Ryan and Janell

Announcements

next week bgmc

Guys meeting next week after service

September worship night

giving time for tithes and donations and the end, envelope or online

more info talk to me

Intro

#family strong series

funny pics

interview style, i have a lot of questions, we wont get to them all, but i hope to have a second interview at some point to finish questions

intro janell and ryan

Origin Story

-how did you guys meet? get married

2. personality differences

3. personality differences

3

-Why were you attracted to one another in the first place?

-What do you like and admire most about each other? 5 things

If you could have been given a key piece of advice before marrying dad/mom, what would it have been?

-personality differences - love languages - needs - interests, hobbies, or activities?

How are you both different? How have your differences shaped and impacted your relationship ¬– whether for better or for worse?

interests, hobbies, or activities?

-What energizes and encourages you?

-What are your most passionate interests as individuals? What do you enjoy doing most?

How do you work together as a team when interacting with other people?

-How are you both different? How have your differences shaped and impacted your relationship ¬– whether for better or for worse?

If you had to define “marriage,” what words would you use? What makes marriage unique and different from any other human relationship? 

How do you work together as a team when interacting with other people?

If you had to define “marriage,” what words would you use? What makes marriage unique and different from any other human relationship? 

If you had to define “marriage,” what words would you use? What makes marriage unique and different from any other human relationship? 

-When you really want to tell your spouse, “I love you,” what do you say or do?

When you really want to tell your spouse, “I love you,” what do you say or do?

-What’s one thing partner does that makes you feel glad you married them??

-What expressions of love do you find most meaningful?

-How do you respond when romantic feelings ebb and flow?

-What do you do to fan the flames of romance and keep them burning?

-Has your spouse changed significantly since the two of you were married? How does your current relationship differ from the relationship you shared before the wedding?

Has your spouse changed significantly since the two of you were married? How does your current relationship differ from the relationship you shared before the wedding?

-What aspect of marriage were you most pleasantly surprised by?

-If you could have been given a key piece of advice before marrying, what would it have been?

If you could have been given a key piece of advice before marrying dad/mom, what would it have been?

-If you had to define “marriage,” what words would you use? What makes marriage unique and different from any other human relationship? 

-What are the 5 most important factors to a good marriage? communication, sex, forgiveness, same page, etc

What aspect of marriage were you most pleasantly surprised by?

Practical

-How did you decide on how to split up holidays?

How did you decide on how to split up holidays?

-Household chores and responsibilities - strengths

-How did you work that out?

-What did you expect your spouse to do for you?

What kind of household tasks do you enjoy most? What are you best at — in other words, where do your personal gifts and talents lie? How do you think you can best serve your spouse? 

What do you expect your spouse to do for you? Wash your clothes? Maintain the car? Cook your dinner? Bring you the newspaper or breakfast in bed? What are your assumptions about your own role in the marriage and your own contribution to the relationship?

-What were your assumptions about roles in the marriage and your own contribution to the relationship?

-How did your parents approach the question of male and female roles in marriage?

-How has the example of the older generation shaped your own attitudes towards this sometimes sensitive aspect of the marital relationship?

-How has the role of husbands/wives changed culturally?

Did you see lifelong commitment modeled in your family of origin? How has your experience affected your view of this concept? In the Marine Corps they say, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Does this maxim apply to marriage? If so, how?Would you describe your marriage as “an adventure”? Would you like to make it more “adventurous”? If so, how?

How has the role of husbands changed, and what would you suggest new husbands focus on to maintain a happy home?

-Bible say about roles in marriage?

What has been the greatest obstacle you and dad/mom have faced over 27 years?

What’s one thing that dad/mom does that makes you feel glad you married him/her 27 years ago?

How did you decide on how to split up holidays?

Commitment

How did you figure out the household chores?

-Did you see lifelong commitment modeled in your family of origin? How has your experience affected your view of this concept? In the Marine Corps they say, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Does this maxim apply to marriage? If so, how? Would you describe your marriage as “an adventure”?

-How would you describe your “long view” of your relationship? Where do you see yourselves in five years? Ten years? Twenty?

how do you handle disagreements

What do we do when we can't agree on something?

Who do you turn to if you have problems that you realize you can't solve by yourselves?

What kind of boundaries protect your marriage?

How do we go about finding some balance between working, managing household responsibilities, and spending time together?

Spiritual

How do you make finances work?

How can we find a happy medium regarding our saving and spending habits?

-What do you think it means to have a “Christ-centered” marriage? 

what subjects cause the most disagreements and whether they have topics they refuse to discuss because they will never agree.

