Dealing With Conflict Within the Church

In one of the most beloved comic strips ever (Peanuts), there is one particular scene between Lucy and Snoopy that takes place. In this strip, Lucy tells Snoopy, “You know, there are times when you really bug me! But I must admit there are also times when I feel like giving you a hug.” After Lucy hugs Snoopy and walks away, Snoopy replies, “That’s the way I am… bugable and hugable!”

In one of the most beloved comic strips ever (Peanuts), there is one particular scene between Lucy and Snoopy that takes place. In this strip, Lucy tells Snoopy, “You know, there are times when you really bug me! But I must admit there are also times when I feel like giving you a hug.” After Lucy hugs Snoopy and walks away, Snoopy replies, “That’s the way I am… bugable and hugable!”

That’s the way it goes sometimes in relationships, isn’t it? At one moment, you want to just hug and love on someone. At other moments, you want to just ring their necks.

When we find ourselves in situations like these, can be a little frustrating.

Romans 12:18 CSB

If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

If you are anything like me, one of your greatest desires is to live a conflict-free life. I do not like conflict. It gets me worked up like few things can. Sadly, I have found that it is a part of life is this fallen world that we live in.

It would be nice if everyone saw everything my way, but life does not work that way. It doesn’t work that way in the real world, and it doesn’t work that way in the church either.

It surprises people at times that the church is a place where conflict is present. When you think about the fact that the church is made up of sinners who come from different walks of life, why would we think that conflict might not arise?

As we continue to look at points of our church covenant, one will notice that there is a point that speaks to the reality of conflict and our ways of dealing with it.

We determine by the aid of the Holy Spirit to be slow to take offense, but always ready for reconciliation and strive to preserve the unity of the Spirit.

I do not know who first put that in our church’s covenant, but I am so grateful that they did. This is a good statement of what we as a church should strive for in our relationships and confrontations.

Ephesians 4:3 CSB

making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

This is what we should strive for but also realize that this is work. This is not just going to happen on its own. People will have a difference of opinions. People will not see eye-to-eye completely on everything — even in the church. There will be times when we fail one another or even offend one another in a sinful way.

How do are we to deal with this conflict when it arises?

To answer this question, I have found that the best place to look is the . I would like to focus our attention on these verses this morning and allow the Holy Spirit to show us how to deal with conflict when it arises.

Matthew 18:15–17 CSB

“If your brother sins against you, go and rebuke him in private. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he won’t listen, take one or two others with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established. If he doesn’t pay attention to them, tell the church. If he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like a Gentile and a tax collector to you.

[Prayer]

The passage of Scripture that we are focusing on this morning was first spoken by Jesus to His disciples in answer to a question they had posed to Him. They had asked about who would be greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Jesus would go on to show that to even enter the kingdom of heaven, one would have to have childlike faith. Jesus also gives a warning in verse 6 that anyone who becomes a stumbling block to others coming into the kingdom (especially children) would face severe judgment.

In verse 7 of Matthew, Jesus says a phrase that I find interesting. He says, “For offenses will inevitably come...” The original word for ‘offenses’ there is ‘skandalon’ where we get the word ‘scandal’ from. Jesus knew that because of sin’s effect there would be many times where people do others wrong.

In the passage that we are focusing on today, Jesus picks up with how to handle when a fellow Christian wrongs you. I would like to point out that the four steps that Jesus shares pertains to the family of God — fellow Christians especially those within the context of the local church to which you belong. This is another instance for which it is important to have a church family that you have committed to as a member. A couple of these steps can relate to any circumstance — even issues with people who are not Christians, but the primary context here is within a church.

4 Steps of Conflict Resolution Within the Church

Private Correction

In , Jesus tells His disciples (then and now) that the first step to handling conflict with another is to go to the person who has done the wrong one-on-one… face-to-face. Notice that Jesus said go to them face-to-face, not go to Facebook. It is baffling to me how many people when they are “wronged” will turn to social media with a passive-aggressive attack on the one who wronged them. This should not be done by anyone but especially not by the people of God.

When we are wronged, the first thing that we should do is go to the Lord in prayer and ask for understanding, clarity, boldness, and the opportunity to meet with the offender to discuss the issue. We may find out that the wrong that we thought was so spiteful was nothing more than a miscommunication. This one step gives the opportunity for clarity to shine on the situation and keep it from escalating needlessly.

It may be that there was a legitimate wrong done that needs to be confronted. It could be that the offender did not realize that his or her words or actions hurt the way that they did.

