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Church's We Gather this morning around the word of God and we've been singing the Praises of God. We've been giving we've been praying together. But right now he wants to look at the words together. And so I'm going to ask you to pull out your Bible. Okay, but I'm not going to ask you to turn anywhere. I just want you to pull out your Bible and if you don't have one under one of the seats somewhere in front of you there should be one but I want you just to look at that Bible for a second. I want to look at the cover of the Bible. All right, look at it. So you're looking at me why you looking at me look at your arrival?

All right, you see the cover now open it up. All right, kind of flipped through a couple of the pages. Look at those pages. Look at the words printed. They're all right. Now, it's actually a Bible is like any other book and its physical construction, right? You have a cover you have pages and you have ink that makes words on those pages write some of you were looking for the pictures. I'm sorry. They're probably not any in there. Right but generally speaking a book is made up of those three constituent Parts a cover pages and eat. Now what kind of book if you can imagine this looking at your Bible in front of you what kind of book would you have if you tried to replace the cover with the ink

Write somebody called it. That would be a mess. Right what would happen if you tried to have a book that was nothing but cover.

What would happen if you had a book that was nothing but Pages it's called a journal. Okay, right. It doesn't work unless the three parts are all together and they're performing their function. Okay, that book is not a book unless a cover is a cover and pages are pages and words and ink are words any right? We're all good with that. Then why is it? That when we look at the family, we assume that what we have are just a collection of interchangeable parts. Why is it that when we look at the family we don't recognize. The need for different roles within it. Why is it that our culture operates on the assumption that the family is nothing more than a system of interchangeable parts and you can kind of plug-in play wherever you want. Right did that one widget is just as good as another widget. Okay, I'm here to say that. I don't believe that that is the case. I believe that God has designed their to be different roles within the family just as a book is designed with different pieces that go together to make it up. All right, so when I say that but you need to understand what I'm saying? I am not saying okay not saying that because the cover is a cover it's better than the pages. Not saying that I'm not saying that a husband is better than the wife. I'm not saying that a wife is better than the children of the children are better than the parents. Just hang with in the family. You have different roles that are not interchangeable. Thanks. The phrase parental units has been thrown around through the years as if a parental unit was simply a right and you can have one parental unit or you could have to parental units but it didn't matter as long as you had a parental units where you get expanding you can have three parental units are for parental units and they are all interchangeable. You can just mix and match that's not what I'm saying. But here's what I am saying. I know that what I'm going to be talking about today is controversial. And some of you may disagree with me and you may think that one parental units just as good as another friendly unit and you can mix and match in any shape or flavor that you want and you can you can put the kids at the top or put the kids decide and you can rearrange the structure of the family ignoring the roles. That's fine. If you believe that hear me say that it is fine with me. If you believe that as a matter of fact, it would be even more fine with me. If you would come to me and say Brandon what you said today was wrong. And here's how I can tell from the Bible that what you said is wrong. Here's how I recognized in the family. But I don't know that you can I think you could say culturally will you know, I read this book and it said that it's okay. Take nor these rules. It's okay to not Define these rules the way the Bible to find them well, but we've moved in from a Christian Foundation Christians are people first and foremost to recognize the authority of Christ over them to recognize the authority of Christ over us is to submit ourselves to the revelation of Christ in the word of God and what we see there is it there are unique roles within the family that God has designed their good things. I just like last week when we started this series we talked about the fact that family has been broken and that our ideas in our understanding of family has been marred by dysfunctions that we see around us. So too when it comes to rolls it's been marred by dysfunction and when I say biblical roles some of you are thinking of this dude talking about patriarchy He's talking about the man is the king in his castle and what he says goes. That's not what I'm talking about. Some of you might conclude that though and want to Stone me later. Okay, that's cool. As long as you're going to the evil. Let's go medieval. All right, some of you may think this dude is way liberal K. I get that. I'm okay with that. What I want us to be though is fundamentally biblical. We don't want to be more conservative than the Bible nor do we want to be more liberal than the Bible. We want to be Bible people. So that's what we're going to try to do as we talked about rolls. We're going to talk about God's design for those rolls just a very little bit because it could take I mean Mayfield books with the dysfunctions of those rolls. What's up just a little bit about the dysfunctions of those roles. But what I want us to see is that the rolls themselves are not the problem the problem or the people that sometimes feel those rolls. So rolls matter when we talked about the family now, I want you to open the book that you were looking at that has a cover and pages in ink, but I want you to turn to a very specific part. I want you to go to Ephesians chapter 5 Ephesians chapter 5 is where we're looking this morning. We talked about roles within the family. And we're going to read some stuff that doesn't sound like it's talking about roles in the family. I'm doing that so that we can set the context so we can understand what it is that we're being taught here in the word of God. So in Ephesians chapter 5

