Study on Sexuality/Sex

Understanding Love

Creating a definition of Love

What does it mean to love?

- How can I show my love to somebody the best?

(2) The relationship of spouses is the paradigm of self-giving love in human experience.

Theology of the Body Explained Personalism and the Sincere Gift of Self

(1) Love involves the gift of self.

(2) The relationship of spouses is the paradigm of self-giving love in human experience.

(3) The relationship of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is the source and model of all self-giving love.

(3) The relationship of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is the source and model of all self-giving love.[1] (TOB)

[1] Christopher West, Theology of the Body Explained, Revised Edition. (Boston, MA: Pauline Books & Media, 2007), 34.

o By giving them things that are important to me (special mementos, times, food, etc)

o By giving them things that are important to me (special mementos, times, food, etc)

o By giving parts of myself

How is being loved by somebody different than that person being proud of somebody?

Love is unconditional (I love the person)

i.e.

Proud is conditional (I am proud of what the person does or who the person has become)

Let’s say your child has just hit another child

A) Who would say they still love their child

B) Who would say they are proud of their child?

We need to understand Love as a gift of the self with no strings attached. There is no such thing as I will love you if...

This plays into the themes of God in the OT, he graciously blesses the people with his covenants, with his provision (manna) regardless of their behavior.

This should make us reflect, do I really love my neighbor, my roommate, my brother, my sister, my fellow church members, my fellow fellowship members, my classmates, etc., or is my gift of myself conditional.

Triune Example of Love

o The Father seeks to gives all things to the Son through the Spirit

o The Spirit seeks to glorify the Father and the Son

o The Son seeks to glorify the Father and the Spirit

o The trinity cares about the other more than the self

Source of Love

Source of Love

Theology of the Body Explained Personalism and the Sincere Gift of Self

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you” (Jn 15:9). “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you” (Jn 15:12). “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church” (Eph 5:25). The whole of John Paul II’s theological and anthropological vision flows through these “as’s”—from the Father, through Christ’s spousal love for the Church, and into the lives and bodies of concrete men and women.

As Humans, we can love as we have been loved. (Jesus is the model)

What is the problem though?

In the trinity, there is perfect trust, so in the father giving to the son, he knows that the son will recirprocate and give to the self.

This leads to a fundamental problem of the human condition.

Understanding Shame

In order to understand shame, we need to understand the context in which it came into existence in Genesis.

Original Purpose (Pre-Fall)

Genesis 2:18 ESV

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Why did God see that it was not good for man to be alone?

Sex

Who was to be the receiver of man’s gift of love? Who was man made to be in communion with?

What does this tell us, that God said it is not good for man to be alone?

One of the things it should tell us is that man is created to be in community, to love, to give himself as a gift to one another.

Original Unity

Genesis 2:23 ESV

Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

Gen

Why is this significant? What had just happened?

Sex

Man had just named all the creatures of the world, and could not find a companion suitable for him.

Man exclaims, She is of me! As her origins came from me, so shall our purpose in life to be, to be together, united. To be an exterior testimony to the world of unity, I am you, and you are me.

Original Nakedness

Genesis 2:25 ESV

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

What would a relationship look like if you were naked and not ashamed? Can you even imagine what that would look like?

I personally find these things hard to imagine, so let me ask you this.

When you in relationship with somebody (friend, significant other, parent, sibling, etc), what happens when one person feels shame? Where does the focus shift?

Shame makes us point towards ourselves instead of towards one another and God.

Shame turns us inward when we are meant to be outward creatures.

Now this is not to shame those who feel shame, this is to point out that when we feel shame, this is a result of the fall, and is unnatural. How we should deal with shame is a HUGE topic, and one we don’t have enough time for today here.

Originally, “man and woman did not experience the walls of shame in their relationship. They had no fear that the other would use them, hurt them, or ever reject them.  Free from sin, they were free to love.  In a relationship of total reciprocal love, the walls of shame are not necessary. “

https://www.catholiceducation.org/en/marriage-and-family/sexuality/five-key-features-of-the-theology-of-the-body.html

Original Shame

Has anybody here ever felt so self conscious that they felt like they were not as present as they could be? For example

Tiffany @ Johnson Wedding

I was at a wedding, and I saw somebody that I thought I didn’t know hanging out with our “group.” I figured I would be nice and introduce myself to her, and say Hi, What’s your name. She replied, are you joking?

