Self Control -Part 4

Being attractive without having to look good – Self Control

God’s Extreme Makeover - Part 4

“But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, He will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”  Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT)

I. The Picture

1. Self control defends against ______________________________

“A person without self-control is as defenseless as a city with broken-down walls.” Proverbs 25:28 (NLT)

1. Self control leads to ______________________________

“…Knowing God leads to self-control.  Self-control leads to patient endurance, and patient endurance leads to godliness.  Godliness leads to love for other Christians, and finally you will grow to have genuine love for everyone.”  2 Peter 1:5-7 (NLT)

II.  The Problem

1. You always ______________________________.
2. There's many ______________________________.

3.  We try to fix the _______________ instead fixing _____________________.

III. The Plan

1.  Realize I'm ______________________________.

“Sin is no longer your master, for you are no longer subject to the law, which enslaves you to sin.  Instead, you are free by God's grace.” Romans 6:14 (NLT)

“I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will give you mighty inner strength through his Holy Spirit…May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love.  And may you have the power to understand…how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love really is.  May you experience the love of Christ…then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”  Ephesians 3:16-19 (NLT)

2.  Recruit ______________________________.

“Fools think they need no advice, but the wise listen to others.”  Proverbs 12:15 (NLT)

3.  Resign ______________________________.

“For when I tried to keep the law, I realized I could never earn God's approval.  So I died to the law so that I might live for God.  I have been crucified with Christ.  I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”  Galatians 2:19-20 (NLT)

“As we know Jesus better, His divine power gives us everything we need for living a godly life….And by that same mighty power…He has promised that you will escape the decadence all around you caused by evil desires.”  2 Peter 1:3-4 (NLT)

To develop self control, I must ______________________________power, I must believe that God can, and I must ______________________________!

!!! Being attractive without having to look good – Self Control

God’s Extreme Makeover - Part 4

We’ve been talking about real attraction coming when we deal with what’s happening on our inside and allowing God to do His part changing us from the inside out.  Things we can’t do on our own power. 

We’ve been taking a look at being spiritually attractive by looking at a passage in the New Testament, Galatians 5, commonly known as the fruit of the Spirit.  Circle one word with me – “controls.”  “When the Holy Spirit controls our lives He will produce this kind of fruit in us – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.”  Self-control is what we’re talking about today.

What is it about self-control?  What do we want self control with?  Your thought life.  Your emotions.  Words.  Relationships.  Habits.  Food.  Beverages.  Whatever it is we’re thinking, How do I control those things so they don’t control me. 

Lacking self control is kind of embarrassing, isn’t it?  Because when you lack self-control it leads to failure.  Then it leads to these feelings of hopelessness.  “Am I ever going to shake this addiction?  Will I ever be free?  It’s got such a control over me.”  It just makes us look bad. 

The image that comes to my mind about lacking self-control is Pig Pen.  You remember Pig Pen, Charlie Brown’s friend?  Pig Pen is this guy who would go through life and he had this cloud following him wherever he went.  It was a stink cloud.  It was nasty.  It was ugly.  Wherever Pig Pen went, that cloud just kind of loomed around him.  That’s what I think the lack of self control is like.  It’s just this stink cloud.  It’s with us wherever we go.  Pig Pen couldn’t blame that cloud on anybody else.  And unfortunately we can’t blame our lack of self control on anybody else.  There’s nobody to blame but us. 

As I step into that cloud, that area where we lack control, and look around, I see that cloud is filled with hurt and pain and betrayal and woundedness.  One of the reasons we lack self control is because we have some of these deep hurts from our past and in our present.  And when anybody has a hurt what do you want to try to do?  You want to try to make that hurt go away.  You want to feel better.  So what you do is you try to control the pain to make the hurt go away. 

Let’s think of a very obvious illustration.  When you’re physically sick.  When you’ve got some physical pain.  When I’ve got a congested head, when I’m achy, when I’m coughing – things like that.  I want to make the pain go away so what do I do?  I reach for medication.  My medication of choice is Nyquil.  I don’t drink alcohol but I do take Nyquil.  In the ingredients it says “Jack Daniels and food coloring.”  That’s what it is!  I love it!  It’s great.  It doesn’t make the symptoms go away but you really don’t care because you’re just so tired.  They came out with Dayquil!  Oh yes!  I’m hoping now they come out with Early Evening-quil!  That would just make the package.

