Mind Your Manners

I. Downton Abbey

Are there any Downton Abbey fans here?

A. I confess that I never watched this series during its time on PBS. The whole focus on the “royals” of England and the continuing inequities of social class distinctions just leave me cold.

Are there any Downton Abbey fans here?

A. I confess that I never watched this series during its time on PBS. The whole focus on the “aristocracy” of Great Britain and the continuing inequities of social class distinctions just leave me cold.

B. After a recent conversation with some female clergy friends about the upcoming movie based on the series, I decided to check out a video of the first season from the library. Another confession: I really enjoyed watching the episodes. Even my husband, who was more skeptical about the program than I, became caught up in the drama of life in and the relationships among the characters.

C. The contrast of attitudes between the elite family members and those who served them. The sense of worth defined by one’s station in life. The desire to rise above the social status into which one was born. The differing ideas about humility versus entitlement. The jockeying for better places at the table, whether in the servants’ dining area or the grand dining room of the elite.

Downton Abbey is a depiction of life among the landed gentry of Victorian England and yet the behavior and attitudes regarding social class and self worth are found throughout every era of human civilization.

What would Jesus have to say about life at

A Early in my parish ministry, I met with a bride who was agonizing over the seating arrangements for her wedding reception and dinner. She was losing sleep over where to seat members of her family that didn’t get along with one another. She worried about whether friends or family members would view their table assignments as favorable or unfavorable. She was worried that guests would feel slighted by being placed farther from the table of the wedding party.

B. After a recent conversation with some female clergy friends about the upcoming movie based on the series, I decided to check out a video of the first season from the library. Another confession: I really enjoyed watching the episodes. Even my husband, who was more skeptical about the program than I, became caught up in the drama of life in the great house and the relationships among the characters. I checked out the second season this past week.

The need for

C. The strict social structure and etiquette of the period may seem foreign to many 21st Century Americans. The contrast of attitudes between the elite family members and those who served them. The sense of worth defined by one’s station in life. The desire to rise above the social status into which one was born. The differing ideas about humility versus entitlement. The jockeying for better places at the table, whether in the servants’ dining area or the grand dining room of the elite.

Downton Abbey is a depiction of life among the landed gentry of early 20th Century England, and yet the behavior and attitudes regarding social class and self-worth are found throughout every era of human civilization.

II. Family Holiday Dinners

A. When you get together for a family dinner, perhaps at a holiday time, are there particular places that members of the family sit? If so, is the arrangement by age or perhaps father and mother take up each end of the table and other family members fill in the side seats?

B. I don’t have a very big family, but at holidays my mom’s big dining room table was very full. Some years, when my cousins were all there with their parents, the kids had to sit at a card tables in another room. As the oldest of the cousins, I hated this! I wanted to be with the grownups and hear their conversation. Being at the “kids’ table” was like being banished from all the fun.

C. As we all got a little older, my mom decided (at my insistence) that she would be able to work out a way to include everyone at the table. Her idea was to seat my youngest cousin and me on the wooden radiator cover at one end. Not only did we have the warmest spot in the room, but also, Dan and I have wonderful memories of sitting together each holiday at my mom’s house.

III Kingdom Etiquette and Places at the Table

A. In the Gospel lesson, Jesus is attending a dinner party in the home of “a prominent Pharisee.” Apparently, what he says and does are being watched by those who would like to find fault with his behavior. Where will he sit? Will he use appropriate manners? Why was he invited in the first place? After all, he’s merely a carpenter’s son from Nazareth- a nobody!

B. As Jesus tends to do, he turns the tables (pardon the pun) on those who would be judges of his social behavior. He is watching their behavior, also, and what he sees provides the opportunity to teach those who are present about kingdom etiquette. Of course, this teaching is in the form of parables. First, he uses the image of a wedding feast.

B. As Jesus tends to do, he turns the tables (pardon the pun) on those who would be judges of his social behavior. He is watching their behavior, also, and what he sees provides the opportunity to teach those who are present about kingdom etiquette. Of course, this teaching is in the form of parables. He uses the image of a wedding feast.

C. Now I realize that in modern wedding reception venues, seating has already been arranged, and seating cards with table numbers are usually available for the guests as they enter the reception hall. This is part of modern-day wedding reception and large dinner party etiquette, for logistical reasons.

C. In Jesus’ day, wedding banquets were usually held outside the bride’s home. There were probably only a few seats- reserved for the bride, groom, parents and prominent people in the community. The rest of the guests would eat and drink while standing. Jesus says that, regardless of one’s standing in the community, one should show some humility and not go for the best seat or the seat of the highest honor. Don’t think too highly of yourself , or you may be embarrassed when you are asked to move for someone in greater standing than you are. Instead, choose the least desirable seat from the get-go. Better yet, wait for your host to assign any honored seats first to avoid any embarrassment. Perhaps the host will invite you to sit in a place of honor. Regardless, you are honored by God for your “kingdom manners”.