I realized I had made a serious social blunder, but I really didn’t recognize her. I later heard her introduce herself and realized that she was my housemates girlfriend when I was a senior in college… She had gained a little weight so I didn’t recognize her. Because I was so ashamed, I was “not as present” at the wedding we were attending for a while.

Genesis 3:7 ESV

Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.

Genesis 4:1 ESV

Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.”

This “Knew”is the exact same word used for sex - one for the self feeling shame (becoming known to the self) and sex (knowing the other).

So why am I telling you this and what exactly does this have to do with sex?

The Problem of Sex – What is it and why can’t I do it?

The fundamental “Heart Issue”

Theology of the Body Explained The Need for a “Total Vision of Man”

Instead of asking: “How far can I go before I break the law?” we need to ask, “What does it mean to be human?” “What is a person?” “What does it mean to love?” “Why did God make me male or female?” “Why did God create sex in the first place?”

Instead of asking: “How far can I go before I break the law?” we need to ask, “What does it mean to be human?” “What is a person?” “What does it mean to love?” “Why did God make me male or female?” “Why did God create sex in the first place?”[3] (TOB)

Sex is an issue in today culture for a few reasons.

We have lowered ourselves to be like (not above) the creatures of this world. We see ourselves as driven by desires (sexual, physical (hunger), etc.), not as driven by purpose ordained by God.

Because of “sexual drive” we tend to seek sexual gratification as a way to satisfy us. Sadly, sexual gratification (actual sex, porn, etc) does not gratify us, but it leaves us feeling more empty than before.

Why is that?

Understanding Value

We tend to understand value as what is its objective end (purpose, usefulness, etc) instead of what is its interior meaning of something.

We tend to understand value as what is its objective end (purpose, usefulness, etc) instead of what is its interior meaning (God’s purpose) of something.

Example of Practice – We think of practice as a way to get better at something.

As a child I practiced many sports, and some that I don’t play anymore.

The interior meaning of practice could be – learning hard work, for example.

So with sex

What would a secular or hollywood perception of the purpose of sex?

Pleasure, fun, social obligation, etc.

What is the interior meaning of sexual union (or anything)

Self donation, self giving,

The Value of a Human

[2] Christopher West, Theology of the Body Explained, Revised Edition. (Boston, MA: Pauline Books & Media, 2007), 35.

Theology of the Body Explained The Peace of the Interior Gaze

Man’s perception of the world was in perfect harmony with God’s. In beholding each other’s nakedness, they saw not just a body but somebody—another person who radiated God’s glory through his masculinity and her femininity. Seeing this and knowing this, they experienced no shame, only a deep peace and a profound awareness of their own goodness. In this way John Paul says that the human body acquires a completely new meaning that cannot remain “external.” The body expresses the person, which is something more than the “individual.” The body expresses the personal human “self” through an exterior reality perceived from within.

To look at a body and see only an “individual” is to perceive merely the exterior reality. The seeing of original nakedness is very different. It “is not only a share in the ‘exterior’ perception of the world.” It “also has an inner dimension of a share in the vision of the Creator himself—in that vision … [in] which … ‘God saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good

[3] Christopher West, Theology of the Body Explained, Revised Edition. (Boston, MA: Pauline Books & Media, 2007), 70.

The Problem with Lust

How do we understand and deal with lustful desires?

Ex:

It can often be easier for a man to blame a woman whom he is lusting after than look at his own heart.

True victory over lust comes from man’s effort to “discover the authentic value” of the woman’s body and sexuality and “to reaffirm them.”

Nakedness is not bad, but seeing a (man or woman) and seeing a body instead of SOMEbody is the core issue.

We must contain lustful impulses i.e. turning away

This is only a first step

The core issue of struggles with lusts is the desire to use somebody for their own sake

For men is often - to satisfy sexual desires, to feel powerful/good about the self, to feel wanted/loved, to not feel alone, etc

For woman it is often - to feel wanted/loved, to not feel alone, to satisfy sexual desires, to feel powerful/good about the self, to attempt to find security in insecurity, etc.

