01(Gen 13,19) A Tale Of Two Fathers
A couple had been married for 30 years and also celebrated their 50th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy appeared and said because they had been such a loving couple all those years; she would give them one wish each. The wife told the fairy that she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and boom! She had first-class airline tickets in her hand, along with spending cash, travel books, and a new wardrobe. Next, it was the husband's turn. He looked at his wife and said, "Well actually, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than I am. The fairy picked up her wand and -BOOM- suddenly he was 80 years old!
There's a funny story about the unmarried lady who went to church for the first time. She made a large donation. It was a small church, and the pastor was so impressed that he said, "Because of your generosity, we are going to allow you to choose the hymns." She stood up and said, "I'll take him, him, and him."
But single women aren't the only ones looking for a few good men. II Chronicles 16:9 says, "The eyes of the Lord range throughout the entire earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." God is also looking around this planet for a few good men, godly men, so he can make them stronger.
Today, families in America are in trouble. Forty years ago, the "Leave it to Beaver" family was typical. There was a daddy and husband who worked, and the mom stayed home and provided domestic support. Mom and Dad were in their first marriage and every evening they sat down for dinner with their two boys. The typical 21st century family doesn't resemble the Cleavers or the Waltons or the Little House on the Prairie.
For example, in 1960, only 10% of American couples living together were not married. In 1998, 33% of all couples living together were not married. The most typical American family now is two unmarried adults living together with no children. A real part of the problem today is the "Disappearing Dad." It is alarming how many children are being raised without fathers. The National Center for Health Statistics reported recently that births to unwed mothers are at an all- time high. In 1998, 1/3 of all babies were born to unwed mothers. What do you think is going to be the future of America if one out of three children grow up without fathers? And even in those homes where there is a father, he is often not there or too busy to give quality time to his children.
Wade Horn: "If we stay on the current course, one day the U.S. will be known as the country of the founding fathers...with no fathers to be found."
I believe that one of the biggest problems facing the family in America is that men have copped out on being the leaders in their families. God has designated you men to be the spiritual leaders of your family and if you aren't doing that, your family is going to suffer.
This is an age-old problem. As we look to our text today, we find a contrast of two men, both seeking to be the leaders of their families, and both experiencing the consequences of the choices they make as men, both good and bad. What these two experienced represents what each of us, especially the fathers, have or will experience in our lives.
I. Where am I looking?
The possessions of Abram and his nephew Log had grown too large to manage as a single unit. So Abram met with Lot, and in a famous exchange offered to Lot the option of where to take his flocks and possessions.
As the scripture shows us, Lot looked to greener pastures. His decision was based on profit, and he saw the greater opportunity in the luxury of the plains. They reminded him of the luxury of Egypt, and that was the lifestyle Lot now desired more than any other.
Lot looked to Sodom and Gomorrah, and chose to live among those people. This was not entirely a pleasant decision. Second Peter tells us that living among the immoral people of Sodom caused Lot’s righteous soul to be tormented day and night (2 Peter 2:7-8). He, too, had trusted in Jehovah and knew by the Holy Spirit that the things he saw were not right. But Lot chose to do what so many who look to greener pastures choose to do today; he compromised his beliefs. He pushed backed what his conscience was telling him so that he could live among sin.
What looks a little greener to you? To work a little harder, compromise your time with your family a little, in order to arrive at the better pastures of life, are these what motivate you and appeal to the eye?
In verses 14-18 we find that Abram, too, looked to the future. But unlike Lot, who looked to greener pastures, we find that Abram looked to God’s promises. Abram looked where God told him to look. And he tells you today where to look for what is best for your family.
God’s promises are shown when we wait on the Lord to lift up our eyes. In other words, we must allow the Lord to show us the vision he has for our lives and family.
Have you looked to God’s promises, His word as the foundation of your decisions men? It is through His Word that we find the direction He wants us to go as men and as fathers. King David knew that God’s Word was a lamp to his feet and light to his own, personal path in life. It didn’t make sense to David to take a step without first consulting the Word for guidance!
