Type 8 -- The Challenger
A Word on Love...
We begin our consideration of the nine types of the Enneagram with Type 8 — “THE CHALLENGER”
When Healthy:
When Average:
When Unhealthy:
Eight’s Deadly Sin:
The deadly sin of the Eight is lust, but not in the sexual sense. Eights lust after intensity—they are high-voltage human dynamos who want to be wherever the action and energy are, and if they can’t find any, they’ll cook it up. Eights have more energy than any other number on the Enneagram. They are fiery, zestful, earthy, full-throttle people who drink life down to the dregs and then slam their glass down and order a second round for everyone else at the bar.
The Gift 8’s Bring:
Eights care deeply about justice and fairness. They are fierce advocates for widows, orphans, the poor and the marginalized. They have no problem speaking truth to power, and they are perhaps the only number on the Enneagram who are brave enough to confront and take down the oppressors and dictators of the world.
Though Eights’ concern for justice, fairness and defending the underdog is genuine, there is another drama underway here as well. Having witnessed or experienced the negative consequences of powerlessness as a child, the Eight identifies with the easily preyed upon and rushes to their aid.
Like all Strengths, the 8’s Concern for Justice has a shadow side:
They absolutely believe their viewpoints or positions on issues are irrefutable. They reject taking a nuanced view of anything because not having clarity or absolute certainty about your position represents weakness or—God forbid—cowardice. If you want to try to convince them otherwise, I suggest you pack your pajamas because it’s going to be a long night.
The Spiritual Life of an 8:
When Eights switch their lives over to autopilot and spiritually fall asleep at the wheel of their personality, they become shamelessly excessive, reckless, arrogant, bull-headedly uncompromising and sometimes even cruel.
I’d love to help Eights tap into the childhood innocence they gave up too early and restore their trust in humanity. I’d like to promise them they won’t be betrayed, but I can’t. Eventually we all go under that knife.
The healing message Eights need to know, believe and feel is this: there are lots of trustworthy people in the world, and though the risk of betrayal is always real, love and connection will forever elude them unless they welcome and reconnect to the innocent, less defended child they once were. Yes, betrayal is exquisitely painful, but it doesn’t happen as often as Eights fear it does. And if or when it does, they’ll be strong enough to survive it.
Since Eights like people to be straightforward and direct with them I’m going to be brutally frank: living behind a façade of bluster and toughness to mask one’s fear of emotional harm is cowardly, not courageous. Risking vulnerability and love is what takes courage. Are you strong enough to come out from behind the mask of boast and brusqueness? That’s the real question.
Relating to and with an 8:
The main thing to keep in mind in relationship with Eights is that their aggression is not personal. They mean no harm, so don’t be misled by their strong opinions and passions. Here are some additional ways you can build better relationships with the Eights in your life:
• Even though Eights are strong and assertive, don’t forget that they still need care.
• If you don’t stand up for yourself, if you are not forthcoming, if you fail to be honest, and if you are indirect, then you are invisible to Eights.
• Don’t beat around the bush: Eights want communication to be brief, straightforward, and truthful.
• Be aware that Eights are controlling in relationships simply because they don’t want to be controlled.
• Bring your best effort to anything you do. Do what you say you will do and let them know you are all in—or not.
• Eights don’t like it when you talk behind their back—and they don’t understand why you would. Given the opportunity, they would say to you, “Why would you tell somebody else what you think about me? Tell me. I can handle it.”
• If Eights are not happy with you, they tell you. If they don’t tell you but seem a little distant, it most likely has nothing to do with you.
• Acknowledge the contributions that Eights make, but don’t flatter them because they neither trust nor need flattery.
• Encourage Eights to exercise regularly. A good exercise program uses up some of their excess energy.
• Be aware that Eights sometimes mistake tenderness for manipulation.
• Intensity is always well-received. Be secure and strong in yourself and in what you think and believe.
• Keep in mind that Eights are often unaware of how they affect others.