Ten Habits of Highly Successful Families

Joshua 24:15

April 24, 2005

Sermon Outline

INTRODUCTION

Families are certainly different today than they were 25 years ago. I heard the funny story about a man who rushed into a toy store late one evening to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter who had a birthday the next morning. The saleslady said, “Well, you have several to choose from. This is the Tennis Barbie; it’s $20. The Ballet Barbie and the Beach Barbie are $20 each. We have a new item called the Divorced Barbie, and she sells for $265.” The man said, “Why is the Divorced Barbie so much more expensive?” The saleslady said, “Oh, because she comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, and all of Ken’s furniture!”

Las familias son hoy ciertamente diferente que ellos eran hace 25 años. Oí el cuento chistoso acerca de un hombre que se apresuró en una juguetería tarde una tarde para comprar una muñeca de Barbie para su hija que tuvo un cumpleaños la próxima mañana. La dependienta dijo, “Bien, usted tiene varios en escoger de. Esto es el Tenis Barbie; es $20. El Ballet Barbie y la Playa Barbie son $20 cada. Tenemos un artículo nuevo llamó el Barbie Divorciado, y ella vende para $265.” El hombre dijo, “por qué es el Barbie Divorciado tan mucho más costoso?” La dependienta dijo, “Ah, porque ella viene con la casa de Conocimientos, con coche de Conocimientos, y con todos muebles de Conocimientos!”

This is the third of four messages in the series, “Family: An Endangered Species?” I want to talk about ten habits of highly successful families.

The Family is the most important unit that God has made. The family is where we learn to love to communicate. It is in the family that we are to develop as

Let’s look at a great passage of scripture on what’s most important for a family. In the Old Testament book of Joshua, the children of Israel moved into the Promised Land. They were getting ready to set up their homes as permanent places rather than tents that would be taken down and moved every few days.

The leader, Joshua, issued a strong challenge to the families.

Joshua 24:15,

“15 But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD ."

Josué 24:15 NVI

Pero si a ustedes les parece mal servir al Señor, elijan ustedes mismos a quiénes van a servir: a los dioses que sirvieron sus antepasados al otro lado del río Éufrates, o a los dioses de los amorreos, en cuya tierra ustedes ahora habitan. Por mi parte, mi familia y yo serviremos al Señor.

1. Children are disciplined with love and consistency

1. Los niños son disciplinados con amor y la consistencia

Proverbs 22:15 says

“15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,

but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”

Proverbios 22:15

15 La necedad es parte del corazón juvenil,

pero la vara de la disciplina la corrige.

“Firm but loving discipline keeps order in the home. There is much chaos when the kids rule the house!” When “Boundaries are established and consequences are explained. Then choice making is taught as a skill.

Children are allowed to suffer the consequences of bad choices.

Mother and Father do not disagree concerning discipline in front of the children.

Discipline is necessary in any area of life, but especially in the home. Children are born with a stubborn, rebellious nature, and they are by nature sinful. Okay, I know your children and grandchildren are perfect, but wouldn’t you agree that everyone else’s children are rebellious?

You don’t have to teach your kids how to disobey and say, “NO!” You have to teach them not to be disobedient.

In strong families, limits are clearly explained to the children. Then, they are told the consequences if they violate those limits. And if the child trespasses beyond the limits, discipline is applied.

The worst thing a parent can do is to promise punishment, and then not deliver it because it teaches a child the terrible lesson that they can get away with breaking the rules.

2. Money is managed wisely and discussed openly

2. El dinero se maneja sabiamente y es discutido abiertamente

Money problems can tear a marriage or a family apart. Decisions should be discussed as a family.

A strong family may look something like this in terms of money; the 10/10/80 financial plan. They give God the first ten percent, save the next ten percent, and discipline themselves to live on 80% of our income. These families teach their children about the importance of giving their money to God. They want their kids to know they tithe, and that one reason they may not have as many “toys” as some of their friends is because they are giving to God.

We must learn for ourselves and then teach our children the importance of controlling our money and our debt.

It’s important to avoid buying things on credit. If you use credit cards, you should always try to pay the full balance to avoid paying the interest.

