This Then is the Gospel Way to Live (A Focus on Parenting)
Listen Up to the One in Charge! • Sermon • Submitted
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Examples from media that kids are the intelligent brains behind everything while moms are manipulative and dads are, well, simply dumb!
Text:
Text:
Main Idea: Hey Children and Parents! Do You Follow Christ’s Rules for Your Roles?
Introduction
Examples from media that kids are the intelligent brains behind everything while moms are manipulative and dads are, well, simply dumb!
What is the Hearer’s problem?
What is the Biblical Solution?
What do the hearers need to know?
Main Textual Idea:
Main Idea: Hey Children and Parents! Do You Follow Christ’s Rules for Your Roles?
Interrogative:
Transition:
Body (Satisfaction)
1. Christ’s Rules for Children (vs. 20)
Lead in…Of anyone on the planet, kids are least likely to love the idea of rules. Unless, of course, they benefit from them in some way.
Yet this is the next focus for the Apostle Paul. Children in a Christian home need Christ’s rules! And Paul makes this abundantly clear!
What does it mean to “obey your parents in everything”?
Why is this pleasing to the Lord?
What if the parents are ungodly?
What if the parents command a child to do something contrary to the Word of God?
20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Text -
20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.
Explanation -
God commanded Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply.” And of course, children are the glorious result.
It is fun to see young women on facebook and instagram with newly forming “Baby Bumps” along with their husbands in wide-eyed (and naive) expectations for their new little one that will soon be joining their ranks.
“It is going to be so wonderful!”
“This child is going to be such a delight!”
“They will bring such joy to our home!”
“I know other parents have trouble with their children, but this baby, this child will be different! He or she will be the personification of perfection and I will be lauded as the best and most patient parent on the planet!”
And then the poor young women goes through 40 hours of labor and delivery, her body, mind and spirit brought to a level of exhaustion she has never experience and will not recover from for the next 18 years.
In those intervening 18 years she and her husband quickly lose the idea that this child is the personification of perfection and sometimes wonder if, in fact, this child is the spawn of Satan himself.
By the second and third child their naiveté has vanished and they are prepared for the reality of what they face.
Raising children is not for the faint of heart! There are two tools in God’s toolbox that He uses on individuals to grow them and conform them into the image of Christ.
Tool #1 - Marriage
Tool #2 - Raising Children!
Both have the potential to humble you to the place of authentic repentance! This is especially true of childrearing!
And so, Paul’s challenge first goes to the children. The children in the Christian home need to realize very clearly that they are not in charge. They are not the final authority. They are not the center of the universe.
Rather children are a vital part of a social structure created by God to give stability and consistency to culture itself.
Children are a vital part of the family, but they are not the only part and they are not the primary part. And so Paul wants them to understand that their primary responsibility in the home is obedience! Yes, children, those living under the authority of their parents are to OBEY their parents!
The word OBEY is hupakouo (ὑπακούω). This is not like the word used in verse 18, SUBMIT which is hupotasso (ὑποτάσσω) which is a willing submission to higher rank.
hupakouo (ὑπακούω)
hupotasso (ὑποτάσσω
Hupakouo - simply means unquestioned obedience.
W. E. Vine, Merrill F. Unger, and William White Jr., Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words (Nashville, TN: T. Nelson, 1996), 438.
Now Paul does say that Children are to “obey your parents in everything”? Well, what if the parents ask the Christian child to do something that is contrary to God’s revealed Word? Don’t do it! In those situations it is clear believers are to obey God rather than man.
What does it mean to “obey your parents in everything”?
And this idea is proved out even more in the last part of verse 20 which says, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”
Illustration -
Why is this pleasing to the Lord? Simply stated, obedience to the Lord is pleasing to the Lord!
Obedience to the Lord…shows TRUST in the LORD
Obedience to the Lord…proves LOVE for the LORD
What if the parents are ungodly?
Obedience to the Lord…renounces MYSELF as the LORD!
These are all very important points, but the last one is really necessary and powerful for us to understand.
The Christian child’s ultimate authority isn’t his or her parents, it is the Lord Himself.
Now, keep in mind the culture of Paul’s day. The father of the home was in absolute control of the home. The father had the right to put to death any one of his children for any reason whatsoever. And while it was true of the Jewish home, it was especially true of the Greco Roman world.
The Jewish parents at least had some perimeters.
