This Then is the Gospel Way to Live (A Focus on Marriage)
Listen Up to the One In Charge! • Sermon • Submitted
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Introduction
Title: This Then is the Gospel Way to Live (Part 1)
Title: This Then is the Gospel Way to Live (A Focus on Marriage)
Text:
Text:
Main Idea: Christ’s Rightly Motivated Rules for You Home
1. Christ’s Rules for Wives (vs. 18)
2. Christ’s Rules of Husbands (vs. 19)
Introduction
Introduction
When you break that down by number of marriages:
42-45% percent of first marriages end in divorce.
60% of second marriages end in divorce.
73% of third marriages end in divorce.
For the believer, these stats should be much lower because we are to be living a different life!
What is the Biblical Solution?
“Christians divorce at roughly the same rate as the world!”
It’s one of the most quoted stats by Christian leaders today. And it’s perhaps one of the most inaccurate.
At bottom, it is used to explain that Christians are not doing well in living out their faith. But it could also be taken as a statement that redemption by and real discipleship under Jesus makes no real difference when it comes to marriage. But mainstream sociologists would tell us that taking one’s faith very seriously—in word and deed—does indeed make a marked positive difference in the health and longevity of marriage. Based on the best data available, the divorce rate among Christians is significantly lower than the general population.
What do the hearers need to know?
Here’s the truth…
People who seriously practice a traditional religious faith—whether Christian or other—have a divorce rate markedly lower than the general population. The factor making the most difference is religious commitment and practice.
What appears intuitive is true. Couples who regularly practice any combination of serious religious behaviors and attitudes—attend church nearly every week, read their bibles and spiritual materials regularly; pray privately and together; generally take their faith seriously, living not as perfect disciples, but serious disciples—enjoy significantly lower divorce rates than mere church members, the general public, and unbelievers.
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/factchecker-divorce-rate-among-christians/
And so, Paul - now in the very practical portion of His letter gives some hard-hitting counsel to the believers in Colossae.
Actually, he focuses on three areas. Marriage, Parenting and Work. This week we will focus on the Christian Marriage!
Main Idea: Hey Mr. and Mrs.! Do You Follow Christ’s Rules for Your Roles?
Interrogative: Yes, there are rules for your roles. And if you chaffed at the sound of the word rule, you are in the right place this morning!
“Wait!” You protest, “I thought we lived under the age of Grace?”
Amen and amen! And the rules the Lord gives are not for your salvation, but for your growth in godliness!
Transition:
1. Christ’s Rule for the Christian Wife (vs. 18)
Lead in…While it is only one rule, it’s a big one! And it uses a word that the unsaved world doesn’t much care for...
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Text -
Explanation - Honestly, none of us like the “submit” love because it goes against our nature. We don’t like to be told what to do, how to live, what to think and so forth. Even if those things are good for us. We want to be in control and in charge of our lives.
And this is especially true of women.
But, ladies, before you get too frustrated at this passage, let’s take a closer look so we can understand what Paul is really communicating!
This is how I restate the passage...
“Married Christian women have a biblical mandate from God through the Apostle Paul to willingly put themselves under the authority of their own husband, not because their husband deserves it, but the Lord does!” - Me
Paul is speaking to the New People in Christ and the New Way they are to live their lives.
And so the first thing He tells them to do is submit.
It is interesting that marriage vows used to include the word “obey” in them for the wife to promise to do for her husband.
Did you know that this in not what Paul is saying here?
The word submit in verse 18 is not obey. In fact if you go to verses 20 and 22 the word obey is used.
20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.
22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.
22 he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,
Okay, so in verses 20 and 22 is the greek word, Hupakouo (ὑπακούω)
Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words Obedience, Obedient, Obey
hupakouo (ὑπακούω, 5219), “to listen, attend” (as in Acts 12:13), and so, “to submit, to obey,” is used of “obedience”
But in verse 18 the greek word used is, Hupotasso (ὑποτάσσω)...
(ὑποτάσσω)
Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words Subject, Subjection
“subjecting yourselves”
Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words Subject, Subjection
hupotasso (ὑποτάσσω, 5293),
In other words, to willingly put oneself under another’s authority. So it is not an issue of unquestioned, unwilling obedience, but of a willful choice on the part of the wife.
Well this begs the question, why would she do such a thing? Why would she put herself under the authority of this man?