If you find you cannot pay the full bill on your credit card for two months, the card needs to be put in the draw, or cut up.

The debt trap has snared many families. These strong families work hard to keep a handle on their family finances.

3. Everyone shares household tasks

3. Todos comparten las tareas de la casa

These families tell me the family shares household chores. As two parent working families become more the morm than the exception, it is important to speard the work load around the house.

The father sets the primary example for this by helping out in all areas and not just the ‘male’ tasks.”

Repeat in Spanish

Story;

A man and wife were arguing because he thought the wife should do all the household tasks. It was beneath him to do the dishes or clean up the house–”that’s the woman’s job.” After listening to him, I asked him. “If I could show you in the Bible, in black and white, that it says a man cleans the dishes, would you do it?” He believed the Bible, but he said, “Sure preacher, but I don’t think it’s in the Bible.” I turned to II Kings 21:13 in my King James Version and I read where God said, “I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down.” He didn’t like it, but the next time I saw his wife she smiled and said, “He’s helping me with the dishes now!”

4. The family has learned to cope with adversity

4. La familia ha aprendido a enfrentarse con la adversidad

Every family has to face and deal with adversity, tribulation, and problems. It’s how a family deals with these problems that makes them stronger. One family wrote: “(Wife’s name)’s (disease) has taught us not to take time or anything for granted. Consequently, we try to have fun as we go and realize that each stage of our life is special and cannot be regained. The adversity of her illness has made all of us more sensitive to others and strengthened our relationship with God and each other.”

Do you see the word “cope?” It doesn’t mean the family members ignore the problem, or they flippantly say, “Praise the Lord” and act as it it’s not there. They face their problems and then depend on God’s grace and power to help them live with it every day. They consider themselves Survivors in the midst of their pain and problems.

5. Family members laugh together

5. Los miembros de la familia se ríen juntos

The Bible says in Proverbs 17:22,

Proverbs 17:22 NIV

22 A cheerful heart is good medicine,

but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Proverbios 17:22 NVI

22 Gran remedio es el corazón alegre,

pero el ánimo decaído seca los huesos.

Commenting on laughter, Dr. Alex Kataria writes: “Laughter exercises your entire body causing you to feel relaxed and pain free. When you laugh, it is like taking a drug, yet there is no such thing as an overdose or, ‘laughter toxicity,’ It should be evident from studies that ‘A laugh a day keeps the doctor away.’”

Dr. Alex Kataria founded Laughter clubs in 1995: Just what the doctor ordered?

Studies have shown children laugh an average of 400 times a day, yet adults laugh an average of 15 times a day. Your home will be a better place if there is more laughter there.

6. Each person is treated with respect and kindness

6. Cada persona es tratada con el respeto y cariño

Ephesians 4:32.

32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Efesios 4:32 NVI

32Más bien, sean bondadosos y compasivos unos con otros, y perdónense mutuamente, así como Dios los perdonó a ustedes en Cristo.

If you want a healthy family, you must treat each family member with kindness. Kindness is love with its work clothes on. Kindness is treating the other person the way you’d like to be treated. There are millions of people who need a little kindness, and you can start looking within your own family.

Our word “courtesy” comes from the behavior of people who used to live in the king’s “court.” There was a code of conduct for the courtesans that included kindness and helpfulness. Men stopped and took off their hats and bowed when approached by a lady. They never let a lady open a door for herself. Their protocol of kindness gave birth to our word “courtesy.”

Have you ever heard the phrase “common courtesy?” Maybe at one time in America, it was common, but today, courtesy is uncommon.

Strong families show kindness, respect, and practice courtesy with each other.

7. Time for family activities is a priority

7. El tiempo para actividades de familia es una prioridad

Next week, I’ll bring an entire message on family time, so I’ll just touch on this habit. Here are some of the comments from my survey:

• “Time, time, time with our children.”

• Place a high priority on making memories more important than material things. Through the years, if given a choice of a family vacation or a new piece of furniture–buy a slipcover and go!

Grown up kids never reminisce about a single thing parents purchased. But, boy do they love the stories of getting lost, or Going to California from NY. Our memories are priceless and timeless!”

