How to lose someone well
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· 12 viewsWhat to do when you lose someone you love
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Introduction
Introduction
It is a pleasure to be before you again. I looked forward to the day I would be able to come before you and speak. I’m sure that all of us are in the midst of the busyness of life, but I praise God that he has put it in your hearts for you to be here today.
Today, I want to talk to you about something that has been placed on my heart in the last couple of weeks and that is the idea of dying.
Illustration: In the United States during the year 2019 there will be 42,030 cases of liver cancer. Of those people, I did not think my dad would be one. It says of that number, about 31,780 will die from liver cancer. Worldwide approximately 90% will die because of the cancer.
This is the news that was given to me. I went through some of the stages of grief right away: Denial and anger.
In one sense, I wanted to deny that this could happen to my dad. I wanted to think that they made some mistake. But when it became clear that this was true, I became angry. Angry at the medical system for not finding out earlier. Angry at the world we live in for having such a terrible disease.
I was even tempted to be angry at God. But I remembered the many mercies he has given me. I remembered the times I have been able to spend with my dad when others have not, and I know that I was not right in justifying myself more than others.
So I began to look at God’s word on how to cope with knowing the person who you loved, who taught you, who disciplined you, who fed you, who worked his life for you, was one day going to be gone.
What I hope you take away here is two things:
That you would consider the compassion God has for those who are suffering.
That you would be able to deal with loss in the way that Jesus dealt with it.
God will have compassion for your suffering
God will have compassion for your suffering
Let’s read the text this morning once more, but I am going to start a little earlier in the text. Many of us already know about Jesus feeding the five thousand, but many of you probably didn’t know that this follows the news of John the Baptist’s death. Let’s read:
And his disciples came and took the body and buried it, and they went and told Jesus.
Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick. Now when it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away to go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” But Jesus said, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” They said to him, “We have only five loaves here and two fish.” And he said, “Bring them here to me.” Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass, and taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing. Then he broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve baskets full of the broken pieces left over. And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children.
Matthew 14:12
The news of John the Baptist’s death hit Jesus hard. This was not an honorific death, it was a death by beheading. His head was literally brought to the king on a platter. The king himself regretted his decision…though I am sure for far more selfish reasons.
Respectfully we read that the disciples came and took care of the body of John the Baptist.
And his disciples came and took the body and buried it, and they went and told Jesus.
When Jesus came to earth, he never gave up his divine abilities, but he did add his human nature. So although Jesus knew this was going to happen, his human nature responded directly as anyone who loves somebody would.
Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns.
Jesus wisely does something that I think most people with grief do at first: isolation. Why would the Son of God, the divine being need to do this? It is because his human nature felt the same way we felt when we encounter loss.
We see that when Jesus went out to desolate places it was to pray:
And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.
When you encounter suffering, you need to pray. Who can comfort you, but the God of miracles himself?
This is something that I did. I clearly remember the day, I woke up and begrudgingly decided to spend time with God. But as I did, I felt his hand come upon me. Later that morning, I received a text message from a good friend who wanted to speak with me about something. I told him that I was unable to speak with him because I wanted to speak with my father who had just gotten out of the hospital. My friend responded and said that early that morning he was prompted to pray specifically for me. He did not know the reason why until after I told him the news.
Students and teachers, God has already taken care of you before you even seek him. Paul reminds us:
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
Rom 8:
Is that not a beautiful picture of how God helps us in our suffering? We don’t even know what to say, but the Spirit speaks on our behalf.
Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
Back to the story of Jesus, we read that there is a crowd that follows him out to his desolate place. He is not allowed a moment to grieve at this point, he is in the midst of ministry and he cannot stop.
What does Jesus do?
When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.
When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick. Now when it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away to go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” But Jesus said, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.”
Mat 14:
He is in spiritual anguish and he uses that in a positive way to heal others. I don’t know about you, but I think I would be angry that God was not allowing me time to grieve. Jesus instead uses this opportunity to serve others.
Illustration: My initial reaction to the news of my father made me think many things. Maybe I should stop serving in church, maybe I should drop activities at my school, maybe I should hop on a plane and leave Korea for good. All these thoughts went through my head, but then I read this beautiful passage.
