Winning by Surrendering, part 2: Glorify God

Intro

Story of conflict.

One day in September 2017, Chy-Niece Thacker, from Richmond, was pulled over by a Henrico County Police officer while on the way to a job interview. However, as she went to grab her license and registration, Officer Jenkins said: “Don’t worry about pulling anything out.”

It turned out Thacker was pulled over by Officer Jenkins as both her brake lights had gone off. ” I just want you to know that your brake lights are out,” the kind officer told her.

“I’m immediately upset, because I just got them replaced like last month,” Thacker wrote in a Facebook post.

Thacker had been having a problem with her brake lights for quite a while, and she even told the cop that the mechanic wanted to collect US$600 to test the wiring of her vehicle.

Then Officer Jenkins reacted in a way she didn’t expect: “He looked at me like and told me to pop the trunk. He checked the lights in the trunk and tapped them, but they didn’t come on. So he told me to pop the hood to check the relay box then asked me to get out to check the other one.”

Jenkins checked the connections on the tail lights and soon after had Thacker safely back on the road, on her way to her job interview.

Conflict definition...

Thacker was touched. “He could’ve easily given me a ticket, but Officer Jenkins stepped out of officer role and into mechanic role to make sure I was straight. #HesABlessing,” she wrote.

In an interview with WTVR CBS 6, Thacker said that the officer told her that he cared more about her safety than about giving her a ticket. “I don’t want anyone slamming into the back of you,” she recalled Officer Jenkins saying.

Thacker’s post recalling the heartwarming incident has since garnered more than 486,000 reactions and over 97,000 shares.

Needless to say, the story warmed the hearts of Thacker’s Facebook friends and many online netizens. “Sweet really brought tears to my eyes. God is Good! Glad you are alrighty,” one wrote.

“I’ve had a run-in with Officer Jenkins as well!! He did the same for me when I had a tail light out. He gives VA cops a good name,” another remarked.

Another shared: “I also had a policeman stop me just to tell me that my brake light wasn’t working and that he just wanted to let me know because it is a hard thing to notice on your own car. Didn’t need assistance like this but was nice that he was considerate and helpful!”

In fact, The Henrico County Police also shared Thacker’s post and wrote the following note to her on a Facebook post:

“Thank you Chy-Niece Thacker for sharing this about one of our officers. We are so proud of our officers, especially when we see citizens share things like this. Above and beyond the call of duty, Officer Jenkins. Service to our community is what it’s all about.”

Officer Jenkins gives the true meaning to public service with his display of kindness … what do you think?

This is a story about a conflict that had a happy ending.

He could have been hard-nosed. You should have done a safety check before heading out. It’s not my fault if your light is out....This would have made the situation worse. Especially when police and community relations are so tenuous. Rather than enforcing the law, he chose to help her comply.

She could have responded to the officer’s actions of pulling her over and been rude, short tempered, and defensive. That could have made the situation worse.

The leader here set the tone. She responded by obeying instructions and pulling over. And the officer was kind, pleasant and helpful in interpreting the situation and applying the law.

There was a conflict. Her vehicle was not in compliance. It was supposed to be in legal working order. And the officer is a law enforcer.

He chose to resolve the conflict by offering grace, and going the extra mile to help get her into compliance.

He understood the reason for the law, which is to help people have safe vehicles on the road.

This was a healthy and good conflict. It lead to needed change, and the way they communicated allowed for a resolution to unfold.

********Notes to include*********

Conflict definition...

We aim to live in this area, to operate in this area. Yet it is slippery. Next thing we know we are not working on overlooking, reconciling, etc. Or we may feel lost or inadequate to work through the peacemaking steps. Sometimes there is a large amount of healing or grieving that must occur before being able to find responsiveness to working through the peacemaking steps. Sometimes on both sides. Other times it is one sided. As leaders, Christians, we wait patiently, ready to move forward when the person or persons are ready.

Definition of forgiveness…[MAYBE THIS WILL COME ON NEXT PART OF SERIES?]

We win by surrendering to Christ, the gospel of grace.

*********end of notes**********

​ CEB10 The thief enters only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came so that they could have life—indeed, so that they could live life to the fullest.

Unhealthy conflict is an impediment to living life to the fullest.

So we should be aware of conflict in our lives and handle it accordingly.

Conflict

Conflict is a difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires.

The Four Primary Causes of Conflict

1. Poor Communication2. Differences in values, goals, gifts, calling, priorities, expectations, interests, or opinions.3. Competition over limited resources, such as time or money.4. Can be caused or aggravated by sinful attitudes and habits that lead to sinful words and actions.

1. Poor Communication

Example of going to the wrong place..