Paul gives what her motive ought to be… “Look at the end of verse 18...
“as is fitting in the Lord.” Well, what does this mean?
Wuest’s Word Studies in the Greek New Testament Chapter Three
The words, “in the Lord,” are to be construed with the word “fitting.” This obligation on the part of the wife is fitting in the Lord in the sense that she is as to her position in salvation, in Christ, and a person in such a position has the moral obligation to obey the scriptures when they admonish the wife to be in subjection to her husband.
In other words, she, the CHRISTIAN WIFE is entrusting herself to the safe care and keeping not of her husband, but of her Savior! The submission to her husband is an act of worship to her God!
Now, does this submission mean that she is somehow less valuable or inferior to her husband? Absolutely not! The wife is every bit equal to the husband as the husband is to the wife!
Explain -
What if your husband asks you to do something that is contrary to the Word of God?
Well, don’t do it! Remember, when you are commanded to sin against God, we alway follow God! Remember what the apostles said when the sanhedrin commanded them to stop preaching the gospel?
27 And when they had brought them, they set them before the council. And the high priest questioned them, 28 saying, “We strictly charged you not to teach in this name, yet here you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching, and you intend to bring this man’s blood upon us.” 29 But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men. 30 The God of our fathers raised Jesus, whom you killed by hanging him on a tree.
We never obey man or his laws if they are in contradiction to what God has revealed in His holy Word!
Martha King, the author of An Exegetical Summary of Colossians, said this...
Neither does it mean that the wife should obey her husband if he asks her to do something wrong. It is not slavery, nor is it being a doormat, but it is a willing submission springing out of the wife’s social position and out of the love she has for her husband and the desire she has to lean on him for support. It is voluntary submission, recognizing that God has appointed the husband as leader, recognizing the hierarchy instituted by God in creation, accepting the way God has ordered life in the family. (Martha King)
QUESTION—What is meant by ὑποτάσσεσθε ‘be subject’?
It means to be subject [EG, Herm, TH, WBC], to subject oneself [EG, WBC], to submit oneself [Ea, EG, Lg, Lns, TNTC], to be submissive [NTC], to be subordinate [NIC, TH, WBC], to obey [Alf, EGT, My, NTC, TH], to be ruled [TH], to accept or recognize the authority of another [SSA, TH], from which acceptance obedience flows [SSA]. It refers to the relationship between those in authority and those in subordination to them [Herm]. It refers to the role and function of the wife [TNTC]. It does not imply that the wife is inferior [EG, NIC, NTC, TNTC, WBC], nor does it downgrade her dignity [Herm]. Neither does it mean that the wife should obey her husband if he asks her to do something wrong [NTC]. It is not slavery [Ea, TNTC, WBC], nor is it being a doormat [TNTC], but it is a willing submission springing out of the wife’s social position and out of the love she has for her husband and the desire she has to lean on him for support [Ea]. It is voluntary submission, recognizing that God has appointed the husband as leader [Ea, EG, NTC, WBC], recognizing the hierarchy instituted by God in creation [EG, NIC, WBC], accepting the way God has ordered life in the family [Mrt].
The ESV Study Bible Chapter 3
Instead of telling wives to “obey” (Gk. hypakouō), as was typical in Roman households, Paul appeals to them to “submit” (Gk. hypotassō), based on his conviction that men have a God-given leadership role in the family.
The Christian husband and wife are equals in creation and salvation, yet different in role and function.
God has created this order and we do well to follow His plan and parameters for this plan.
Christian wives are to willingly submit themselves under the headship and leadership of of the Christian husband!
By the way, Jesus knew something about this kind of submission! Do you remember when Jesus was just a boy...
50 And they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them. 51 And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.
49 And he said to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” 50 And they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them. 51 And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.
51 And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.
Imagine! The creator of all there is submitted himself willingly under the family structure that He not only thought up, but created! Amazing!
Ladies, what kind of pride are you dealing with when you say that you do not need to subject yourself in the same way Jesus did?
Wait a minute, you protest! I thought we are all equal at the foot of the cross? I mean you just preached ...
11 Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.
And...
28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
28
Well, this is true and we say amen and amen! But Paul, in both verses is referring to the fact that Salvation is for all people, not for our various roles within the Christian life.
17 Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.