What’s the point?  When I’m hurting I want to feel better.  And that principle that’s true in my physical world is also true in my inner world.  And this cloud that brings about pain from my past and my present, I want to make that pain go away so what I’ll do is I’ll reach for a medicator to medicate my inner world.  And some of us what we do is we reach for food.  Or alcohol.  Or shopping.  Or drugging.  Or sexing.  Or working.  Or busying.  Or rescuing. Whatever it is – to make that pain go away.  These medicators become our temptations because when they work so well it’s hard to not want them again.  They worked before.  I want to feel that way again.  So all of a sudden these medicators become our temptations and we can’t control them.

The good news of this message and this whole series is that God deeply cares about your pain.   He cares so much that He said, “I want to control your life and I want to control your life and develop in you self control so you don’t have to be dominated and defeated by those things that make you miss out on living life to its fullest.”  Like the previous messages what I want to do is I want to go after this message by looking at the Biblical picture.  I want to look at the problems that keep us from self control.  And I want to go after a plan that if you’re willing to put into your life I think you’ll walk out of here with a lot of help and hope.

I.    The PICTURE

The Biblical word for self-control is “temperance” which means restraining one's thoughts, feelings and actions. This idea of inner strength is that we learn how to restrain our passions, desires and appetites.  Why does God want us to retrain our desires and appetites?

1.    Self control defends against temptation and destruction. 

That seems pretty clear.  Proverbs 25 “A person without self control is as defenseless as a city with broken down walls.”  Circle “walls.”  That word “walls” means “walls of protection.”  You want to protect something. 

What do you want to protect?  Your life.  You want to surround your life with walls.  You want to fortify it.  Why?  Because when the walls come down is when the temptors and medicators begin to take over.  What else does the Bible have to say about self control?

1. Self control leads to godliness and love. 

This is a great passage.  “Knowing God leads to self control.  Self control leads to patient endurance.  Patient endurance leads to godliness.  Godliness leads to love for other Christians.  Until finally you will grow to have genuine love for everyone.”  In that cycle it says self control leads to godliness and love. 

I’ll bet you that you would like your life to be characterized as godliness.  And if you wouldn’t say that I bet you would says, “You know what?  I want to be seen as a person who loves.”  We want that.  It resonates with us.  This picture is strong.  So how come we don’t have self control? 

ii.   The problem

There are many more problems than the ones I’m going to give you.  These go from easy to more difficult.  A few problems that keeps us from having self control. 

       1.  You always need it.

That self control switch always has to be on in your life.  You can never let your guard down. This is the problem.  We always have to exert some self control in how we think and what we say and what we do. 

You sitting here today, right now during this message, you are exerting some self control.  You’re exerting self control not to stand up and sing, not to make noise.  I saw someone yawn.  He did not exhibit self control!  It’s not that difficult!  Now that I’ve said, “yawn” many of you are going to think about it and do it.  Now exhibit self control!  You’ve got to have self control.

As I stand on stage I have to have self control.  During the sermon most people go into television watching mode.  They watch the TV but the TV is not watching them.  But I am watching them.  I see all the little faces, the yawning, I see fingers disappear into noses occasionally. There are thoughts that come to my mind.  Why is that a problem?  Because it takes a lot of self control for me not to burst out laughing at some of the things that happen in church.

       2.  There's many methods to help me escape.

I can get in the cycle of "self medicating."  Think about medication for a second.  We can access it any place we want.  Life becomes like a 24-hour pharmacy that medications are there.  They’re there on the lower shelf.  I can get to them at any time.  You tell me what your medicator is of choice and the world that we live in B.C. you can get to it anywhere you go.

If Shopping is your deal, there are shops everywhere.  There are malls everywhere.  When they actually close, (some of you know they actually do close) then you can go home and you can watch TV and you can shop on TV because they have a shopping channel.  And if you don’t want to do the shopping channel you can go to the Internet and shop for 24 hours a day.  You might as well go through life pinning money onto your clothes and say, “Take it.  Take it.  Take it.”  Everywhere you go it’s there.