2. Differences in values, goals, gifts, calling, priorities, expectations, interests, or opinions.

Church board handling a matter where two ministries are in conflict over the use of the FH on same date for different events.

3. Competition over limited resources, such as time or money.

Time: all of us with family are conflicted how to best divide our time between family work church friends, etc.

4. Can be caused or aggravated by sinful attitudes and habits that lead to sinful words and actions.

Like say pride, being too proud to admit that the position taking isn’t in the best interest of the group, but will keep arguing anyway.

In light of the fact that these things can lead to unhealthy conflict...

And that we are reminded in the first part of this series that...

God made us to live life to the fullest. ()

John 10:10 CEB

10 The thief enters only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came so that they could have life—indeed, so that they could live life to the fullest.

CEB10 The thief enters only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came so that they could have life—indeed, so that they could live life to the fullest.

It is in our best interest to be aware that Too much Unhealthy conflict is an impediment to living life to the fullest.

Too much Unhealthy conflict is an impediment to living life to the fullest.

So we should be aware of conflict in our lives and handle it accordingly.

Conflict is not necessarily bad.

For example…how the officer stopped the lady for her brake light violation.

She felt she needed to keep going to her interview. The officer felt she needed to stop. A conflict over time, ideas, purpose, etc...

That was good conflict and it ended well...

However, there should be some red flags waiving if it seems like we are going from one conflict to another in our lives, in family, at work, and even in the church. And especially if these conflicts begin or often rise to unhealthy conflicts.

If the unhealthy, unresolved, debilitating conflicts seem to plague you or it seems that our church goes through one season of deep conflict after another, then perhaps...

The reason is because god is calling us to be reconcilers and to learn and use the many tools available to make every effort to maintain peace. I believe there is something going on bigger in our lives, inside the church and outside. A greater work of reconciliation is needed where we serve as an example to others. We need to realize that challenging conflicts in our lives and even the ones in the church are an opportunity to rise to the occasion and handle ourselves with dignity, integrity, and courage.

We are being called to a ministry of reconciliation.

We can actually become excited and lit up for Christ as we face the challenge of conflict.

We can actually become excited and lit up for Christ as we face the challenge of conflict.

Hook church on ah ah.

[Inside a new way of thinking to get lit up and energize. Hook church on ah ah.]

We don’t need to be running from conflict. We are to be looking for areas where we need to reconcile.

And we are to reconcile in a way that it leads to healthy conflict that is resolved in a healthy way.

Reconcile With God. The gospel tells us it’s through Jesus, the ultimate reconciler. He has a ministry of reconciliation. Look at the whole purpose of the sanctuary service in teaching this idea.

We are called also to reconcile with...

Reconcile with family...

Reconcile with friends...

With neighbors

Co-workers

even church family.

On this graphic, we see laid out the three types of responses to conflict.

Responses to Conflict

Attack

Escape

Peacemaking

Fight or flight is almost natural for all of us.

Most of us need to strengthen the peacemaking responses.

It’s a slippery slope.

Slippery Slope

********end**********

Glorify God

We aim to live in this area, to operate in this area. Yet it is slippery. Next thing we know we are not working on overlooking, reconciling, etc. Or we may feel lost or inadequate to work through the peacemaking steps. Sometimes there is a large amount of healing or grieving that must occur before being able to find responsiveness to working through the peacemaking steps. Sometimes on both sides. Other times it is one sided. As Christian leaders, we wait patiently, ready to move forward when the person or persons are ready.

Instead of focusing on our own desires or dwelling on what others may do, we will rejoice in the Lord and bring him praise by depending on his forgiveness, wisdom, power, and love, as we seek to faithfully obey his commands and maintain a loving, merciful, and forgiving attitude

********end**********

We deal with conflict differently than the world.

It is inevitable we will have conflict. It’s how we deal with it that sets us apart.

We are called to a higher standard.

Biblical Ways to Deal With Conflict

Surrender to Christ, the gospel of peace

Surrender to Christ. (Col. 3:12-15)

Colossians 3:12–15 CEB

12 Therefore, as God’s choice, holy and loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Be tolerant with each other and, if someone has a complaint against anyone, forgive each other. As the Lord forgave you, so also forgive each other. 14 And over all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. 15 The peace of Christ must control your hearts—a peace into which you were called in one body. And be thankful people.

Here we see a guide for when we experience conflict. This is a way to shine and stand out above the way the world handles conflict.

This it the point I already made. Be thankful during conflict. I hope you see why. It’s because it gives an opportunity for setting a new tone, new culture, a new way of doing things.

We can be thankful because we have surrendered to Jesus. Winning by surrendering...

