Christian development -

Our story -

Peggy and I want to tell you a bit about our lives so that we can give some context to what we are talking about. We will then weave our personal journey’s through retreat.

Goals:

Help you to intentionally look at your lives and those things God is teaching you.

Help you to have a sense of community/family with others.

Help you to see that these are critical years for you to get training that helps you to be successful as you move into 40’s and beyond.

Help you to begin to think about how that you could get some help. some coaching as you navigate this time in your life.

Some of what I am going to share with you is from personal observation, some from our lives and some of the insight is coming from Robert Clinton’s book The Making of a Leader. Clinton studied lives of more than 2000 Christian leaders and divides their lives into basically 6 stages - for our purposes we are only going to talk about the first 3 and primarily the 2nd one.

Some of what I am going to share with you is from personal observation, some from our lives.

I want to help you to process some of the things that you are going through during this stage of your life. Some of what I am going to share with you is from personal observation, some from our lives and some of the insight is coming from Robert Clinton’s book The Making of a Leader. Clinton studied lives of more than 2000 Christian leaders and divides their lives into basically 6 stages - for our purposes we are only going to talk about the first 3 and primarily the 2nd one.

When I was your age I wish that there had been someone share with me the things that Peggy and I are going to share with you.

THE CHALLENGE THAT MOST YOUNG ADULTS HAVE IS THAT WHEN THEY REACH THEIR 20’s AND EARLY 30’S THE SLOWLY MOVE SIMPLY INTO RESPONSE MODE. GOD WANTS US TO USE THAT TIME TO GET THE TRAINING IN OUR LIVES THAT HELPS US TO BE SUCCESSFUL WHEN WE REACH 40 AND BEYOND.

May I share my story with you - I was 25 serving as youth pastor at FBC Denison TX

Talk to me about what your expectations are for the next 5 years of your life.

May I share my story with you - I was 25 serving as youth pastor at FBC Denison TX

In Seminary

Talk to me about what your expectations are for the next 5 years of your life.

married with 2 kids

gone all week and at church on the weekends

ignoring Peggy and kids - she was ready to leave me.

gone all week and at church on the weekends

Finances a mess and so was my life.

How I met Harold and his challenge to me.

Ask of those who are already in the workplace - what would be the pinnacle of your career? What is it going to take for you to reach that - Do you have continuing ed that is required? Why would you be more diligent at work than you would be with Jesus.

- :16If you were to consider taking the next 8-10 years to intentionally get mentored/coached in the foundational things you will need for the rest of your life, what are the:

Scripture is God breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in right living.

If you were to consider taking the next 8-10 years to intentionally get mentored/coached in the foundational things you will need for the rest of your life, what are the:

Ask and use white board. If you were to consider taking the next 8-10 years to intentionally get mentored/coached in the foundational things you will need for the rest of your life, what are the:

Skills that you want help with. (These are the how-to’s of life)

how to ask great questions

how to serve your spouse

how to wisely handle money

how to live out your faith in workplace

PRUDENCE - PERHAPS THE MOST IMPORTANT SKILL YOU CAN LEARN

Character qualities you want help with. ( These are who am I’s of life)

Excellence

Honesty

Patience

etc.

You may or may not consider yourselves as leaders.

All of us are or will be leaders in some form or fashion - Lead family’s, wives, groups at work, life groups, etc

Robert Clinton’s book The Making of a Leader. Clinton studied lives of more than 2000 Christian leaders and divides their lives into basically 6 stages - for our purposes we are only going to talk about the first 3 and primarily the 2nd one.

As we talk please think about where you would put yourself in the process. If married, think about self and not your spouse.

Sovereign Foundations - what were some of the foundational things that God did in Peggy and me?

Don’t tell me that you are not a leader so this doesn’t apply - we are all leading in our lifetime - wives, children, small group, etc.

Sovereign Foundations - what were some of the foundational things that God did in Peggy and me?

Inner-Life Growth - God at work in you. Leaders seek to know God more intimately through the use of spiritual disciplines. Formal involvement in ministry often occurs in this phase. God patiently develops discernment and obedience through tests; each successive test building on the previous one. If a leader fails or skirts a test, God graciously provides another opportunity for him or her to succeed.

Was not discipled in College. My mother discipled us growing up. God put me in Seminary in order to find a man who would invest in my life.

Tests that came my way - Peggy and my family were not my first priority.

