The Perils of Passive People
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Intro:
1 It happened in the spring of the year, at the time when kings go out to battle, that David sent Joab and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the people of Ammon and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem.
1 Then the Lord sent Nathan to David. And he came to him, and said to him: “There were two men in one city, one rich and the other poor.
Today, as we celebrate Father’s Day, I want to speak on the subject of [The Perils of Passive People].
There are two categories that help describe people according the behavioral studies, passive, reactive, and proactive people.
Passive is defined, accepting or allowing what happens or what others do, without active response or resistance.
Reactive is defined, acting in response to a situation rather than creating or controlling it.
Proactive is defined, creating or controlling a situation by causing something to happen rather than responding to it after it has happened.
Reactive is defined, acting in response to a situation rather than creating or controlling it.
Proactive is defined, creating or controlling a situation by causing something to happen rather than responding to it after it has happened.
Proactive is defined, creating or controlling a situation by causing something to happen rather than responding to it after it has happened.
Let me give a few examples of these three types of people:
Say we got a letter that contains bad news, a proactive person might say, “I should ask for help.” A reactive person might rip up the paper and get angry. A passive person might say, “there is nothing I can do.
Or pretend we get in a heated discussion and the other person makes an accusation against us, a proactive person might walk away and think about what was said about us. A reactive person might hit them and yell. And a passive person might look down and not deal with the situation.
Finally, say we are working on a project, it gets hard and we get frustrated. Proactive people will calm down, take a break and ask for help. A reactive person might get mad, complain, and take it out on other people. A passive person would give up and stop working.
As I read this, I thought about myself. At different points in life, I have been reactive, passive, but my goal is to be proactive. As we think of people in scripture there are plenty of people who fit into the three categories.
We have just finished out study through the life of Joseph, I would view him as a proactive man. He was diligent to see a problem and trust God to give him the wisdom to provide a solution.
I think about Peter, he would have been more reactive than proactive. He was the one who reacted: we will never deny you. He reacted in the garden by cutting off a man’s ear. He reacted to seeing Jesus by jumping fully clothed into a lack.
Today, I want to look at a man who many would assume to be proactive. Surely King David was the most proactive man of the Old Testament. He saw a problem, he used wisdom for provide a solution.
When a lion and bear attacked the sheep. David didn’t hang out and think, there is nothing I can do. Instead, he killed them with his bare hands.
When Goliath blasphemed the name of the Lord, David walked passed his passive brothers and a passive King Saul, and was proactive in killing the enemy.
When Jonathan told David that King Saul wanted to kill him. David was proactive, he got out of dodge and hid in a cave.
When he became king and realized that the Ark of the Covenant was in the hands of the enemy, David was proactive. He got it back and placed it in Jerusalem.
Whenever an enemy came against the people, David wasted no time in leading the army to defend the people God called him to serve!
From the outside looking in, David was a proactive king, man, and father. But something happened in David. At some point, he settled, he got comfortable, and he became complacent.
We read of it in our text. It was time for the kings to go out to war. Normally David would be proactive. He would have rallied the troops. He would have worked with Joab to finalize the battle plans.
But this time, he did the opposite. he stayed home. With the king at home and all them men out to war, David had a lot of time on his hand. He looked out his window and noticed a woman on her roof.
David reacted, he invited her over and gave into temptation. His reactive decision led David on a downward spiral of passivity the rest of his life. He became passive in his leadership as king, as a husband, but most importantly, as a father.
Instead of leading his family in the ways of God, David adopted a passive mindset, choosing to do nothing. Being a passive father is perilous for the family. I want to look at three problems that follow people who are spiritually passive.
When the Prophet Nathan confronted David, he described the problems that would follow David.
10 Now therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised Me, and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’
:
[The Problem of Revolting Behavior], [The Problem of Reckless Behavior], and [The Problem of Rebellious Behavior].
Let’s begin
1. The Problem of Revolting Behavior
1. The Problem of Revolting Behavior
2:
15 Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Arise, be gone!” 16 So she said to him, “No, indeed! This evil of sending me away is worse than the other that you did to me.” But he would not listen to her. 17 Then he called his servant who attended him, and said, “Here! Put this woman out, away from me, and bolt the door behind her.” 18 Now she had on a robe of many colors, for the king’s virgin daughters wore such apparel. And his servant put her out and bolted the door behind her.
After David succumbed to temptation, he developed a passive mindset. Instead of leading his family, he withdrew and left them to their own devices. The writer of 2 Samuel tells us the story of David’s son Amnon.