All these thoughts went through my head, but then I read this beautiful passage.
Jesus says in the midst of suffering, consider the suffering of others instead of yourself. It is complete reversal to how we actually think. Our culture today says that we should take care of ourselves, better ourselves, make you the best you that you can be! Yet Jesus teaches us to consider ourselves nothing, and everyone else as more important.
And without God in your life, you will be unable to do this.
God has compassion on us during the time of our need.
I began to hear more clearly from God that the powers of this world and even Satan himself were beginning to use the situation of my father’s cancer against me. The devil knows that he cannot make someone an unbeliever, but he can make you ineffective at ministry. How tempting it is for me to want to give up proclaiming the Gospel so I can simply go and be with my father.
God knows what a struggle it is for me, yet I can relate to what happens next in the story.
Now when it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away to go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” But Jesus said, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” They said to him, “We have only five loaves here and two fish.”
Mat 14:15-
Jesus did not want to send these sufferers away. He does not disregard us either when we are suffering. He wants to take care of us where we are at.
Remember that God has compassion for the suffering.
God will bless you in your suffering
God will bless you in your suffering
The next point I want to make is that in your suffering God will seek to bless you. I want to be cautious here because there are many people who will preach this message and tell you that if you suffer God is going to give you lots of money and a nice home and a better job. That is plain false teaching. Do not listen to that.
But it is true that when you face trials, you are blessed, just not in the way you may think. Listen to what the book of James says:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
So this trial that I am having with my father, I am supposed to somehow count it as joy. Surely, I do count some of it as joy. I know my father believes that he is a sinner and needs a savior. I know that one day we will be united again in heaven. There is joy in that, but God says there is a joy to be found in what suffering does to you.
Suffering produces a kind of faith that is not as easily broken. When you meet someone who is a believer and they have experienced much heart-ache, it is incredible to see what kind of person they become.
Illustration: Many of you probably don’t know the name Horatio Spafford. He wrote an old hymn that many of you actually might now called “It is well with my soul.” He wrote the hymn after a series of terrible event in his life. He first lost his son at the age of two during the Great Chicago Fire of 1871. This ruined him financially. The economy dropped significantly after that point. He had already planned a trip to Europe but decided to stay back and meet the rest of his family later. Unfortunately, trouble happened at sea: the ship sank and his four daughters all died. His wife was the only one of his family members to survive. He quickly traveled to comfort his grieving wife and as the boat he was riding past the spot where his daughters died he penned this hymn “It is well with my soul.”
I remember after finding out about my father, sitting down at the piano and expressing myself with all my grief on the keys. I am not one to allow myself to cry in front of others, and so when I have to grieve I do it in the solitude and desolation of a musical landscape.
Consider where we are in the story now of Jesus feeding the five thousand. He asks his disciples to care for these people by feeding them.
They said to him, “We have only five loaves here and two fish.”
5000 people, 5 loaves and two fish.
5000 people, 5 loaves and two fish.
Can you even understand the disciples desperate plea to Jesus?
How many people who suffer feel as if there was nothing that could be done to comfort them. There is nothing that anyone could give that could satisfy the suffering.
Jesus saw this and knew what this was right away. A human problem. Lack of faith in the one who can do anything. Jesus was at a point of such compassion that he decided to reveal himself in an incredible way. The miracle of satisfaction where there seems to be none.
And he said, “Bring them here to me.” Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass, and taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing. Then he broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve baskets full of the broken pieces left over. And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children.
For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’
Jesus’ act did not result in a simple satisfaction. No! He gives more than what we need. Was it not Jesus’ words on the sermon on the mount that said:
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
Losing someone you love, facing suffering of any kind is hard to deal with. You have heard the saying that “Life is not fair.” Yet Jesus has promised that in the kingdom of heaven, those who want the world to be restored to fairness will see it restored and it will be satisfying.
So how will God bless you in your suffering? He will satisfy those deep pains.
So what do we do with this information?
We see that God is the great miracle worker, but how do we experience both God’s compassion as well as his blessing during our suffering?