I want you to read with me. starting in verse 15

Look carefully then how you walk not as unwise but as wise making the best use of the time because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish. But understand what the will of the Lord is there not get drunk with wine for that is debauchery, but be filled with the spirit addressing one another in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs singing and making Melody to the Lord with your heart giving thanks always and forever thing to God the father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. So I'm going to stop right there soon verses 15 through 21 the Holy Spirit through the Paul's riding is telling us here. Here's what you need to do Christian in light of who Christ is in light of what God has done for us in the gospel. Here's how you respond to that you respond by being careful how you walk not as unwise but as wise In other words think about what you're doing and why make the best use of the time because the days are evil, right you live in a society that looks much different than God would desire it to look you live in a society. That is fundamentally opposed to the kingdom of God, so Use your time wisely. If we're living in a society looks fundamentally different from the way that God would have it to look. What do you think I ought to be that we're doing?

We have to be working to change the siding out the best way to change the ciety is to make laws forcing everybody to do what we want them to do, right? The answer's no. No. No that doesn't work. The best way to make use of our time is to introduce people to Jesus and let him start fixing them just like he's trying to fix us to make the best use of your time because the days are evil means to go and declare the gospel and begin to make disciples in obedience to the commands of Christ. Don't be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is don't follow the world. Don't say the world is so diametrically opposed to the kingdom of God that obviously what we're doing is following the world. No, don't be foolish understand the will of the Lord don't get drunk with wine for that is debauchery, but be filled with the spirit. Don't let something else have control of you. But let God have control of you through his holy spirit address one another it's not just you and God address one another in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs singing and making Melody to the Lord with your heart right where to be together. In this world to be together pointing one another to Christ when we sing songs. We are worshipping God you recognize that. You can do that in your car. The reason I sit up front is not so that it's quicker for me to get up on stage. And so nobody else has to hear me sing. Okay, that's not true. But we're supposed to address one another and spiritual hymns and songs like this is this is something we're in together. It's not just worshipping God. It's encouraging one another to worship God write the pulsing in light of everything in light of who Christ is in light of what the gospel says. Here's what you should be doing. Nanny says give thanks giving thanks always and forever thing to God the father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. We are to have thankful hearts in all these things that we're doing is we're standing against society that is fundamentally opposed to the kingdom of God has already clearing the gospel and making disciples. We're to be giving thanks is were praising God where to be giving things as we're encouraging one another word to be giving thanks that's repulsive. This is how you respond to the gospel the gospel that Jesus died for you the gospel that God loves you the gospel that God sent his Spirit to indwell you to empower you to change you to accomplish his will in the world that gospel has lived out in this way. They said the first 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ submitting to one another not lording it over one another not trying to bend the people around you to your will but rather looking for opportunities to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ to save no I insist. Let's sing the song that you want to see. No, I insist. Let's plan this event that you want to do. No I insist. Let's work together for the cause of Christ not for our own desires submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

This passage just goes to waste out. In the eyes of our society of all of the fact that the gospel is true. This is how you ought to live and we're cool with all of it up until this point because the very next verse says this wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

