The Mystery of Marriage
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Intro
Intro
A couple years ago I had the opportunity to go out to Colorado and officiate a wedding. The wedding was for one of the girls I had in my youth group when when I was a youth pastor in Colorado.
So as I was wrestling through trying to figure out a good wedding sermon to give, I kept coming back to the idea that marriage is a death.
Everything in life dies when you get married,
Your single life dies
Your friendships die
Your relationship with your family dies
Your freedom dies
As I was bouncing these ideas off of Mandee she looked at me with a horrified look on her face and said, you cant say that at a wedding! Its a wedding not a funeral
But here is the thing, unless we understand what must die in marriage we will never experience the resurrection of all these things
In marriage your single life does die, but out of that death comes the new life of being united with your spouse - no longer single, but now fused together in the covenant of marriage
In marriage your friendships die.
You no longer relate to people as a single person, you are no longer your own person, but now every relationship has to die and be resurrected in the light of your marriage.
One big struggle for young married couples is trying to keep old relationships alive when your marriage calls them to die. This of course does not mean you cannot still be friends with your friends from when you were married, but it means that the friendship must not be resurrected in the reality of marriage.
There is a death to family relationships
When a father’s daughter gets married, he is no longer the man of her life. That relationship must die in order for the marriage to succeed
This is often why “in-law” relationships are so difficult within a marriage because there is a refusal to let the previous relationship die, and thus no resurrection into the new relationship.
Part of the reason this death and resurrection framework is scoffed at, is because we have bought into the lies our culture tells us about marriage.
Marriage is sentimental -
our view of marriage looks more like a hallmark card than what the bible says, and then we get discouraged or even embittered when we find out that our marriages don’t align with our sentimental preconceptions.
Marriage is not sentimental, I like what Tim Keller says
“Marriage is glorious but hard. It’s a burning joy and strength, and yet it is also blood, sweat, and tears, humbling defeats and exhausting victories.”
Marriage is many things, but its not sentimentality.
To swing to the other end of the spectrum many think marriage is really just a practicality.
Marriage is pratical
It makes sense to get married, you get better insurance, tax breaks, bank loans, two incomes… you can accomplish more together than you can apart.
Yet any marriage that is set up on this foundation is doomed to fail. Because marriage is so much more than pragmatism, it is far more glorious than that.
The reason marriage is so difficult to fully understand is because its a mystery.
Spouses should be friends - yet its more than a friendship
over the last 50 years marriage has been on a decline in our soceity.
45% of all marriages end in divorce or seperation. This divorce rate nearly twice the rate it was in 1960
Spouses should work together - yet its more than a partnership
in 1970 89 percent of all births were to married parents, but today only 60 percent are
Spouses are to love one another - its its more than just love
in 1960 72% of American adults were married, but only 50% of adults were married in 2008
Spouses are to be intimate - yet its more than just physical or emotional pleasure.
There is something about marriage that is far greater and far more glorious than just a man or a woman being committed to each other.
This morning we are going to be in Ephesians 5.22-33
There is clearly a wariness and pessimism about marriage in our culture today
There is an assumption that most marriages are unhappy
There is an assumption that marriage is boring
There is a fear of something so permanent as marriage that we often seek to have the benefits of marriage without the commitment.
But here is the thing,
This morning we will be looking at , where Paul address husbands and wives giving them very practical advice and wisdom, yet he constantly ties the marriage into the greater mystery.
This morning we will be looking at
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
Eph
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
This is passage all about marriage, and more specifically, the mystery of marriage.
In some mysterious. way, all marriages reflect the divine love of God toward his bride, the people of God.
Now the fact that Paul quotes in verse 31 gives us a great clue as to how we should understand this mystery of marriage.
The Clue: The Garden Wedding
The Clue: The Garden Wedding
Before God created Eve he created Adam.
Adam came first, he was made from the dust of the ground,
When you see your kids playing in the dirt you can remind them that they are acting like God, for he was the first one to play in the dirt.
From the dirt God formed Adam and breathed life into his nostrils
When Adam was created he was given headship over all creation, Part of this headship was naming all the animals (To name something is to have authority over.
God does a lot of naming in creation and thus has authority over all creation, He then wants Adam act the same way, so Adam names the animals
However, in the process of naming the animals Adam noticed that that all the boy animals have girl anmials by their sides. They have helpers, they have mates, they have lovers.
