Where are the Men?

“I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting;” (, NKJV)

In this verse, Paul’s desire is for “men” to “pray everywhere.” However, when we look around it seems as if men are not praying anywhere. Where are the men?

Expose the Need: Men are not present in Church.

There are 113,000,000 men in America over the age of 15

69,000,000 of these men make no profession of faith in Christ

90 million men are not involved in any kind of discipleship. Only 6 million men are involved in discipleship-only 1 out of every 18 men.

“According to Cathy Grossman of USA Today, “Women outnumber men in attendance in every major Christian denomination, and they are 20% to 25% more likely to attend worship at least weekly.” The 2001 U.S. Congregational Life Survey (USCLS) reinforces this data. This survey revealed that an average American congregation is roughly 61% female and 39% male” (https://blog.capterra.com/where-are-all-the-men-exploring-the-gender-gap-in-church/).

More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only two out of six attend church on a given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church.

This weekend almost 25 percent of married, churchgoing women will worship without their husbands.

Women are:

100% more likely to be involved in discipleship

57% more likely to hold a leadership position in the church

54% more likely to participate in a small group

39% more likely to have a regular devotional time

33% more likely to volunteer

29% more likely to attend church

29% more likely to read their Bible

29% more likely to share their faith

16% more likely to pray

Explore the need:

Root Causes

“Pearcey argues that the Industrial Revolution drove men away from the home and into the more distant workplace. She thinks that this move may have driven a wedge between the work and private lives of men, leaving the women at home to take care of matters such as child-rearing and religion” (https://blog.capterra.com/where-are-all-the-men-exploring-the-gender-gap-in-church/).

“While this may be true, David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going to Church, says that it is the modern feminization of the church that is driving men away. Murrow argues that the church has “wrapped the Gospel in this man-repellent package” by presenting the church as a ‘relational’ and ‘nurturing’ congregation. He thinks that this warm presentation of the church is alienating to more ‘goal-driven’ and ‘competitive’ men” (ibid.).

“Now, clearly this stereotype of the rugged, adventurous individual is a hypermasculinized view of man, but Murrow’s point is that by becoming a place dominated by women, the church has come to place a positive emphasis on traits that are more stereotypically attributed to women (emotional expression of feelings, nurturing, physical touch, etc.) which make some men uncomfortable.

“Some pastors agree with Murrow and believe that men need to face the epic struggle of following Jesus, a struggle that is often overshadowed by the affirming, safe, and inviting atmosphere fostered by many churches” (ibid.).

“Steve Sonderman offers another possible reason for the decline in male church attendance in an article for Charisma News. Citing a survey from 2013, Sonderman says that 92% of men have never heard a sermon that discussed the topic of work, a subject that would hold meaning and relevance for most men. Although it’s true that the number of female primary breadwinners in America is on the rise, recent data from Pew Research indicates that sixty percent of breadwinners are still male, suggesting that the topic of work would be relevant to the majority of men. Sonderman’s point is that men don’t find sermons to be relevant to their lives. ‘Most men in our society today do not see the value of going to church,’ he says. ‘It is not speaking their language, and it is not addressing the issues they face’ (ibid.).

95% of men say they don’t have male friends; less than 1/3 of men in church say they have a friend;

Fewer than 10% of U.S. churches are able to establish or maintain a vibrant men’s ministry.

Resulting Consequences

“Why does this matter, and what are the far-reaching consequences of a shortage of churched men? Ross Sawyers, pastor of 121 Community Church, answers this question in stark terms. Sawyers argues that families are 90% more likely to attend church if the man of the household attends. This means that, with a minority of men as significant as the one described by Grossman and the USCLS, the church risks losing the majority of its congregation (both male and female) over time” (https://blog.capterra.com/where-are-all-the-men-exploring-the-gender-gap-in-church/).

When a mother comes to Christ, her family will join her at church only 17% of the time;

but when a father comes to Christ, his family joins him 93% of the time

“To make matters worse, the decline in male attendance in church creates a vicious cycle, with more men tempted to view church as an all-girls club where they would not be welcome or comfortable” (ibid.).

8 Case Studies on Men and Broken Relationships

Adam: Blame-Shifting ().

Cain: Jealousy ().

Lamech: Revenge ().

Ham: Perversion (Genesis 9:20-27).

Nimrod: Power ().

Lot: Exploitation and Indecision ().

Peter: Men don’t like it when God’s plans cut across their plans (Matthew 16:21-23).

“Again the solemn command was given to hasten, for the fiery storm would be delayed but little longer. But one of the fugitives ventured to cast a look backward to the doomed city, and she became a monument of God's judgment. If Lot himself had manifested no hesitancy to obey the angels’ warning, but had earnestly fled toward the mountains, without one word of pleading or remonstrance, his wife also would have made her escape. The influence of his example would have saved her from the sin that sealed her doom. But his hesitancy and delay caused her to lightly regard the divine warning. While her body was upon the plain, her heart clung to Sodom, and she perished with it. She rebelled against God because His judgments involved her possessions and her children in the ruin. Although so greatly favored in being called out from the wicked city, she felt that she was severely dealt with, because the wealth that it had taken years to accumulate must be left to destruction. Instead of thankfully accepting deliverance, she presumptuously looked back to desire the life of those who had rejected the divine warning. Her sin showed her to be unworthy of life, for the preservation of which she felt so little gratitude.” Patriarchs and Prophets, p. 161

Abraham: Neglecting Responsibility ().

Peter: Stubbornness ().

The Root of all Broken Relationships

“Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be.” (, NKJV)

In order for men to return to worship, they must reject hostility and hatred and embrace holiness.

Men must reject hostility and hatred: “wrath and doubting”

A man must take care of his issues at home and in his heart before he can truly be present and engaged in the house of God.

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” (, NKJV)

“Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” (, NKJV)

A Man must take care of his issues at home and in his heart.

Men must embrace holiness: “lifting up holy hands”

The hands are a symbol of what a man does.

“Although no violence is in my hands, And my prayer is pure.” (, NKJV)

“I will wash my hands in innocence; So I will go about Your altar, O Lord,” (, NKJV)

Lifting up the hands is a symbol of Who a man depends on.

“Hear the voice of my supplications When I cry to You, When I lift up my hands toward Your holy sanctuary [or holiness].” (, NKJV)

“Lift up your hands in the sanctuary [or holiness], And bless the Lord.” (, NKJV)

““Arise, cry out in the night, At the beginning of the watches; Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord. Lift your hands toward Him For the life of your young children, Who faint from hunger at the head of every street.”” (, NKJV)

“Let us lift our hearts and hands To God in heaven.” (, NKJV)

Men are to lead the church in worship.

Men are to be visible in worship.

Men must pattern themselves after Him, “the Man Christ Jesus” ().

Paul bases his instruction to men on the example of “the Man” (v. 5): “therefore”

What could provide a better picture of strength and masculinity than God becoming a man and coming to this world to suffer and die in order to save His bride (vv. 5-6)? “who gave Himself a ransom for all”

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” (, NKJV)