And in our egalitarian society we say notes. Got to be wrong somewhere. We're okay with singing together. We're okay with working together. We're okay with preaching the gospel together, but Paul must be wrong when he says this but we need to not react against this. We need understand in context what Paul is saying so let's keep reading wives submit to your own husband. That's the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church his body and is himself a seizure now is the church submits to Christ. So also wives should submit and everything to their husbands husbands. Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her having cleanser by the washing of water with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. Paul here does not view these statements is negative. He does not view a wife submitting to her husband is a negative thing. He does not view a husband sacrificing himself for his wife as a negative thing. As a matter of fact, he says this is pointing us to Christ. He's saying that just as you do these other things in light of the Gospel, so to your marriage your family to be enacted in light of the Gospel in light of what Jesus did we are to look carefully how we walk we are to make the best use of our time or not to be full as we're not to get drunk or to be filled with the address one another where to submit to one another wives submit to your husbands husbands die for your wives. Paula saying this is in Light of Christ. This is not saying why is your inferior to your husbands to submit to them if not saying husbands? Your inferior to your wives so die for them. Pulsing in light of what Christ Has Done Everything Changes, even our relationships with our family changes. So we go on here in this passage in the same way husband should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes. It just as Christ has the church because we are members of his body therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh looking for 32. This mystery is profound and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church Paul says that Jesus coming changes everything about how we live in society as a church in our families because it's not about us. It's meant to point others to Christ when people look at a Christian marriage, they're not meant to see Bob and sue their meant to see Jesus and his people. That's what the marriage is supposed to show that's what the family is supposed to show how ever let you view love his wife as himself with the wife see that she respects her husband children. Obey your parents in the Lord for this is right honor your father and mother this is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may we live long in the land fathers. Do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord and his wives and husbands to the church is not just a Christian in society. It's the parents and the child this these relationships are all being defined in Light of Christ in light of food. Jesus is and what he accomplished for his people we need to understand that affects our families. So what is God's design for these roles within the family in Light of Christ in light of the Gospel. What is God's design? For husbands, what is God's design for husband? I would say from this passage in from others that it is. That husbands would be a self-sacrificing servant seeking to bless a treasured bride. Husbands, I want to repeat that one more time. So your wife doesn't have to. husbands God's design for you is that you would be a self-sacrificing servant continually seeking to bless your treasured bride now, I'm not bragging or anything. But I put a lot of time into these definitions that I'm using. These aren't these are Bible here. These are these are just Brandon's Reflections on the word of God, but I want you to understand I didn't I didn't intend for it to be there. Self-sacrificing that's God's design for a husband that he would be self-sacrificing that a husband would not be looking at his family his his wife. As somebody who's there to meet his needs or as somebody who's there to be avoided or worked around? But that a husband would be somebody who looks at himself in his how can I die to my desires? For the sake of this woman that God has given me for the sake of this wife. How can I serve her give up my desires to meet her needs. How can I do that? How can I bless this one that my heart Treasures Above All Else? Wait, we tend to think of bride and groom as words that are for the wedding day, right and then ever after it's the old man or the old lady, right? Bride and groom a romantic terms and then you settle in and the honeymoon ends. But a husband as palsy the husband in The Light of Christ is somebody who is Joy is ever knew whose face still lights up when she walks in the room like she did on their wedding day. That's Paul's Vision hear a bride that is treasured but husband says I would die for her because that's what Jesus did for the church Jesus looked at the church and he did not see Perfection husband's you will not look at your wife no matter how Godly she is no matter how beautiful she is. You will not look at her and see Perfection. Jesus didn't look at the church and see Perfection either. Jesus looked at the church and saw me you us the mess that we make of his beautiful gift and he says I'm going to die for her anyways. Husband is not die for his wife does not sacrifice. His own desires does not serve wholeheartedly because his wife is perfect. But because he loves her like Christ loved the church men. This is God's design for you. That you would treasure your wife that you would be willing to die for her even more difficult that you would be willing to live for anybody can take a bullet in a snap decision. The harder thing is day in and day out to wake up and realize I really want to go pursue my dreams and ambitions. But my wife needs me at home. I really want to do what it is that I want to do. But my wife is asked me to do this and I will gladly do it. Husbands next time your wife asks you to take out the trash. Don't view it as an owner's burden. Think about how treasured she is to you. Think about how much you love her as you pull the trash out as you tired and you walked it out. It will change your perspective on taking out the trash. I'm telling you not from experience because I read it in a book somewhere.