18 “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, 19 then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, 20 and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ 21 Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
But in the culture of the Colossians - The fathers had complete rights to do whatever they pleased to their children. Young girls had little value to the Roman father and could be easily forfeited or eradicated!
The point in this, there was a life or death incentive for a child to obey his or her father.
But notice the cultural shift Paul is making. The child’s main motivation for obedience is now, not to please His father but God himself.
And for the Christian Child, there is not higher joy than to do the will of the Heavenly Father!
Christian Kids, this is something you must get a hold of in your thinking. The world has an entirely different approach to being a young person. In fact, Paul warns Timothy about it in...
What if the parents command a child to do something contrary to the Word of God?
1 But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.
Why does Paul expect this of Christian Children?
The point of this text is to remind Timothy and us that the world functions on an entirely different wavelength than we do! And there are two things we can learn from this.
Don’t expect the world to act Christian!
The Christian who lives like a Christian will be profoundly distinct from the world! As a Christian, when you act like a Christian, it will give God great glory and you great opportunity to share WHY you live like you live.
Worldly children don’t obey - they get away with whatever they can because they are in charge of their lives.
Godly Children - obey because they understand their obedience is ultimately directed to their God.
Paul reiterates this in his letter to Ephesus...
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
Kids, your obedience is in the Lord and this is right! And when you honor your father and mother (a repeat from the Ten Commandments), it will go well with you! God will bless you! Your life will not be perfect, but it will start off with the blessing on God upon it! Doing things God’s way makes for a smooth trip!
I learned a lot from watching my older brother! I learned a lot about what not to do!
God has given you, child, His Word that promises blessing if you obey your parents and warning if you do not!
1 My children, listen when your father corrects you. Pay attention and learn good judgment, 2 for I am giving you good guidance. Don’t turn away from my instructions. 3 For I, too, was once my father’s son, tenderly loved as my mother’s only child. 4 My father taught me, “Take my words to heart. Follow my commands, and you will live. 5 Get wisdom; develop good judgment. Don’t forget my words or turn away from them. 6 Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will guard you.
21 It is painful to be the parent of a fool; there is no joy for the father of a rebel.
Prov 4 1-6
Do not dishonor you parents or it will.
1. Not go well with you.
Guilt
Inability to respond to God.
Soul Damage from rebellion.
Bitterness.
Fixation on negative.
Fear.
2. You will not live long.
Parents may end your life?
Natural consequences may destroy us sooner than we think.
Bitterness will eat us up.
Continual disobedience brings damage.
Failure to listen, obey and honor your parents makes you open to other sin.
This sin eventually surfaces in the character so that others can easily see.
The damage done to the soul in your early years often carries on through your whole life.
Consequences can be very damaging.
If you listen to your parents and obey and honor them you will find yourself less vulnerable to other sins.
Continued disobedience causes us to fall into other sin.
However, when you live under the umbrella of protection of you parents, you will escape much.
Illustration - Floating down the pine river, I was terrified and thought I was going to die! My dad kept shouting from the side of the river, “Stand up! Stand up!” Of course, I thought he was out of his mind. He didn’t fully understand the predicament I was in!
Finally I decided to obey his command from the shore. What did I have to lose, I was going to die anyway. So, I thrust my feet downward only to find my body rise up from the water! What do you know!? My father knew what he was talking about. I didn’t realize from his vantage point he could tell the water had become shallower!
Listening to your parents can be very good for your health!
Argumentation - There is one exception to this and that is Jesus Christ. He was perfectly obedient to His parents and to His heavenly Father and He died at an early age SO YOU COULD LIVE!
Application - And when you live for Christ, Christian Child, you will be obedient to your parents. And there is not better way for you to glorify God and be a powerful witness to your friends regarding your faith in Jesus.
Review - Hey Children and Parents! Do You Follow Christ’s Rules for Your Roles?
Christ’s Rules for Children
2. Christ’s Rules for Parents (vs. 21)
Lead in...What is the tension here?
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Text -
Explanation - And now, as we continue to see Paul give instructions, not for every home in that culture, but every Christian home in the church.