C. Now I realize that in modern wedding reception venues, seating has already been arranged, and seating cards with table numbers are usually available for the guests as they enter the reception hall. This is part of modern-day wedding reception and large dinner party etiquette, for logistical reasons.

C. In Jesus’ day, wedding banquets were usually held outside the bride’s home. There were probably only a few seats- reserved for the bride, groom, parents and prominent people in the community. The rest of the guests would eat and drink while standing. Jesus says that, regardless of one’s standing in the community, one should show some humility and not go for the best seat or the seat of the highest honor. Don’t think too highly of yourself, or you may be embarrassed when you are asked to move for someone in greater standing than you are. Instead, choose the least desirable seat from the get-go. Better yet, wait for your host to assign any honored seats first to avoid any embarrassment. Perhaps the host will invite you to sit in a place of honor after all, but you should not be presumptuous. Regardless, you are honored by God for your “kingdom manners”.

D. In my opinion, these directions fit other situations where arranged seating is not involved. Take a moment and think about the situations in your life where you might be more aware about how you choose your seat. And here’s a novel thought: In many churches, it seems as though the most undesirable seats in a nave or worship area are in the front chairs or pews. What if members took those seats so that those who come as visitors will have the “best seats” in the back? Not only will this help visitors to avoid the embarrassment of walking up closer to the front but also, people less familiar with what we do in worship will be able to follow the members’ leads. There’s nothing worse than continuing to stand when everyone behind you has already sat down right?

E. Kingdom etiquette has little to do with Emily Post or British Social standards or even family dinner traditions; although, it does involve manners and with empathy. Kingdom etiquette is a way of living in relationship with others. It involves humility, awareness of the needs of others, hospitality, and inclusiveness. It involves the upside-down power structure that characterizes Jesus’ ministry- the last- first, the first -last, and so on.

D. In my opinion, these directions fit other situations where arranged seating is not involved. Take a moment and think about the situations in your life where you might be more aware about how you choose your seat. And here’s a novel thought: In many churches, it seems as though the most undesirable seats in a nave or worship area are in the front chairs or pews. What if members took those seats so that those who come as visitors will have the “best seats” in the back? Not only will this help visitors to avoid the embarrassment of walking up closer to the front but also, people less familiar with what we do in worship will be able to follow the members’ leads. There’s nothing worse than continuing to stand when everyone behind you has already sat down right?

E. Kingdom etiquette has little to do with Emily Post or British Social standards or even family dinner traditions; although, it does involve manners and with empathy. Kingdom etiquette is a way of living in relationship with others. It involves humility, awareness of the needs of others, hospitality, and inclusiveness. It involves the upside-down power structure that characterizes Jesus’ ministry- the last- first, the first -last, and so on.

F. You can find Jesus’ teachings about kingdom etiquette throughout the gospels, but especially in the Gospel according to Luke. Jesus places emphases on how his followers are the relate to others, especially those who are poor or hungry or mourning or despised. Take a look at the Beatitudes in , the next time you open your bible: "Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. 21 "Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you will be filled. "Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. ( NRS)

G. Or 37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven; 38 give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap; for the measure you give will be the measure you get back."

F. You can find Jesus’ teachings about kingdom etiquette throughout the gospels, but especially in the Gospel according to Luke. Through the Beatitudes in the 6th chapter, Jesus places emphases on how his followers are the relate to others, especially those who are poor or hungry or mourning or despised.

H. It’s also in this chapter of Luke that you will find what has been called “the golden rule”. Jesus says in verse 31: “Do to others what you would have them do to you.” In other words, “put yourself into the other person’s shoes.”

G. Or : 37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven; 38 give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap; for the measure you give will be the measure you get back."

IV. Kingdom Etiquette and Hospitality

A. The second parable in the lesson today poses a challenge to the host of the story to consider opening his guest list for his next dinner party to include the poor, the lame, the blind, the crippled- in other words those who were not “socially acceptable.” This theme of inclusivity is another mark of Jesus’ kingdom etiquette. Jesus’ reason for this open invitation is that those who have little will not be able to respond in kind to the host. Another way of saying this invitation has no strings attached.

H. It’s also in the 6th chapter of Luke that you will find what has been called “the golden rule”. Jesus says in verse 31: “Do to others what you would have them do to you.” In other words, “put yourself into the other person’s shoes.”

B. The second parable in the lesson today poses a challenge to the host of the story to consider opening his guest list for his next dinner party to include the poor, the lame, the blind, the crippled- in other words those who were not “socially acceptable.” This theme of inclusivity is another mark of Jesus’ kingdom etiquette. Jesus’ reason for this open invitation is that those who have little will not be able to respond in kind to the host. Another way of saying this invitation has no strings attached.

B. Jesus’ reason for this open invitation is that those who have little will not be able to respond in kind to the host. Another way of saying this is the invitation has no strings attached.

