Family Relationships
Notes
Transcript
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Introduction
Introduction
Have you ever heard someone say that we are living in a “Post-modern” era? This philosophical term of sorts is difficult to define, but it normally has to do with a distrust of general ideologies and principles. Taking this a step further, the only way that we interpret the world is by our senses. Because these things are personal and subjective, there is no such thing as an absolute truth. You can have your truth and I can have mine because we simply interpret the world differently. This idea began gaining traction in the 18th and 19th centuries in Europe and Americans caught on after the conclusion of World War II. All this to say, currently according to Barna, 66% of American adults and 91% of teenagers believe that there is no absolute truth - that truth is personal and subjective.
You might be thinking, why is this a big deal? If we believe what the Bible says, if we believe that all Scripture is God-breathed and inspired as tells us, then we certainly believe in absolute truth. We believe that God’s Word is absolute truth. Many non-Christians will chalk this up to a belief that Christians have that is personal and not universal. The Bible is good for some people, the Quran is helpful for others and the Book of Mormon is true to others. Unfortunately these books can be lumped into the same group. We know that there are clear distinctions between these books and religions, however a non-Christian won’t see it that way. The way that we show Christianity to be different than Islam or Mormonism is by living out what Scripture teaches day in and day out and exhibiting these absolute truths in the face of a culture that says that absolute truth is outdated and irrelevant.
We understand Scripture and we let our lives bear witness of what Scripture says. As we’ve been talking about lately in , one of the most powerful places that a Christian can display the love of Christ with the world is through the family unit. Last week we talked about Christ-Centered marriages and how crucial it is for Christ to be at the center of a marriage between two Christians. This morning we are going to turn over to as we will see the importance of the family unit for Christians and how children and parents are to treat one another. This is a message that is certainly difficult to live out on a consistent basis, but again, perfection is not attainable. Our goal should be to strive to be this type of parent, grand-parent, husband, wife, friend or child and grandchild. Let’s see what Paul has to say in .
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Obedience (1-3)
Obedience (1-3)
You might be thinking that this message is not for you because either you do not have children or because your children are grown up and have moved away. Because of that, you’re about to take a snooze for the next 20 minutes because this doesn’t apply to you! Fortunately, this passage is certainly for the entire church body. The whole body of Christ is responsible for raising and training children up in the ways of the Lord. As the African proverb states, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Regardless of where you’re at in your life, single, engaged, married without kids, married with kids, married with grandkids, this is a message for you because the church is a family is shows us.
Children are valuable. You might think that this is a very clear point that does not warrant much discussion, but truly, children are valuable and they deserve to be cared for and loved. In the ancient world, this was not the case. Many children were simply abandoned and left to fend for themselves. The early church, however, welcomed children and cared for and valued them. This should be the response for the church today as well! This is why the church should be extremely active in supporting agencies that help provide for struggling families and single parents with children. We have a duty to help those who are in need as we have talked about extensively and we certainly have a duty to help children.
With all of the advancement in our society, we see the word children and we don’t really think anything of it, however in the 1st century world Paul was breaking a societal norm with its use. During this time, it would have been appropriate for Paul to simply put “fathers, do not make your boys angry” because there was an emphasis on boys during this time. Paul instead uses the term children, and this cannot go unnoticed by us today. Paul is being inclusive and, again, is pro-woman, despite what some might claim. We know that Jesus Christ valued and cared for children! We see that throughout the Gospels, especially in and 19.
14 But Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Again, this was an idea that would have been foreign for this culture because an unwanted child in the Roman Empire would often be killed, abandoned or thought of as a burden rather than a blessing. I would be remise if I didn’t at least mention the fact that this idea is coming back into our society, unfortunately. As Christians, we have a duty to joyfully celebrate the birth of children because we understand that life is a gift from God from the womb to the tomb. That means that the only way that you can be consistently pro-life is to be supportive of life both inside and outside the womb. That means that we celebrate and support those who are in need.
We spent a good amount of time in talking about the process of adoption and how if you are a child of God, you have been adopted into His family! This is great news, but it is also something that we can play a part in in our world today. We must remember that we were once abandoned and left to die, spiritually, but we have been adopted into the family of God. If that is our testimony, we should strive to aid those who are in need today.
We talked about how this generation has been considered the “Fatherless generation” and about the statistics of fatherlessness in our nation. This is an epidemic sweeping our world and bringing about devastating repercussions to children of all backgrounds. Our church should be a church that aids those who have no where else to turn. We should welcome those types of children into our church and love on them with the love of Jesus Christ. We must be obedient and imitate God (as commands us to) as a church before we can even think of asking our own children to do the same.
