A View of Friendship

C.S. Lewis: “Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden).”

This statement fits very well with what we read in 1 Samuel 18:1

1 Samuel 18:1 ESV

As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

There are scholars who would share that this was a homosexual relationship between David and Jonathan - a view that has gained popularity with some today.

To quote Bill T. Arnold:

Today’s pro-homosexual interpreters claim the text has forced an injustice on gay readers because the true homosexual nature of the relationship has been suppressed both by ancient editors and modern scholars because of homophobia. Surely, however, it is just as much an injustice to today’s heterosexual readers to subvert the obvious face value of the canonical text and to deny that David and Jonathan could have had a loving commitment to each other that was nonsexual. Are heterosexual men incapable of such deep and abiding friendships? Such readings rob heterosexual men and deny them the right to have a loving, yet nonsexual relationship with other men...it is more important to note that such pro-homosexual readings miss the intended significance of “love” and other covenantal terms in the text.

Arnold, B. T. (2003). 1 & 2 Samuel (p. 272). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

David and Jonathan’s relationship is a deep friendship. It is a covenant - a deep promise that is a commitment between two individuals. C.S. Lewis again on friends:

C.S. Lewis: “It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semiarticulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical, they share their vision — it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.”

As we see it unfold within First Samuel we see the contrast between Saul’s affection toward David and Saul’s family and even Israel.

Saul is “very angry” with David.

1 Samuel 18:10–11 ESV

The next day a harmful spirit from God rushed upon Saul, and he raved within his house while David was playing the lyre, as he did day by day. Saul had his spear in his hand. And Saul hurled the spear, for he thought, “I will pin David to the wall.” But David evaded him twice.

1 Samuel 18:12 ESV

Saul was afraid of David because the Lord was with him but had departed from Saul.

1 Samuel 18:15–16 ESV

And when Saul saw that he had great success, he stood in fearful awe of him. But all Israel and Judah loved David, for he went out and came in before them.

1 Samuel 18:20 ESV

Now Saul’s daughter Michal loved David. And they told Saul, and the thing pleased him.

And then we see a summation of Saul’s feelings towards David,

1 Samuel 18:29 ESV

Saul was even more afraid of David. So Saul was David’s enemy continually.

Do you see the contrast being set up here?

And then we have Jonathan’s friendship. Now remember Jonathan was heir to Saul’s throne. Yet when he first met him he gave David every symbol of that rite:

1 Samuel 18:4 ESV

And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt.

1 Samuel 20:16–17 ESV

And Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the Lord take vengeance on David’s enemies.” And Jonathan made David swear again by his love for him, for he loved him as he loved his own soul.

Now most of you know this story. Jonathan agrees to find out if his father is still trying to kill David. At a feast he discovers that yes, indeed, Saul wants David dead and it is no longer safe for him to be around. Jonathan ftells David, and sends him away in a very tearful scene at the end of chapter 20. They will only see each other again one more time according to the narrator of 1 Samuel and that is in chapter 23.

So what do we learn it means to be a friend? IT’s about sacrifice, it’s about looking out for the other rather than oneself. It is emotional.

Jesus said,

John 15:12–13 ESV

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

In a very real way Jonathan did that for David before Saul. And in a very real way it is what Jesus did for us. And he goes on to say this:

John 15:15 ESV

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.

Friends know one another’s heart.

The relationship between Jonathan and David is one of deep friendship. It involves promises of mutual protection. They are committed to looking out for each other. There is a loyalty in their covenants that is above their relationships to others.

This is a hesed relationship

Hesed is a hebrew word used 246 times to refer to God’s actions that are beneficial towards humans. To quote Bill T. Arnold again

The NIV Application Commentary: 1 & 2 Samuel Bridging Contexts

In essence, ḥesed is the life-sustaining grace of God that makes it possible for humans to have a loving relationship with him.

David recognizes that Jonathan will come under incredible pressure to support Saul, and yet trusts in and knows that their promises will hold.

What drives this whole text forward is the idea of fidelity in the covenanted relationship between David and Jonathan. This is the central message to us, and it speaks powerfully. Our society longs for models of relationships that have permanence and lasting commitment.

The concept of hesed-faithfulness in this text holds up a model for all of us in our marriages, and in our friendships. It teaches us about making decisions ahead of time, and mutual dependence. IT goes against the pop culture that says, “Until something better comes along.”

The idea of hesed loyalty that we read about between David and Jonathan provides a basis of understanding commitment to all of our fellow human beings - our family relationships, our church partnerships, and our larger commitments to the society within which we live.

“As David and Jonathan were faithful in their responsibilities to each other, so may today’s church be faithful in her responsibilities to the world.”