This command was not limited to Paul’s day, as is obvious from two reasons he gave elsewhere: (1) the order of Creation (man was created first, then woman; ); (2) the order within the Godhead (Christ submits to the Father; ). Submission or subordination does not mean inferiority; it simply means that the husband, not the wife, is head of the home. If he may be thought of as the “president,” she is the “vice-president.”
Wait another minute! You don’t understand how incompetent my husband is! He doesn’t think things through and I can’t trust Him to make the right decisions!
Norman L. Geisler, “Colossians,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 683.
Can you imagine the intellectual prowess of Jesus Christ living with inferior, sin cursed parents? Yet, he willingly submitted Himself to them!
The MacArthur Study Bible Chapter 3
The Gr. verb means “to subject oneself,” which denotes willingly putting oneself under someone or something (cf. Luke 2:51; 10:17, 20; Rom. 8:7; 13:1, 5; 1 Cor. 15:27, 28; Eph. 1:22).
Your superior intellect and advanced capabilities to that of your husband’s doesn’t supersede the clarity and authority of God’s Word. Paul says here in Colossians and also in Ephesians...
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
My heart goes out to my wife who has to submit to my failing leadership. But this is God’s will for her life.
It is interesting however, to understand this mandate from the lens of the Colossian culture of 2000 years ago and not our world today.
In a world where the hierarchy of value was Men - Dogs - Women, Jesus was quite counter-cultural!
Jesus and Paul both elevated women! We tend to read our world in this text, but when you understand what life was like back then, it will open your eyes!
Jesus and Paul both elevated women! We tend to read our world in this text, but when you understand what life was like back then, it will open your eyes!
Preaching the Word: Colossians and Philemon—The Supremacy of Christ Fullness in Marriage (vv. 18, 19)
William Barclay writes:
Under Jewish law a woman was a thing; she was the possession of her husband, just as much as his house or his flocks or his material goods were. She had no legal right whatever. For instance, under Jewish law, a husband could divorce his wife for any cause, while a wife had no rights whatever in the initiation of divorce. In Greek society a respectable woman lived a life of entire seclusion. She never appeared on the streets alone, not even to go marketing. She lived in the women’s apartments and did not join her menfolk even for meals. From her there was demanded a complete servitude and chastity; but her husband could go out as much as he chose, and could enter into as many relationships outside marriage as he liked and incur no stigma. Both under Jewish and under Greek laws and custom, all the privileges belonged to the husband, and all the duties to the wife.
So, as you can see, the Christian Worldview actually elevates and appreciates women in a way that the culture back then simply did not!
Christian woman, you are created in the image of God and God the Father offered up God the Son as an atoning sacrifice for your sin! You are equal to any and every man - Yet God has lovingly and wisely prepared a role for you to play. And when you do things His way, great blessings and growth are the result.
There are many reasons God gives in His word which show why God has chosen the path for the Christian wife...
This command was not limited to Paul’s day, as is obvious from two reasons he gave elsewhere:
(1) the order of Creation (man was created first, then woman)
13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve;
(2) the order within the Godhead (Christ submits to the Father
Norman L. Geisler, 683. BKC
3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
).
Norman Geisler - “Submission or subordination does not mean inferiority; it simply means that the husband, not the wife, is head of the home. If he may be thought of as the “president,” she is the “vice-president.””- Norman L. Geisler, 683. BKC
Submission or subordination does not mean inferiority; it simply means that the husband, not the wife, is head of the home. If he may be thought of as the “president,” she is the “vice-president.” - Norman L. Geisler, 683. BKC
Christian woman, you are created in the image of God and God the Father offered up God the Son as an atoning sacrifice for your sin! You are equal to any and every man - Yet God has lovingly and wisely prepared a role for you to play. And when you do things His way, great blessings and growth are the result.
Illustration - Clothes washing machine and Dishwasher.
Argumentation - Don’t fall into the trap of Satan who is always trying to get us to desire something other than what God has given or instructed. He is always trying to get us to doubt God’s Word and His goodness to us! He wants us to explain away God’s holy truth because it doesn’t seem reasonable to us.
Ladies, do you trust God? Do you trust his word? Do you understand that whatever God tells us to do is for His Glory and our Good?
Application - Christian wives - Are you submitting yourself to the leadership of your husband or are you trying to take over a role that you were not given to play in your family?
Let me tell you a secret from a guys perspective. When you continually nag and drip and argue and push what you want, we just want to give up and give over control to you.