What about food?  Food is a medicator.  This one doesn’t seem fair because we've got to eat to survive!  Because that is true, there is marketing all over the place.  They put pictures of food on the TV, on billboards, everywhere.  These pictures make their food look really, really good.  I see that picture, I want to go in there.  And then you get it and it doesn’t look anything like it.  And the guy behind the counter doesn’t care.  He hates his job.  He hates that you’re making him work.  Some of these guys hate personal hygiene.  It’s always marketed to you.  

My point is this.  You don’t have to search very far for the temptations in today’s world.  They’re everywhere. 

3.  We try to fix the problem instead of fixing ourselves.

When it comes to some of these problems that we have what we try to do is we try to fix the problem instead of fixing ourselves. This is why people go from one hang-up to another.  Because they have simply fixed the problem instead of going deeper and fixing themselves.

See if you can track with me.  Shopping.  Instead of saying, “I need to fix myself.”  We say this, “I’m going to fix the problem.  I’m going to cut up my credit cards and I’m not going to go to anything that’s on sale.  I’m not going to go to sales.”  You’re trying to fix that as opposed to this. 

We do this with food.  We try to fix the food and make the food work for us.  Let’s just take out all the taste of all the food and we try to fix the food.  I’m ok eating Styrofoam rice cakes for the rest of my life.  We want the food to work for us.  That’s a superficial deal. 

What about pornography?  Pornography is big.  And it’s not just men.  Thirty percent of pornographic users are women.  We say, Let’s fix the computers so I don’t get porn into my house.  If I'm trying to fix the problem out of the question: “How do I fix my computer?”  If I want to fix myself, then I asked the question: “What’s so broken inside of me that has me pursuing counterfeit intimacy over a screen, that has me feeling guilty, that has me playing games, that has me hiding and going after counterfeit intimacy?”

That’s why I want to go after the plan.  To move toward a life of self control and inner strength and temperance, I must…

III. The PLAN.

1.  Realize I'm not a slave.

It’s a theological truth.  It’s a God truth.  It’s these five words: I am not a slave.  In the midst of temptation, when you’re reaching for that medication, whatever it is to ease the pain, what I want you to do instead is grab on to that phrase that says, “I am not a slave.”  I am not a slave to this.  I don’t have to be a slave to this.  Where does that come from?  Romans 6 “Sin is no longer your master.  [Underline “sin is no longer your master”]  You’re no longer subject to the law which enslaves you to sin.  Instead you are free [circle “free”] by God’s grace.”  I’m no longer a slave to sin and God has given me the ability to win.  To win over this. 

If you forget everything I talk about today, don’t forget this.  Don’t miss this one point.  I want you to see this.

In the Light.

A sinful life creates a very small world, a box that you become trapped inside.  But because of God's grace he comes to you and your little box and shatters it so that now I’m free.  I don’t have to be dominated by a life of sin.  I am free.  I am no longer a slave to that sin.  I am no longer in the box.  Next time that cycle is about to kick in and you know the cycle that I’m talking about – the cycle that goes like this: there’s the temptation, when I give in I feel failure and when I fail then I feel guilty and then I feel so guilty I’m thinking to myself “I’ll never get over this again.”  It’s this cycle that beats people down.  Before you get into that cycle, just start here and intellectually go, “I’m not in the box!  I'm not a slave to this!” 

For some of you that thing that is controlling you, maybe you get a little card and write, “I am not a slave,” and you put that by it.  You put it by your credit card.  You put it by the mouse on your computer.  God has given me the freedom to walk away from that.  I can be free!

Ephesians 3 says, “I pray that from His glorious unlimited resources He will give you mighty inner strength [that’s self control] through His Holy Spirit.  May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love and may you have the power to understand how wide, how long, how high and how deep His love really is.  May you experience the love of Christ and then you’ll be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”  It’s all about God’s love controlling me so that I have the inner strength to control the other things in my world.