But God's design is that husbands would be this self-sacrificing servant seeking to bless his treasured bride. husband Let's be honest with one another. How's it going for you? You meeting that design. Or you seeing some of the Brokenness that we talked about last week? If you are like me husband, you're seeing some of the Brokenness and they're there are two primary kind of ways that we see this broken this play out in husband's there's other ways. But the first thing that we can see is husband's to break the design of God by instead of sacrificing themselves. They carry abuse over to their wife giving up their desires. They fulfilled them at the expense of the spouse that God gave them to treasure abuse is contrary to God's design. Not only that but continually throughout the word of God we read the God is on the side of the oppressed. God is on the side of the beaten. God is on the side of those who are rejected.

husbands if you resort to physical violence against your wife husband if you resort to emotional Manipulation of your bride if you resort to verbal beatdowns of the one that God gave you to treasure that is no small thing. God is actively opposed to those who do such things. I want you to hear that husbands wives. I want you to hear that because too often throughout the history of God's people we've forgotten and we've excused men. Who treated their wives in abusive ways. May it never be again May the people of God stand with the Lord against oppression and against abuse husbands. May you repent of words that wound

of blows designed to inflict harm

May we as a people of God say abuse has no place in the Christian marriage.

There's another Danger. for husbands that we would be passive. And then you're like, oh well abuse is like really serious. That's totally not. Okay, but passively like, okay, whatever. I'm okay with a little bit of that I guess maybe Passivity though is contrary to the design of God. It's not as visible. It's not something that society would condemn you for as a matter of fact Society seems purpose-built to reinforce this idea of the passive husband every sitcom you've ever watched has the husband as this big oath that is there just for comic relief, right? You can't believe how out of touch with reality this guy is and he just wants to sit on the couch and watch TV all day by passivity. Our society would say abuse is wrong passivity is okay.

Christ would look at us and say in light of who I am in light of what I did for my church passivity is most certainly not. Okay. What would it look like if Christ had been passive in his pursuit of his bride? Is Christ have been like?

Man, I just don't feel like going and dying for people today. You know what? Let's just put that off for a little bit. Let let let that add that the next week's to do list that you guys have seen the sign if the husband says he's going to do something he's going to do it. Why is there's no need to remind him every 6 months. Okay. What if Jesus had that perspective on the church, like I'll get around to it when I get around to it. Right? Like I'll be okay with going in and sacrificing myself once I got the desire to do that. If Jesus was passive, he'd be like the first Adam Wright in scripture were told that there's a first Adam symbolically and there's a second atom symbolically. The first atom is the first man the second Adam is Christ and the second Adam is not like the first atom because the first atom was passive Gentlemen We like to blame me for everything. But I want you to look at Genesis Chapter 3 Verse 6 with me. Genesis Chapter 3 Verse 6 is where we blame the woman for eating the apple or whatever the fruit was and yet I want you to see the words and read. What did I say everybody all together?

She gave also to her husband who was with her. The serpent is getting ready to the CDs. He's telling her look just eat this fruit. It'll be okay. I know God said not to be killed for it. It'll be alright. It'll make life better. Where's Adam? He's not back at Camp. Okay oblivious to his wife and the trouble that she's in he is with her. The one whom God spoke and said don't eat from this tree. The one who was given the responsibility of treasuring his bride. The one who is given the responsibility of sacrificing himself for this one that he loved just stood there. And let her be deceived he was passive and every single man scents has had this potentiality within them and your culture would look at you man of God and say just sit back and relax let your wife take care of it kids are misbehaving. She'll take care of it house is falling down call somebody just enjoy the game. That's what Adam did from the very beginning. He just sat there. Welcyon endured the world. Gentleman abuse is wrong but so is sitting there and doing nothing for the sake of your family. So we want to avoid this Brokenness. We want to seek after that design of a self-sacrificing servant seeking to bless a treasured fried radio, please. God's design for you as wife's what is God's design for wives that you would be a self-denying Ally seeking to honor a respected groom. What it what is a wife a self-denying Ally seeking to honor a respected groom. You look back into Ephesians chapter 5 and you see this in verse 22 wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord and we see that word submitting. We say I want no part of that. And a culture looks at you and says don't do it. It's a trap. And yet God says this is my design. It wives would submit to their husband. Now. This does not mean that you would submit to a husband who is abusive or passive submit to a husband who is not doing the things that God has called him to do in even leading you into sin, but it does mean that you would submit to your husband in respect and honor that you would ditch you would not actively oppose your husband. That you would not actively work to circumvent his place. You won't join him and send. But you're not trying to cast him down either too many of the assumptions of the feminist movements are just that that that that female can only be made better if male is brought down.

