Marriage Matters - What To Look For In A Spouse

Introduction

Good Morning. As we continue in our marriage matters series, this week we are going to talk about what to look for in a spouse. Those of you who are married or have been married, you might have much to talk about on the topic. We have a lot of experience in this room. And, I’m sure we can all learn something.

I was doing some research to see what I could find on my potential upcoming wedding. I know some of you might be wondering - what?? - especially my wife sitting right over there. Humor me for a moment. When I turned to the online resources, I had to do two things. First, I had to look at the stuff from the point of view as “this is something I want to do.” Second, I looked at what others recommend to keep the marriage from getting stale, and as some say, “boring.”

Some of the things I found: Make sure they have a great body, shares in your vision for the future - kids or no kids for example, psychological wholeness and maturity, does not place restrictions on you or the relationship, unconditional love, someone who is spiritual but not too religious, one of my favorites - a history of successful relationships. WOW. Sounds like a resume might need to handy. When you open a browser and start searching the list can go on and on, it’s never ending. So what’s the point? I was trying to look at the information through the lens of someone, either who doesn't know to look for, doesn't have a good example, or perhaps someone who’s in the dating game and considering marriage.

One question I kept asking is where was God in the things to look for in a potential spouse? When I reconditioned the search with the key words “God” “Bible” “Church” “Christian”, then you stated to see God begin to enter the list. On many lists God was able to get into the top five, maybe the top three. But the more I searched, it was becoming harder to find God at Number One. At that point I figured most people who are considering marriage would not go into that dealing. Most people will do a quick search and allow Google to do the leading.

I’ll piggy-back on a couple words Paul said in Philippians, “I have learned.” One thing I have learned is the importance of God in a marriage. But! More than keeping God simply in the list of ingredients. It means to start with God before anything else. It’s a call to keep God first in our life then it move to our marriage. The biblical marriage is a “trio”, or “three to get ready.” Some of you have heard of the marriage triangle. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS ILLUSTRATION - EXPLAIN.

Our passage this morning takes us into the book of Proverbs. I’d like to invite you to turn into your Bible to Proverbs chapter 3. We’ll be reading from verses 3 through 5.

Proverbs 3:5–6 ESV

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Pastoral Prayer

When you are getting married, haven’t you noticed how people how just excited they are. My wife and I in profession had the opportunity to see happy couples in their wedding day. It’s a great thing to see and to be part of their special day.

Much of our society has taken marriage to causal levels. Many consider marriage to be an accessory to their life. We see people getting married for the wrong reasons, whether it be by peer-pressure. It could also be because or parental-pressure due to an unplanned family.

As we begin to peel the onion back on our potential mate, we begin to expose the core of the person . Which get us to the title of this message, what to look for in a spouse. What are we to consider? The trio slide that was shown earlier answers this question. The answer is God. Just as the couple is to keep God at the center of their marriage, the spouse is to keep God at the center of their life. Do you see God first in their life? Are they demonstrating verse 5 of our passage? “Trust in the LORD with all your heart” takes a lot of faith for some. This means to let God choose the way. For many, marriage will be on the the biggest decisions of your life. Are you making this decision on your own, or are you making the decision with God’s help? Many of us trust God with the little things, but how about the big things.

Now, let me tell you something. You can’t trust somebody that you don’t know. You can know them and still not trust them. We’re to trust in the Lord with all of our heart. To know Him is to love Him. To love Him is to trust Him. To trust Him is to obey Him.

Now, notice he says, “Lean not to your own understanding.” That’s one of the hardest things for us to do, is to set aside our own personal wit and wisdom and ingenuity, and stop trusting in it. Trust in the LORD, however, is not easy. It means giving up trust of our own understanding, and place it all into the hands of God.

This is our second point rests in verse 6: “in all your ways acknowledge him.” When we look at the words “in all your ways,” it begins an expression that covers everything we do in life. This stems from the root “all.” It means, “in all aspects of life God is to be taken into account.” God is to be acknowledged in the home, our business dealings, at work, at play. In other words, God is to be thought of in such a way that it influences conduct and the way we live our lives. We are arriving at the essence of what it means to put God first in our life or number one on our list.

But! More than just making sure God is at the top of the list, the package comes together by “acknowledging him.” Acknowledging means to be aware of and to have active fellowship with God. It’s not just tipping your hat to God, a causal wave, a high-five or fist-bump. To acknowledge God means to know Him, but to know Him on a personal level.

You know one of my favorite things to find in Scripture are the promises God makes to us. And, we have one of those promises right here. When the choice is made to have close active personal fellowship with God, it naturally permeates into all areas of our life. And when these things happen, “he will straighten your paths.” This is to say our paths will be made level, obstacles moved according to His will. The metaphor of straight is shown that God makes the path righteous and safe.

This reminds me of when Pharaoh made the decision to let the people go. God did not lead the people “by way of the land of the Philistines … God led the people around by the way of the wilderness of the Red Sea.” This travel route was not considered easy. It was no over the river and through the woods and to grandmother’s house we go. It was rocky, sandy, dangerous. Because of God’s love, God provided a path that was safe.

Exodus 13:21 ESV

21 And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead them along the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, that they might travel by day and by night.

The path may not be linear, or the shortest way from A to B. One thing for sure, “He will straighten your paths.” So, let me ask a question that was asked earlier, Do you see God first in their life? Do you see them traveling with a cloud by day and fire by night?

As you’re learning your mate, you’re giving control over to God, letting God clear the way, perhaps to help satisfy some curiosity about their testimony you Google them. I know for some that may sound crazy. That is just one of the tools used to learn more about the person. We Google them or Facebook ‘em. Now, I’m friends with many of you on Facebook. You don’t have to answer, but after we became friends, I wonder how many of you made a personal visit to learn more about me, more about my family, my testimony, things I’m interested in, and so on.

This is something that is done in this digital age. You know, Paul had much to say on the topic of marriage, even in this digital age. So, let me ask a question. We make the choice to Google them, Facebook them or Twitter them, are you willing to Ephesians 5 them? This might be a question we ask of ourselves, are we willing to let them Ephesians 5 us? Beginning in Verse 22 and following of Ephesians chapter 5, Paul has a teaching dedicated to wives and husbands. Paul’s teaching goes through a series of do’s for each. If you Ephesians 5 them beginning in verse 22 and following:

Its been said, “As a man, this means you must ask yourself if you are willing to lay down your life for your potential spouse, as Jesus laid down his life for you. Are you willing to lay aside your preferences for this woman? Your independence? Your dreams? Your freedoms? Your control? Your literal life?

As a woman, this means you must ask yourself if you are willing to submit to this man, as the Church submits to Christ. Are you willing to honor this man above yourself, whether he deserves it or not? To respect him, whether you feel he has earned it or not; to follow him as he leads?”

If you look this up, I’d like you to consider the entire pallet of Ephesians 5.

Conclusion

If you’re already a believer in Jesus Christ, you already know the importance of having Him at the center of your life. Having and keeping God at the center of your marriage is the same importance. God is a critical component whether the marriage is day, weeks, month or years old. If you’ve never really thought about the importance of having and keeping God centered-marriage, I’d like to encourage and challenge you to put God right at the center. If you’re seeking a a spouse, put your trust into God, allow Him to lead your heart to His choice. And vise-verse, lift your future spouse in prayer to the throne of God. If you’re already married, I’d like to invite you up as husband and wife, pray for one another, pray over your marriage. Do you need prayer on something on your heart? I’d be happy to pray with you.

Closing Prayer