01(Gen 48,01-11) The Pressures of Fatherhood
The Pressure of Fatherhood
Gen 48:1-11
It really is stressful to be a father today. Some of us have jobs that require 60 hrs per week and some of us feel guilty with that time pressure that we don’t spend enough time with out children.
The redefining of gender roles adds uncertainty of what is expected of us. The breakdown of morality adds to that stress. How can we get our children to live Christian lives with the pressures society puts upon them?
The media portrayal of fathers as inept has not helped ease the tension, and sometimes in church we beat up on Dads by preaching on their neglect of fathering or their poor example. One little boy came out of the church and said to the preacher, “Boy that was a good sermon; my Dad slumped way down.”
It is not the intent of this message to beat fathers up but to build them up.
Let’s look at a father in the Bible whose name was Jacob. The Bible says that there is nothing new under the sun, so Jacob faced many of the same problems that fathers face today.
I. The Pressure of Jacob’s Imperfection.
First there was the pressure of Jacob’s imperfection. He had a bad reputation. One day he was barbequing and Esau came in and was so hungry he wanted to eat and Jacob offered
Later he impersonated Esau and got the blessing by fraud.
That is the kind of reputation most fathers want to prevent their children from learning about. Jacob did not have an untarnished reputation and the sons knew about it.
Most of you know something about your Dad that was imperfect. Maybe he was prejudiced, or greedy, or a heavy drinker, or a womanizer. And maybe when you first learned those things you were disillusioned, your confidence shaken in your Dad.
Be realistic, there is no perfect father. The Bible says all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. Don’t have an unrealistic standard. And be forgiving. The Bible says we are to forgive one another as we want God to forgive us. So extend some grace. But be discerning too. Remember you don’t have to repeat the offenses of the father, you can learn from his mistakes.
Ezekiel 18:20 “The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself.”
In other words, God will not hold you accountable for what your father did and the most important thing is not the home you came from but the home you are building now.
You don’t have to be like your dad, you can profit from his mistakes. So love him in spite of inadequacies.
Pro 19:11 The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression.
II. The Pressure of Providing for Jacob’s Family.
God really blessed Jacob (Gen 40:33) and he became a wealthy man. He was generous with God and with his sons.
But a famine struck and he was desperate. He was responsible for providing for 11 sons, daughters, grandchildren, a total of 66 people in his clan that Jacob felt responsible for providing for.
The famine was so severe that he sent his sons to Egypt to buy grain so he could provide for his family. That is a major pressure fathers feel today.
Dads want to create a feeling of security in the home. Young people, you think you have pressure in school but it is nothing compared the pressure that most of your fathers face every day at work. and there jobs are on the line, there income is on the line and with economic conditions there are dads under constant pressure to make ends meet.
That is why Dads get testy and defensive when you talk about financial matters in the home, because they feel like a failure by comparison.
So one of the best things you can do to relieve that stress is to be frugal and supportive. If your dad is well off financially, occasionally express gratitude and don’t take that for granted because every dad wants to be a hero in his children’s eyes.
But if your father is like most of us and struggles to make ends meet, you learn to be content with what you have. Don’t always be begging for more just because you want to impress your friends.
Mom, don’t spend more than your husband can afford or constantly complain about what your children don’t have or compare yourself to someone else who has it better than you. It is not material possessions or the spectacular that bonds a family together. It is those routine things that you can enhance by having a creative attitude towards them.
(Illustration: pajama rides) It does not take the spectacular to bind a family together.
Be encouraging to your Dad about his job. In his book, “His Needs, Her Needs” Willard Harley lists the need for encouragement, for ego boost as one of the five basic needs every man has.
Most men want their wives to occasionally say, “I am really proud of you. You are doing a great job.” and kids, be supportive of your dad. The best complements I remember are those that come from my family.
When you get that kind of boost from your family, you can take a lot of criticism.
One of the reasons my children are supportive is because my wife has been so supportive. Rather than complain of my time committed to church she has instead complemented and bragged on me.
When I hear of preachers kids rebelling against their dad I can almost always trace it back to a mother who was not supportive of her husband’s occupation.
Mom and kids, brag on dad, let him know he is special. I guarantee you it will make his day. “For all I have done wrong I must have done something right, to deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night.”
III. The Pressure of Being a Single Father.
Jacob’s wife Rachel died giving birth to her second son, Benjamin. He had other wives, but none were their mother.