How about we just bring everybody up to the way that Christ sees them? How about we just treat everybody as Christ would how about we recognize that what's happening in our marriage is not for our sake not for our fulfillment, but it's designed to showcase the design of God designed to show the gospel. And when a wife says to her husband's I disagree but I will submit to you for the sake of Christ when a wife says to her husband, here's what I think we should do. What do you think?

When she does that out of respect for Christ, it is a beautiful thing and some of you don't believe me and I'm okay with that, but I tell you what God has seen fit to give me a wife. Who does this. We had a 2001 Honda Accord. With the alloy rims and the V6 engine and not too many miles was going to run forever. Who's going to run forever?

And we moved and I decided that we needed to sell it. And get something else and she said let's not sell this. Let's keep it. It's a great car. It's not going to break down and I'm like no, let's sell it and let's buy a Chevy Blazer. All right, not just anybody S10 Chevy Blazer. After the engine blew up the radiator went out the water pump went out. The fuel pump went out. The four-wheel-drive didn't work a single day that I owned it. I was left to conclude my wife probably knew what she was saying. We should have kept that other car. You know what I appreciated about it never once did she say I told you so not that she didn't want to say it. But even though she disagreed with my decision, she said I will submit to you.

Both of those cars are long gone.

And yet I have a wife who I love more for her graciousness to me. Then I ever would have before. She has a husband who's learned to not be such a dunce and actually listen when she gives me advice. She's usually pretty smart about stuff.

But she was willing to submit and in doing so to help me grow. And that made all the difference. Now God's design is it a wife would submit to a husband's but if not his design that a wife would be a door and I want to make this really clear wife if you read this wives submit to your own husband and you think I just need to be a doormat for him to wipe his feet on whenever he comes in for the day. I want you to drive that picture out of your mind. I want you to replace it with something. That's what the culture would tell you I'm saying the culture would tell you if he says submit to your husband he's saying he wants you to be a doormat. I don't want to be a doormat. I want you to be a christ-like figure in your husband's life somebody willing to lay down your desire somebody willing to take up your cross and deny yourself somebody willing to submit and say okay we're going to go with your decision on this but also somebody willing to say here's what Christ would call us to someone willing to points your husband back to Christ. Look at proverbs 31 sometime not this morning. We don't have time to go and do that the justice that it needs Proverbs 31. And read that and try to equate that with a wife who is a doormat in Proverbs 31. The author says, let me tell you about an amazing wife and precedes the outline somebody who speaks on her husband's behalf. Somebody who makes her husband doesn't make stupid mistakes somebody who makes business decisions and have a ton of authority. Proverbs 31 is not a doormat woman and submit to your husbands does not mean being a doormat. It means recognize this thing that God has given this role in marriage, but do so with the way in way to pushes your husband to become better. Not that allows him to be the mess that he is submit in a way that produces transformation not in a way that Let him go his way to condemnation. That's what God's design is not that you would just be. Silence seen and not heard but that you would be an active Ally in battle for your husband. That's the idea here. Not a doormat, but an active Ally nor why should you be domineering? Look at Genesis chapter 3 if if if you're still there, if not, it's going to be on the screen in Genesis chapter 3. We have Adam just stand there passive. Why leave Falls and then later God says because you guys ignored when I told you here are the consequences and to the woman. He said I will certainly multiply your pain and childbearing and pain you should bring forth children, but look at that your desire shall be contrary to your husband your desire shall be contrary to your husband the result. Of the Brokenness of sin is that men would be passive? And it wives would try to fill that Gap. That men would step back and women would step over. And try to dominate there has been the same word that is translated fear for contrary to that. Same word is used in the next chapter about Cain when the Lord comes a cane and he says Kane Pence before you kill your brother Abel Wright repent because sin is crouching at your door and its desire is contrary to my desire for you. It's desire is to rule over you just like the wife's desire is not a rule over her husband because of sin domineering is as much a dysfunction as much a broken this as being a doormat. Where's that middle line that line that says, here's the way of Christ and I'll submit to you as God design. I'll honor you as God designed. I'll tell you what, I think without demeaning you domineering would say, I'm going to demean you husband. I'm going to

Not all the kids went to children's church. Nevermind. I'm not going to say that.

