Sermon Tone Analysis

*/The Mutual Duties Of Husbands And Wives \\ Towards Each Other \\ /*By Rev. Richard Baxter (1615­-1691)

Selfish ungodly persons everywhere enter into all kinds of relationships with a desire of serving their ownselves, and gratifying their own flesh without knowing or caring what is required of them.

Their desire is for the honour, profit, or pleasure their relationship will provide them but not for what God and man requires or expects from them.

[Gen 2:18, Prov 18:22] Their mind is concerned only with what they shall have and not for what they shall be and do.

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They know what they want others to do for them, but do not care what their duty is to do for others.

This is the way it is with too many husbands and wives.

We should be very concerned to know what the duties of our relationships are, and how we can please God in our relationships.

Study and do your part and God will certainly do his.

*Direct.

I*.

The first duty of husbands is to love their wives (and wives their husbands).

Eph 5:25, 28, 29, 33.

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.­­

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies; he that loveth his wife, loveth himself.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.­­

Let every one of you in particular so love his wife, even as himself."

See Gen 2.24.

Some directions for maintaining love are as follows:

1. Choose a good spouse in the first place; a spouse who is truly good and kind; full of virtue and holiness to the Lord.

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2. Don't marry till you are sure that you can love entirely.

3. Be not too hasty, but know beforehand all the imperfections which may tempt you to despise your future mate.

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4. Remember that justice commands you to love one that has forsaken all the world for you.

One who is contented to be the companion of your labours and sufferings, and be a sharer in all things with you, and that MUST be your companion until death.

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5. Remember that women are ordinarily affectionate, passionate creatures, and as they love much themselves, so they expect much love from you.

6. Remember that you are under God's command; and to deny marital love to your wives, is to deny a duty which God has urgently imposed on you.

Obedience therefore should command your love.

7. Remember that you are "one flesh"; you have drawn her to forsake father and mother, and to cleave to you; (5)

8. Take more notice of the good that is in your wives than of her faults.

Let not the observation of their faults make you forget or overlook their virtues.

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9. Don't magnify her imperfections until they drive you crazy.

Excuse them as far as is right in the Lord.

Consider the frailty of the sex.

Consider also your own infirmities, and how much your wives must bear with you.

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10.

Don't stir up the evil of your spouse, but cause the best in them to be lived out.

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11.

Overcome them with love; and then they will be loving to you, and consequently lovely.

Love will cause love, as fire kindleth fire.

A good husband is the best means to make a good and loving wife.

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12. Live before them the life of a prudent, lowly, loving, meek, self-denying, patient, harmless, holy heavenly Christian.

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*Direct.

II.*

Husbands and wives must live together.

1 Cor 7:2­5

*Direct III.* Abhor not only adultery itself, but all that leads to unchasteness and the violation of your marriage­ covenant.

[Mat 5.31,32; 19:9; John 8,4­5, of adultery; Heb 13.4; Prov 22.14; Hos 4.2­3; Prov 2.17; 1 Cor 6.15,19; Mal.

2.15; Prov 6.32,35; Deu 23.2; Lev 21.9; 18:28; Num 25.9; Jer 5.7­9]

*Direct.

IV.* Husband and wife must delight in the love and company, and lives of each other.

When husband and wife take pleasure in each other, it unites them in duty, it helps them with ease to do their work, and bear their burdens; and is a major part of the comfort of marriage.

[Prov 5.18,19]

*Direct.

V.* It is your solemn duty to live in quietness and peace, and to avoid every occasion of fierce anger and discord.

* [I.

Directions showing the great necessity of avoiding dissension.]

*

1.

The duty of your marriage­ union requires unity.

Can you not agree with your own flesh?

2. Division with your spouse will pain and upset your whole life ... Just as you do not wish to hurt your own self and are quick to care for your own wounds; so you should take notice of any break in the peace of your marriage and quickly seek to heal it.

3. Fighting chills love, fighting makes your spouse undesirable to you in your mind.

Wounding is separating; to be tied together through marital bonds while your hearts are estranged is to be tormented.

