Key Responses to Sexual Abuse

One of the most important things to realize about someone who is revealing they have been sexually abused is they are demonstrating a huge amount of courage to come forward.

One aspect of this type of abuse for the victim is the loss of voice.

usually followed by a demand of not to tell anyone about what happened

threats of what will happen if they do

sense of shame makes them not want to talk

what they will go through if they do tell someone

By the time they talk with a ministry leader/pastor, they have gone through all of this in their head

THAT TAKES COURAGE!!!

Once a person comes and talks with you about this you should have helped them make decisions about the following:

What legal step need to be taken.

What self-care steps are wise.

We must be careful to let the conversation play out entirely before we get to these parts.

If we are focused on the conclusions, we will come across being cold and point everything to the legal obligation we feel the person should go.

This could result in the person feeling that we don’t care.

It

The pain of the incident will not only resurface but will be worse.

They feel someone they trusted they could come to has let them down.

Since we are supposed to be representing God, they will also interpret this as Him letting them down as well.

In your head you’re already thinking, “This is a mess.”

It is.

When we hear the word abuse, it will cloud our thinking.

If it does ours, you can only imagine what the victim has been and is going through.

Even though the circumstances which have lead to the abuse are individual, the results will be a lot the same.

We may not be qualified to go through the entire process with the victim, but that doesn’t excuse us from being capable of walking the first steps with them, and doing it well.

Video - 3:19 (three speakers)

What are good pastoral practices for receiving an initial disclosure of sexual abuse?

After listening to the person as the talk through what has happened to them, then we need to focus on what steps need to be taken next.

Honor the courage of the person talking

Make sure to let them get it all out

Next steps

What is the legal obligation or Christian duty to step forward

Don’t forget lesson three

If it is a minor, we have to report to the authorities, no choice.

We need to make sure we have our stuff together.

If it is an adult, capable of making a “rational” decision, the victim chooses what happens next.

Video - 9:49 (two speakers)

What are key skills and points of focus when a minor discloses the experience of sexual abuse?

This question was asked in one of the earlier sessions.

What steps need to be taken if an adult is speaking to you of an incident that took place when they were a minor?

Ask or find out if the person still has contact with children.

If so, this person sharing with you about what the person did earlier would constitute “reasonable suspicion” that it is still going on.

CPS needs to be contacted, and a report filed. Then they can take the investigation from there.

If no, it doesn’t mean we don’t need to contact the authorities about a crime, but it can slow down the process since we are dealing with an abuser who has no contact with children.

Examples - date rape, sexual assault, or sexual abuse in marriage where children aren’t in harms way.

Since children aren’t involved, it will allow the victim to focus on their own safety and what they feel the next steps are to be taken.

Questions to be prepared for from the victim:

What would the emotional cost of going through of pressing charges?

Am I ready for that?

What would I need to do to be ready for that legal process?

What are the emotional costs of not pressing charges?

Am I okay with nothing being done?

We may not have the answers to all of these questions, and that’s okay.

What we need to be able to do in the first initial discussion is:

Assure the victim that these are great questions to be asking.

Assure them of your support whatever the way the answer their questions they have.

Help them connect with someone experienced in working with abuse cases.

There is one more role we need to play in first disclosure.

So far we should have:

heard the victim’s story

affirmed their courage

validated their options

Now, we need to help them find a good counselor.

options will vary in number and quality in different communities

once again, there are resources in this book to help us vet good counselors who we could recommend for the victim

Video - 15:53 (one speaker)

What are key qualities in a counselor who works with sexual abuse cases?

Once we get the victim to a counselor, don’t look at this as your job is done.

Your continued follow up helps the person feel:

They matter

Takes care of the feeling that they shared their story, now you don’t want anything to do with them because of this horrible thing that happened.

Once the decision has been made on a counselor, you can tell them you will be available to talk about anything they want to share with you from their sessions.

This let’s them know you are willing to meet with them and you care.

You won’t be the one asking a question of anything more than, “How are things going?”

This allows them to tell you as much as they want.

If they don’t schedule a time with you, a call or contact from you wouldn’t be out of question. To me, this shows the person you care. (This is a totally “Rick thing” here.

Don’t push or harass. Just show them that they are still on your plate.

We don’t have to be experts in any of the things which are going on legally or through counseling.

We just need to be willing to be there and love on the person as they go through this.

They need to know they aren’t alone, and we genuinely care about what is happening to them.