But Adam didn’t have anyone by his side.
God then speaks in
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
God also see’s that its not good for Adam to be alone, so he said he would make a helper for him.
He would give Adam, this dirtbag, a very special gift
God was about to make the crowning glory of his creation
God was about to make the most beautiful part of his creation
God was about to make the most glorious part of his creation
He was going to give Adam a helper, a girl, a wife, a bride!
However, for Adam to have this bride, this wife, this glorious creation, he first had to die.
So for Adam to experience the glory of his bride, he must first die for her to come into being
21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.
LEB21 And Yahweh God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man. While he slept, he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh where it had been.
The Hebrew word for “deep sleep” represents a death sleep.
So God caused a death sleep to fall upon Adam.
While Adam was in this death sleep God tore open his side and took from him one of his ribs.
After taking the rib God closed up the flesh where it had been
God did not leave Adam in his death sleep with his side ripped open.
God himself closed up his side, he healed his body, from where the rib had been removed.
You see, Adam’s body was torn open so that Eve might come into being
Adams side was pierced by God himself in order to bring about a bride that would help Adam with his mission.
So Eve came not from the dust of the earth, like Adam, rather Eve came from Adam himself.
Here we start to pick up the clues of what marriage is all about
22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.
23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
Here we start to pick up the clues of what marriage is all about
The Adam see’s Eve as his own body, bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh
So after God closed up the flesh, he took the rib and from it formed a bride for Adam.
You see, Adam’s body was torn open so that Eve might come into being
Adams side was pierced by God himself in order to bring about a bride that would help Adam with his mission.
There is another bride in the bible who was formed from her husbands side
There is another bride who is called the body of her husband
There is another bride who found life by her husband being torn open and dying.
You see, the first marriage between Adam and Eve was one that looked forward to the greater Adam, who is Jesus, and the greater Eve, who is the Church.
Marriage is a Living Symbol of Christ and the Church
Marriage is a Living Symbol of Christ and the Church
And the mystery we feel around marriage is that fact that every marriage in a very real way represents the union Christ has with his church.
This is been the model from the first marriage until the last, when the bride of Christ is joined to Christ has a glorified bride.
So seeing the mystery of marriage for what it is, a living symbol of Christ and the Church. Where the wife symbolizes and represents the church, and the husband symbolizes and represents Jesus allows us to understand what Paul says in
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
You see, Adam’s body was torn open so that Eve might come into being
Adams side was pierced by God himself in order to bring about a bride that would help Adam with his mission.
Where the wife symbolizes and represent the church
And the husband symbolizes and represents Jesus allows us to understand what Paul says in
So Eve came not from the dust of the earth, like Adam, rather Eve came from Adam himself. a huband and wife representing and symbolizing Jesus and the church allows us to understand what Paul says in
Here we start to pick up the clues of what marriage is all about
22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.
23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Why marriage?
why not friendship?
why not partners like in a business?
Why not teammates like in sports?
Forty-five percent of marriages end in divorce; 10 percent of couples separate but do not divorce.
How is marriage viewed in our society?
A joke
Marriage is a living symbol of Christ and the Church.
Wives represent the Church
Husbands symbolize Christ and the church.
These guidelines seem outrageous to our culture
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Is there a better way?
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
girls not knowing how to be loved
2-
Men not knowing how to love
I want to first bring out the obvious of what this does not say.
Girls not knowing how to follow
Men not knowing how to lead
It does not say, “Women, submit to men, as to the Lord”
Nor does it say, “Wives, submit to husbands, as to the Lord”
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
This verse does not in any way say that women must always be in submission to men. What does it say?
“Wives (not women), submit to your OWN husbands, as to the Lord”
This does not mean, as some have interpreted it, that wives are to treat their husband like the Lord, but rather the wife’s role within the marriage relationship is to glorify God by representing the bride of Christ by faithfully submitting in all things to her husband, as the church is to faithfully submit in all things to Christ.
As Adam was the head of Eve, and Christ is the head of the Church, so husbands are to be the head, the leader of their wives.
As to the Lord
Now, does this mean that wives must always obey and never push back? never wrestle? never voice their opinion? NO!
Does this mean you can never push back? NO!
you push back as the church does to Christ - read the psalms.
The bible is full of stories of the people of God faithfully wresting with God (the psalms, Jacob literally wrestles with God)
submit as to Christ, its always righteous submission.
