Jesus loves the Church and is faithful to her ... COMMITTED to her ... He died for her

And so it’s not IF but WHEN things are going pear shaped ... when the stresses and strains are there ... it’s time to man up and love her ... work at the issues ... talk with others .. if it needs some professional help then don’t be proud .. it’s your COMPANION we’re talking about .. the one who are responsible and accountable to God for

It’s way easier to walk away ... go look elsewhere for that perfect woman

What would happen if that were the love that Jesus showed - when we had failed and rebelled - sin is ugly esp to the pure God - we would be thrown off cast away, we wouldn't last a minute let alone a day

That is what gives us real encouragement and hope

Even while we were sinners Christ died for us - ugly with sin, yet becoming His beautiful bride to whom He is supremely faithful

accord://read/TNIV#Eph._5:25

He patiently works with us, encouraging, rebuking, guiding, praying moulding us into more Christ-like citizens of heaven

A love that is tireless

Husbands, we are to reflect this love in our marriages

Remember the wedding day : That radiant beauty standing with you holding your hand, hair perfect … make-up just so, her perfume wafting you into a seventh heaven ... you weren’t just playing “dress ups”

Some day you are not going to be standing in front of a minister ... you will be standing before the Lord

And while your wives’ salvation is solely on the basis of Jesus dying on the cross for her .. and yes .. she must take responsibility for her godliness and growth in Jesus , You must none the less see that your loving role is to give yourself entirely to your wife .. promoting a marriage of spiritual friendship

You must none the less see that your loving role is to give yourself entirely to your wife .. promoting a marriage of spiritual friendship

The simple fact is fellas .. that you can only love her and serve her needs sacrificially if you love Jesus more than your wife ... when your emotional tank is filled with the fruits of the Spirit ..PATIENCE .. KINDNESS ..FORGIVENESS .. FAITHFULNESS .. when you are overwhelmed and influenced by the love of God

Wisdom in our Parenting

I grew up in a home where things were more CAUGHT than TAUGHT .. religion was out sourced .. Sunday School .. as was sex education, .. school’s job

Yes I was taught polite ways .. please/thank you .. wash your hands after going on the toilet .. pick your times to pick your nose .. and there were good things that were emphasised .. e.g. strong work ethic

The important part of TRAINING .. or better .. DISCIPLING .. our children if for them to see the MOTIVATION for living the way we are trying to cultivate .. listen to the reasons in proverbs

“Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.

They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.”

( TNIV)

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

“My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,

turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding—

indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,

and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,

then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.”

( TNIV)

My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, 2 for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity.

but keep my commands in your heart,

2 for they will prolong your life many years

and bring you peace and prosperity.

.. Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

AND many more!

The word TRAIN UP = DEDICATE .. dedicate your child to God .. to Christ. Teach .. train .. model Christian things Our parental role is to do everything we can to draw attention to Jesus … to Christlikeness .. that they may TASTE and see that the Lord is GOOD .. the word TRAIN UP = arabic word used for rubbing the palate of a new born with a date mixture to get the child to suck .. and the best way to motivate our kids is to be passionate ourselves .. y’see kids pick up hypocrisy very quickly .. they know SINCERITY when they see it

“How come I have to make my bed and your bedroom is always messy?” “How come you want me to read my Bible when you never look at yours?” … “Why do I have to go to Kids Church when you guys are always arguing whether you are going to go or not?”

It’s hard work praying with our kids .. reading the Bible in a meaningful way with them .. being honest and genuine with them .. seeking forgiveness for harshness .. making siblings to engage and forgive .. teaching them to serve others .. think about people around them .. understanding the message of the gospel … helping with the chores around the house .. there is all sorts of things kids won’t want to do .. the training in these formative years pays off later in life

Nothing changes when we flick over to the NT ..

Don’t get pushed into that nonsense that says “I don’t push Christian things .. they can make their mind up later in life.”

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honour your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

accord://read/TNIV#Eph._6:1

Friends .. that training is constant .. and it is both TAUGHT and CAUGHT .. we instruct and show .. and that godliness works against our sinful self .. self centredness

I know that some Christian parenting has been strict and authoritarian .. some Christian mums and dads have been loveless and graceless and so they react by saying .. “I don’t push Christian things .. kids can make up their mind up later in life.”