When you encourage and discuss and pray and affirm and most importantly, respect and realize the role that God has given Christian husbands, we will want to go to the wall for you.
Other than Jesus himself, there is one person on this planet that I want to impress and have her respect - Angie. If I have those things, there is very little I won’t do for her.
Wives, do you respect and submit yourself under the leadership of you husband? It may not feel right, he doesn’t always deserve it, but because God has commanded it, it is right!
Review - Hey Mr. and Mrs.! Do You Follow Christ’s Rules for Your Roles?
Christ’s Rule for the Christian Wife (vs. 18)
2. Christ’s Rules for the Husband (vs. 19)
Lead in…Not just one rule, but two. One is a put on and one is a put off. Take a look!
19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
Col
Explanation - It is interesting in light of what I shared with you earlier regarding the culture of family back when Paul penned this letter. It was very much an excessively patriarchal society where the men could do basically anything they desired!
This was a far cry from the biblical ideal.
Certainly even in the Old Testament, God’s ideal with Adam and Eve was perverted in short order. Listen to Moses
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
One man, one woman - He cleaving to her as a solid, one fleshed unit!
Yet, multiple wives and concubines! Sex outside of marriage, divorce, homosexuality, beastiality and so forth. The human race is quite good at taking what God has called good and turn it to something dark, base and unholy.
And yet Paul, in his clear and simple way, pulls the Christians in Colossae back to the simple truth God started with in Genesis. One man, one woman, one flesh for life.
And quite frankly, Gentlemen, by the shear volume of what Paul has to say to the husbands in both this text and others, we have the larger portion of responsibility to ensure our marriages are strong and pleasing to God! We simply cannot afford to be passive men any longer!
And the admonition to the husbands in Colossae? It’s two-fold.
Rule #2 - Don’t be harsh!
Rule #1 - Love your wife!
Rule #2 - Don’t be harsh!
Isn’t it interesting that the first command Paul gives the husbands is for them to LOVE their wives!
Now, I want you to understand that this isn’t just any kind of love here. It is not a family love (Phileo)! It is not a lustful love (Eros)!
It is an AGAPE love. What is an agape love? Agape love is a self-denying, others focused, giving love!
16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
God gave His Son, Jesus, as the wrath-absorbing sacrifice to pay our sin debt. There is no greater gift that you and I could ever possibly receive!
And so, husbands, this love is the kind of love we are to give our lives!
In fact, Paul says this in his letter to the Ephesians!
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
When a man takes on the responsibility of being a husband there are some radical shifts that MUST take place in his life. He is no longer a bachelor. Life no longer revolves around his former single life. His life is now “one-fleshed” with another. The other, his wife, is to be loved by him with a self-sacrifical love that puts her above him. This is a love like Christs love for His Church. Christ died to rescue His people from eternal condemnation and to help them grow in holiness and grace.
This is your job, husband! You are to be the main person in your wife’s life that help her to grow in holiness and grace!
Look at the rest of what Paul says in ...
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
25-
Wow! Husbands are to love their wives and much as they love themselves!
How much do you love yourself, men? If your like me, I have an ongoing love affair with me. I feed myself, I cloth myself, I by things for myself. I have no problem pushing for what “me” wants. It kind of scary actually to really think about this because I am far more self-focused and selfish than I’d care to admit. But all of this needs to take a backseat to the wife God has graciously given me.
There is a problem that easily crops up, however. When I don’t get my way, I can easily become angry and (as the ESV says) “be harsh with them.”
Look at how the NKJV translates it...
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
Can you put yourselves in the shoes of the Colossian men for a minute? Their culture permitted them to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted! And now, as followers of Christ, they are limited to one wife and a one-fleshed life with her. She was not to be considered property but as a fellow believer who is equal in her position before God as her husband. This could be a recipe for bitterness - This could enflame his anger like a spoiled child who isn’t getting his way!
Paul says, don’t you even think about it!
Rule #1 - Love your wife!
Rule #2 - Do not be harsh with them!
How do I do this?
First, as a believing husband, repent of your pride and selfishness. Get over yourself! Life is no longer about you!
“The world doesn’t revolved around you any longer!” Have a realistic perspective of yourself. God calls you a servant. That’s what we are!
Second, learn about what she likes! What pleases her? What brings her joy? What makes her sad? Spoil her! Make it so there is never any question in her mind how much she is adored by you!
