(Eph 5:21-6:4) A Christ Honoring Family

Nathan Sehi

Fathers Day • Sermon • Submitted 5 years ago

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Our families are called to honor Christ in all that we do. We know this from passages that address individuals. But we also know this based on the order of the household in Ephesians 5:21-6:4. This passage teaches us that a Spirit lead life (5:18) leads a family to honor Christ in their God-given roles. A family who is lead by the Spirit in this way is one that brings glory to God, peace to their family, and is a beacon of hope to the lost.

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INTRODUCTION:

As we begin here, I want to wish all the Dad’s happy father’s day and we truly hope you have blessed Father’s day today.

But as we begin - I would love to ask...

If you were to consider your lives this morning – If you could do one thing for God, what could you do that would bring Christ the most amount of glory?

We may have different thoughts on that perhaps.

For some it might be the missions field

others, and might be something here at the church.

Some might say, caring for the hurting and the brokenhearted.

We almost always think that it is got to be something big and massive.

There are certainly many things we can add to on this list, But what amazes me is that we almost never mention the one area that is closest to us.

Our homes.

According to our text - The spirit led life is one that honors Christ with our family relationships.

Our passage is a little longer this morning - but I hope to provide a broad challenge to how we can honor Christ with our family relationships.

As we look at this passage, I am trying to give us a mile-high view.

And so if I don’t go into every detail - is because I can only say so much in an 1/2 hour.

And so really I am preaching on the main verb and theme of each section this morning rather then the individual details.

Romans 5:21–6:4 ESV

21 so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. 1 What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? 2 By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? 3 Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.

And it is not by accident I choose this passage for Father’s day and not mother day.

Because I believe that Dad’s bear the greatest responsibility for honoring Christ with our families.

Ephesians 5:21–6:4 ESV

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Romans

Eph 5:216:4

As we begin to look at our text,

We have to remember that this flows out of a spirit lead a life.

talks about submitting, but that verb is subordinate to verse 18.

Ephesians 5:18 ESV

18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,

Ephesians 5:18 ESV

18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,

Ephesians 5:18–21 ESV

18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Eph 5:18

And then flowing out of that text - Paul tells us how that Spirit lead life should impact our family relationships.

>>>> It is adding to and modifying what it means to live a spirit filled life.

If the Holy Spirit is leading and guiding you and shaping your life,

then it ought to be leading and guiding and shaping your family for Christ.

From our text,

The people in my life who admire the most for their Christian service have a surprisingly common story.

Their fathers went out of their way to teach them the Christian faith.

If you take time to listen to why they do what they do –

they'll say what my dad always thought,

or my dad always said.

Is not to say that

– if you didn't have a dad like that

Or you were too foolish to listen to dad

then all is lost.

This morning I hold the sharpest teaching tool in the world – one that easily overcomes the failures of our dad's.

Yet if I was honest, which is the greatest teacher of the Christian faith?

The church?

Certainly Sunday school teachers, pastors, and fellow Christians have done much for the work of Christ.

The church is a great tool in God's arsenal - to train us.

And yet in many cases - Dad’s power far surpasses anything a Sunday school teacher or pastor could do.

> Even if we were to send our kids all off for four years of Bible college - they could not replace the influence of dad.

Our dads have the power to shape heart minds of their children,

to bring the teachings of the faith beyond mere head knowledge,

and to truly cause children to consider what the power of the cross can do with their lives.

Being a dad is one of the gravest and most important responsibilities we can ever have.

This morning, I come to you with a passage.

If you think I am overstating the case

Have you ever heard a child pray

10,000 Sermon Illustrations Just Like Daddy

Just Like Daddy

A teardrop crept into my eye as I knelt on bended knee;

Next to a gold haired tiny lad whose age was just past three.

He prayed with such simplicity “Please make me big and strong,

Just like Daddy, don’t you see? Watch o’er me all night long.”

“Jesus, make me tall and brave, like my Daddy next to me.”

This simple prayer he prayed tonight filled my heart with humility.

As I heard his voice so wee and small offer his prayer to God,

I thought these little footsteps someday my path may trod!