All right. There is a way to be a wife who does not simply lay on the door step. And let her husband get away with sin. And also to be a wife who does not seek to rule over him and control him and that way is found in looking at how the church submits to cry just like husband's you're meant to look at Jesus to say, what did he do for the church? Okay. That's what I'm going to do for my wife wives were supposed to look at the church and say, okay. How does the church function best? When is it as its Most Blessed when it is under Christ when it is following Christ. These things are meant to work in concert. They're meant to work together a wife who seeks to honor her groom and a husband who seeks to sacrifice himself for his bride. There's all sorts of Brokenness rampant around that. There's all sorts of dysfunction that comes in when our sinfulness comes in but that's God's design now as husbands and Wives come together. It's God's design that eventually that Union would produce fruit that it would produce children. So what do we do with the roles of father and mother in light of who Christ is number. This is all the Light of Christ is all the light of the Gospel in light of who Christ is how do we father? And how do we mother in inverse for of chapter 6 Paul says fathers do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord is to be a faithful provider of physical emotional mental and spiritual needs or faithful provider for those things be a provider for physical emotional mental and spiritual needs. Too many dads though. Too many dads say I'm going to provide for the physical needs by getting a job and working 80 hours a week and never seeing my kids, but by golly I'm being a provider. That is not what got into this matter fact, that's one of those broken this has that we bring in when fathers are absent. That's Brokenness when fathers are not engaged. It's possible dad's. It's possible to be absent even though you're sitting at home. It's possible to be absent even though you are physically in the room with your family. But God has designed you to be present physically emotionally mentally and spiritually providing for the needs of your children. What do they need? Physically, they need food. They need clothes. I need a roof over their heads. God gives you the prime primary responsibility to do that. What do they need emotionally, they need to know that you love them that you're concerned for them that that you are there. To provide comfort and safety for them. That's what they need from you. What do they need? Mentally dad's? They need you to challenge them. Mentally. They need you to demonstrate a willingness to learn and to grow as a person and to provide them with tools for doing that.

They need you to be there spiritually. It's a sad fact that without the women the church would probably cease to exist because God guys God gave you that responsibility to be the provider spiritually for your family to be the one who leads into treasure the word to leave them to love the church believed them to love God with all their heart soul mind and strength like Deuteronomy 6 said last week that's God's design in yet when we are absent that's Brokenness when we remove ourselves from our kids lives. That's Brokenness or when we're overbearing when were such a drill sergeant did our kids never learn to do anything for themselves because we're just right there hovering over them telling them everything. This is what you did wrong. You're such a disappointment to me. Why did you do this? It's just the same thing. It's possible to be absent, even though we're there. It's possibly there. And not meeting the needs but just being overbearing. Neither of those are God's design design then for fathers that we would Faithfully provide what our kids need. Spiritually emotionally mentally physically God's design for mothers of the complementary one with that. Complementary won the design for mothers as I understand it from the word of God is to be a faithful nurturer of physical emotional mental and spiritual health. So how do these two things work in concert dad provides what is needed and then Mom make sure that it comes to fruition dad provides the raw materials and Mom shapes and builds it into a mature. Child growing in these things growing spiritually growing physically growing emotionally growing mentally. It works in concert dad provides Mom nurtures. That's my understanding of the design we break this down though when we have helicopter mom's anybody want to confess to being a helicopter mom?

I'll confess to being a helicopter dad. Frankly. This world screwed up and I sometimes worry about sending my kids out into the screwed-up world, right? But Mom's Dad. God's design is not that we would be overprotective right wrapping your kid in bubble wrap. Probably a little much. Letting them fall down off the bike teaches them to ride the bike letting them make mistakes in this life teaches them how to live this life so you can be mom a nurturer without being a smotherer. All right. It's amazing how close those two words are mother smother.

