Hey Dad, treat me like God treats you!

A FATHER'S LOVE

Bud Welch was, indirectly, one of the victims of the bomb that destroyed the Alfred P. Murrah building in Oklahoma City in April, 1995. His 23 year old daughter died in the explosion; Bud struggled for years to overcome his grief—first through rage, then through an addiction to alcohol, and, finally, through forgiveness.

He recalls an incident that took place shortly after the bombing—one that he suppressed for many years. He had seen Bill McVeigh, father of convicted bomber Timothy McVeigh on TV. Bud says:

"...when he [looked at the camera] I could see a deep pain in his eye...I recognized his pain immediately, because I was living with that same pain." [Newsweek, June 18, 2001, page 30]

As a father, Bud understood the pain that Bill McVeigh was experiencing. Fortunately, very few fathers will ever have to experience that kind of pain—that kind of shame. Because even though he didn't detonate the bomb, he must have felt in some way responsible. He's probably heard the verse in the Bible that says...

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. ()

And maybe he's asking himself: Where did I go wrong? Where did I fail? Whether they believe the Bible or not, most people understand the principle that Solomon taught—that parents are largely responsible for the way their children turn out. If their kids succeed, they're proud. If their kids fail, or become rebellious, they blame themselves.

<SHOW CLIP: Gladiator> In the movie "Gladiator" Caesar Aurelius has a son named Commodus. Early in the story, Aurelius tells his son that he will not become Emperor of Rome after he dies. Commodus gives a long speech, saying that he realizes he could never live up to his father's expectations. Commodus says, "All I ever wanted was to please you." Aurelius says, "Commodus, your faults as a son, are my failures as a father."

OUCH!!! right Dad? There's such truth in that statement. We have such desire for our children; to see them succeed and become productive and valuable. But more times than not, our own failures become their faults.

Now that doesn’t mean that dads are necessarily responsible for everything their kids do wrong. Nor does it mean that if you are the best father you can be, your son or daughter will never stray; that they will never become rebellious and drift? No guarantees of that either.

Jesus told a story of a father who, for all intents and purposes, was a model father, yet had a rebellious son. He was a good father whose son made some awful mistakes. Actually, the father in this story is a picture or example of our Heavenly Father. Our Heavenly Father is a perfect father, and yet sometimes we, his children, disobey him.

But this story in the gospel of Luke shows us how our heavenly father responds to us when we sin, and it shows us fathers how we need to respond to our children's rebellious, sinful actions and attitudes.

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There are a ton of principles in this account, but Dads, can I encourage you to strive for two main things this story tells us? Just two; two things, if you will bear in mind, will certainly make a difference with your kids….because you will be treating them as God treasts YOU.

1. Be Sure to Build a Foundation for your Children to build on

My favorite verse in this story is verse 17. It says...

(v. 17) When he came to his senses...

Do you know what that implies? It implies that for him to come to his senses, dad must have spent the time building sense into him. Fathers, it's our job to make sure our children have "senses" to come back to; it's our job to give them a strong and level platform to return to when and if they must return to the foundation.

Psychologists say one of the primary characteristics of kids in dysfunctional families is that they have to guess at what "normal" is. Because their home life is erratic and unpredictable, they thus assume it's that way for everyone. As they get older, they begin to realize that not every family is like theirs:

there are actually some parents

who don't scream at each other 24/7

there are some families that don't end every conversation with profanity or a slammed door

there are some fathers who don't work 70-80 hours a week

there are some kids who don’t have to fix there own dinner practically every night And on and on and on

The problem is that these kids lack a solid foundation. It’s no wonder they grow up drifting in the wrong directions. And parents, we can’t try to comfort ourselves with the old cliché “Well, they have to find there own way in life. They’ll come around eventually.” There is no guarantee of that! If the right foundation hasn’t been laid…there’s no guarantee they will go on to build with integrity! Our kids will usually take what we do further. In most cases, whatever “inch” they see us take…they take it a mile.

Example: A friend of mine said, “Hey, nothing wrong with a casual drink now and then. I’m not staggering around the house yelling at everyone.” Well, that may be so, and I wouldn’t argue that it’s going to keep you out of heaven, but the issue is the kids. How can you guarantee they will practice the same moderation? YOU CAN’T! What guarantee do you have that when life gets tough they won’t reach for the drink to take the edge off, and subsequently build a dependency upon it? YOU HAVE NO GUARANTEES THEY WON’T!