Why were you made? What is your purpose? These are questions that people ask frequently and have come up with dozens of different answers such as to live a happy life or to make life better for those around me. Psychology Today said that your purpose in life is to live the life of a hero. I want us to think about this idea a little bit this morning. For many people, they think that they are in fact the hero in the story. As someone who loves Marvel movies, I can attest, it is easy to watch a superhero movie and put yourself into the film as the hero! This is a natural human tendency, however we must realize that we are not the hero of the storyline. As Sally Lloyd-Jones puts it in her book The Jesus Story Book Bible,
“Some people think that the Bible is a book of rules, telling you what you should and shouldn’t do. The Bible certainly does have some rules in it. They show you how life works best. But the Bible isn’t mainly about you and what you should be doing. It’s about God and what He has done. Other people think the Bible is a book of heroes, showing you people you should copy. The Bible does have some heroes in it, but most of the people in the Bible aren’t heroes at all. They make mistakes, they get afraid and they run away. At times they are downright mean. No, the Bible isn’t a story of rules, or a book of heroes. The Bible is most of all a Story. It’s an adventure story about a young Hero who comes from a far country to win back His lost treasure. It’s a love story about a brave prince who leaves His palace, his throne - everything - to rescue the one he loves. It’s like the most wonderful of fairy tales that has come true in real life. You see, the best thing about this story is that it’s true. There are lots of stories in the Bible, but all these stories are telling one Big story. The story of how God loves His children and comes to rescue them. It takes the whole Bible to tell this story. And at the center of the story is a baby. Every story whispers his name. He is the missing piece. Kind of like a puzzle, He is the piece that makes all the other pieces fit together and suddenly you see the beautiful picture.”
We buy into the lie that we are the hero of the story or the master of our fate. The fact of the matter is that Jesus Christ is the hero - He is the main star and we are supporting characters who’s sole purpose is to glorify God. You might think that that is sad or that it’s not very exciting to be a supporting actor, but whenever the main actor is Jesus Christ, we should be more than happy to point others to Him instead of making everything about ourselves. Paul instructs children to do a couple of things in order to fulfill their purpose to glorify God: honor and obey their parents. These are certainly not easy tasks, but let’s see how they glorify God.
Honor your parents
Honor is one of those words that is we do not quite understand in our culture like it would have been meant in Biblical times. We know that honor is important and something that we should show to one another, however many of us do not exactly know what to do with this word. We know that Scripture says that children are to honor their parents - this means to acknowledge the fact that they have God-given authority over them and that they are to not only obey, but also love and respect them as well. comes to mind here.
1 Then the Lord spoke to Moses, saying: 2 “Speak to all the congregation of the sons of Israel and say to them, ‘You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy. 3 ‘Every one of you shall reverence his mother and his father, and you shall keep My sabbaths; I am the Lord your God.
This was something extremely important during this time and one that had severe punishments associated with it if there was ever an instance of disobedience. shows us this penalty.
9 ‘If there is anyone who curses his father or his mother, he shall surely be put to death; he has cursed his father or his mother, his bloodguiltiness is upon him.
Aren’t you thankful that this is not in place in our world? Paul continues to say that this is the first commandment with a promise associated with it. Now, hear this and as Biblical scholars something sounds a little funny because the 2nd commandment seems to have a promise associated with it.
5 “You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, 6 but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.
4 “You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth. 5 “You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, 6 but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.
Exodus 20:
There certainly seems to be a promise associated with worshipping God and not idols - having the lovingkindness of God. With that said, is Paul wrong here? Does Scripture have an error? Well, because we consider Scripture inerrant, we must dig deeper. F.F. Bruce is of the opinion that Paul is talking about a declaration of God’s character rather than a promise. Taking this idea a step further, we see that Paul states that there is a promise of material prosperity associated with honoring one’s father and mother. We know from studying 1 and 2 Chronicles that there was a tie between obeying God’s Word and experiencing covenantal blessings. Simply do what the law says and be blessed by God. This seems pretty straightforward, however the people didn’t do this. In Paul’s day, this is no longer the case. God does not deal with people in this manner anymore. You cannot expect God to give you a million dollars and a successful harvest simply because you do not murder or steal from someone. That’s not how things work nowadays, contrary to what some churches or pastors say. Paul alters the promise from for this commandment and says that the promise will be on the earth rather than God giving the people the promised land. Stott notes that this implies that the blessing of prosperity here is a spiritual blessing rather than a material one.
Let’s put this into a modern day situation. If you were a young person who was raised in a non-Christian home but was invited to come to church and you came to know Christ to be your Savior, it would be natural for you to desire to follow through with believer’s baptism, would it not? What if, though, your parents said that you could not do this. How would you respond? Does Paul’s words come into play here? Are you supposed to obey and honor your parents’ wishes even though they seem to go against what you should do? This is a very personal question, however I think that you have a duty to obey them. You do not *have* to be baptized immediately. This is something that you can discuss with them over a long period of time in order to provide your perspective, but you certainly should strive to obey them so long as what they tell you does not cause you to sin.
Now, if they forbid you from attending church or worshipping Christ, then you could not obey them. We see an example of this from Christ Himself in .
34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 “For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; 36 and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household. 37 “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 “And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 “He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.
What matters is that our loyalty to Christ comes first. Yet, we are to live at peace with one another. This is a difficult line to walk, so it requires us to stay connected to God’s Word in order to obey and honor our parents. Even those of us with older parents, we should honor and respect them. We should care for them and love on them.