Oh, Lord, as I turn my eyes above and guidance ask from Thee;

Keep my walk ever so straight for the little feet that follow me.

Buoy me when I stumble, and lift me when I fail,

Guard this tiny bit of boy as he travels down life’s trail.

Make me what he thinks I am is my humble gracious plea

Help me ever be the man this small lad sees in me!

Source unknown

And - in fact, the responsibility goes to ways.

Children

I mean, consider - According to our text this morning

PROP: We ought to honor Christ in our family relationships.

TRANS: And this text gives us 4 principals for how to do that.

Principal #1, following the order of our passage.

Wives Should Subject Themselves to Their Husbands.

1) Wives Should Subject Themselves to Their Husbands. (, )

I realize this is perhaps one of the most difficult passages for ladies to hear. And if I was in the business of avoiding discomfort and controversy – I certainly would not bring this up on Father's Day.

I do not wish imply that ladies are inferior by any means.

But I cannot talk about honoring Christ in our families and not talk about the role of mom.

My my goal is not to be demeaning or imply the ladies are inferior.

Interestingly, if I was to talk about being led by the Spirit. Nobody would object.

In fact, might even lean in and listen more because you want the power of the Holy Spirit in your life.

And why wouldn't you?

The Holy Spirit -

Gives Joy. ()

He Convicts us. ()

He takes our prayers to the father. (intercedes) ()

He Strengthens us. ()

And no one gets mad if I say the Holy Spirit does that for us.

May I challenge us – if you want the Holy Spirit's work in your life, then you must understand the Holy Spirit empowers the Christian wife to subject herself to her husband.

((((Again, this teaching on submission is flowing out a verse 18, where we are told to live a spirit led life.))))

Observe in your text – what that spirit led wife looks like.

Ephesians 5:22–24 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Eph 5:2224

So according to this passage.

- The husband is to be the head of the home.

- To put that in parenting context – the father is the head of the home.

In fact, so much is he the head of the home that wives are to subject themselves to their husband,

just as they subject themselves to Christ.

[[[Which is a pretty bold statement, when we consider that we are to consider Christ as the King of Kings, and the Lord of Lords.]]]

May I briefly challenge us - the egalitarian view, which simply a view that there is no authority difference between husbands and wives.

The word “submission” or “subjecting” yourself - is voluntarily placing yourself under the authority of your husband.

CAVEAT:

And as I say that,

Wives and moms - this is a part of your faith. You do this as a devotion to Christ, not necessarily a love for your husband.

- I am not saying don’t love your husbands, but I am saying this is part of honor Christ in your lives.

- Just as you would avoid adultery to honor Christ, wives ought to place themselves under their husbands, as a devotion to God.

And as I say that,

Husbands ought to be careful not to be the Holy Spirit here.

I have seen this verse be used by husbands as an accusation and guilt trip against their wives.

- But Wives placing themselves under their husband ought to be their own conviction, as part of their living out the Gospel and obeying the Scriptures.

- Not you manipulating and nagging them.

And their is a settle, but important difference between the two.

Submission is about faith and love for God, not about guilt.

And we will talk in a few minutes about what to do when your wife doesn’t fo

Back to wives,

BACKGROUND:

The issue over submission would have been just as difficult for women in Paul’s Day.

The struggle of subjecting yourself to your husband is nothing new.

In fact this may have been even more difficult command at the time of Paul.

Assuming this is going primarily to a Roman audience

– we know that husband's rule was with absolute authority and power in the Roman Empire.

And many women resented that.

- And so in many cases divorce was just as common if not more, in their day.

- And some have attributed it because the law gave husbands so much authority.

Ruther – there was a clause in Roman law that allowed a wealthy, noble woman to have complete autonomy once their father passed away.

- And those women who could fall under that clause wore that right like a badge of honor.

- A coveted position in society.

And those women who could fall under that clause wore that right like a badge of honor.

EXHORTATION:

And let’s be honest - sometimes this is hard.

But let’s be honest -

In the ideal world, this easy when husband do their part.

It is easy to place yourself under a husband who loves you like Christ.

But all husbands have times where they are not Christlike.

