Sermon Tone Analysis

SHAME AND HONOR Honor and shame were values that shaped everyday life in biblical times.

Honor, the primary measure of social status, was based upon ascribed honor and acquired honor.

Inherited or ascribed honor was social standing due to being part of a social unit, principally the family.

Those born to rulers and leaders were held in high esteem due to family honor.

Jewish preoccupation with genealogies ensured inherited honor was secure.

Matthew (Matt.

1:1–17) and Luke (Luke 3:23–38) give genealogies for Jesus that highlight the high status claimed for Him.

In Matthew, Jesus’ pedigree is right both as to Jewishness (direct link to Abraham) and His right to be king of the Jews (descended from David).

Luke traces Jesus’ lineage through Adam to God, claiming Jesus’ right to be Savior of all of mankind.

Acquired honor was gained through meritorious deeds or public performance.

Family social position provided the honor base from which males launched out with hope of increasing family and personal honor.

The public forum provided challenges for gaining or losing honor.

A challenge might show the superiority of one person or group over another.

A challenge could be ignored if not worthy of response due to social distance between the parties, but a true honor challenge required response.

The party recognized as winning gained honor and the other lost honor or social standing.

For example, when the Pharisees and Herodians observed Jesus to see if He would heal the man with the withered hand (Mark 3:1–6), an honor challenge took place.

If Jesus violated Sabbath law, He would lose honor.

If He did not heal the man, He also would lose honor.

The trap looked perfect.

In response to this unethical challenge, Jesus clarified the Sabbath’s intent so He could lawfully heal the man.

When the trap failed, they decided to collaborate to destroy Jesus and His rising social status (which came at their expense).

Constant competition in public for honor infected even religion.

In both Testaments the tendency to use religion for gaining personal honor based upon a show of piety is denounced.

In Matt.

6:1–18 Jesus decried misuse of religious acts (almsgiving, prayer, and fasting) for gaining personal honor.

Shame was not simply the opposite of honor, both positive and negative shame existed.

Shame could be handled positively by knowing how to keep matters out of public awareness.

For example, a woman could bear shame well by remaining covered in public and by avoiding male dominated arenas.

Shame could also designate dishonor or loss of honor.

When people claimed an undeserved place of honor, shame resulted (Luke 14:7–11).

Perhaps the most vivid honor/shame text is Phil.

2:5–11.

Jesus had unquestionable inherited, ascribed honor; yet He gave it all up and took the most humble of all honor bases (a slave) and died the most shaming of all deaths, crucifixion.

However, God gave Him the highest of all honor positions and a name above all names on the honor scale, causing all to bow before Him.

The honor code is thus defined by God instead of men.

Women especially bore shame and were expected to do so in a positive manner.

Women were also seen as threats to honor.

An immoral woman tainted the honor of the entire family, and so women generally were kept away from things tending to dishonorable behavior.

The veiling of women related to this concern.

“Shamelessness” described one who refused to abide by honor and shame codes.

Such people did not respect social norms nor care about public opinion of their social status.

In Luke 18:1–8 the unjust judge is a classic example of a shameless person, one who “didn’t fear God or respect man” (HCSB).

In the OT the “fool” is a “shameless” person who likewise neither feared God or respected social wisdom and norms.

Lay the foundation

Focus on the Family has developed a list of 12 traits that are considered fundamental to every thriving marriage.

Five of those traits bear a special relevance to the subject of honoring your relationship with your mate.

Consider the following:

Cherishing your spouse.

Successful marriages are made of two people who intentionally keep an account of the things they value about each other.

When you cherish one another, you recognize that each spouse is created in God's image and is, therefore, of infinite worth and value.

You remember what you value about your marriage, keep reminders of good memories and celebrate milestones together.

Nourishing your marriage is about discovering your mate's "love language" and learning to speak it.

These actions will involve shoring up your spouse's strengths, supplementing his or her weaknesses and "encouraging one another daily" (, NIV).

Maintaining a lifelong commitment — a full and earnest investment of your whole heart — flows out of whatyou treasure.

You invest in whatever it is that you esteem.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word wholehearted as "marked by complete earnest commitment."

Complete.

Earnest.

Wholehearted commitment begins when you recognize the incredible value of your relationship.

Spending enjoyable time together.

Thriving couples are intentional about making time for each other.

It's crucial that you schedule regular date nights and outings, develop meaningful traditions and family rituals, and know how to maintain a healthy balance between togetherness and independence.

Being community minded.

It takes a village to sustain a marriage.

It’s vital to regularly connect with like-minded couples who are committed to your relationship.

To have a thriving marriage, you need to realize your need for other people as well as their need for you, stay engaged with nurturing communities of all kinds and make a special point of maintaining an active involvement in the local church.

Recognize your favorite things

Once you've built these foundational characteristics into the groundwork of your marriage, you can get down to the practical task of honoring your marriage on an everyday basis.

Get together with your spouse and make a list of what you value about your relationship — your "favorite things."

See how many you can come up with.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

Having fun and laughing together

Loving someone with all my heart

Being liked and loved

Enjoying the combined effect of the synergy between us — we are able to do so much more together than we could do alone

Sharing affection for each other

Pursuing God together

Being real and authentic

Raising our children together

Being challenged to become a better person

Making memories together

Sharing inside jokes

Pursuing dreams

Having someone to celebrate with

Sharing the deepest levels of intimacy and connection — sex

Knowing someone deeply and being deeply known by another

Serving together

Being with my best friend

Having a helpmate to share life's responsibilities

Feeling safe and secure

© 2016 Focus on the Family.

From Focus on the Family website at FocusOnTheFamily.com.