How to Build a 3-D Family

April 10, 2005

Sermon

INTRODUCTION

The foundations of civilization are no stronger and no more enduring than the corporate integrity of the homes on which they rest. If the homes deteriorate, civilization will crumble and fall.

Billy Graham

At one time the “typical” family consisted of a husband who worked, a wife who was a full-time mom and two kids. Is that kind of family becoming an endangered species? Some reports seem to indicate it is true.

The results of the 2000 Census revealed that about four out of ten American families with children under the age of 18 are single parent families. (compared to 13% of families in 1970)

Six out of ten children under the age of 18 at one point will live in a single-parent family; this is the age of the absentee or part-time dad, because single moms head nine out of ten single-parent families.

In spite of some of these reports, I am optimistic about the future of the family. Not too many years ago, the buffalo, whooping crane, and the humpback whale were on the endangered species list; today they are thriving.

I think the Family is on the verge of making a comeback. I read a USA Today article that said since 9/11 more people in America are realizing the importance of their families.

Most family studies over the past 25 years have focused on family problems by analyzing dysfunctional families.

Only a few studies have been conducted to determine what factors contribute to produce healthy families.

Dr. Nick Stinnett, Chairman of the Department of Human Development and Family at the University of Nebraska at Lincoln undertook such a study several years ago. He interviewed 3,000 strong families: single parent families, black families, white families, and ethnic families.

The only criterion was that each of these families rated themselves high in marriage satisfaction and parent-child relationships. The project was not limited to Christian families. Dr. Stinnett found good families share six common qualities. The family members:

(1) Are committed to the family;

(2) Spend time together;

(3) Have good family communication;

(4) Express appreciation to each other;

(5) Have a spiritual commitment; and

(6) Are able to solve problems in a crisis.

(Nick Stinnett, Family Building: Six Qualities of a Strong Family, p. 38)

Over the next four weeks I will be talking about some of these factors, which contribute to strengthening families.

This message is entitled “How to have a 3-D family.” If you want to have a stronger family here is three things you can do. They all start with a “D,” so I call it a 3-D family:

I. Dedicated to your family Sea Dedicado a su familia

Devoted

Committed

Genesis 2:24 (New International Version)

24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

1. That was the beginning of family. God gave Adam and Eve instructions on how to start a family.

2. Now this is the foundation of marriage. Here we see God telling us that a man is to leave his parents home and take a wife and set up a new home a new foundation for a new family.

3. Notice the separation God tells us to separate from our parents families so that we could be fully dedicated and committed to our own families.

4. Now that does not mean that we forget about our parents because God also has instructed us on many to honor our Mothers and Fathers

II. DIALOGUE DAILY Tenga un Dialogo diariamente

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 NIV

4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

1. It’s important for you to spend quality time talking to each member of your family everyday. Good communication is the mark of a healthy family. A breakdown of communication will cause problems.

I heard a funny story about a couple who was having communication problems, so the husband was giving his wife the “silent treatment.” She joined in the game, so they spent several days without speaking to each other. The husband was leaving the next morning on a business, trip and needed his wife to wake him up at 5 a.m. so he could catch his early flight. Not wanting to be the first to say, “I’m sorry” and end the silence, he wrote his wife a note that said, “Wake me up at 5 a.m. to catch a flight.”

The next morning he woke up and discovered that it was 8 a.m.–he had missed his flight. He was furious. He was about to go look for his wife to fuss at her when he noticed a note on his bedside table. The note said, “It’s 5 a.m. - wake up!”

That’s what I call a breakdown in communication!

Here’s how to improve your marital communication:

a. Designate a “talking” time and place Designe un tiempo y lugar Para “habla”

One of the biggest obstacles to good communication is not finding the time to talk. You will never find the time; you must create the time.

1. Notice how in the verse Moses is telling his people to talk about God and His laws all the time.

b. Be creative in your conversation topics Sea creador en sus conversación

A. If you aren’t careful, our conversations can become boring and stale.

B. If you ask the same questions and talk about the same topics over and over again, communication will suffer. If you only talk about things like, “What do you want to do for supper?” Or “What’s on TV tonight?” you’ll soon grow weary and bored with your conversations.

The key is to keep the dialogue fresh and innovative. Your goal with your family should be that of

Ephesians 4:29: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.”

C. Use your words to build up your others in your family, not tear them down.

D. a simple rule of thumb which I have learned is before you say something negative to someone you need to say 10 positive things to that person.

Ephesians 4:29 says to “build up” your mate with your words.

Actively look for ways to express encourage and build up.

There is a comment that I hear at times I don’t want to tell them how good they are or are doing because they may get a big head. Your not being honest with the person.

We all want to “receive compliments”

Trust God to temper that child or other family member.

By the same token we don’t want to be dishonest with our words if we don’t want to put false hopes or undue pressures on others.

The athlete.

III. DEVOTED TO GOD Devoto a Dios

1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV

13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

1. When we see the word temptation we tend to

A. The act of tempting or the condition of being tempted.

B. Something tempting or enticing.

But the greek word here is peirasmos

A. Testing or trial or trails

2. That is no trail or testing has come upon you that is not common to man

A. That has not happen to others already. You are not the only one that this trial has happen to.

B. You may feel that you are the only one this trail or test of life has ever come upon but it is not.

3. God is faithful he will not let you be tested beyond what you can bear.

A. God knows how much you can take and you have to trust God.

B. You may say to yourself I can’t take any more I want out of this family

C. I want out of this relationship.

4. You see When God sees you have reached the point in which you cannot bear any more He will provide the way out for you.

A. You see God hasn’t given you and Husband or a wife you can’t deal with.

B. He hasn’t given you a child that is beyond your control.

C. The key is God is faithful are you devoted to Him.

a. Pray for your family Ore para su familia

a. Pray with your family Ore para su familia

CONCLUSION