When your husband is making foolish or sinful decisions.

When your husband lives as an angry tyrant.

When your husband ignores you and is indiffirent.

It is hard.

But we do this primarily irrespective to your husband, because it is devotion to God.

If you love Christ, and want the Gospel and the holy-spirit to shape your life >>>> then place yourself under your husband as a devotion to God.

[[[[Obviously this doesn’t include sin or a demand to reject Christ.]]]]]

But even when wives are asked to do something sinful … they are responding with reverence, putting themselves under their husband.

But as a whole,

Christ honoring families have wives that subject themselves under their husbands as a devotion to God.

Now with that – the command is clear.

But if you thought was a hard command - the next is even more challenging.

Because husbands can’t live this way without the help of God and the work of Christ.

Principle #2,

2) Husbands Should Unconditionally, Sacrificially Love Their Wives. (, )

Ephesians 5:25–32 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

Ephesians 5:25-32

Primarily - what is this section talking about?

And so if I don’t go into every detail - is because I can only say so much in an 1/2 hour.

Primarily - what is this section talking about?

That the Holy Spirit leads husbands as the head of the home - to lead with unconditional and sacrificial love for their wives.

To begin with - that means we are not leading sinfully and selfishly.

You can’t say you are loving your wife if -

You are looking at pornography and committing adultery.

You are constantly bursting out in anger and bitterness, citing your list of wrongs.

And at the same time, you can’t say your loving your wife -

if you are ignoring her.

In my experience, most marriages are broken in one of these ways.

Most marriages in our churches are broken in one of these two ways.

I wish I could say we are all Christ-honoring in our marriages … but I honestly would have to say that far more Christian marriages are broken like this then truly honoring to Christ.

They are either controlled by sin - or indifferent to each other....They are opposite extremes, but the picture the unchristlike nature of our marriages.

And in case you think - indifference is better, then you haven’t really watched many marriages.

Gentleman, to many wives are hurt not only by our sin, but indifference to them.

Wives want to be cherished and loved - not ignored.

And we may be te

Wives want to be cherished and loved.

Now at this point -

I remember

And perhaps you think - well that is just a cultural something. It is not bible command.

Yet, consider the love described here.

We are to love as Christ loved - who gave himself up.

Christ wasn’t filled with selfish sin or a - he in perfect

Christ wasn’t filled with selfish sin - he is literally the perfect husband.

Christ wasn’t indifferent - he died for his bride, the church.

Christ wasn’t indifferent - he had a plan to sanctify and cleanse his church.

Christ’s loved the church

That looks a little indifferent in our human lives … but it is still true.

Sin and indifference is not a Christ honoring marriage.

Further

So often, we approach marriage as a status quo.

If she is good to me, I will be good to her.

And then find out you married a sinner … and that doesn’t work.

And you say, but I have a wife that is nagging, and bitter, and nasty to me.

But I challenge you - just like the wife subjects to the husband as a devotion to God,

The Husband ought to love the wife as a devotion to God.

Christ laid the ultimate example of what a husband should be.

He gave himself - that is he was sacrificial.

To sinners - that is he was unconditional in his love.

In fact, the second half of this section takes it a step further and tells us to love our wives as own flesh.

Do you love your body? Then love your wife!

Going back to , he makes the point that marriages should create a unity of one flesh, one body.

And just as Christ loves his body, the church.

We are to love our wives as our own body.

So if I don’t like being sinned against and being ignored … I shouldn’t do it to my wife.

If I would want to care and nourish myself … then I ought to be willing to do that for my wife.

We ought to lead our families with sacrificial, unconditional love for our wives - that is the husbands duty as the head of the home.

Ephesians 5:33 ESV

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

That word respect here - is the word fear, but comes with the idea of reverence.

Husbands are lead the family as Christlike leader who loves their wives,

Wives are to put themselves with reverence under their husband as a devotion to God.

ILLUSTRATION:

Wives are not inferriors … the are fellow heirs to Christ.

But the marriage is not without order.

But what about the children?

How does children fit into a Christ honoring family?