In short, go to graduate school regarding your wife! Go to Wife University and earn your PhD in Wifeology!
This it what the apostle Peter tells us...
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Live with your wives in an understanding way!
Honor your wife and treat her like the fine and expensive china she is!
Recognize that she has the same position with the Lord that you have! She is an heir as well - Stop thinking like you are superior to her!
Motivation for this? So your God will hear you! Yes, that is right! Husbands, if you treat your wife like trash, God isn’t interested in hearing from you. Go and humble yourself before your wife, ask for forgiveness, treat her like a queen and then your line of communication with God will be open again.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
I’m telling you, if you treat your wife with this kind of Agape love, you will make it so much easier for her to obey God as she is called to submit to you and your leadership!
Guys! Get over your pride and realize the great gift you have been given! If you don’t like your wife, go look in the mirror! I suspect you are not being the husband God calls you to be!
Illustration -
Preaching the Word: Colossians and Philemon—The Supremacy of Christ Fullness Through the Husband (v. 19)
Dr. Robert Seizer, in his book Mortal Lessons: Notes in the Art of Surgery, tells of performing surgery to remove a tumor in which it was necessary to sever a facial nerve, leaving a young woman’s mouth permanently twisted in palsy. In Dr. Seizer’s own words:
Her young husband is in the room. He stands on the opposite side of the bed, and together they seem to dwell in the evening lamp light, isolated from me, private. Who are they, I ask myself, he and this wry-mouth I have made, who gaze at and touch each other so generously, greedily? The young woman speaks. “Will my mouth always be like this?” she asks. “Yes,” I say, “it will. It is because the nerve was cut.” She nods, and is silent. But the young man smiles. “I like it,” he says. “It is kind of cute.” All at once I know who he is. I understand, and I lower my gaze. One is not bold in an encounter with a god. Unmindful, he bends to kiss her crooked mouth, and I, so close, can see how he twists his own lips to accommodate to hers, to show her that their kiss still works.
It is possible to love your spouse as your own body. Practically, this means that the husband must do all he can to understand her world.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Argumentation - Is it possible to love your spouse as you do your own body? Yes it is! And gentlemen, it is your biblical mandate from God himself to love your wives.
The gospel can help - Do you understand how much God love you? Do you understand how sinful and off-putting you are? Do you understand what God did to make you and keep you His own? This is agape love and this is the love you are to have for your wife. It is a glorious and beautiful picture of the gospel when you do!
Application - In light of this passage, do you love your wife? Do you love your wife as deeply and gospel focused as you should? If not, today is the day for you to get your heart right with the Lord! Repent of your pride and selfishness. Repent of trying to live the single life while being married! Repent and rejoice in the “wife of your youth”!
Review - Hey Mr. and Mrs.! Do You Follow Christ’s Rules for Your Roles?
Division 3 Statement:
Lead in...What is the tension here?
Text -
Hey Mr. and Mrs.! Do You Follow Christ’s Rules for Your Roles?
Explanation -
Christ’s Rule for the Christian Wife
Illustration -
Argumentation -
Application -
Christ’s Rules for the Husband
Review -
Conclusion (Visualization)
Review opening illustration (if appropriate)
We have seen two radical calls. One call is to wives: submission. The other is to husbands: to love as Christ loves. These cannot be read in isolation; they go together. It is unthinkably absurd for a Christian husband to demand submission of his wife if he is not radically loving her; likewise, it is errant logic for a wife who is not submissive to demand such love.
Land the Plane
R. Kent Hughes, Colossians and Philemon: The Supremacy of Christ, Preaching the Word (Westchester, IL: Crossway Books, 1989), 120.Land the Plane
Believe it or not, God actually does know how to keep your marriage together. The question is, will you “Listen up to the one in charge?” Or will you obey your feelings that are screaming at you to live for yourself?
Connection Group Reflection Questions
Why is important to realize that Paul is speaking to Christians in this passage?
Why is a willing submission so difficult for the believing wife? To whom is she truly submitting?
What did you learn from the Dishwasher/Clothes washer illustration?
Are wives equal to their husbands? Why is this important to understand?
What should a husband understand when he gets married? Why is this crucial for the success of the marriage?
Who is a
Why would a husband be tempted to become bitter?
What does a good and godly marriage picture?