Healthy Biblical Relationship

I.) Introduction:

- In Matthew 22:v.37-38 it says, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself'" The two most important commandments to us from Christ involve our relationship with God and our relationships with others. It is so important that we understand what healthy Biblical Relationship looks like!

- We have been looking at lessons that can be learned from the life of David. Today we will be looking at the relationship between David and his sons, especially between David and his son Absalom. Although there are many ways we could go with this today I would like to focus on three lessons we can learn about Healthy Biblical Relationship through David's life.

- Now you may be thinking, "How can we learn about healthy biblical relationship from David and Absalom's relationship?" It's true that Absalom and David's relationship was not good, however it provides us with a look at how much damage can result when we do not commit to pursuing three things in our relationships. Namely we need to commit to care for the heart, commit to confront issues, and commit to chase after intimacy in our relationships with others.

II.) Commit to care for the heart

a.) David was unaware of his sons' heart condition (Amnon's lust and Absalom's hatred)

- David cared for Amnon on an external level but was unaware of what was transpiring in his heart. Jonadab was able to discern that it was a heart cause that was making Amnon look "haggard" morning after morning.

- Later David is unaware of Absalom's hatred for Amnon. Again Jonadab knows of Absalom's continuing hatred but David is unaware and thinks that all of his sons have perished.

- Now certainly we cannot know for sure that even if David knew of the heart condition of his sons that he would be able to redirect them; however we can be sure that because David was not able to know the hearts of His sons He was caught unaware when their sin drove them to action.

b.) God looked on David's heart; He knows and cares for our heart condition

- In contrast God fully knew the condition of David's heart. When God was anointing David He reminded Samuel that, "Man looks on the outside, but God looks on the heart." David himself was aware of how important it was in His relationship with God that his heart condition be of central importance. In psalm 139 David marvels at how God fully knows his heart and his ways. David asks God to search him and know him; to reveal the thoughts and intents of his heart

c.) We need to make an intentional effort to know the hearts of those we care for

- To deal with the heart means we are dealing with reality; we often try to hide our feelings and emotions. But talking on this level is hard! We are vulnerable when we share what is in our hearts. If we are going to be able to know the hearts of those we care about we will need to build a rapport of being a safe person to talk to. It is a unique thing that we all know what it is like to fight against sin and challenges. It means that we can empathise with each other! Instead of berating each other for our varying sins and weaknesses we can support each other in our fight against them.

- When we are seeking to know the hearts of those we care for we will need to be patient, and we will need to persevere. So how are you doing? I want you to think over the people in your life that you care for. They might be family or friends; coworkers or neighbours. What do you know about their heart condition? When was the last time you knew the things that were discouraging or encouraging them? Do you know surface level facts about them or do you know what motivates and drives them to action? If we are to effectively care for others we need to deal with them on a heart level. (Side note, don't expect to get to know others hearts without being willing to share your own.)

III.) Commit to confront issues

a.) David did not deal with his sons' sin (Amnon's rape, Absalom's murder)

- David's response to Amnon's rape was that he became angry, however nothing is recorded of David dealing with his son's actions. He not only neglected to discipline his son but also failed to provide justice as was required by his position as king. This resulted in some very serious consequences. Tamar never received justice for her abuse at her brother's hand and ultimately David's lack of action contributed to Absalom's hatred and eventual murder of his brother Amnon.

- When Absalom took Amnon's life David again takes a passive approach. He neither seeks to confront his son after he flees, nor does he take action of his own initiative to restore his son; he allows the issue to fester.

b.) God dealt with David's sin; He does not allow sin in our life to go unchallenged

- Again in contrast we see God several times dealing directly with David's sin. The best example we have we just looked at over the last two Sundays. When David sinned with Bathsheba God sent Nathan to confront David with his sin. God does not leave issues undealt with! Whether it is through the conviction of the Holy Spirit, the confrontation of someone else, or indeed when we enter eternity every sin will be dealt with by God. God is a God of perfect justice; but it this He also shows His perfect love. When sin or other issues are left unchallenged it leads to even more harm. Harm not only to the relationship but often to the one who continues in sin.

c.) We need to be willing to confront and deal with sin in the lives of those we care for

- So now we come to our relationships. Confronting sin is not an easy task. It requires a lot of time and preparation for our own heart to be in the right place to confront another. What are your greatest weaknesses when it comes to confrontation? Are you too quick to confront without having the others best at heart? Are you too slow to confront, dreading the extra stress and potential arguments?

IV.) Commit to chase after intimacy

a.) David allowed distance and unforgiveness to fester in his relationship with Absalom

- For three years David allowed Absalom to be an outcast, He neither confronted nor restored him. In fact, although we don't have time to look into it, it was through the initiative of Joab that David was eventually moved to bring back his son. But even then David did not allow Absalom into his presence for another two full years. It is not unreasonable to believe that these 5 years of distance (Physical and emotional) greatly contributed to the rift that grew between David and Absalom.

b.) God forgave David and sought intimacy with him; He wants to be close to us

- God's forgiveness of David seen in Psalm:

- God's intimacy with David seen in Psalm 139

- God wants to know us on a deep personal level; He instructs us to seek after Him and He is continually seeking after us.

c.) We need to be intentional to develop intimacy in our relationships

- It is far too easy to simply be reactive in our relationships. To answer questions instead of asking them. To assume that everything is fine. To be content with the current depth of friendship. It takes effort, and time, and concentration, and forethought to chase after intimacy. It takes forgiveness, and overlooking offences, and allowing for differences of opinion and preference.

VI.) Conclusion

Include hope (We are to care as God cares and God is making us into His image/He lives inside of us)