Amnon had a half-sister named Tamar. He fell in love with her to the point it consumed his thoughts. These thoughts turned into actions when Amnon’s friend devised a plot for Amnon to give into his revolting temptation.
He pretended to be sick and requested Tamar to make him a meal and come take care of him. When she entered the room, he ordered everyone out of the room. When Amnon was alone, he made his move.
A
But Tamar refused, she knew it was revolting and an abomination in the sight of God. Nevertheless, Amnon would not take no for an answer. She told Amon, ask the king for my hand in marriage, he will permit us to marry, but do not disgrace me and take advantage of me.
Amnon refused and assaulted his sister. However, once he forced himself on her, the love, or should I say lust, turned into hate. Amnon forced her out of his home, refusing to look at her.
She left, crying bitterly at this revolting injustice. She ran to her brother Absalom’s house.
20 And Absalom her brother said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this thing to heart.” So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house. 21 But when King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.
Absalom heard what Amnon did and was beside himself with anger, planning how he would avenger her sister. What did David do? He was angry. That is all that scripture tells us about David and this situation.
David’s passive leadership within the home led his son to fall into revolting behavior. Then when he heard about it, he refused to do anything, he remained passive.
2. The Problem of Reckless Behavior
2. The Problem of Reckless Behavior
22 And Absalom spoke to his brother Amnon neither good nor bad. For Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar.
David’s refusal to get involved with the revolting behavior of Absalom, caused Absalom to become reckless. Chapter 13:23 tells us Absalom waited two years before he did anything.
Think about that, in those two years, David remained passive. He stayed quiet and did not deal with the conflict within his family. He did not talk to Amnon about his sin. He did not talk to Absalom about his anger.
So Absalom devised a plan, his father was passive, Absalom would be reactive. He went to David and asked if all of the king’s sons could come to Absalom’s home for a feast.
David passively answered, we do not want to be a burden. Absalom then request Amnon. His request should have been a red flag to David.
He should have known the bitterness Absalom carried against Amnon, but his passivity led to giving into David’s request.
28 Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, “Watch now, when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon!’ then kill him. Do not be afraid. Have I not commanded you? Be courageous and valiant.” 29 So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and each one got on his mule and fled.
Absalom instructed his servants, once Amnon is having a really good time, strike him and kill him. The servants obeyed and after two years of anger and hatred Absalom exacted his revenge.
Because the leader of the home was absent, his son turned to reckless behavior. Both brothers were wrong, one was revolting, the other reckless.
When David heard, it should have been a wakeup call. He should have rose up as the proactive head of the household and dealt with the dysfunction, instead he remained disconnected.
30 And it came to pass, while they were on the way, that news came to David, saying, “Absalom has killed all the king’s sons, and not one of them is left!” 31 So the king arose and tore his garments and lay on the ground, and all his servants stood by with their clothes torn.
2 Samuel 13:
37 But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day. 38 So Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there three years. 39 And King David longed to go to Absalom. For he had been comforted concerning Amnon, because he was dead.
30 And it came to pass, while they were on the way, that news came to David, saying, “Absalom has killed all the king’s sons, and not one of them is left!” 31 So the king arose and tore his garments and lay on the ground, and all his servants stood by with their clothes torn. 32 Then Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, answered and said, “Let not my lord suppose they have killed all the young men, the king’s sons, for only Amnon is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar.
37 But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day. 38 So Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there three years. 39 And King David longed to go to Absalom. For he had been comforted concerning Amnon, because he was dead.
2 Samuel 13:
I am sure we have noticed that word does not always spread accurately, especially in a tense situation. Word got to David that Absalom killed all of the king’s sons.
David tore his clothes, fell to the ground and wept. After some time, the other sons came home and informed him it was just Amnon that died.
Had David been more involved, he would have dealt with the reckless behavior of Absalom. Instead, he did nothing. He longed to go after Absalom, maybe to punish or to reconcile, but instead, he did nothing.
Because of David’s passive parenting, his sons became revolting, reckless, but the worse was not over...
3. The Problem of Rebellious Behavior
3. The Problem of Rebellious Behavior
25 Now in all Israel there was no one who was praised as much as Absalom for his good looks. From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him. 26 And when he cut the hair of his head—at the end of every year he cut it because it was heavy on him—when he cut it, he weighed the hair of his head at two hundred shekels according to the king’s standard. 27 To Absalom were born three sons, and one daughter whose name was Tamar. She was a woman of beautiful appearance. 28 And Absalom dwelt two full years in Jerusalem, but did not see the king’s face.
2 Samuel 14:
After three years of living in the shadows because of his reckless behavior, Joab worked with Absalom to manipulate David and allow Absalom to return home.