• “Taking trips together is important–enjoy going with other friends, but at least once a year, go by ourselves on a fun trip that is not to another relative’s home.”

Remember, a trip down the road to visit a relative on a Saturday afternoon does not constitute a family vacation.

Parents, let me remind you you’ll only have your kids at home for a few years, so you’d better invest time–and lots of it–in your family while your kids are at home.

You can get the full meal deal next week, but let me say that you’ll never find family time, you have to make family time. Unless you make it an absolute priority, other people and other activities will rob you of your family time.

8. The family eats and talks together regularly

8. La familia come y habla juntos regularmente

If you want to strengthen your family life you may need to make some changes. If your family eats in shifts, or if the television is blaring during mealtime, you may want to work on getting everyone together and making sure that conversation is on the dinner menu.

9. Love is expressed every day

9. El amor se expresa cada día

Some families are more demonstrative than others. As I look back on my teenage years, it saddens me to think that I don’t every recall my dad hugging me and telling me he loved me when I became a teenager. I’m certain he loved me, and was proud of me, but he just never showed it.

Dads and moms, your kids need to see you showing affection to each other, but they also need to feel your arms around them.

An old man got on a bus one February 14th, carrying a dozen roses. He sat beside a young man. The young man looked at the roses and said, “Somebody’s going to get a beautiful Valentine’s Day gift.” “Yes,” said the old man. A few minutes went by and the old man noticed his young companion was staring at the roses. “Do you have a girlfriend?” the old man asked. “I do,” said the young man. “I’m going to see her right now, and I’m going to give her this Valentine’s Day card.” They rode in silence for another 10 minutes, and then the old man got up to get off the bus. As he stepped out into the aisle, he suddenly placed the roses on the young man’s lap and said, “I think my wife would want you to have these. I’ll tell her that I gave them to you.” He left the bus quickly. As the bus pulled away, the young man watched as the old man walked into a cemetery.

10. Jesus Christ is the glue of the family

10. Jesucristo es el pegamento de la familia

Every response I got mentioned several things relating to this key habit. Families worship together, they pray together, they have family devotions together. Jesus is not just a welcome guest in the home; He is the Lord of the home. I could have used a word other than “glue.” I could have said Jesus is the center of the family, or the heart of the home, or the foundation of the family, but I like the word glue. In fact, that’s exactly what one mother wrote: “The bottom line is that Christ is the glue that holds us together.” Another person wrote: Christ is the center (our family doesn’t revolve around any individual, but Jesus. The wheel is a good diagram. Christ is the hub; each member is one of the spokes.) Here are a few more of their comments:

• “We pray together. Before anyone leaves for work/school each morning, we hold hands and pray and we pray together each night.”

• “Our Christianity is not tucked into Sunday but lived every day.”

• “Church attendance on Sunday morning is NOT an option. We had our babies in Sunday School from the time the pediatrician gave the okay. We only miss if out of town or too sick to get out of bed.”

Take a moment and look at these ten habits again. You can have all of the first nine, but if Jesus is not Lord of your life and Lord of your home, then the few years you enjoy as a family on earth will be the extent of your family time together. On the other hand, you may be lacking in a few of the other nine, but if Jesus is the Lord of your home, then your family can thrive and be effective.

CONCLUSION

I got the idea for the title of this message from the Stephen Covey’s book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. In the book he tells the story of the golden goose. There was once a farmer who bought a golden goose. A week later the golden goose laid a golden egg, and the farmer was ecstatic! He cashed the golden egg in and had a wild time. The following week he found the golden goose laid another golden egg! Again he cashed it in and spent the money. This happened week after week until one week the farmer just couldn’t wait till the end of the week to get the golden egg so he killed his golden goose and took the golden egg out of it. He had another wild time with the money. But the next week he realized there was no golden egg, for he killed his golden goose. The moral of the story is to never kill your golden goose.

Your family is like your golden goose: it is the most valuable earthly treasure you’ll ever have.

The only thing that can add more value to your family is when Jesus is the Lord of your home.

I challenge you today to make a fresh commitment to Christ. I challenge families to follow the example of Joshua and say, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!”