Theology of the Body Explained The Wisdom Tradition and the New Ethos

The following story illustrates what mature Christian purity looks like. Two bishops walked out of a cathedral just as a scantily clad prostitute passed by. One bishop immediately turned away. The other bishop looked at her intently. The bishop who turned away exclaimed, “Brother bishop, what are you doing? Turn your eyes!” When the bishop turned around, he lamented with tears streaming down his face, “How tragic that such beauty is being sold to the lusts of men.” Which one of these bishops was vivified with the ethos of redemption? Which one had passed over from merely meeting the demands of the law to a superabounding fulfillment of the law?

As an important clarification, the bishop who turned his eyes did the right thing, since he knew that if he had not done so he would have lusted. We classically call this “avoiding the occasion of sin” by “gaining custody of the eyes.” This is a commendable and necessary first step on the road to a mature purity. But it is only a first step. We are called to more. The bishop who turned away desired the good with his will, but his need to turn away in order to avoid lusting demonstrates that concupiscence still dominated his heart. As the Catechism teaches, the “perfection of the moral good consists in man’s being moved to the good not only by his will but also by his ‘heart.’ ” To the degree that our hearts are transformed through ongoing conversion to Christ, our purity matures, enabling us to see the body for what it is: a sign that makes visible the invisible mystery hidden in God from time immemorial. To the degree that we cannot see this, the distortions of sin still blind us

Understanding Sex

Redeemed Value

"This shame took the place of the absolute trust connected with the previous state of original innocence in the mutual relationship between man and woman"

The original innocence and trust between man and woman, the desire to give to the other, was replaced with Shame.

Point #1

Marriage is a way to covenantally reestablish trust in a world of shamefilled people

This is reflective also of how God interacts with his fallen creatures, mankind.

Redeemed Value

Shame has turned us inward, and makes it impossible for us to give ourselves as gifts in the way were were created to do. Thus, we have devalued ourselves and others.

Point #1

In order to appropriately value ourselves and others, we must understand our own value before God. Our ability to love/value other comes from our reception of being loved/valued by God

1 John 4:19 ESV

We love because he first loved us.

There is the saying that we need to love ourselves. That statement is false, but it has a point.

We need to understand ourselves as loved by the Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth.

So maybe we struggle with insecurities, low self esteem, etc. We are not to lie to ourselves, find fig leaves to sew over our shame, but to understand that God’s love is unconditional, and to understand God’s love for us.

Sex as a Gift

We must who we are as people, and that we were created to be givers, not indulgers.

Society has pitched to us that we are an evolution of animals, and we merely have “more advanced” intellects but are controlled by our primal desires just like animals. We need to understand that we were created fundamentally different from animals - we were not created to be controlled by our desires, but to give.

The fact that we attempt to fill voids in our life with drugs, food, sex, people, accolades, status, success, pleasing people (parents friends siblings), etc., shows that the fulfillment of our desires is NOT our purpose. Our purpose is to give.

Instead of looking to animals to understand our purpose, we need to look to the triune God. This God is a God who is constantly giving, the Father seeks to love the Son and the Spirit, the Son seeks to Glorify the Father through the Spirit, the Spirit seeks to Glorify the father and the Son.

Our understanding of sex then, can not be one of I have sex to fulfill a desire or craving I have in my life (sexual drive, lonelines, insecurity, etc.) but that it should imitate our triune God. We must understand sex as an external manifestation of the giving of myself to somebody else.

Point #2

Sex is a physical way to express and fulfill the purpose of man - to be the image of a triune God, always giving.

Shame for Trust: A Covenant

"This shame took the place of the absolute trust connected with the previous state of original innocence in the mutual relationship between man and woman"

The original innocence and trust between man and woman, the desire to give to the other, was replaced with Shame.

Point #3

Marriage is a way to covenantally reestablish trust in a broken world of shame-filled and self-centered people.

This is reflective also of how God interacts with his fallen creatures, mankind.

Recap

Redeemed Value - In order to appropriately value ourselves and others, we must understand our own value before God. Our ability to love/value other comes from our reception of being loved/valued by God

In order to appropriately value ourselves and others, we must understand our own value before God. Our ability to love/value other comes from our reception of being loved/valued by God

Sex as a Gift - Sex is a physical way to express and fulfill the purpose of man - to be the image of a triune God, always giving.

Sex is a physical way to express and fulfill the purpose of man - to be the image of a triune God, always giving.

Shame for Trust: A Covenant - Marriage is a way to covenantally reestablish trust in a broken world of shame-filled and self-centered people.

Seeing SOMEbody instead of just a body?