This Then is the Gospel Way to Live (A Focus on Marriage)
hupakouo (ὑπακούω, 5219), “to listen, attend” (as in Acts 12:13), and so, “to submit, to obey,” is used of “obedience”
“subjecting yourselves”
hupotasso (ὑποτάσσω, 5293),
The words, “in the Lord,” are to be construed with the word “fitting.” This obligation on the part of the wife is fitting in the Lord in the sense that she is as to her position in salvation, in Christ, and a person in such a position has the moral obligation to obey the scriptures when they admonish the wife to be in subjection to her husband.
QUESTION—What is meant by ὑποτάσσεσθε ‘be subject’?
It means to be subject [EG, Herm, TH, WBC], to subject oneself [EG, WBC], to submit oneself [Ea, EG, Lg, Lns, TNTC], to be submissive [NTC], to be subordinate [NIC, TH, WBC], to obey [Alf, EGT, My, NTC, TH], to be ruled [TH], to accept or recognize the authority of another [SSA, TH], from which acceptance obedience flows [SSA]. It refers to the relationship between those in authority and those in subordination to them [Herm]. It refers to the role and function of the wife [TNTC]. It does not imply that the wife is inferior [EG, NIC, NTC, TNTC, WBC], nor does it downgrade her dignity [Herm]. Neither does it mean that the wife should obey her husband if he asks her to do something wrong [NTC]. It is not slavery [Ea, TNTC, WBC], nor is it being a doormat [TNTC], but it is a willing submission springing out of the wife’s social position and out of the love she has for her husband and the desire she has to lean on him for support [Ea]. It is voluntary submission, recognizing that God has appointed the husband as leader [Ea, EG, NTC, WBC], recognizing the hierarchy instituted by God in creation [EG, NIC, WBC], accepting the way God has ordered life in the family [Mrt].
Instead of telling wives to “obey” (Gk. hypakouō), as was typical in Roman households, Paul appeals to them to “submit” (Gk. hypotassō), based on his conviction that men have a God-given leadership role in the family.
The Gr. verb means “to subject oneself,” which denotes willingly putting oneself under someone or something (cf. Luke 2:51; 10:17, 20; Rom. 8:7; 13:1, 5; 1 Cor. 15:27, 28; Eph. 1:22).
William Barclay writes:
Under Jewish law a woman was a thing; she was the possession of her husband, just as much as his house or his flocks or his material goods were. She had no legal right whatever. For instance, under Jewish law, a husband could divorce his wife for any cause, while a wife had no rights whatever in the initiation of divorce. In Greek society a respectable woman lived a life of entire seclusion. She never appeared on the streets alone, not even to go marketing. She lived in the women’s apartments and did not join her menfolk even for meals. From her there was demanded a complete servitude and chastity; but her husband could go out as much as he chose, and could enter into as many relationships outside marriage as he liked and incur no stigma. Both under Jewish and under Greek laws and custom, all the privileges belonged to the husband, and all the duties to the wife.
Dr. Robert Seizer, in his book Mortal Lessons: Notes in the Art of Surgery, tells of performing surgery to remove a tumor in which it was necessary to sever a facial nerve, leaving a young woman’s mouth permanently twisted in palsy. In Dr. Seizer’s own words:
Her young husband is in the room. He stands on the opposite side of the bed, and together they seem to dwell in the evening lamp light, isolated from me, private. Who are they, I ask myself, he and this wry-mouth I have made, who gaze at and touch each other so generously, greedily? The young woman speaks. “Will my mouth always be like this?” she asks. “Yes,” I say, “it will. It is because the nerve was cut.” She nods, and is silent. But the young man smiles. “I like it,” he says. “It is kind of cute.” All at once I know who he is. I understand, and I lower my gaze. One is not bold in an encounter with a god. Unmindful, he bends to kiss her crooked mouth, and I, so close, can see how he twists his own lips to accommodate to hers, to show her that their kiss still works.
It is possible to love your spouse as your own body. Practically, this means that the husband must do all he can to understand her world.