-Would you say that your relationship is solidly grounded on the foundation of your faith in Jesus Christ? Why or why not?

-What are some practical ways you can acknowledge God’s authority in your home?

-Submission in marriage?

-How does the belief that He is present shape your interactions with one another

-What if spouse is not a christian?

If you could have been given a key piece of advice before marrying dad/mom, what would it have been?

-What do you do differently as a couple because of your Christian faith?

-Do you pray together as a couple? Study the Bible? Meet with other believers?

-Do you think that activities of this kind have an important impact on the quality of your relationship?

-Do you regularly talk with each other about the things you are learning on your spiritual journey?

What is the most important thing for a wife/husband to know

-What does the term “walking with Christ” mean to each of you? How do you differ from one another in the way you approach your faith? In what ways are you similar?

-What do you think it means to “spend time with God”? What steps are you taking to help yourself grow as a Christian? 

“What has been the hardest and easiest elements of staying married?

What is the best advice you can give to husbands and fathers?

How has the role of husbands changed, and what would you suggest new husbands focus on to maintain a happy home?

If you had to define “marriage,” what words would you use? What makes marriage unique and different from any other human relationship? 

Communication

How would you describe your “long view” of your relationship? Where do you see yourselves in five years? Ten years? Twenty?

Did you see lifelong commitment modeled in your family of origin? How has your experience affected your view of this concept? In the Marine Corps they say, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Does this maxim apply to marriage? If so, how?Would you describe your marriage as “an adventure”? Would you like to make it more “adventurous”? If so, how?

What do you think it means to have a “Christ-centered” marriage? 

Would you say that your relationship is solidly grounded on the foundation of your faith in Jesus Christ? Why or why not?

What are some practical ways you can acknowledge God’s authority in your home? How does the belief that He is present shape your interactions with one another

What if spouse is not a christian?

What do you do differently as a couple because of your Christian faith?Do you pray together as a couple? Study the Bible? Meet with other believers? Do you think that activities of this kind have an important impact on the quality of your relationship?

Have you shared with your spouse how you came to know the Lord? Do you regularly talk with each other about the things you are learning on your spiritual journey?

What does the term “walking with Christ” mean to each of you? How do you differ from one another in the way you approach your faith? In what ways are you similar?

How often do you sit down as a couple simply to talk to one another? Do you set time aside specifically for this purpose? Why or why not?

-How often do you sit down as a couple simply to talk to one another? Do you set time aside specifically for this purpose? Why or why not?

What do you need and expect from each other in terms of openness and depth of communication? How do your needs and expectations differ?

Do you set time aside specifically for this purpose? Why or why not?

-What do you need and expect from each other in terms of openness and depth of communication? How do your needs and expectations differ?

Males and females often have different communication styles. Have you found this true in your marriage? How do you work through the challenges this can bring?

-Males and females often have different communication styles. Have you found this true in your marriage? How do you work through the challenges this can bring?

Do you find it easy or difficult to be together for any length of time without talking? 

Has your spouse changed significantly since the two of you were married? How does your current relationship differ from the relationship you shared before the wedding?  

-Do you find it easy or difficult to be together for any length of time without talking? 

Do you find it easy or difficult to be together for any length of time without talking? 

-Deal with conflict? How do you deal with disagreements?

subjects

-What do you do when you can't agree on something? do you have a conscious strategy or game plan for resolving your differences?

What does it mean to “fight fair”?

-What does it mean to “fight fair”? Are you comfortable with this concept, or do you tend to feel that any kind of fighting is wrong in marriage?

-Is forgiveness the same as forgetfulness? Why or why not? Can you forgive and not forget? What does it take for you to move beyond conflicts and get on with life?  

-Have you ever had a conflict that eventually led to deeper intimacy and understanding? If so, how did that work?

-what subjects cause the most disagreements and do you have topics you refuse to discuss because you will never agree.

what subjects cause the most disagreements and whether they have topics they refuse to discuss because they will never agree.

-Who do you turn to if you have problems that you realize you can't solve by yourselves?

Ever seen a counselor?

-Have you been helped and encouraged by the input of other marriage mentors (official or unofficial)? Are they beneficial? why?

-Conflict, when handled appropriately, can actually strengthen a relationship. Would you say the same thing about adversity and external pressures — for example, the loss of a job or the death of a close family member? Have you ever experienced what it is like to grow closer to one another as the result of weathering a storm together?

-As a couple, have you ever taken time out to discuss how you expect the pressures of the different stages of marriage?

-What practical steps can you take together to strengthen the foundation of your marriage?