IV. Kingdom Etiquette and Hospitality

B. Now this is a very radical idea! Think about this: whether at church, at home, at school, or at the workplace, there are expectations for response in kind when something is given to or done for us, right? I’ll scratch your back and you scratch mine. I invite you to dinner at your house, and you invite me to your house. There are ALWAYS strings attached in human interactions.

C. Yet Jesus is proposing a totally different way of viewing our interactions with others. The emphasis on pure gift, on open unlimited hospitality, on providing everything with no expectation of return IS the true kingdom way. This is Jesus’ way. As the host of the kingdom party, Jesus has done everything for us, given us everything we need, even though we don’t deserve this. There are no strings attached to this grace.

D. How we treat others is a response to what we have already been given—life, forgiveness, spiritual food and drink for our souls, open welcome into the kingdom, salvation hope. We are to treat others- regardless of race, nationality, gender identity, economic status, or disability-- as brothers and sisters who have received the same gifts, but, perhaps, aren’t aware of this yet.

E.

D.

E. Like the host in the parable, we are called to be welcoming, to open hands and hearts in invitation to join us in giving thanks to God for God’s grace. And when we see that these others are being oppressed, misused, alienated, or abused, we are seeing family members, God’s own creations, children of God just like us who need help- no strings attached.

A. The second parable in the lesson today poses a challenge to the host of the story to consider opening his guest list for his next dinner party to include the poor, the lame, the blind, the crippled- in other words those who were not “socially acceptable.” This theme of inclusivity is another mark of Jesus’ kingdom etiquette. Jesus’ reason for this open invitation is that those who have little will not be able to respond in kind to the host. Another way of saying this invitation has no strings attached.

F. Yes, this is radical; this is totally against our human social and political ways of viewing life on this earth. It’s even dangerous. Living according to the kingdom’s etiquette may cause conflict, even within churches. It can be frightening to strive to use kingdom etiquette in a society that gives more and more media time, Instagram and Twitter time to hateful rhetoric and divisive messages than to concern about poverty, housing for the homeless, and positive, creative ideas for making our planet a better place to live for all people.

C. Now this is a very radical idea! Think about this: whether at church, at home, at school, or at the workplace, there are expectations for response in kind when something is given to or done for us, right? I’ll scratch your back and you scratch mine. I invite you to dinner at your house, and you invite me to your house. There are ALWAYS strings attached in human interactions.

G. Of course, this problem is not new. Humanity has been plagued by the deadly sins of pride, envy, greed, gluttony, wrath or anger, lust and sloth from the beginning. The scriptures and Christian teaching state that the means to override these sinful traits is by focusing on virtues that lift up instead of tearing down relationships: Jesus tells us in the gospel storyithat this is life according to kingdom etiquette and this way of life will bring blessing and honor from God.

D. Yet Jesus is proposing a totally different way of viewing our interactions with others. The emphasis on pure gift, on open unlimited hospitality, on providing everything with no expectation of return IS the true kingdom way. This is Jesus’ way. As the host of the kingdom party, Jesus has done everything for us, given us everything we need, even though we don’t deserve this. There are no strings attached to this grace.

E. How we treat others is a response to what we have already been given—life, forgiveness, spiritual food and drink for our souls, open welcome into the kingdom, salvation hope. We are to treat others- regardless of race, nationality, gender identity, economic status, or disability-- as brothers and sisters who have received the same gifts, but, perhaps, aren’t aware of this yet. Like the host in the parable, we are called to be welcoming, to open hands and hearts in invitation to join us in giving thanks to God for God’s grace. And when we see that these others are being oppressed, misused, alienated, or abused, we are seeing family members, God’s own creations, children of God just like us who need help- no strings attached.

F. Yes, this is radical; this is totally against our human social and political ways of viewing life on this earth. It’s even dangerous. Living according to the kingdom’s etiquette may cause conflict, even within churches. It can be frightening to strive to use kingdom etiquette in a society that gives more and more media time, Instagram and Twitter time to hateful rhetoric and divisive messages than to concern about poverty, housing for the homeless, and positive, creative ideas for making our planet a better place to live for all people.

G. My friends, Jesus has already done the radical thing of paving the way towards the kingdom life by willingly taking on the hatred and violence of humanity and dying on a cross. He died and rose so that we can know his undying and forgiving love for us and all of humanity. He lives even now among and through us by encouraging us in our lives of faith and service in the world. He has given us a vision of the kingdom banquet where all are welcome, all are fed, and all are honored as creations of a loving God. And he has given us a roadmap for life as his people in this world that will give others a taste of this kingdom vision and hope for the future. Jesus tells us in the gospel story that life lived according to his kingdom etiquette will bring blessing and honor from God, not only now but also in the promised kingdom. What more do we need? AMEN

Mind Your Manners

I. Downton Abbey

II. The Wedding Reception