Notice that Abram is never far from worship. Verse 18 says he built an altar to the Lord. He looks to God in worship!
Did you pray before deciding to make your last job change? I don’t mean the prayer after you had decided in your mind to change jobs. Did you pray before the last time you disciplined your child?
In his book, Anchor Man, Steve Farrar says one reason men are failing as husbands and fathers is that we don't devote the time to our wives and children. He says too many men try to be NASCAR men in their relationships. He writes,
"The most amazing thing about a NASCAR race is not the race itself, it's the pit stops. When the driver pulls into the pit, seven men jump over the restraining wall in complete unison. At the rear of the car, the gas-can man inserts the nozzle of an 80-pound gas can into the gas tank. The catch-can man holds it in place while the gas-can man grabs a second can. At the exact same time, the jack man raises the right side of the car so that the rear and front tire changers can get the lug nuts off. As soon as they get those lug nuts off, the tire carriers hand them the new tires, which they quickly put on. The jack man then races to the right side of the car, where the tires are changed by the same synchronized process. He then drops the car off the jack, thus signaling the driver to get out of the pit. These guys fill a 22- gallon gas tank and change four tires in 18 seconds. That is nothing short of amazing."
NASCAR MEN think they can be husbands and fathers in the same way. On Monday morning they start their engines and go roaring off on the fast track to work. Most days the race is so intense and competitive they don't even make it home for dinner. Sometime after 7 or 8 that night they come roaring into the pits. They peck their wife on the cheek, gulp down supper, take a quick look at their daughter's report card, pat their son on the head, and say goodnight as the kids are going off to bed. And the average NASCAR man does it all in 37 seconds, the average time American fathers spend with their children each day. Then this NASCAR man jumps into bed, mumbles g'night to his wife, catches some shut-eye, and gets up real early to get back into the race before the kids ever get out of bed. That's the NASCAR man and that's the reason so many men are running under the yellow caution flag when it comes to their families!
II. How am I leading?
You can tell a lot about your effectiveness as a father in how your family responds in times of difficulty. For Lot, his family ignored Lot’s plea for salvation in chapter 19:12-26. His son-in-laws thought he was joking when he tried to talk of spiritual matters to them. It makes me think he wasn’t known for speaking about the things of God, especially to his own family.
Even his daughters had to be dragged out by the hands of angels. Though Lot knew the urgency of their responding to this plea to be saved, they seemed unimpressed. They didn’t respect Lot as a spiritual leader.
I shared with a father in our congregation this: men, you are the spiritual role models for your family! You are the spiritual leader, like it or not, accept it or not. I have observed that no matter how committed the mother may be about church, or bible study or prayer, if the father in the home is not a committed Christian in these things, usually the children are not either. That is not to say that mothers are not vital as role models, they are. And it is not to say that single mothers cannot raise godly children, they can. BUT: when I see a father involved in church, I see the children involved.
And the responsibility to be a spiritual leader does not end should a marriage end in divorce, either. It will be certainly more difficult, but you are not released from the responsibility of leading your children spiritually.
But on the positive side, we look at the life of Abram. He was a spiritual leader of his family. So much so that when we look to chapter 22:6-14, we find that his family trusted Abram’s plan for sacrifice! Isaac was confident, not only in Jehovah, Isaac trusted his father. Abram had the trust of his son, a trust that is built on example and leadership. Trust is one thing that develops over time, and does not come by force.
Does your family trust you when call upon them to make a sacrifice? If you were to say, “I believe it’s the Lord’s will that we move to a new job, and I am asking you to make a sacrifice to make this work,” would they trust your leadership or kick and scratch the whole way? Do they really trust you; would they really make personal sacrifices if you called them to make them? It all boils down to respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That is a vital word for men. And it should be.
Let me take you a passage in the NT, because I want the husbands and wives to see something important. I want you men and ladies, boyfriends and girlfriends, to see this too.
Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. NKJV
Respect; Abram had it, and Lot couldn’t buy it. How are you leading?
