Life is All About Relationships.

Is it just me or have you ever noticed that loving people isn’t easy?

example

example

But relationships is what life is all about! And while there will be projects to be accomplished and goals to be achieved our focus should not be on what is to be done, but on who we’re doing it for and who we’re doing it with.

Nehemiah is known as the man who led the nation of Israel to rebuild the great walls of the city of Jerusalem, which was no small achievement, but Nehemiah’s motivation wasn’t accomplishing a huge task. His motivation was rebuilding and rejuvenating a community.

His focus was on relationships!

Nehemiah 1:3 ESV

And they said to me, “The remnant there in the province who had survived the exile is in great trouble and shame. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire.”

Nehemiah 1:6 ESV

let your ear be attentive and your eyes open, to hear the prayer of your servant that I now pray before you day and night for the people of Israel your servants, confessing the sins of the people of Israel, which we have sinned against you. Even I and my father’s house have sinned.

Nehemiah 2:9 CSB

I went to the governors of the region west of the Euphrates and gave them the king’s letters. The king had also sent officers of the infantry and cavalry with me.

Nehemiah 2:10 ESV

But when Sanballat the Horonite and Tobiah the Ammonite servant heard this, it displeased them greatly that someone had come to seek the welfare of the people of Israel.

Nehemiah 2:17 ESV

Then I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in, how Jerusalem lies in ruins with its gates burned. Come, let us build the wall of Jerusalem, that we may no longer suffer derision.”

And then in Chapter 3 we have an entire section filled with strange names, a variety of societal categories, lists of local leaders, descriptions of assignments for commuters, and jobs completed by various families.

We won’t read the entire section but read through the chapter at some point and highlight everytime you see the phrases, “next to him,” “next to them,” “after him,” “after them.”

Those phrases are used 28x’s!

Nehemiah 3:

Nehemiah 3:1–5 ESV

Then Eliashib the high priest rose up with his brothers the priests, and they built the Sheep Gate. They consecrated it and set its doors. They consecrated it as far as the Tower of the Hundred, as far as the Tower of Hananel. And next to him the men of Jericho built. And next to them Zaccur the son of Imri built. The sons of Hassenaah built the Fish Gate. They laid its beams and set its doors, its bolts, and its bars. And next to them Meremoth the son of Uriah, son of Hakkoz repaired. And next to them Meshullam the son of Berechiah, son of Meshezabel repaired. And next to them Zadok the son of Baana repaired. And next to them the Tekoites repaired, but their nobles would not stoop to serve their Lord.

Every person was in place!

With a few exceptions, everyone was involved in the work! (V.5) “The nobles did not lift a finger.” There’s always that ONE guy!

Nehemiah recognized the value in every individual in Jerusalem. His focus was on relationships!

Nehemiah was an encourager! He was a people person. His heart was for people.

In chapter 3 alone, Nehemiah mentions 75 people by name! And in many cases he recognized their accomplishments!

He mentioned at least 15 different groups of people… (priests, levites, goldsmiths, specific families, etc…)

He knew people. He knew where they worked. He knew where they lived. This of course took time and effort. What does it tell us?

It tells us that while Nehemiah would accomplish great things, his greatest achievement was his ability to prioritize relationships and move people toward unity and love for one another.

Bottom Line:

Our focus isn’t on accomplishments or achievements but on relationships.

Life is all about relationships!

Verse 9 shows us that Nehemiah understand something that the surrounding Governors didn’t understand.

Nehemiah 2:10 ESV

But when Sanballat the Horonite and Tobiah the Ammonite servant heard this, it displeased them greatly that someone had come to seek the welfare of the people of Israel.

“seek the welfare of the people of Israel”

Nehemiah understood WHY life is all about relationships.

Sanballat and Tobiah didn’t have Nehemiah’s perspective on relationships. They viewed people as

opponents to conquer and control

objects to manipulate and use

obstacles to avoid and dismiss.