The husband is to act as the head of the family,

I recognize that for many of us at Bethel, our kids

Principle #3,

3) Children Should Obey and Honor Their Parents. ()

Paul continues to discuss what a Spirit lead family looks like.

Ephesians 6:1–3 ESV

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Eph 6:13

So there are two commands here for children.

What should we be teaching the children of the church about their family?

They ought to obey their parents.

Jim Berg makes the point in his changed into his image … the first lesson they need to learn is the word “no”.

In other words - they need to learn to obey their parents.

A child who is taught no … learns they are a sinner.

If you want your children to understand their need for Christ… them tell them “no” for the same thing the 100th time.

They may not always obey … but they at least know they need Christ.

Children who are taught

Further...Children who are believers should be lead by the Spirit in this obedience. Going back to v. 18.

ILLUSTRATION:

Have you ever gone on a diet?

You never really craved this or that … but then you go on a diet and you get incredible cravings for that what you said no too.

One diet book - calls it hangry.

Where you just get so hungary you are angry.

That is how our children can be at times when they are told no.

The flesh doesn’t want to obey.

They become angry that they are told no.

Which is why our children need the Gospel …

- they need the power from sin that comes from Christ dieing on the cross.

- they need the Holy Spirit to lead them into obedience.

Children who are believers in Christ and have Christ at the center of their homes should generally lead to obey their parents.

It is an imperfect, progressively growing in Christ, sorta of reality.

But nevertheless - a Christ honoring home who in the Lord obey their parents.

However,

I recognize that for many of us at Bethel, our kids are grown and out of the home.

Some of us for a number of years.

So why this text?

- First, our younger families need this text … we needed a reminder and challenge to what a Gospel shaped family look like.

But remember -

- If we are truly adding to the church and discipling families … then the older generation needs to be familiar with the passages on the family.

So are discipleship is not pragmatic experience of what worked for my kids … oh that is helpful.

But are Christ - honoring family is not built on human experience, but on the timeless truth of Scripture.

So our older generation still need this passage.

- But further,

But further,

I believe that this passage communicates a timeless responsibility to our parents.

The word “Children” in v. 1 describes children still living in the home.

In Romans culture this would have included early teenagers, but often also adults who remained under the care of their Father.

But for most of us… it is a mute point because our kids don’t live with us anymore.

But quotes the 10 commandments. Honor your father and mother.

Ephesians 6:2 ESV

2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),

Ephesians 6:2 ESV

2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),

Ephesians 6:2–3 ESV

2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

primarily describes children in the home,

but all recognize that describes a never ceasing responsibility to honor their parents.

So first, young children need to learn to honor their parents.

How can they learn to show respect to God they can’t see, if they can’t honor the parents they can see and talk too?

Children ought to learn not simply to obey, but to honor their parents.

Honor goes beyond obedience.

It includes a respect to authority.

It includes putting your self second to the person your honoring.

It means listening and considering their wisdom.

Our kids need to learn to honor their parents.

Outward obedience is not good enough … they need to honor their parents.

[[[Kids that don’t honor their parents in their hearts … run from their parents and often God when they are adults.]]]

And may I say. there is a connect to v. 33.

If mom doesn’t show respect to Dad, then the kids aren’t going to do it.

If mom cuts dad down rather then putting herself under him … then our kids aren’t going to learn to honor mom and dad.

So often the Christian life is not simply taught, but caught.

And our kids will more likely catch our attitude then our words.

And our kids will more likely catch our atttitude

But even our adult children, who don’t live in the home have a responsibility to mom and dad.

So if mom is not being lead by the Spirit to subject herself … then the kids are going to learn the opposite.

Adult children ought to give proper to their parents wisdom. ()

tells us we have denied the faith if we don’t care for our parents.

And the word honor caries a certain reverence for our parents - regardless of our age.

A Christ honoring family teaches children to obey and honor their parents and may I say by extension grandparents.

But what about parents - how do parents honor Christ?

Principle #4:

4) Parents Should Teach Their Children Gospel Living. ()

Is your children full of anger and disobedience?

Part of that is they are sinners and children… and sinners are known for anger and children are known for their folly.

So let’s not be to hard on the children.