III. What is my legacy?
How will I be remembered? What lessons am I teaching my children now by my behavior and discussion with them? What do others think of me now, how will I be remembered? How is righteous Lot, whose righteous soul was tormented day after day by these unprincipled men of Sodom, remembered?
Lot’s legacy is a lesson in failure. He made a selfish decision, only to see it landed him in an ungodly city where he compromised his lifestyle. This hypocrisy resulted in daughters who lacked moral character. If we follow Lot’s story following the death of his wife, we find his daughters concerned about the future. But without the moral backbone to look to the Lord, they looked to their own devices. They were willing to do whatever it took to insure their future, even if it meant gross immorality.
First they got their father drunk. When men get drunk in scripture, no good comes of it. So it is in real life. the sole purpose was to render him asleep so they could get pregnant by him. The offspring of these conceptions became the Moabites and Ammonites. In other words, Lot’s legacy was to have descendants who fought against the Lord.
Abram’s is a legacy of faith. By the conduct of his character, by the example of his own life, he would become the model of faith for all generations to come. He looked where the Lord told him to look. He led his family spiritually, and in turn earned the respect of his family, and friends, and servants. He was becoming a man of principle, and man whose heart was loyal to God. He would have failures, but he would return to God, repent and worship. And so, though he had failures in his life, his legacy was not one of failure, but of faith. He was a man committed to his beliefs, a man who could be trusted, a man of faith that looked beyond that so-called greener pastures and rested his look on the promises of God.
Coach John Wooden was one of the greatest college basketball coaches in all of history .He won 10 NCAA championships at UCLA, the last one in 1975 (Nobody else has won more than four). He won 88 straight games during one stretch; nobody else has come close to winning 50 in a row. But few people realize the personal qualities and faith that made this man great: He was a real man.
A few weeks ago, Rick Reilly wrote a tribute to this living legend in Sports Illustrated. Here are some of the things he wrote:
There has never been another coach like John Wooden, quiet as an April snow and square as a game of checkers; loyal to one woman, one school, one way; He's spent a half an hour the first day of practice teaching his men how to put on a sock. "Wrinkles can lead to blisters," he'd warn. These huge players would sneak looks at one another and roll their eyes. Eventually, they do it right. "Good," he'd say. "And now for the other foot." If you played for him, you played by his rules: "Never lie, never cheat, never steal. Never score without acknowledging a teammate. One word of profanity and you were finished for the day. No long hair or facial hair, "they take too long to dry, and you could catch a cold leaving gym," he'd say. One day, All-American center Bill Walton showed up with a full beard. "It's my right." Walton insisted. Coach Wooden asked Bill Walton if he believed that strongly. Walton said he did "That's good, Bill," Coach said. "1 admire people who have strong beliefs and stick by them, I really do. We're going to miss you on the team." Walton shaved the beard right then and there. Now Walton calls Coach Wooden once a week to tell Coach he loves him.
Wooden is almost 90 now, and every month on the 21st he sits down and takes to pen a love letter to his best girl. He'll say how much he misses her and loves her and can't wait to see her again. Then he'll fold it once, slide it into an envelope and walk into his bedroom. He'll go to the stack of love letters sitting there on her pillow, untie the yellow ribbon, place the new one on top and tie the ribbon again. Today the stack is 181 letters high, because it is just a little over 15 years ago since Nellie, his beloved wife of 53 years, died. In her memory, he sleeps only on his half of the bed, only on his pillow, only on top of the sheets, never between, with just the old bedspread they shared to keep him warm. Coach Wooden is a committed Christian who reads his Bible daily. When Rick Reilly left, Coach Wooden said, "I'm not afraid to die...death is my only chance to be with her again."
Ezekiel 22:30 So I sought for a man among them who would make a wall, and stand in the gap before Me on behalf of the land, that I should not destroy it; but I found no one.
God really is looking for a few good men: Are you willing to be God’s man? Are you willing to stand up and be counted as the man who will stand in the gap for your family? Will you stand in the gap for your country? Will you stand in the gap for your church?