But Nehemiah knew that people matter. That they are loved. They are useful. They have a future. And he was going to be the one to tell them!

Nehemiah knew that...

Relationships fulfill our need to love and be loved.

That’s what love is. Love is seeking the welfare of others.

This is the GOSPEL! That God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners (devoid of love) Christ died for us!

John 1:12 CSB

But to all who did receive him, he gave them the right to be children of God, to those who believe in his name,

Ephesians 2:8–9 CSB

For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift—not from works, so that no one can boast.

Our need to love and be loved is ultimately fulfilled when we begin a personal relationship with God through faith in Jesus and then as we walk in that relationship we start to understand just how significant relationships are.

Just how necessary it is to love and be loved.

And this is also why loving people isn’t easy. Because we don’t always want what’s best for someone else. We don’t always seek the welfare of others, like NEhemiah.

Maybe it’s because we think it will limit our influence.

Maybe it’s because we’ll lose control over someone or a situation.

Maybe it’s because we’ve been hurt and don’t want to be manipulated or wounded again.

Maybe it’s because they don’t deserve to be loved.

But the fact is, we need to love and we need to be loved.

Many experiments have been conducted in recent years to demonstrate that the need to love and be loved is one of our basic and fundamental needs!

One of the forms that this need takes is contact comfort —the desire to be held and touched. Findings show that babies who are deprived contact comfort, particularly during the first six months after they’re born, grow up with severe psychological damage.

If we don’t live a life of love, nothing we accomplish matters.

(Show image of Nehemiah’s midnight ride)

The historian Josephus recorded the circumference of JErusalem’s walls at about 4.5 miles. So Nehemiah is taking quite a long ride here in the middle of the night.

Other sources tell us that after Nehemiah’s reconstruction project the walls were 15ft thick and 12 feet high. Rebuilding the walls and the gates was a big job!

You can’t take your accomplishments with you.

Your achievements won’t matter when you’re gone.

But Nehemiah knew...

How you invest in your relationships will last forever.

Nehemiah 2:17 ESV

Then I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in, how Jerusalem lies in ruins with its gates burned. Come, let us build the wall of Jerusalem, that we may no longer suffer derision.”

What did the wall represent? Why was rebuilding the wall so important?

The walls represented safety.

The walls represented significance.

The walls represented strength.

The walls represented identity.

The walls represented unity.

The rebuilding of the walls was all about relationships! Connection. You can’t live a life of love and be disconnected from people! Least of all, God’s people.

Every human is wired for relationships, and if you are a child of God even more

God’s relationship with his people AND

The relationship of God’s people with each other AND

THe relationships of God’s people with everyone else.

TRANSITION: In the same way that Nehemiah was called by God to bring restoration and renewal to Israel, you and I are called by God to bring restoration and renewal to our communities.

Colossians 3:12–14 ESV

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

God’s chosen ones. I love that! Chosen for what? For connection. For relationships.

Above all, put on love!

Let God’s love flow through you to those you live with, work with, and worship with!

(Picture of Cory Long in Chester)

Show concern for the people around you.

Nehemiah 2:10 ESV

But when Sanballat the Horonite and Tobiah the Ammonite servant heard this, it displeased them greatly that someone had come to seek the welfare of the people of Israel.

Seek to rebuild broken relationships.

Nehemiah 2:12 CSB

I got up at night and took a few men with me. I didn’t tell anyone what my God had laid on my heart to do for Jerusalem. The only animal I took was the one I was riding.

Nehemiah 2:12–15 ESV

Then I arose in the night, I and a few men with me. And I told no one what my God had put into my heart to do for Jerusalem. There was no animal with me but the one on which I rode. I went out by night by the Valley Gate to the Dragon Spring and to the Dung Gate, and I inspected the walls of Jerusalem that were broken down and its gates that had been destroyed by fire. Then I went on to the Fountain Gate and to the King’s Pool, but there was no room for the animal that was under me to pass. Then I went up in the night by the valley and inspected the wall, and I turned back and entered by the Valley Gate, and so returned.