Ministry Maturing - God helps leaders foster their spiritual gifts and navigate relationships within the body of Christ. God is working in the leader rather than through the leader, and at times the ministry benefits as a result. In this phase, leaders learn to increase their skills for increasing effectiveness. Though the leaders attempt to maximize their impact during this phase, God is trying to teach them that they minister out of who they are.

Continued test that I had not learned - making Peggy a priority

Working with students -

Peggy learned about and used her spiritual gift.

Life Maturing - (ages 40+)Leaders are now mature enough for God to begin to work through them. They have also gained enough wisdom to prioritize their spiritual gifts and understand where to focus their efforts. Times of isolation, crisis and conflict provide perspective on ministry’s role in their lives; that the success of the ministry itself is not as important as their relationship with God. The depth produced in this stage gives the leader the insight into knowing what they should not do.

Convergence - very few

Afterglow - even fewer reach this stage.

WHY?

Because they are not building on the foundations in their lives and intentionally training for the future. Simply responding to the events of life and sometimes dealing with the same issues over and over because they never learn their lesson.

I was 45 when I really began life’s work - Everything up to that point had been training.

When you were in college, others were intentional with you. Now it is your turn - you need to feed yourself and reach out to others. Problem is that you don’t have as much discretionary time and the longer life goes on, the less discretionary time you have.

Will you think about how to build on the sovereign foundation of your life, or are you going to just respond to the things that God sends or allows to come your way.

Events and Character quality(s) developed.

Joseph - Joseph was 30 when given great responsibility. What are the life events that prepared him for responsibilities as a Leader.

David - David 30 when he became king. He was much younger when he was anointed king. What are the events in David’s life that prepared him to be king?

King Rehoboam failed to learn when he was younger and the result was failure in his 40’s

Paul - Nearly 40 when he began his life’s work.

Paul’s Conversion and Early Christian Life 36-45 AD ;

Conversion at Damascus 36 AD

In Damascus and Arabia (3 years) 37-39 AD

Escape from Damascus 39 AD

First Visit to Jerusalem – vision in Temple 39 AD ;

In Tarsus and Regions of Syria & Cilicia 39-43 AD

In Antioch with Barnabas 44 AD

Second Visit to Jerusalem with alms 45 AD

1st Missionary Journey (2 years) 45-47 AD

Paul’s Conversion and Early Christian Life 36-45 AD ;

Conversion at Damascus 36 AD

In Damascus and Arabia (3 years) 37-39 AD

Escape from Damascus 39 AD

First Visit to Jerusalem – vision in Temple 39 AD ;

In Tarsus and Regions of Syria & Cilicia 39-43 AD

In Antioch with Barnabas 44 AD

Second Visit to Jerusalem with alms 45 AD

1st Missionary Journey (2 years) 45-47 AD

What are the primary categories I see that you will need help with.

Character

Last session

Behavior - words, actions and attitudes

Competence - skill in ministry and dealing with people

Commitment

Decisions/Judgement

What are the barriers that will keep you from intentional training over the next 10 years.

ARROGANCE

Proverbs 17:16 NIV

Why should fools have money in hand to buy wisdom, when they are not able to understand it?

Proverbs 18:2 NIV

Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.

IMPATIENCE - Attempt to get ahead quickly –

Proverbs 21:5 NIV

The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.

Proverbs 19:2 NIV

Desire without knowledge is not good— how much more will hasty feet miss the way!

LAZINESS -

Proverbs 12:24 NIV

Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in forced labor.

NO COACH- -

Proverbs 27:17 NIV

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

Let’s look at just one of the categories that would be really wise for you to pay particular attention to.

Now is the time for you to learn PRUDENCE.

is the story of Nabal and Abigal.

25:3 - it is said of Abigal that she is an intelligent and beautiful woman. The word intelligent in Hebrew that is used for Abigal is the word (seh’kel). It is the ability to analyze a situation and come up with the right way to handle it

means situational prudence

it is the ability to read and evaluate the influences in a situation.

What is the story of Nabal and Abigal -

Time to gain PRUDENCE - ; It is good judgement. It is the ability to read a situation well and act appropriately ( with wisdom)

Unsettled until they get job and/or make a major decision. You are trying to get some traction for life.