It's possible though. It's possible because you see your God designed for your mom's. It's possible to say I'm not going to overprotect my child. I'm going to protect them. I'm going to nurture them and provide a safe space for them. But I'm also going to get them ready for the life that's coming physically emotionally mentally and spiritually these two things work together. The other side of broken 4moms is the is the Temptation provided by a culture that's calling you away from your kids to neglect them a culture that would call you to being neglectful of your kids that says pursue your own desires. Do what you want to do. Anybody that says you need to submit to a man or take care of kids. They're wrong. Even if you have kids do what you want to do. to the neglect of your kids that Middle Road Again father's between being absent or being overbearing mothers between being overprotective or smothering and being neglectful on the other hand. What's that middle Road? It's saying in Light of Christ. This is what I'm going to do. I'm going to provide for my kids needs part of providing for them is teaching them to provide for themselves. Part of nurturing my kids is letting them make their own mistakes at the same time providing the guidance, right? That's what God's design is. That's how I broke in this comes out, but we come back to the design of the l x then finally. What do we do with this role of child? What's the role of child in the family verse 1 to chapter six children. Obey your parents in the Lord for this is right honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. What is the desire for kids? What is God's design for kids if I can put it into another one of my really worried definitions. To be a joyful obedient and curious learner the reminding others of God's goodness. That's what I think God designed children. Ask when God designed the world. He did not have to design this. Of immaturity before the child would be ready to go out on their own. He did not have to design kids have to grow progressively. Like there's there's an entire mechanisms of reproduction in the natural world. That could have been used right just like you have this did the split right the cloning kind of technique that we see in nature right that the parents splits itself and I got two copies once the child was apparently they're indistinguishable. They're identical right we could do that. Human humans could be reproducing that way that could be God's design for us and yet he didn't God could design kids to be like animal kids right there. Is there up and run in there up and walking a mama turtle lays eggs on the beach and leaves in the kids have to make their own way thinkorswim. Literally, right? God could have done it that way with us, but he didn't he designed to be in these relationships for a long time where kids grow and learn and they they start out and I can't do anything when I called The Blob Steak and Ale there wherever you put them in Pride usually retina Anthony begin to learn to do things and they roll over and first time parents when your kid rolls over for this first time when your kids starts to crawl when they start to walk when they learn to talk, right the first moments of that are incredible Joy's to watch and see is this kid discover something new about the world over time the novelty wears off. But I think the God's design is to continually bring us back to those moments of joy and wonder. As a kid, I remember like Christmas morning being the best thing ever going and seeing the tree and like just lighting up and then remembering. Oh well, but you know, right and my parent and then I'd apologize right? I'm sorry. I didn't get you anything. That's okay. This is for you. I didn't understand what they were saying at all until I had kids and I was like, this is literally the best thing ever to watch. My four-year-old open presents is the best thing ever cuz they're Joy becomes my joy, and I'm reminded of God's design and watching my kids learn new things. We did one of those grow a butterfly kids right that you get the get the caterpillars and then they do the cocoons and they come out of the Cocoon watching my kids watch this life cycle take place watching them. Enjoy the butterflies. It was like, this is so cool. That's what God gave us kids were to remind us of the joy and the learning and the Curiosity that comes with Discovery and that's how we're to be two adults. By the way. Jesus said unless you become like a child. You can't enter the Kingdom of Heaven to look at a child and say what is it that they've got that? I don't that Jesus says I need Joy curiosity learning. That's what it's meant to do reminding us of God's goodness to us. But Brokenness comes out in our kids, doesn't it? How many of you remember being kids? You should remember some of this Brokenness Disobedience comes out Disobedience. Mom says this and I do this right don't touch the stove. It's hot. Oh, yeah, let me see. Write that disobedience is part of our Brokenness. It's not hardwired into us, but it's certainly a part of our makeup, isn't it? Like we can't help ourselves, but disobey and that's contrary to what God designed children. Obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. We're meant to see that as adults and say that's how I got to treat got out to AB and then yet my kid disobeys me I see so often my Disobedience my Brokenness sullenness is another aspect of Brokenness and kids. This is what this is what I was really good at growing up. I was one of those kids I didn't want to disobey Mom and Dad right? I didn't want to get in trouble. I wanted them to be proud of me. However Sometimes that obedience took on a decidedly negative cast and sometimes I think my mom would have rather that I disobeyed than I did whatever she told me with the attitude. I did it with. All right, Solon disobeying this little girl that stole that her mom tells her you need to sit down. She sits down, but she's sitting there with the face like this. And her mom says what's wrong sweetie, she says well, I'm sitting down on the outside, but I'm standing up on the inside.