The problem is that “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child” .. immaturity .. you know, they act like kids! There’s a need for thoughtful loving discipline.

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Folly is in a child’s heart .. but in our world we no longer object to it. For some DISOBEDIENCE is “cute”. Probably the only verse people know from Proverbs is “Spare the rod, spoil the child!” True but needs unpacking. Pandora’s box eh!?

Hopefully the legacy we leave and maintain through life is that our kids will find Christ .. love Jesus and serve him. They’ll see that modelled by parents that love them.

NOW .. before we finish up it’s important to emphasise again that there are no PROMISES here .. in fact .. I’ve seen all manner of different scenarios.

Some Christian parents have been kind and loving .. sacrificial in training and raising their kids but their children have rejected Jesus and want nothing to do with church, God Christianity .. as you may know one of our sons, raised by the same parents, same instruction and training but at age 15 came to us and said “I can’t be a hypocrite .. I don’t believe the things you taught me” .. the other 2 are firm in their faith

Now I wasn’t the perfect father .. nor the best husband .. there are deep regrets .. there was baggage from my up-bringing .. I’d love to have another go at Fathering .. in some ways ?!

I’ve seen families where they have not really had an emphasis on training .. pretty slack .. casual attendance at church but at some stage kids have embraced the Christian faith and served on the mission field or gone to Bible college fired up to do whatever God would have them do

I don’t understand that

In some families parents/and or a spouse are converted late in life .. pretty hard to start family routines that revolve around Christ .. but not impossible.

CONCLUSION

Many ancient writers saw it as a great privilege to raise their children and the pursuit for the good , the true, the beautiful - Socrates, Cato, Cicero, Tacitus, Plato, Aristotle - all wrote of the link between the virtuous life and happiness which until very recently, underpinned 2000 yrs of parenting and education in the West

Many ancient writers saw it as a great privilege to raise their children and the pursuit for the good , the true, the beautiful -

Socrates, Cato, Cicero, Tacitus, Plato, Aristotle - all wrote of the link between the virtuous life and happiness which until very recently, underpinned 2000 yrs of parenting and education in the West

They were saying things like this to children “Pray to God, Love your parents, Keep the company of good people, Don’t drink too much, Preserve modesty, Don’t sneer at the poor, Greet freely (make others feel welcome) Don’t laugh at anyone, overcome your parent with patience, Don’t party too much. ...

“Now most parenting books are strong on “micro-parenting” - how to change a nappy, 5 ways to make meaningful eye-contact with your child, how to know if your child is using drugs - but they seem to have forgotten the purpose of it all”

Andrew Mullins

Aristotle told us that “happiness is the reward of virtue” and yet we get sucked in to looking for happiness in the things we do / have done THAN in who we are

Marcus Aurelius proclaimed “Life is short” and while Reebok adds the advice “Play hard” Aurelius said “So keep yourself a simple and good man, uncorrupt, dignified, unaffected, a friend of justice, God-fearing, gracious, affectionate, and manful in doing your duty”

Happiness and success are the links in the West in 21st century

For us dads there are real pressures here - our success is seen in the job we do - the income we generate - what we can “provide” for our family and “being in tough with our feminine side”

Andrew Mullins went on to say “Spoiled children will not easily seek happiness in virtue but rather in Nintendo and at McDonalds”

Parenting / FAMILIES are now at the cross roads - much is at stake - lets get the focus right .. lets understand and apply GOD’S WISDOM

Joseph Kennedy had some goals and vision for his sons but left them with no lasting character - his example was confusing

Ann Ortland describes children as “wet cement” for the first seven years which is a good description and wise counsel - but it is never too late

There are a number of confused kids - angry kids - exasperated kids … anxious kids .. and they come from all sorts of backgrounds - even confused Christian kids

Are we preparing our children to be godly men and women who know how to be righteous and indeed act with righteousness - esp when we are not around

Sometimes we've done our best and, sad as it is, kids still go off the rails - keep praying

Are we training our children that happiness is a result of how much money we have - is that what we are modelling - is that what our conversations centre around - is that the constant worry in our households ?

I know the work our families put in to be Christ focussed. Keep up the good work - know the Lord’s well done. Don’t give in to the pressure of the World’s “wisdom”

God’s encouragement is there for all who seek Him - put God first … seek His glory and He will direct your path and be near you as you seek to be the family He wants you to be