The Twenties

1) Unsettled until they get job and/or make a major decision

2) Time to get traction for life

Decisions and patterns that impact their future

3) Decisions and patterns that impact their future

Finish schooling

a) Finish schooling

b) Life shaping decisions

Some things that you have or will struggle with -(Ask them what are the things that you are struggling with) Life shaping decisions - where am I/we going to live, career, marriage, friends and ministry. You will also make decisions about money(saving, spending, giving.)

ii) Career

iii) Marriage and/or parenting

Advantages of this time in your life - some flexibility of your time and events that you can participate in.

iv) Friends for lifetime

v) Ministry

i) Career

ii) Managing money

(1) Spending

Disadvantages – Lower income, fewer skills and Impatience

(2) Saving

(3) Giving

iii) What ministry looks like

4) Advantages of Twenties

a) Flexibility of time, events

5) Disadvantages – Lower income, fewer skills and Impatience

6) Stress items - What are the things that stress you?

(1)

If single, getting married, job, leading spouse and family

8) Suggestions for goals

Perhaps our biggest challenge in learning is that “God’s ways are not our ways” His is the upside down kingdom.

what are some of the regrets that you

c) How to lay foundation for family

7) Regrets – from teens and college

a) Sexual involvement

7) Suggestions for goals

b) Addictions – porn, alcohol and drugs

c) Poor grades

d) Failing to work hard

8) Suggestions for goals

a) Job: excellence, appropriate submission to authority, handling conflict, control tongue, handling pressure

b) Money – earning and paying your own way, budget, living within income, saving, giving

c) Church relationships and ministry

d) Solving problems

e) Marriage – communication, living out roles, teaming to solve problems

f) Parenting

g) Walking with God through new arenas and stresses

h) Dealing with leftover problems from teens

9) Danger

a) Failure to learn

i) Because of arrogance – I already know that.

(1)

(2)

IMPATIENCE - Attempt to get ahead quickly –

,

NO COACH- Difficulty finding a coach. - What to do if you cannot find one.

Time to gain PRUDENCE - ; It is good judgement. It is the ability to read a situation well and act appropriately ( with wisdom)

Perhaps our biggest challenge in learning is that “God’s ways are not our ways” His is the upside down kingdom.

- these are the ones who have turned the world upside down

God’s ways are counter intuitive to us and must be learned.

Give and it will be given you -

The one who would be great among you must be servant of all.

If you are going to really live - you must die.

- But you know that Timothy has proved himself, because as a son with his father he has served with me in the work of the gospel.

Be directed and corrected by a Godly and wise coach regarding your

Character

Behavior - words, actions and attitudes

Competence - skill in ministry and dealing with people

Commitment

Decisions/Judgement

So what would training look like and how do I go about getting it.

STEPS FOR GETTING TRAINING

The best training occurs when you are:

In a context where real life happens. This is especially significant when you can address character and skills.

Committed from your heart to invest time and money to make someone else a success.

Find a training group - a church that has training opportunities

Paul - Nearly 40 when he began his life’s work.

Paul’s Conversion and Early Christian Life 36-45 AD ;

Conversion at Damascus 36 AD

In Damascus and Arabia (3 years) 37-39 AD

Escape from Damascus 39 AD

First Visit to Jerusalem – vision in Temple 39 AD ;

In Tarsus and Regions of Syria & Cilicia 39-43 AD

In Antioch with Barnabas 44 AD

Second Visit to Jerusalem with alms 45 AD

1st Missionary Journey (2 years) 45-47 AD

Find a training group - a church that has training opportunities

Build relationships in the church

Take every opportunity the church provides for training

Find Mentors/Coaches (A single mentor will not have all that you need) who

Are already successful in area where you want training

Are willing to be honest with you. (Do you want me to tell you like a man or a boy)

To whom you can ask questions about job, ministry, money, marriage, parenting, etc.

Ask questions and solve problems with mentor/coach input. Do not ignore their input. That is wasting their time. Apply what you hear.

What to do if there is no mentor/coach!

Sometimes the problem is that you might ask someone to coach you and they don’t feel qualified, or know how to do it. They might think they don’t have the time. Change your wording - Rather than asking if they will coach you offer to by them coffee or a meal and have questions ready to ask them.

The H.S. has promised to be your guide.

Much can be learned from reading biographies. They don’t always have to be Christians.

Conferences, webinars, podcasts.

You might need to get coaching via Face-time or telephone.

THERE IS NEVER A TIME OR PLACE WHERE THERE IS NO MENTOR!

The older you get the more difficult it is to get help because of life’s circumstances, arrogance, etc. You are all at a critical time in your life. What is the best time to plant an oak tree. TODAY

10) Key Wisdom for the 20’s – How to make the most/best of the 20’s

USE YOUR 20’S FOR TRAINING

Christian development -

Life and Ministry Maturing