Marriage Matters - Erasing Chalk Lines

Introduction

Good Morning. This week in our marriage matters series we are going to discuss forgiveness, or what I like to call it “erasing the chalk lines.” Forgiving another person is sometimes not always the easiest thing to do. We can become hurt over a range of things. We can get hurt by the other person by their actions, words or both.

Forgiveness is considered a virtue we enjoy and least employ. This is often because forgiveness is not natural. This could be why it’s hard for many to do. Second, forgiveness is not fair. For some of us, when other have wronged us, causing hurt or pain, Our sense of justice can want to be vindicated. Tensions rise, wrongs are done, lies told and trust is broken. Strong feeling can red-line fast, especially when you’re living with the other person.

If you’ve suffered deep wounds this is when forgiveness can be the hardest, because at times like this forgiveness will feel costly. It could be hard to be willing to extend forgiveness. Now, this is not part of the power point this morning, and if you’re talking notes, Proverbs 18:19 talks about this.

I’ve heard feelings of unforgiveness described like a jail. If you can think of yourself of being inside the jail. You see all the rows of cells. You see the people who have wronged you locked in their cells. You might even see your spouse there. You see Jesus holding a key, extending it to you that will set every person in jail free. But, you simply cannot do that. When you notice, is that there is no way for you to get out. You are trapped with everyone one else. The unforgiveness and bitterness have cause you to be trapped, robbing you of your joy and peace.

You’ve heard that ‘ol Bible saying to “forgive.” Even for those who have not read or studied the Bible understand the value of forgiveness. You might be asking how much grace must I keeping giving this person? I’ve forgiven this person so many times that I am about to run on deficit. I am just about at the end of my rope. I want you to know you are not alone. Did you know Peter had some similar feelings? Our passage this morning opens in Matthew. I invite you to open your Bible to the 18th chapter of Matthew. We will be reading verses 21 through 27.

Matthew 18:21–27 ESV

21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. 23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.

Pastoral Prayer

You have got to love Peter’s. This is not the only time we see Peter asking a question. This goes to show he wanted to be sure he understood what Jesus’ words and actions meant. Peter’s inquisitive mind prompted wonderful teaching from our Lord.

Peter’s question lays at the root of: “does forgiveness have a limit?” It’s reasonable to say Peter knew human nature and how many times people needed forgiveness, often for the same offense. Granted a person who commits an offense and repents of that offense should be forgiven and restored. But what if that person continually falls into sin over and over again? How often must I forgive him or her? Peter’s question of “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?” We get from the language here Peter is asking about someone close to his heart. He only mentions them by the name of “brother.”

It’s clear he has been thinking about this for sometime, because he nests a question in the form of a proposal in his statement to Jesus. We see he asks Jesus “as many as seven times.” The consensus is that Jewish tradition was that three times was enough to forgive transgressions (If you’re taking notes this morning, you can find support for this on Amos sprinkled throughout Chapter 1 and then again in 2:6). The Jews were very fond of defining and limiting moral obligations, as if they could be accurately prescribed by number. Jesus demolishes this attempt to define by law the measure of grace. Look at how Jesus answers Peter in verse 22: “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

Jesus’ answer to Peter does two things. First, it helped him understand the ways of his present thinking. Peter was still thinking like the scribes and Pharisees. He was thinking in the measurable and limited terms of the law and not the immeasurable and unlimited terms of grace. Second, it’s important to note that the law keeps count and grace does not. Jesus was not extended the legal limit of forgiveness. He was not speaking of the law or limits at all. According to the ESV “seventy-seven times” translated means “seventy times seven,” or 490.

Jesus simply picked up on Peter’s number, multiplied it by itself then by ten, indicating for all practical purposes was beyond counting. You see record keeping is not to be considered. A Christian with a forgiving heart thinks nothing about it . The Christian forgives the hundredth or thousandth time just as readily and graciously as the first. This is because of how we are forgiven by God. When we come before the the mighty throne of God in repentance asking for forgiveness for our transgressions, we are seeking grace from God. At the same time, we are hanging our hat on the promise that is said in:

Hebrews 8:12 ESV

12 For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”

Our transgressions might high and Jesus understands this. Jesus uses the parable of the unforgiving servant, to show the necessity of forgiveness on the human level in light of the grace of God. This is where verse 23 picks up.