The true power for self control isn’t in people.  It’s in a person, Jesus.  When He hung on the cross and He sacrificed His sinless life to pay for my sins to shatter the box that controlled me.  When you experience the love of Christ it fills you with confidence that for the first time in your life you can have self control. This is not just psycho-babble talking.  This comes right from God’s word. 

2.  Recruit some friends to help

I need some help because I will never know these things unless somebody tells me. Your struggle with self control will get so much easier when other people know what you struggle with.  Those of you who have been here for a long time, you know what one of the values is at our church.  It’s to do life with other people.  To invite the right people in for the journey. 

Jesus modeled this.  He invited some guys, “Come on.  Let’s do this together.”  When you read the New Testament you read the instructions from the apostle Paul.  He was wise enough to understand that we can’t do things alone.  Much of my spiritual growth has happened in the context of relationships.  Other people have helped me.  Proverbs 12 “Fools think they need no advise but the wise listen to others.”  I know that I need people in my life. 

I wonder if as you’re sitting there you really feel you need somebody else.  Do you really feel like you need somebody else in your life?  I do.  I need somebody to help me, to love me, to motivate me, to encourage me, to hold me accountable, to ask the tough questions.  I need somebody to be so honest with me and ask, “Bruce, are you going after that goal for your own or are you doing it for God?”  I need safe friendships that can allow me to be vulnerable and say, Here’s what I’m struggling with, and, Here’s where I need help.  And I’m really hurting in self control and that area right now.  Safe places. 

The third one ties it all together.  If you want self control

3.  Resign our control.

If you want self control you’ve got to give it all up.  You might be saying, “Does that make sense that to get self control I’ve got to give up control?” Yep!  God has some wonderful, what I would call, upside down principles in the Bible.  They’re really kind of fun.  At first they don’t seem to make sense.  But in real life they work.  To really live, I must die.  To win, I must lose.  To be great, I must serve.  To be first, I must be last.  And to get self control, I must give up control. 

The first word I had you circle on your notes, When the Holy Spirit controls your life.  Here’s the weird part, the fun part, the exciting part, the mysterious part.  God wants to control it but He wants you to live it.  God wants to control my life but He wants me to live it.  As a matter of fact He wants me to live it to its fullest.  When He does control it, He comes inside and He begins to develop this self control in me.  His presence is the only thing that can heal some of the pain from that stink cloud in my life.  When He heals the pain He gives me the help to say no to those things that are destroying me.  You give it up so that Christ comes in. 

Galatians 2 “For when I tried to keep the law, I realized I could never earn God's approval.  So I died to the law so that I might live for God.  I have been crucified with Christ.  It’s no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.  So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”  See what that says?  God’s approval can’t be earned. 

Here’s how it all ties together.  When you give it up and His presence comes in, His presence brings inner strength and inner strength brings self control and when you have self control it leads to a more fulfilled life, a life that God wants you and I to live.  I’ve experienced this.  I’m a testimony to what God can do in a life that was out of control.  I want you to experience it as well.  2 Peter 1:3-4 “As we know Jesus better, His divine power gives us everything we need for living a godly life….And by that same mighty power…He has promised that you will escape the decadence all around you caused by evil desires.”   As you know God better, He gives you the power to escape those things that are tempting you, that are medicating you, that are controlling you.  What a great truth, that He gives me everything that I need. 

Here’s how I bring it all together, the sermon in a sentence:  To develop self control, I must realize that I can't do it on my own power, I must believe that God can, and I must be willing to let Him!

It is my prayer that this series has set you up to see what could happen when God’s Spirit invades your life – your personal life – that you might experience His Extreme Makeover that only happens from the inside out.  My prayer is that you and I would be attractive in the things that really matter in God’s eyes.

Prayer:

      Maybe right now as we pray you might say a silent prayer and say, “God, I can’t!” Those words are powerful words.  Maybe say, “God, I need You.  God, I’m willing to give You control.”  He hears the desires of your heart. 

      God, thanks for today.  What we really need is for You to control our lives.  We need Your presence to heal our pain.  We thank You that Your presence brings approval and Your approval brings inner strength.  We can control the temptations that normally defeat us.  God, we want to be more attractive.  We ask for Your extreme makeover.  We ask for it in the name of Jesus.  Amen.