Our new and better way of dealing with conflict begins with surrendering to Christ and it then continues, the momentum propels us to then...

Make every effort to maintain peace. (Eph. 4:3)

We are careful, humble, prayerful.

Ephesians 4:3 NIV

3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

This leads to a desire to operate and among people using the tools from the peacemaking responses area.

Me (How do I struggle with this?)

So I try to live in this peacemaking area. Then when I am caught off guard, challenged, I slip and begin to not function at a high level in these areas.

One More Way to Outline a Sermon

We (How do we all struggle with this?)

All of us are in this together. In our own families, we slide down the slippery slope and maybe communicate poorly and then the next thing we know we are escaping, defending, or attacking, and in no frame of mind to deal with full and consistent use of the peacemaking responses. Later in this series we will explore another dimension of living in the peacemaking response zone, while not being fully aware of or fully committed to our part of the reconciliation process.

Today I will note that sometimes...

We sometimes put up barriers that inhibit good reconciliation or slow it down drastically.

A Seattle man took exception to a car-share vehicle that was parked without permission at his duplex. So he built a fence around it. Dan Smith told KIRO-TV he doesn't know who parked the car2go Mercedes May 17, but it wasn't one of his tenants. He contacted Share Now, the company that operates car2go, and gave them two hours to move the vehicle. A few hours after that, he erected the barricade, preventing other customers from using it. He wants the company to pay $65 a day in storage fees, $300 for the fence, and up to $500 for "harassment fees." In a written statement, Share Now suggested that might amount to extortion. Spokesman Tim Krebs told the AP on Thursday that the company is seeking help from the police.

A Seattle man took exception to a car-share vehicle that was parked without permission at his duplex. So he built a fence around it. Dan Smith told KIRO-TV he doesn't know who parked the car2go Mercedes May 17, but it wasn't one of his tenants. He contacted Share Now, the company that operates car2go, and gave them two hours to move the vehicle. A few hours after that, he erected the barricade, preventing other customers from using it. He wants the company to pay $65 a day in storage fees, $300 for the fence, and up to $500 for "harassment fees." In a written statement, Share Now suggested that might amount to extortion. Spokesman Tim Krebs told the AP on Thursday that the company is seeking help from the police.

"We will not allow anyone acting with ulterior motives, including anyone attempting to extort our business by holding our property illegally, to prevent us from providing transportation to the citizens of Seattle," the company's statement said. "We would like to avoid taking legal action and hope for a quick resolution." The company said it has been unable to remove the sedan because of the fence. Its policy requires customers who park in unapproved areas to pay any towing and ticketing fees; repeat offenders are banned from the service. Smith says if the police tell him he's in the wrong, he'll cooperate, because he doesn't want that much trouble. But he said he has rights to control his property, and Share Now had made no arrangements and offered no compensation to use it.

God (What does the Bible say about this?)

State the principle.

What does the Bible say about dealing with conflict?

Instead of focusing on our own desires or dwelling on what others may do, we will rejoice in the Lord and bring him praise by depending on his forgiveness, wisdom, power, and love, as we seek to faithfully obey his commands and maintain a loving, merciful, and forgiving attitude.

Biblical Ways to Deal With Conflict

1 Corinthians 10:31 CEB

31 So, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, you should do it all for God’s glory.

God says to glorify him in everything.

1 Corinthians 10:31 CEB

31 So, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, you should do it all for God’s glory.

Glorify God in everything. ()

Instead of focusing on our own desires or dwelling on what others may do, we will rejoice in the Lord and bring him praise by depending on his forgiveness, wisdom, power, and love, as we seek to faithfully obey his commands and maintain a loving, merciful, and forgiving attitude.

So it also applies to our conflicts. We will have them from time to time. Yet we are given the tools so that we can resolve them or deal with them so that they are not overwhelming our lives.

So it also applies to our conflicts. We will have them from time to time. Yet we are given the tools so that we can resolve them or deal with them so that they are not overwhelming our lives.

We become stronger by going through conflict, and better equipped to handle the next thing that comes in our way.

Before and during our attempts to work through conflict and reconcile we should do our best to glorify god in the process. In fact, by doing so, we are better prepared to work through the conflict because we will be on the right footing…surrendered to Jesus.

(; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ).

Explain the principle.

Ways to Glorify God During Conflict

Romans 12:17–21 CEB

17 Don’t pay back anyone for their evil actions with evil actions, but show respect for what everyone else believes is good. 18 If possible, to the best of your ability, live at peace with all people. 19 Don’t try to get revenge for yourselves, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath. It is written, Revenge belongs to me; I will pay it back, says the Lord. 20 Instead, If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. By doing this, you will pile burning coals of fire upon his head. 21 Don’t be defeated by evil, but defeat evil with good.

repay evil for good. Don’t try to get revenge. Punishment is God’s department. Feed enemies.