Nehemiah 2:13 CSB

I went out at night through the Valley Gate toward the Serpent’s Well and the Dung Gate, and I inspected the walls of Jerusalem that had been broken down and its gates that had been destroyed by fire.

God puts dreams in your heart that are bigger than you so that you will rely on Him and His power!

It takes hope.

Strive for unity!

Nehemiah 2:17 CSB

So I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in. Jerusalem lies in ruins and its gates have been burned. Come, let’s rebuild Jerusalem’s wall, so that we will no longer be a disgrace.”

Nehemiah 2:18 ESV

And I told them of the hand of my God that had been upon me for good, and also of the words that the king had spoken to me. And they said, “Let us rise up and build.” So they strengthened their hands for the good work.

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When we are connected to life and eac

Life is all about relationships because disconnected things die.

Don’t lose hope.

Be a team player.

Rally around a unified purpose.

Seek to repair

Loving people isn’t easy, but it’s necessary because disconnected things die.

Keep depending on God.

A disconnected marriage dies.

A disconnected friendship dies.

A disconnected church dies.

A disconnected community dies.

“Me” instead of “We” disconnects and divides.

“Me” instead of “We” disconnects and divides.

In his book, “Being Mortal”, medical doctor Atul Gawande describes the story of Bill Thomas, a man who in the 1990’s started working as the medical director of Chase MEmorial Nursing Home in the town of New Berlin, NY. He was only 31 with little or no experience in eldercare. With his necomer’s eyes, Bill was shocked by “The Three Plagues” of nursing home existence.

He outlines them as boredom, loneliness, and helplessness.

His plan was simple. Start bringing gardens, children and pets into the nrusing home. Lots of pets! Here’s just a snippet of the conversation that ensued after the nursing home director and his staff agreed to let Thomas bring more plants into the home.

“How about a dog?” THomas asked.

THere were safety code issues. “But maybe so, yeah.” The director said.

“Let’s try two dogs.” Thomas said.

“It’s against code,” THey repeated.

“Let’s just put it down on paper,” Thomas said.

Dr. Bill wasn’t seeing much enthusiasm in response, but he thought he was on a roll.

“How about some cats?”

“You want dogs AND cats?” THey asked. Reluctantly they agreed.

“PErfect” Bill said, beaming. “ANd we need more sound of life around here. You know what would be best? The sound of birds singing. Let’s put down a hundred birds.”

“ONE HUNDRED BIRDS! In this place?!” they exclaimed. “You must be out of your mind! Have you ever lived in a house with two dogs, four cats and a hundred birds?!”

“No” Dr. Bill said, “But wouldn’t it be fun trying?” Eventually, Dr. Bill wore them down and they ordered the birds. The hundred parakeets all arrived on the same day. But the birdcages hadn’t come yet, so the delivery man released the birds into the nursing homes beauty salon. The results were extraordinary. The number of prescriptions more than halved, with a particular reduction in the use of pschycotropic drug, and mortality fell about 15%! This was the starting point for a larger program, named (biblically appropriate) The Eden Alternative.

Why was this successful? Gawande concludes that it’s because we need a dedication to a cause beyond ourselves.

That’s why life is all about relationships, and for the Christian even more so, because we know what’s at stake! Eternity lies in the balance!

For these elderly a simple cause such as a cat or dog or bird was enough to increase the longevity of their lives and give them hope as they lived out their last years on earth. Just imagine the impact of connecting people to the love of Jesus.

They gain true, unconditional love.

They gain peace that passes our human understanding.

THey gain joy in being a part of a HUGE family.

We need that sense of belonging. We need that sense of loyalty. We need that sense of love. LEt’s be the bridge that focuses more on relationships that we could accomplish or achieve. The irony is that in doing that, we will accomplish a great deal!

What decision will you make today?