I truly believe that if we took Jesus’ words seriously and did this step first, many of the issues that split relationships or even churches would be dealt with before they escalated to that point.

Small Group Clarification

Sadly, step one does not always fix the situation. Jesus knew that, and He gave a second step to take when step one does not work. In , Jesus said that the second step is to take one or two others with you to talk with the offender again.

We need to be clear that this is not gathering up sides to go to war. This is not to be an attempt to bully someone into a confession and repentance. The heart behind this whole process is restoration. We want to strive for the unity of the Spirit. We are not looking to win a fight. We are looking to see that the one who has wronged another and the relationship is restored to the glory of Christ.

It has been my thoughts that if this step is needed, to go and find one or two people who care for the offender greatly not just people who have my back. In doing this step the right way, a third party can help bring clarity to the situation for both the offended and the offender.

Jesus reminds us that this is not a new plan He was instituting, but had been the plan God had among His people from the beginning as He quotes from . This was set to bring clarification to the situation and not allow it to get blown out of proportion.

In this step, there is a plea for the offender to see the wrong that has been done, confess it and make things right. Once again, restoration is the goal in conflicts not winning a fight.

Church Admonition

As we may know, even if we faithfully go through steps one and two, the offender may still not see the error of his or her way. It is at this point where the whole church is brought into the equation.

is only the second time that the word “church” (ekklesia) is used in the Gospel of Matthew. The first instance came in where Jesus talks about building His church on the confession that Simon Peter gave — that Jesus is the Messiah.

Jesus says that the third step — after steps one and two — is to bring the issue before the church (). The church here is a reference to a local congregation not the Church universal.

Matthew 18:17a CSB

If he doesn’t pay attention to them, tell the church. If he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like a Gentile and a tax collector to you.

As David Platt stated in a commentary,

This step may sound unloving or even embarrassing, but we need to feel the tone behind what Jesus is saying here. We’re tempted to think, “Why tell a whole group of people about this brother and his sin?” In reality, however, the entire church is saying together, “We love you, and we want you to come back to Christ.” God loves us so much that if we are caught in sin, He will send an entire army of believers to us as a demonstration of His love and mercy.

In reality, however, the entire church is saying together, “We love you, and we want you to come back to Christ.” God loves us so much that if we are caught in sin, He will send an entire army of believers to us as a demonstration of His love and mercy.

Some people wonder why church membership is so important. This is one reason why it is important. When a Christian is unwilling to turn from sin in his or her life, then he or she hurts the name of Christ. It is the responsibility of the local church to look after the spiritual health of the church. It is also the responsibility of the local church fellowship to love one another to reach out to them in truthful love and pull them back from sin.

James 5:19–20 CSB

My brothers and sisters, if any among you strays from the truth, and someone turns him back, let that person know that whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.

James 5:19-

Treat As Unbeliever

As verse 17 continues, Jesus lays out the final step in this process. It is not a step that one wants to go to, but unfortunately, it has to be there. If a “Christian” who has sinned against another refuses to repent after going through the first three steps, then Jesus says that they are to be treated as “a Gentile or tax collector”. This is a reference to one who is not a believer or follower of Jesus.

There are two applications to this.

The church is to remove the unrepentant person from membership in the local church.

One bad apple can taint the whole batch.

The church (including the one who was sinned against) is to reach out to this person with the gospel just as they would any person who has not trusted Christ.

It would be easier to just simply write the offender off and just shun him or her completely. Sadly, this is exactly what many have done with this verse. We must remember that the goal of conflict resolution in the church is not as much about being right as it is restoration. If we are truly seeking to restore our brother or sister in Christ, then we need to properly identify where they are currently and get them to where they need to be. We do not pretend that everything is okay. We do the work necessary to reach the wayward person and bring them back to where they should be.

Conclusion

Conflict is a rough and trying part of life in this fallen world. There will be times when we have to work through these steps that Jesus has given to His church to bring someone to where they should be. There will be times when someone will need to walk through these steps with us.

The goal in this whole process is that people will see their sin and return to Christ and that sin will not spread further like leaven in bread. This is for the good of that individual and the protection and purity of the church.

We can save a lot of relationships if we simply do them the way they were intended by the One who created each of us.

We can be thankful that Jesus has thought about all the issues that we will face and given us a remedy for each. Let us make sure that our relationships are what they should be, and that our church can be all that Jesus intends her to be as well.