To be inwardly adversaries, while outwardly husband and wife turns your home and delight into a prison.

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4. Dissension between the husband and the wife disrupts the whole family life; they are like oxen unequally yoked, no work can be accomplished for all the striving with one another.

5.

It greatly makes you unfit for the worship of God; you are not able to pray together nor to discuss heavenly things together, nor can you be mutual helpers to each other's souls.

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6. Dissension makes it impossible to manage your family properly.

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7.

Your dissension will expose you to the malice of Satan, and give him advantage for many, many temptations.

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* [II.

Directions for avoiding dissensions.]

*

1. Keep alive your love for one another.

Love your spouse dearly and fervently.

Love will suppress wrath; you cannot be bitter over little things with someone you dearly love; much less will you descend to harsh words, aloofness, or any form abuse. (15)

2. Both husband and wife must mortify their pride and strong self­ centered feelings.

(16 ) These are the feelings which cause intolerance and insensitivity.

You must pray and labour for a humble, meek, and quiet spirit.

A proud heart is troubled and provoked by every word that seems to assault your self­-esteem.(17)

3.Do not forget that you are both diseased persons, full of infirmities; and therefore expect the fruit of those infirmities in each other; and do not act surprised about it, as if you had never known of it before.

Decide to be patient with one another; remembering that you took one another as sinful, frail, imperfect persons, and not as angels, or as blameless and perfect.

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4. Remember still that you are one flesh; and therefore be no more offended with the words or failings of each other, than you would be if they were your own.

Be angry with your wife for her faults no more than you are angry with yourself for your own.

Have such an anger and displeasure against a fault, as will work to heal it; but not such as will cause festering and aggravation of the diseased part.

This will turn anger into compassion, and will cause you to administer care for the cure.

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5. Agree together beforehand, that when one of you is sinfully angry and upset the other shall silently and gently bear it until you have come to your sanity.

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6. Have an eye to the future and remember that you must live together until death, and must be the companions of each other's lives, and the comforts of each other's lives, and then you will see how absurd it is for you to disagree and upset each other.(21)

7.

As far as you are able, avoid all occasions of wrath and quarreling, about the matters of your families.

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8.

If you are so angry that you cannot calm yourself at least control your tongue and do not speak hurtful and taunting words, talking it out hotly fans the fire, and increases the flame; (Do not ventilate your anger as you only feed your fleshly vengeance) Be silent, and you will much sooner return to your serenity and peace.

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9. Let the calm and rational spouse speak carefully and compellingly reason with the other (unless it be with a person so insolent as will make things worse).

Usually a few sober, grave admonitions, will prove as water to the boiling pot.

Say to your angry wife or husband, "You know this should not be between us; love must put it to rest, and it must be repented of.

God does not approve of it, and we shall not approve of it when this heat is over.

This frame of mind is contrary to a praying frame, and this language contrary to a praying language; we must pray together; let us do nothing contrary to prayer now: sweet water and bitter come not from one spring", etc.

Some calm and condescending words of reason, may stop the torrent, and revive the reason which passion had overcome.

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10.

When you have sinfully acted towards your spouse confess to one another; and ask for forgiveness of each other, and join in prayer to God for pardon; and this will act as a preventative in you the next time: you will surely be ashamed to do that which you have confessed and asked forgiveness for of God and man.

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*Direct.

VI.*

One of the most important duties of a husband to his wife and a wife to her husband is to carefully, skillfully, and diligently help each other in the knowledge and worship, and obedience of God that they might be saved and grow in their Christian Life.

1.

This is not love, when you neglect each other's soul.

(26 ) Do you believe that you have immortal souls, and an endless life of joy or misery to live?

Then you MUST know that your great concern and business is, to care for those souls, and for the endless life.

Therefore if your love does not help one another in this which is your main concern, it is of little worth, and of little use.

Every thing in this world is as valuable as it is useful.

A useless or unprofitable love, is a worthless love.

It is a trifling, or a childish, or a beastly love, which helps you but in trifling, childish, or beastly things.

Do you love your wife, and will leave her in the power of Satan, or will not help to save her soul?