Repay evil with good. (Rom. 12:17-21)

Don’t try to get revenge. Punishment is God’s department. Feed enemies.

Joshua and Rubenites in . As they saw a second altar built on the other side of the Jordan, an apparent violation of the law, and a cause of division among them. Now there was confusion. Their first thought was to repay evil with evil. Two altars. Does the second one distract from the real one? It’s against the rules to build a second altar.

They went from zero to murder from the word of gossip. Without a word from the Lord, they set out to war, to kill the rebellious family. They thought the act of rebellion of Gad, Rubenites, and half of Manasseh would impact all of Israel. So they took matters into their own hands and got their weapons of war ready. They sent out 10 commanders, trained in war, along with Phineas, son to the high priest, to at least inquire what was going on. However, it turned out that they set up the second altar for a purpose of teaching their children about God in their context of not being able to get to the true altar due to being so far away. It was a witness that they were followers of God. And it was a violation and caused division. Yet the purpose was to teach, but not to be in rebellion. It made sense to leadership and they were reconciled and understood better and allowed the altar to remain since it was not for the purpose of replacing the true altar on the other side of the Jordon.

Imagine how much better that situation would have been if they had not jumped to war efforts so quickly? Think of all of the stress that was in the hearts of the camp as they waited to hear what was happening with the delegates sent out to handle the matter. That could have been avoided if there was a better relationship happening between the two camps on either side of the Jordon. They would have been in consultation with each other from the beginning and known about they plans, inquired before hand. Gotten the opinion of each other.

God helped them work it out without bloodshed. Without repaying evil for evil.

Feeding someone in need.

Dumper....example

Philippians 4:4–7 NIV

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Pray and let God worry about our troubles. (Phil. 4:4-7)

rejoice, be glad in the Lord. Pray and give up anxiety. Practice doing this.

Colossians 3:1–4 CEB

1 Therefore, if you were raised with Christ, look for the things that are above where Christ is sitting at God’s right side. 2 Think about the things above and not things on earth. 3 You died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with him in glory.

Focus on Jesus and His grace to avoid the conflicts of this world. (Col. 3:1-4)

Focus on Jesus and what he has done for us. And this world will grow dim.

And this world will grow dim.

1 Peter 2:12 CEB

Live honorably among the unbelievers. Today, they defame you, as if you were doing evil. But in the day when God visits to judge they will glorify him, because they have observed your honorable deeds.

Christ will help us grow and develop to use the wisdom from above to be pure, fair, merciful, etc...

Live honorably among unbelievers. (1 Pet. 2:12)

Live honorably among unbelievers. All that we do to work things out among ourselves as a church that goes through conflict, gets us prepared to live honorably among the world, showing them how we can live in peace while respecting others opinions.

All that we do to work things out among ourselves as a church that goes through conflict, gets us prepared to live honorably among the world, showing them how we can live in peace while respecting others opinions.

Can we also apply this to say, Live honourably among those with whom you are in conflict?

You (What should you do about this?)

Apply the principle.

surrender to Jesus, let the love of christ compel us…to make every effort to maintain peace.

We should take care to work on these areas in order to achieve resolution to our conflicts. Without making every effort, looking out for the interest of others, putting others first, we will have little hope to see any kind of peace in our lives.

GLORIFY GOD in how we work through conflict, in how we live peacefully in order to avoid unhealthy conflict.

We (How can we all live this out together?)

Illustrate the principle.

fgaFGA

 Bisagno, J. R. (2002). Principle preaching: how to create and deliver purpose driven sermons for life applications (p. 14). Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers.

Attend training, anger management, leadership development, discipleship classes.

Adrian Rogers outlined sermons using four phrases:

• Hey You! (Get the audience’s attention)

apply what you learn.

Be patient with one another.

How to Apply

Attend training classes and seminars.

Practice, practice, practice.

Be patient.

And those of us who are duly elected leaders are held to a higher standard to go out of our way to work with those who are in conflict with us.

God is calling us to be reconcilers. To go and make peace. And in due time, we will find ourselves less often embroiled in unhealthy conflict.

• Look! (Examine the Scriptures)

• See! (Explain the passage)

Join in a commitment to win by surrendering to Christ and glorifying God during periods of conflict.

• Do! (Make application)

Andy Stanley is famous for one-point preaching, but really breaks his messages into five movements:

• Me (How do I struggle with this?)

• We (How do we all struggle with this?)

• God (What does the Bible say about this?)

• You (What should you do about this?)

• We (How can we all live this out together?)