At the same time, many times children are responding to the parenting of their parents.

Ephesians 6:4 ESV

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Wives are not inferriors … the are fellow heirs to Christ.

[[[This says fathers, but often this word can refer to parents in general.

But the marriage is not without order.

Certainly by principle we can say that as well. ]]]

We have responsibility not to provoke our children to anger.

ILLUSTRATION:

You can just think … what is it like if you have a hypocritical, incoherent, tyrant as your boss.

A bad boss can spoil and provoke many problems in the workplace.

However, the boss goes home at night, but parents you live with.

And so if a parent acts like a hypocritical, incoherent, tyrant … then you are probably going to provoke your children to anger.

If you are a parent here … consider how others make you mad and don’t do it to your kids?

I don’t know if hypocrisy, incoherence, and tyrant are in this passage.

But they are three ways I know by experience we provoke our children.

We as parents need to live the faith we confess … and teaching them that faith.

Now you can’t give what you don’t have…

If you don’t believe Christ saved you from your sins by dieing for you … then you can’t expect your children too.

If you are not in the Scriptures learning and growing … then you can’t expect your children too.

So this is both a call to faith and a call to teach. (similar to )

A Christ honoring family has parents who put to death the old nature and are constantly growing in the knowledge and power of the resurrection.

CONCLUSION:

The husband is to act as the head of the family,

So this morning,

That you wan’t Christ to receive the praise and honor of your family.

And if that is so -

I challenge us to consider the 4 principals found in .

This morning,

1) Wives Should Subject Themselves to Their Husbands. (, )

2) Husbands Should Unconditionally, Sacrificially Love Their Wives. (, )

3) Children Should Obey and Honor Their Parents. ()

4) Parents Should Teach Their Children Gospel Living. ()

I know this is a challenging passage.

According to Gallup, There has been a steady drum beat of distrust of authority since the 1960s.

And so it should surprise us - that the distrust for authority has entered into our families.

It is easy for the Husband to lead as a selfish, sinful, hypocrite.

It is easy for the wife to second guess the husband.

It is easy for parents to provoke their children to anger.

It is easy for the children to become angry and disobedient at mom and dad.

But it is not easy to live for Christ in our families.

It is one of the hardest things we can ever do.

CAVEAT:

And don’t see this as a demeaning truth.

This isn’t meant to make wives or children feel inferior.

It is simply teaching the order of a Christ-honoring family.

I think of it like a command structure of the military.

The Dad is the Commanding Officer.

The Mom is the Command Master Chief - the principal advisor to the CO.

And the children are all the sailors.

Is the Command Master Chief inferior to the Commanding officer.

And the answer is no - in fact they may know more about leading then the commanding officer.

But the structure keeps order.

Are the sailors less then the CO or Master Chief?

And the answer is no, but the structure keeps every buddy on the same mission.

God’s order for the family is not about inferiority, but order.

What does a family look like when the kids are running the show? A mess.

What does a family look like when mom runs over dad and runs the roost? A mess.

Let’s not forget dad here.

What does a family look like when dad is selfish dictator? a mess.

Think of this wonderful picture here.

Dad is serving like Jesus - unconditionally, sacrificially, with the wisdom Scripture.

Mom - as a devotion to Jesus subjects herself to her husband…advising and encouraging him. (v. 21, 22)

Children - are learning the faith from the parents … being discipled everyday and every moment … learning to honor God by obeying and honoring their parents. (v. 6:1)

Now I asked you - what could do with your life that would give God the greatest honor?

Honor Christ by allowing the Holy Spirit and Scriptures to lead and guide the authority and structure of your family.

You want to know how to better

Marriages who are tired and exhausted from the mess of their marriage.

Parents who are tired and exhausted from the mess their family is in.

And then they see a family who honors Christ in everything they do.

- It is one of the greatest ways you can bring honor and glory to Christ.

- It is one of the greatest ways you can bring people to the Gospel … because your Gospel is actually the goodness it was promised to be.

This Father’s day… may we as families consider how to honor Christ with our family relationships.

This

In every one of these principals,

5) All Our Family Relationships Should Be to the Honor of Christ. (, , )

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