Many of us think that we are independent adults whenever we can start voting or whenever we move off on our own or start college or get married. This is a totally different idea than in Paul’s day. In Paul’s day, in the Roman world, the Roman father extended over his son until he passed away. This is similar to current practices in Asia to this day! We know that in America, that this is not the case, though, so are we still responsible for loving and honoring our parents? Stott puts it well, you are therefore no longer under obligation to “obey” them, but we still must continue to “honor” them. You should continue to respect, love for and remember them.
As verse 1 shows us, children do this in the Lord. We know that sin has causes relationships to fracture and the family relationship to be shattered. We discussed this last week as sin has corrupted husbands and wives and sin has also corrupted the relationship between children and parents. Our world says that it is ok for children to do whatever they want to do, however in the Lord relationships are able to be restored to the order in which God has ordained from the beginning. Christian children learn to obey with gladness. If Jesus Christ in gave himself as a boy to his parents and obeyed them then you certainly can as well.
51 And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother treasured all these things in her heart.
Raising Disciples (4)
Raising Disciples (4)
The picture that Paul paints in verse 4 is one of a gentle, patient father. This would have been a very different idea than the one that was typically thought of regarding fathers in the 1st century. “A Roman father had absolute power over his family. He could sell them as slaves, he could make them work in his fields even in chains, he could take the law into his own hands, for the law was in his own hands, and punish as he liked, he could even inflict the death penalty on his child.” The Christian father is completely different in verse 4. Christian fathers are to care for their families as God cares for His family. This is the theme behind the second half of Ephesians, how Christians are to live in a non-Christian world.
‘A Roman father had absolute power over his family. He could sell them as slaves, he could make them work in his fields even in chains, he could take the law into his own hands, for the law was in his own hands, and punish as he liked, he could even inflict the death penalty on his child.
We see the word “Father” in verse 4 but Stott and other scholars note that the Greek word (pateres) could be used for fathers and mothers. Because of this, this verse is for both father and mother. We see that parents are to not provoke their children to anger. This is something that can be easy to do in our culture today. We know that anger is unfortunately associated with many relationships nowadays, however Paul has written numerous times (especially in ) how anger is something that must be under control. Because of this, parents have to be mindful of this and not provoke their children to anger but instead raise them up in discipline and instruction.
Stott, J. R. W. (1979). God’s new society: the message of Ephesians (p. 245). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.
The Greek verb to “bring them up” is similar to where we see the verb nourish. That is the idea here. Nourish your children. Discipline them as well. We know that discipline is one of those things that we don’t really like talking about in our world today because of how society has associated that word as a negative one. The fact of the matter is that discipline is found throughout Scripture and is something that is a GOOD thing!
Proverbs
24 He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.
Parents should be united in raising, teaching and disciplining their children. talks about discipline being used by God on us for our benefit. Discipline is something good in this context. You might ask, why does it matter? It matters because you are supposed to reflect Jesus Christ to your children, grandchildren and the children of this church!
The first picture of God that children will receive is from their parents. They see how much you and your spouse values the church. They will see how you treasure the Word and your time of worship. The amazing part of this is that whenever a child sees this, they do not just see you but they see the ultimate Father as well. Your example is extremely important! Are they seeing the importance of going to church and serving in it? Are they learning humility and repentance? Or are they learning that money and success is the most important thing? They also form a view on marriage based upon your marriage. This is why Christ-Centered marriages are vitally important in our world today!
Parents, you will fall short. You are not always going to be patient, loving and kind to your children. That’s ok. It means that you desperately need grace. Do not hide this from your children! Whenever you mess up, it’s ok! I’ll always remember as a kid one time my mom was having a rough day and I did something silly and she got upset with me. She was justified in being upset, but she apologized and asked for me to forgive her. That should be the model that children see. They watch how their parents obey God. How you submit, obey and respect Him. The prayer for our church should be that children see that in Jesus Christ we all are accepted, forgiven fully, redeemed and made alive as a new creation!
Conclusion
Conclusion
The prayer of many parents is that their children will grow up to be successful, smart, safe, healthy and popular. The prayer of a Christian parent should be first and foremost that their child would come to know Christ as their Lord and Savior. You cannot save your child. You cannot save your parent. You cannot save your spouse - only Jesus Christ can do that and only the Holy Spirit can bring about that conviction in their lives. However, children are certainly looking at how their parents live. How they talk. How they act and what they prioritize. Our prayer as a church should be that our children see a Christ-Centered Marriage and two parents who love Jesus Christ, prioritize reading the Word in their home and love one another.
Parents, talk about the Bible with your children. Talk about the good and the bad stuff. Often times we talk about the “cool stories” in the Old and New Testaments and we talk about Jesus, but also talk about the bad stuff. Talk about the consequences of sin and why Jesus had to come, especially as Christmas comes closer and closer. Talk about the cross and what it means for Christians. Talk about their purpose and how it is not primarily to be cool, smart, successful or healthy but it is primarily about bringing glory and honor to God.
Church family, we have a responsibility to raise a generation of children in the fear of the Lord in a world that does not fear the Lord. This is a tremendous responsibility that we cannot take lightly! We should pray for God’s help in this process and that our relationships would reflect His love.
Let’s pray