Right, we lose the joy of obedience and we're just mad about it or Solon kids do that. Right? We see this broken this so here's my question.

husbands wives you see the design of God in Ephesians chapter 5 But you see our Brokenness as well, right? Mothers fathers you see the design of God and his word and yet you see Brokenness to write. Kids those who are in here and those of us who were kids, right? We see God's design. But we also see the broken this my question is what now? What do we do with that? What we do in light of God's design and our Brokenness? I want to give you just briefly and I do mean briefly but I think we ought to do and this is true not just in this case, but in almost every other case when we see God's design and then we see our Brokenness we ought to where we have failed. Ask for God's forgiveness. The word of God says if you confess your sins, he is faithful and just to forgive your sins and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness and some of you hearing God's design this morning recognizable the spots where your life falls short recognize that but don't just wallow in that misery. Take it to God is a God. I am sorry that I have neglected your design for me as a husband. I'm sorry. I've neglected your design for me as a mother. Would you forgive me? Secondly where you failed ask the Forgiveness of those affected. Ask God's forgiveness, but then go to those who your failure has affected. Right? One of the one of the hardest disciplines for me in the Christian life has been learning to apologize to my wife and my kids when I failed to meet God's design. For my role in their life, and yes, some of the most rewarding times have been when I have gone to my ten-year-old and said I am so sorry that I lost my temper with you. And hear her say I forgive you Daddy. We're going to screw up. We need God's forgiveness. We also need to seek to make things right with those that we've hurt couple of nights ago or few. I'm not very good with time couple Sundays ago one Sunday to go something like that. We watch the movie I Can Only Imagine

About the guy who was with mercy me and you wrote the song I Can Only Imagine you guys are probably heard the song if you listen to Christian radio before anyways, that song came out of an abusive relationship with his dad and in the movie we see him have to learn how to forgive his dad. We see the dad have to learn how to ask for forgiveness. It's not easy, but it's good. So when we fail we ask God forgiveness when we fail we ask the Forgiveness of those affected go to your wife this week and say I'm so sorry that I've been passive go to your husband this week and say I am so sorry. I've tried to be domineering over you go to your kids and say I am so sorry that I've been absent. I'm so sorry that I've been smothering you let's work on this together and then commit to a new way of living seek new knowledge. So many of us just fall back and say will however my parents were in their marriage. That's how I'm going to be in my marriage. However, my parents were with me as a kid. That's how I'm going to raise my kids forget that you turned out the way you did. Are you sure you want to repeat this

Six of new knowledge read a book on parenting read a book on marriage go to the word of God say I wonder what God has to say about this. Ask somebody that you respect find somebody whose marriage you are. Like that's what I want to be when I grow up and go ask them. Can my wife when I get together with you for dinner. We just want to talk about marriage and and how it is the guys working in your life. Go to a parent whose kids you like those kids. They want to talk to you about parenting parents how to parents before you have to parents. great idea Right, but seek new knowledge seek accountability this it this is huge. I have a tendency to misuse my words to be verbally abusive. That is a that is a failing of mine. And so I've sought knowledge. I've looked at the word of God about self-control about controlling the tongue. I understand that. You know what I've seen the most victory in a couple months ago somebody in this congregation. I asked him I said hey, I'm really struggling with my mouth on the way. I use my words. Would you hold me accountable and weekly would you ask me if I've used my Words As Weapons against any member of my family?

It's been transformative to know that if I failed Not only was going to have to ask forgiveness from the person that I affected but I was going to have to tell this accountability partner seek accountability find somebody and say Here's my struggle is a husband. Here's my struggle is a wife. Here's my struggle as a mother as a father and say look, I need you to help hold me accountable to ask me whether or not I am seeking God designer speaking my own desires find accountability, but none of this matters. Seeking new knowledge praying for forgiveness asking for forgiveness seeking accountability none of this matters if it's not God's power at work in you. None of this matters if it's just you trying to change your life by greeting your teeth and trying harder. So you need to go to the guidance a Lord Give Me Your Holy Spirit. Give me the power to change in this way to meet your design and family roles. And then here's the thing with God's power and the new knowledge in the accountability. You commit yourself to this new way of life. And then you just keep doing that until you stop breathing. That is God's call for us as Christian husbands wives mothers fathers children God's call is that we would continually repent continually learn continually grow continually depend on him until we get to go be with him. That is the call don't beat yourself up for ever at your failures as a parent or your failures as your spouse. Recognize your dependence on God. And submit to his grace. Seek to reconcile trust that he will Empower you for let's pray.

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