USA Today reports that over 36% live apart from their fathers.
Our society has become sensitive to single moms, but almost always single dads are portrayed as deadbeat dads or absentee fathers. But 14% of custodial parents are hard-working single fathers and committed dads. And they are Christian dads do not want to be separated from their children at all. Maybe it was the wives’ fault or maybe their repented of the cause but can’t undo the problem.
And we need as a church to be supportive of those dads, it is hard sometimes to support two households.
If you are a divorced mother, I know life is difficult for you, but don’t deliberately make life miserable for your children’s dad. Don’t turn pick up and drop off times into forums for arguments. Don’t expect or allow the children to spy on the other parent.
If you are a child in a split home, don’t manipulate him and exploit his guilt so you get your way all the time and he has to spend more money on you to make up.
Jacob grieved over the death of Rachel, and he made the mistake of showing favoritism to his son Joseph. But his other sons were so insensitive to their father’s grief that they sold Joseph into slavery.
In those 20 years those 10 sons let their father live with the misery that Joseph was dead and never told him the truth. Don’t be like that.
If you are a child in a divided family, you sacrifice your selfish desires to maintain harmony.
Pro 17:9 He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends.
IV. The Pressure to be a Spiritual Leader.
Maybe the greatest pressure Jacob faced was trying to be a spiritual leader to his family. In Gen 46 when Joseph and dad reunited, a touching scene where they wept for a long time.
Read Gen 48:1-11
Gen 49 calls in all 12 and blesses them realistically. Reuben you will excel in honor and power. Judah your brothers will praise you. Dan you will provide justice. One by one he blesses them. With all their imperfections they become the heads of 12 tribes of Israel.
I guarantee you today that fathers who are Christians feel a lot of pressure to be a spiritual influence on their children. We worry about drugs, teen pregnancy, teen suicide, guns in school, and all those things that oppose Christian values. Dads today are concerned.
Gary Smalley – “The Blessing”. Encourages the dads to pass along spiritual blessings, more than just taking them to church. 5 ways to pass along blessings.
1. A meaningful touch. Jacob embraced and kissed and laid his hands on these children. We do that by hugging, high fives, wrestling, butterfly kisses.
2. A verbal affirmation. Children long to hear dad say, I am proud of you. You have done that well. I love you.
3. Attaching high value. To bless means to honor. We honor our children by letting them know they are valuable to us. We sacrifice time for them; we stop and listen to them. We look them in the eye when we
4. We picture a positive future for them. Jacob did this. “You really love people, you will make a great salesman someday. You love animals you would make a great vet. You want to be a policeman, you must be courageous. You love church so much, you are going to be a great church leader someday.” Rather than saying, “you will never amount to anything.”
5. An active commitment. It is not enough to speak the words, there has to be a willingness to sacrifice for them, to pray, spend time developing their gifts, to spend money for lessons, to spend time.
It is hard for some Dads to verbally communicate all of that. So wives, you can help communicate: “you should have seen your dad’s face when you got that hit, or walked up on that platform.”
And Dad, sometimes we need to swallow our pride and express it anyway. To this day, I get hugs and kisses from my boys, and of course my girl. It may seem weird to you, I could not live without it.
Kids, if your dad something right on occasion, tell him. He will act like it is nothing, but I guarantee you he will remember it the rest of his life. You have no idea how much your father loves you even though it is difficult to express.
Pat Morley “The Man in the Mirror” tells story of ill-fated Alaskan fishing trip. A group of fisherman had landed in an Alaskan bay and had a great day of fishing for salmon, but when they got back to their seaplane they were surprised to discover that it was aground because of the fluctuating tides and they had no option but to wait until the next morning when the tide came in. but then they took off and only got a few feet off the ground and came crashing down into the sea because being aground the day before had punctured one of the pontoons and it had filled with water.
The seaplane began to slowly sink, and there were three men and the 12 year old son, Mark, of one of the three. And they prayed and they jumped into the icy cold water to swim ashore, but the water was so cold and the riptide so strong that the two men when they reached the shore they were exhausted. But they looked back and their companion, also a strong swimmer, did not swim to shore because his 12 year old son was not strong enough to make it, and they saw that father with his arms around his son being swept out to sea. And he chose to die with his son, rather than to live without him.
There is a fact of life that most children do not know. That we love our children so much that we would die for them. If I were to ask every father in this room who would do that very same thing for their child, I bet every father in here would leap to their feet.
John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friend[s].”