Does this mean that a wife has to submit to her husband in everything, no matter what? NO!
Paul goes out of his way to say you are to submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
If your husband want you to do something that would violate God’s instruction than you don’t need to submit, for that is not as unto the Lord.
Now, does this mean that wives must always obey and never push back? never wrestle? never voice their opinion? NO!
The bible is full of stories of the people of God faithfully wresting with God (the psalms, Jacob literally wrestles with God)
Submission is not mindlessly following your husband, but rather its faithfully empowering him to lead as God has called him to lead.
Wives are to submit to their husbands. Follow his lead, empower him to lead well, and in so doing you submit to Christ and symbolize to everyone what it looks like to be a follower of Christ.
Paul turns his attention from the wives to the husbands in verses 25-33.
Wives are to submit to their husbands, and Husbands are to love their wives.
What does it mean to love your wife? in short it means you die for her.
A greater responsiblity
Look with me at Eph 5.25
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Marriage is indeed a death
Marriage is indeed a death
Husbands, Love your wives!
Eph 5
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
You see, the love a husband is to have for his wife is not some sort of weak sentimentality - No, its a fierce, self-sacrificial, love that demands a husband to die to himself for his bride.
There is nothing more pathetic to watch than a husband who has not yet died to himself.
Husbands who won’t sacrifice for his bride
a husband who still thinks his relationship with his guys friends are the main relationships in his life
a husband who still hold onto the arrogant selfishness of of little boys who refuse to die to die to those old ways so that he might be resurrected into mature manhood.
Our model is Christ, and what we see Christ doing is
who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,
who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross
but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.
And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
This is the path of a faithful husband
And why did Christ, the true husband, walk this path? Why did Christ die for his bride?
26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
. 26
Christ did this to glorify his bride,
For we the church will be presented in splendor, glorified, holy and without blemish because Jesus, the great husband, died for his bride.
Husbands, the health and glory of your wives says a lot about your love for them.
If you love your wives, you die to yourself so she might be glorified.
When you lead you wives, you lead them in love, which is leading them into greater joy, harmony, love, peace, and truth.
Husbands, you are to love your wives as your own bodies
And the Church came from Jesus’ side
Husbands, love your wives as your own bodies
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Just as Eve came from the body of Adam
And the Church came from the Body of Christ (and is the body of Christ)
So husbands are to love your wives as their own bodies.
Which means there is nothing within your own body that should trump the love you have for your wife.
To not love your wife is to not love yourself, for you are now one flesh.
In selfishness men don’t love their wives, for they love themselves more. But what Paul is saying is that to love your wife is to love yourself, it is whats best for you.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
29-30
Christ loves his bride which is his body, thus husbands are to love their wives for they are his body
Which is brings us back to when Paul quotes in Ephesians 5.31
Husbands hold fast to your wife
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
As Christ left his father to come and get a bride that we might be made one with him, so husbands are to leave their father and mothers and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh!
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
This mystery is indeed profound, the union between a husband and wife is a living symbol of Christ’s love for the church!
Husbands, love your wives for they are part of you
you must follow the example of Christ and lay your life down for your wives.
Lead them in the path of righteousness, treat them as if they are indeed part of your own body.
seek the welfare of your wife, glorify her, wash her in the word of God, lead her to the greater husband, Jesus Christ.
Wives, respect your husbands
submit to their leadership as the Church is to submit to Christ
empower him to lead you well by following him well - It is impossible to lead when no one is following.
Fathers,
demonstrate for your sons what it looks like to die for your bride. Show them what it looks like to be a man of God who knows how to treat the bride of Christ.
And be an example to your daughters of the type of man they are to follow and submit to.
Mothers,
likewise, demonstrate for your sons what it looks like to submit and follow the leading of their fathers
And be an example that your daughters can follow when they find a man to marry.
over the last 50 years marriage has been on a decline in our soceity.
45% of all marriages end in divorce or seperation. This divorce rate nearly twice the rate it was in 1960
in 1970 89 percent of all births were to married parents, but today only 60 percent are
in 1960 72% of American adults were married, but only 50% of adults were married in 2008
There is clearly a wariness and pessimism about marriage in our culture today
There is an assumption that most marriages are unhappy
There is an assumption that marriage is boring
There is a fear of something so permanent as marriage that we often seek to have the benefits of marriage without the commitment.