As a couple, have you ever taken time out to discuss how you expect the pressures of the different stages of marriage

-Do you have a strong support system? what do you do to create a strong support system?

What practical steps can you take together to strengthen the foundation of your marriage?

Do you have a strong support system

Time together

-What do you do to spend time together? Regular date nights? Make them valuable to you as a couple?

-Do you ever feel that you’re simply too busy to share enjoyable and meaningful time together? What do you do?

-How do you faster joy, laughter, spontaneity in the relationship?

How do you faster joy, laughter, spontaneity in the relationship?

-As a couple, what are some of your most important traditions, rituals, and celebrations?

-How do you use these traditions to strengthen the tie that binds you to each other? 

-Which of your shared memories are most meaningful to you? What are you doing to keep them alive?

Sex

-Lies about sex and marriage? (trying to intro this in a way that gives you a chance to talk about lies of culture, then into next questions)

-Do you regularly talk with one another about the physical aspect of your relationship? 

-How do you stay on the same page?

-What were your individual assumptions and expectations with regard to the sexual side of marriage? How has that changed?

-Have you been aware of shifting “seasons” in your sexual relationship?

-What does it mean to have a healthy sex life?

Have you been aware of shifting “seasons” in your sexual relationship? How would you identify the causal factors behind the ebb and flow of sexual desire?

Money

-How do you make finances work?

-How can we find a happy medium regarding our saving and spending habits?

-Financial struggles? How did you make it through?

Random Questions - (still working on this last section to organize a little better)

What do you think is the most challenging part of being married?

What do you think is the most challenging part of being married?

-What has been the greatest obstacle you have faced being married?

-What kind of boundaries protect your marriage?

-How do we go about finding some balance between working, managing household responsibilities, and spending time together?

-What is the most important thing for a wife/husband to know

-What has been the hardest and easiest elements of staying married?

-What is the best advice you can give to husbands and fathers?

-What do each of you do or where do you go when you need time to yourself?

-How do you talk about each other around other people? In social settings do you feel valued and appreciated by the other?

-How do you express your feelings of mutual appreciation?

-How do you express affection for one another outside the bedroom? Are you both comfortable and happy with this aspect of your relationship?

Would you say you are significantly involved in your church and that you are “connected” to other church members? Do you agree that such fellowship is an important part of every Christian’s life, or do you have differing views on that aspect of your faith?What are you doing as a couple to give of yourselves to friends, extended family, neighbors, and other members of the larger community? Are there others less-fortunate or in challenging situations — a single mom, a struggling couple, a fatherless child — that you are investing in together?How would each of you describe yourself — as a “people person” or as more of a private individual? Are you alike in this regard, or do you have contrasting personalities when it comes to social interaction? How do you work together as a team when interacting with other people?Do you have other couples you both enjoy spending time with? Have you as a couple ever found yourselves leaning on the church or on a group of neighbors and friends for practical support? Has anyone ever come to your rescue? How do you feel about that experience? How has it shaped your attitude towards others?Have you been helped and encouraged by the input of other marriage mentors (official or unofficial)? Would you ever be willing to mentor a younger or less-experienced couple?

-Would you say you are significantly involved in your church and that you are “connected” to other church members?

-Do you agree that such fellowship is an important part of every Christian’s life,

-What are you doing as a couple to give of yourselves to friends, extended family, neighbors, and other members of the larger community?

-How do you work together as a team when interacting with other people

How do you work together as a team when interacting with other people

-Do you have other couples you both enjoy spending time with?

-Have you as a couple ever found yourselves leaning on the church or on a group of neighbors and friends for practical support?

-Has anyone ever come to your rescue?

-How do you feel about that experience?

-How has it shaped your attitude towards others?

Have you been helped and encouraged by the input of other marriage mentors (official or unofficial)?

Would you ever be willing to mentor a younger or less-experienced couple?

Conflict

-What are each of your most cherished dreams and goals? What are you doing to achieve them? Does your spouse approve or disapprove?

money

-Are you both comfortable with the idea of taking time out of your schedule for the express purpose of nurturing and caring for yourself? Why or why not

-What are you doing to stay physically healthy? Are you exercising, eating right, and getting sufficient sleep?

-How are you encouraging your spouse to pursue personal and spiritual self-development?

-Is there anything practical you can do to create more space and freedom for your mate?

-To what extent do you look to your spouse to meet your needs, fulfill your expectations, or bring significance and meaning to your life? Do you think this is healthy or unhealthy?

longevity

longevity

parenting

forgiveness

gender specific questions

spiritual

still working on this last section to organize a little better