Isn’t it interesting that the first word you see in verse 21 is “Fathers”? Now to be fair, the Greek word used here, pater (πατήρ) can be used for parents. But Paul, in the first part of this verse uses goneus (γονεύς), the more common word for parents and then in the second half of this verse uses pater. Why do I point this out?
pater (πατήρ)
Because, remember, fathers were the supreme authority in the home! No question whatsoever. What they said was law! And no one dared question it - if they did, it was to their own peril.
goneus (γονεύς
The Pillar New Testament Commentary: Colossians and Philemon 4. The Lordship of Christ in Earthly Relationships (3:18–4:1)
The Romans called this power patria potestas, “the power of the father,”
Colossians & Philemon: Verse by Verse Children and Parents (3:20–21)
In Colossians 3:21, he explicitly mentions only fathers (parents are addressed in verse 20) because in the Greek and Jewish worlds discipline in the home was the father’s sole provenance.
This was typically harsh and could be brutal. But God through Paul demands a better way...
So, here again, Paul is changing the culture by instructing the Christian families to function in a much different way than the cultural norm!
Fathers are commanded to follow a different way to lead their home. A different way for them to lead without being a tyrant who gets his way no matter what.
He, as a Christian father needs to remember there is one who is over him and he is representing Jesus in his home!
He, as a Christian father is to remember that his words and actions can have a profound affect on his children for the good and for the ill. He is Christ to his family - You are Jesus to your kids!
And so, Paul says, “…do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
“do not provoke your children...”
The word “provoke” means - “to make resentful, to make someone bitter.”
The phrase “become discouraged.” - “To lose heart, to become dispirited.”
It means “Don’t do and say things that will take the wind out of their sails.”
Fathers, do you make your parenting about what you want or about what Christ wants?
When you make it about what you want you will say things like...
“Would you please be quiet, I’m trying to watch the game!”
“I’m exhausted and I need some rest! Please just leave me alone!”
“Would you kids stop fighting? You are driving me crazy!”
“You know, I work my tail off all week and all I want from my family is a little respect!”
“Sorry I’m going to miss your game again, my boss won’t let me off. Besides we need the money!”
“You’d better obey me BECAUSE I SAID SO!”
These kinds of phrases are sure to provoke your children and take the wind out of their sails almost immediately after you say them. And if you say them long enough, they will have a permanent, irreparable damage!
Fathers, your words and actions make a profound impact on your children. Far greater than you can ever imagine!
Illustration - After my sister’s divorce many years ago, my twelve year old nephew would wait by the window for his dad who promised to pick he and his younger brother up for a fun day together or a sleep over, only to wait in vain. Often times his dad never showed up because of this reason or that reason.
What does provoke mean and how can a father do this?
What does it mean to discourage a child?
Illustration - After my sister’s divorce many years ago, my twelve year old nephew would wait by the window for his dad who promised to pick he and his younger brother up for a fun day together only to wait in vain. Often times his dad never showed up. Years later I found out from him, that is when he started drinking.
Years later I found out from my nephew, that is when he started drinking - He became an alcoholic.
Argumentation - Christian parents, when you have kids, you have a tremendous responsibility. It’s far greater than you may realize. And Dad’s the lion’s share of the responsibility falls squarely on your shoulders. Your wife is your helper and support, but you must take the lead...
You are responsible for their physical care and provision.
You are responsible for their education ()
You are responsible for providing them an environment of stability for their emotional well being. Be an encourager! Fill their sails!!
Play with them
Laugh with them
Figure them out! Every child is delightfully different. Embrace their differences and don’t try to live vicariously through them.
You are responsible to discipline them. Do not abdicate this role to someone else. You and your wife and responsible to discipline your child because if you refuse, the government will eventually step in. Discipline is an act of love.
5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” 7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
17 Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
You are responsible for their understanding of the Faith.
You are to teach, reprove, correct and train in righteousness.
The church is to help, but you are the main teacher of biblical truths in the life of your child.
Application - How are you doing? It’s a bit daunting. And Christian couples ought to really think this through before they get married and have children!
Review - Hey Children and Parents! Do You Follow Christ’s Rules for Your Roles?
Division 3 Statement:
Lead in...What is the tension here?
Christ’s Rules for Children
Text -
Explanation -
Illustration -
Argumentation -
Christ’s Rules for Parents
Application -
Review -
Conclusion (Visualization)
Review opening illustration (if appropriate)
Action they should take
Land the Plane
Connection Group Reflection Questions
Although we live in the age of grace, why are Christ’s rules good for us?
How do you see the culture shifting in regard to the role of children in the home?
What is the most challenging thing about raising a child in a Christian home?
Parents are to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Discuss how we can turn this into provocation instead of encouragement?
Discuss ways to raise children right without discouraging them in the ways of Christ.