When he come back to Jersualem, David should have met with him. He should have confronted him and attempted to bring a resolution to the dysfunction in their family.
It is obvious Absalom was not a trustworthy person. He killed his brother. It is obvious he was an arrogant person. He would cut his hair, weigh in on a scale and get everyone’s attention.
It is obvious that he was not a forgiving person. He still held on to hurt of what Amnon did to his sister. He named his daughter after his sister.
He was attractive and
Absalom wanted to see the King, but for two years, he refused to meet with Absalom. It had been seven years since Amnon’s revolting behavior and five years since Absalom’s reckless behavior, and the king still did NOTHING.
33 So Joab went to the king and told him. And when he had called for Absalom, he came to the king and bowed himself on his face to the ground before the king. Then the king kissed Absalom.
2 Samuel 1
Finally, through the manipulation of Absalom, Joab reunited David and his reckless and rebellious son. David forgave him, but he made a huge mistake.
Had David been the proactive king he once was, he would have forgiven Absalom, but not relinquished him to do whatever he wanted. Let’s read what Absalom did:
But, David
2 Samuel 15:
1 After this it happened that Absalom provided himself with chariots and horses, and fifty men to run before him. 2 Now Absalom would rise early and stand beside the way to the gate. So it was, whenever anyone who had a lawsuit came to the king for a decision, that Absalom would call to him and say, “What city are you from?” And he would say, “Your servant is from such and such a tribe of Israel.” 3 Then Absalom would say to him, “Look, your case is good and right; but there is no deputy of the king to hear you.” 4 Moreover Absalom would say, “Oh, that I were made judge in the land, and everyone who has any suit or cause would come to me; then I would give him justice.” 5 And so it was, whenever anyone came near to bow down to him, that he would put out his hand and take him and kiss him. 6 In this manner Absalom acted toward all Israel who came to the king for judgment. So Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.
Standing just outside the gates of David’s home, Absalom stole the hearts of the people. Instead of defending his father or pointing people in the right direction, he took advantage of his passive father.
He knew by this point, hid father was disengaged and distracted, so Absalom took advantage. The story of David and Absalom is one of my favorites. It it too long to finish in one message. Next Sunday, I will show how David woke up and did the right thing next week.
But in this portion of David’s life, his kingdom was beginning to crumble because his family had a passive father. Instead of leading by example, he disengaged, causing his son to rebel against his father, and ultimately against God.
Close:
I realize this may not be the most encouraging Father’s Day message ever preached, but a few months ago as I read my bible, this thought came alive to me.
We live in a day and age where absentee fatherhood is the norm. Statistics show that 1 in 4 children are raised in a fatherless. When this is the case:
These families have a 47.6% poverty rate
individuals from these homes are 279% more likely to deal drugs
90% of runaway or homeless kids come from fatherless homes
85% of youth in prison come from fatherless homes
However, when a father is involved in the life of their child:
46% less likely to use drugs or alcohol
33% less likely to resort to violence
59% more likely to get better grades
In his 2003 study, Robbie Low discovered,
if a father does not go to church, no matter how faithful his wife’s devotions, only one child in 50 will become a regular worshipper. If a father does go regularly, regardless of the practice of the mother, between two-thirds and three-quarters of their children will become churchgoers
The role of a father in the home changes everything. David, with all of his great qualities, attributes, and legacy, for a time in his life, he became a passive father.
As a result, his children became revolting, reckless, and rebellious. By the end of the story with David and Absalom, he became more proactive in raising his children in the things of God.
But his time of passivity caused problems for his family and his kingdom. David is an example of a passive father, but I want to look at a proactive Father.
16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
God the Father looked at the sins of humanity. We were revolting, reckless, and rebellious. Yet He did not look at shrug His divine shoulders and tell the angels, “we just have to let them find their own path. Hopefully they can figure out how to live for us.”
No, He was proactive in His decision, I will send My Son, He will become their substitute, and they will be able to be reconciled with Me, their Heavenly Father.
I am so thankful God the Father took time to save me in my revolting, reckless, and rebellious behavior. But now, as leaders in our home and of our families, God is calling all MEN to rise up to their place as priests of their homes.
If the father does’t pray, the family will not pray
If the father doesn’t make church a priority, the family will not make church a priority
If the father doers not keep God first, the family will place Him last
If the father becomes passive in his relationship with Jesus, the family will eventually become revolting, reckless, and rebellious!
What then should we do? Men, pray for your families, lead them in the things of God, show them the way to walk, exemplify the faith we have in the Lord!