Jesus gives this picture of a king who wishes to settle accounts with his servants. The word settle means to pay, something is owed. In this case, we hear of a servant who owes 10,000 talents. From historical documents of the time, it is thought that the annual revenue collected by the Roman government from area of Judea, Samaria and Galilee was about 900 talents. Over in 1st Kings 10:14, we learn that “the weight of gold that came to Solomon in one year was 666 talents.” The illustration Jesus uses here of 10,000 talents would represent a limitless amount of money. This is to say “that the man who owed the king 10,000 talents owed and incalculable and unpayable debt.

This would be like getting a knock on your door from the IRS, and saying “Oh Mr. and Mrs. it is my duty to inform you that you recently went through an audit. And, you made a slight calculation error that carried forward in every tax return. The refunds you enjoyed were all calculated wrong. We eliminated some penalties and fines. For the amount owed, you’re eligible for our easy payment plan. Your monthly payment is $50,000 and .63 cents. If it would help you today, I can knock off the .63 cents.

For many people this would represent and incalculable and unpayable debt. Because the servant was unable to pay his debt, the “master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had.” Now it’s interesting to see the reaction of the servant in verse 26. The second servant is asking for patience. Instead the king was moved to compassion, released him and forgave his debt. This whole parable deals with repeated personal forgiveness and the reason for it.

For some, forgiveness is not natural. We need to allow the Holy Spirit to continue working on our hearts. Forgiveness reflects the highest human virtue, because it so clearly reflects the character of God. Forgiveness characterizes the new nature of Christians. This is because it characterizes Jesus Christ. Jesus was betrayed, falsely convicted, beaten, spat upon, and unjustly nailed to a cross to die an agonizing death. Some of Jesus’ last words can be found in Luke chapter 23. Instead of hanging on that cross, shouting back harmful and painful words, Jesus chooses to pray:

Luke 23:34 ESV

34 And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.

The Son of God harbored no hatred for His tormentors, instead He offered forgiveness. In the Bible, we are witness to many acts that would cause many to have either strong feelings or strong words against others. One example would be Stephen. In Chapter seven of Acts, Stephen is seen giving a speech. While he’s talking, Stephen is laying it on pretty thick. He goes as far to call them “you stiff-necked people, uncircumcised in hear and ears, you always resist the Holy Spirit.” Well they weren’t having any part of it. So, the decision was made to “cast him out of the city and stone him.” Stephen follow the example of Jesus Christ:

Acts 7:59–60 ESV

59 And as they were stoning Stephen, he called out, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” 60 And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.

To the one’s that were stoning Stephen, they considered his crime to be preaching the gospel, yet his heart was not filled with bitterness but with compassion for his executioners.

Because Christians have been forgiven for so much by God, they are at their best when they are forgiving others.

Conclusion

Forgiveness is not only key the unity of the church. Forgiveness is key to meaningful relationship and our marriages. I understand pain can be a stone four letter word. But you know what!! I can think of another four letter word that is stronger. That four letter word is love. Forgiveness is the key to love.

The love chapter of 1st Corinthians should not only flow through a marriage, but through every relationship we have. 1st Corinthians 13_4 through 7 and 13 says:

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 ESV

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:13 ESV

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Love is an action directed to another person that is motivated by our relationship to Jesus Christ and is given freely without a personal reward in mind.

When we choose to forgive, we are saying without words to the other person, I love you. I want to love you. I love you because you are important to me. You are saying, I choose us!

Do you have chalk lines this morning that need to be erased where you could offer forgiveness to someone? This person might be sitting right next to you. Or do you need to ask for some grace and forgiveness. Some of the most powerful words can be is - I’m sorry.

The alter is open for prayer. Do you need to come up as husband and wife or as a family to pray, I invite you to come. If I can pray with you, I’d be happy to pray with you before the throne of God.

Closing Prayer