“It’s not worth the risk!” I told him. It’s just not worth the risk!

What kind of foundational principles should we establish for our kids? They are the same principles are Heavenly Father uses with us. Here’s a few big ones:

Love Covers It All. You need to show them and you need to tell them that there is nothing they could ever do that would stop you from loving them. When I use the corrective “FATHER” voice at home with Jonathan he gets all melancholy. After a while he’ll come over to me and ask, “Dad, do you still love me?” Ouch! It hurts. And it’s not because I went over the top with the “FATHER” voice. It’s because Jonathan hasn’t figured it out yet that even at that time, my love does not cease. Correction is a part of love.

Some men have a hard time saying, "I love you."

Dennis Byrd was a defensive back for the New York Jets. One of the most surprising things about he and his team mates was the way the often ended there conversations with one another. They’d end by saying, "I love you." Isn’t that incredible. Big tough lumps of muscle who like to hit each other hard…ending with “I love you Dennis.” And dads, I want to say that if professional football players can bring themselves to say it to each other, so can you with your kids. Make a point to say it often so that they are not shocked when they hear it. Let it become a natural statement from dad’s mouth.

They also need to know that they are not alone when they blow it. When they have a problem at school, or at the game, or on the job, they need to know that they don't have to face it by themselves. They need to know that when they have made a mistake and really blown it and feel like nobody loves them because of it…that you are the exception, and you are right there with them.

I'm not saying solve all their problems for them. They need to learn responsibility--but, in doing that, they need to know that you are there, by there side.

Third, they need to know the difference between right and wrong. J. Edgar Hoover once told the nation, "Send your children to Sunday School so they don't end up in reform school." That's certainly a start, but they also need to see those "Sunday School" values lived out at home. Don’t send mixed messages. Be consistent when it comes to what is right and what is wrong. And the only way I know a dad can instruct between what is right and what is wrong is if knows it himself. That means, Dads, we have an obligation and responsibility to our family to stay fresh with God and to allow His Holy Spirit access to our hearts. Conviction of right and wrong must begin with us.

So, not only should dads Be Sure to Build a Foundation for our kids to build on, secondly, and finally this morning.

2. Be Quick to Show Forgiveness

When the Prodigal Son came to his senses and decided to return home, his father saw him approaching from a distance. The father then did something that was, at that time, very unusual. Normally, a father would wait to be addressed by the son and to receive some indication of respect before responding. This father didn't wait at all. He was quick to show forgiveness. The Bible says...

(v. 20)...he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

The son began the speech that he had, no doubt, practiced all the way home...

(v. 21) "Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son."

But the Father didn't wait to hear the rest. He said to his servants...

(v. 22-24) "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."

What do you do when your children repent? Do you fold your arms and say, "You're going to have to prove you mean business before I believe you!"? As time goes on, do you remind them again and again of the mistakes they've made? Or do you allow them to bury the past?

I have a rule at my house: we don't remind one another of our past mistakes. If we have to ground one of them for their behavior or attitude, it's never brought up again.

We need to deal with our children the way our heavenly father deals with us. According to the Bible, when he forgives, he forgets. Isaiah writes...

In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back. ()

Micah the Prophet writes...

Once again you will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean! ()

Listen, your kids are going to make mistakes throughout their lives. If you have given them a solid foundation, they will eventually come to their senses and repent. When they do, forgive them, celebrate with them, and then bury their sins in the past—and throw away the shovel.

Don't make your children grovel and wait for your forgiveness. Deal with them the way your heavenly father deals with you: forgive them immediately and totally.

Some parents may say, "But I don't want to be taken advantage of again and again and again." Fine, and nor should you.

But you can forgive without being taken advantage of. You can forgive without condoning. You can forgive without being a pushover.

CONCLUSION

Do you know what this story illustrates? A father's love for his son. If you want to be an effective father, build a foundation for your children, a foundation of love, security, and morality...a foundation upon which they can build their lives. A foundation they can come back to if they ever wander away.

Be quick to forgive your children when they fail, because they certainly will. We did. When they do, they need to know forgiveness is available.

You can't do it in a day; it actually takes a lifetime. It takes a commitment to treat your children the same way your heavenly father treats you. That's a father's love.