parenting
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positive parenting
positive parenting
Licensed counselor
mother, wife,
Talk today about positive parenting
We are going to talk about 4 things that have to do with positive parenting.
I. Connection
A. Heart to Heart
8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
heart to heart connection if teaching our kids in love,
Just like God He loves us Bible says nothing separates us from Gods love
Is there something that separates you from loving and showing love to your child?
How do you do with anger? Positive parenting has to do with self control the bible is full of scriptures about self control
Knowing the heart of your child.means you have self control in times it is needed its how your child learns to trust you and feel safe with you Heart to heart is being able to see past their behavior to their heart being able to see the why behind what they have done
To obey and just get thru life ok?
I have 2 grandchildren that i adore Jaxon and Ellie We know their heart. We know what they are afraid of, what they aren’t, we know them We know their personalities and what they are capable of
5 love languages -
touch, quality time, acts of service, gifts, words of encouragement
Ellie and Jaxon example - its how they receive love
Brent with Will you love me if...........
Do your children know you love them and accept them the way they are? In their faults, bad behavior, etc. Heart to heart connection is
When a child is sick we want to be attentive to them and help them It should be the same when our child is struggling with obedience.
II. Empowerment
A. What are you going to do?
this builds on heart to heart
this has to do with teaching our children
we want to empower our children to make the right choices to know right from wrong and be able to say NO when needed
As we grow in our relationship with God we have choices to make choices as to doing what God says or doing what our flesh says Children go thru the same thing they have to be taught by relationship to grow and make good choices this comes by empowering them to decide when they are small and realizing there are consequences to their behavior its called boundaries
God wants us to have freedom to choose he created us with this ability its called FREE WILL
- Adam and Eve had the freedom to mess up , to disobey God didn’t want them to serve our of fear and make them obey He gave them the free will to choose to obey or not And he told them ahead of time that there would consequences if they didn’t Then he followed thru with the consequences But even in the consequence of leaving the garden, covering themselves, God took care of them and walked with them He forgave their sin and stayed in relationship with them
We decide what we want in life, what we want to do, who we serve, who we love, etc etc etc
We decide if we want a relationship with God or not He never ever forces us to obey He never punishes us (worlds word) by manipulation or fear.
Punishment is a fight for control Its a weapon that can be used to manipulate or cause FEAR
God says his love is perfect and does not cause fear
18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has torment: he that fears is not made perfect in love.
Teaching a child to fear you is punishment Respect is gone Its a matter of do this or else
FEAR is created.
So what are you doing is a question that empowers your children to think and understand their are consequences
Example:
III. Safe Place
A. I can handle your mistakes
How do you handle your childs mistakes
Do you sit them down and talk to them
do you argue with them bc they didnt do it right (children like to argue)
Do you casue them to fear if they mess up
A safe place says i expects kids to mess up
Lower your expectations
they are no perfect people
children learn by example - self control
and by love
A safe place is a place of boundaries that have been given so children know the expectations
which means that as parents we need to be consistent in our teaching, our actions, our consequences
Consistency is the hardest thing i have found for parenting
but look at our relationship with God God is consistent The bible says he never changes He never lies He is the same yesterday today and forever more CONSISTENCY
You should be the safest person in your childs life and have the safest environment for your child Safe to make mistakes without criticism (teaching), safe to experience the power of making choices, safe to feel loved even when they are wrong,
parent child relationship is like our relationship with God - he is our father we are his children
11 My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, 12 because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
11 My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke,
discipline is never done in any way other than in love its how God deals with us
discipline - learning that molds character and enforces correct behavior; from a latin word meaning instruction or training. to discipline means to put them in a state of good order so that they function in the way intended. discipline is not being stern or harsh. its better described as disciple in the bible - which is one who learns by following
24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
18 Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death.
19 A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.
23 For this command is a lamp, this teaching is a light, and correction and instruction are the way to life,
15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.
1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.
Adam and Eve - God corrected in love - even to the point that he gave them clothing
yet they hid from God - fear - punishment is fear
correction is done in love
From worlds use of the words
punishment tries to control from the outside in
discipline goes to the inside and works out - the heart of a child - the reasons behind - the personality of a child
punishment - upholding the rules
repentence doesnt matter
forgiveness doesnt matter
requires submissiom of comtrol
stopping bad behaviors
fear driven
my flaws and failures make me unworthy of love, belonging, connection
discipling - restoring the relationship
repentence is essential
forgiveness is essential
requires responsibility - self control
transforming heart
good behavior is a fruit of loce
powerful
love dricen
goal of conection
worthy of love, belonging, connection my mistakes do not disqualify me from love
disciple is to teach or intsturct
Jesus taught his disciples he also rebuked them or corrected them
disciples -
loves
teaches
corrects
restores
Peter - he welcomed peter into the kingdom and taught him as a disciple when Peter told jesus you will not go to jerusalem to die jesus rebuked him but when jesus died on the cross and peter denied him (rebellion) Jesus restored him with love by asking peter do you love me
Jesus rebuked k
Jesus was our example - as parents we are to be examples to our children
_____________________________________________________________________
I am a counselor licensed in State of Ohio I work a lot in marriages and individuals with emotional pain
That is what I do but who I am is what is important I am a child of God, wife, mother, and a mimi
I am a prayer, a worshipper, a follower of jesus
Postitive parenting
what is positive parenting?
Positive parenting is parenting that is done in love for the purpose of molding this innocent beautiful child who has their own personality and way of doing things.
there is a reason that a child learn the word NO as one of his or her first words they are establishing boundaries - even if they are not good boundaries
your job as a parent is to establish heathy boundaries to
1. keep your child safe
2. teach them / instruct them
3 keep relationship with them open and honest
We all want our children to be
Positive parenting has two factors in it - love and discipline
There is a difference between discipline and punishment depending on what translation you use you may get the word punishment in the bible as to how God works with us. But if you study it out it isn’t punishment as the world looks at the word.
Everything God does with his children (you and me) is done out of love and discipline
the word discipline means this :
discipline - learning that molds character and enforces correct behavior; from a latin word meaning instruction or training. to discipline means to put them in a state of good order so that they function in the way intended. discipline is not being stern or harsh. its better described as disciple in the bible - which is one who learns by following
learn by following is discipleship - exactly what God does with us
He teaches us and corrects us out of love its never harsh or stern always gentle
and for our benefit.
Learn by example this is a big one and part of what love is
your correcting / disciplining your child should always be from a motive of love and for their benefit to keep them from self destruction.
motive of your heart - frustration, anger, - never discipline a child out of anger that is punishment and it teaches a child that they are not worthy of love. teaches them that they are bad and cause shame
Proverbs
19 A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.
Proverbs 12