The Stabilizing Love of a Godly Husband Pt.2

This is the final sermon in our marriage series “Meant to Be.” What does God intend our marriages to be?

CIT: Paul told the Ephesians husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church Proposition: Christian husbands glorify God by modeling Christ’s love for the church in their relationship with their wives.

Proposition: Christian husbands glorify God by modeling Christ’s love for the church in their relationship with their wives.

This is the final sermon in our marriage series “Meant to Be.” What does God intend our marriages to be?

I’ve met husbands that tell me, I can’t even understand my wife. How can I work on my marriage?

I heard a story of a who man found a magic lamp, rubbed it, and out popped a genie, who offered to fulfill one wish. The man said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid of planes and boats. I'd like you to build a bridge from California to Hawaii so I can drive."

The Genie said, "That's too much work. Try another wish."

The man said, "OK. Help me to understand women." The genie thought for a moment, then said, "Do you want two lanes or four lanes?"

The good news guys is that God didn’t command us to understand our wives for your marriage to be successful. For that matter, wives you were not commanded to understand your husbands for your marriages to be successful.

We started this series by making a revolutionary discovery that radically affects our view of marriage. In , Paul quotes “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Then he said in v.32 that this “refers to Christ and the church.”

That’s revolutionary because now we know that our marriages are not primary for us. They are for God. God created marriages to be a running illustration to our world of the love relationship that he has with His people.

In this relationship the wife plays the role of the church and, therefore , her primary role is to submit to the Christlike leadership of her husband. The husband plays the much more difficult role of Christ in this illustration. Therefore, he must love his wife just as Christ loved the church. . . a thought that is somewhat incomprehensible.

From that we said that Headship looks like love. So last week we looked at how Christ loves his bride, the church. Then we seek to emulate that love to our brides.

Today Paul shows us that Christ not only loves his church as his bride, but also his “Body.”

Ephesians 5:23 ESV

23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Ephesians 5:29–30 ESV

29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

Eph. 5:29

He is the head and the church is the body. That metaphor promotes the idea of oneness. That metaphor emphasizes a oneness that should be a reality in our marriages. Therefore, Paul says that we should love our wives as our bodies, in the same way that Christ loves his body.

Ephesians 5:28 ESV

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Let’s look at how connected Christ sees himself and his body the church.

Acts 9:1–5 ESV

1 But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest 2 and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. 3 Now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven shone around him. 4 And falling to the ground, he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” 5 And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.

13. It is remarkable that Christ sees the church as his body and himself as the head. That means he sees himself as one with his people.

“But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest 2 and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. 3 Now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. 4 And falling to the ground he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” 5 And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.”

Who was Saul persecuting? v. 1 tells us: “The disciples of the Lord.” That’s the church. Yet Jesus says that he is persecuting him. Jesus sees himself and his people as one.

This reality is true for Christ and the church, and consequently it is true for a husband and a wife. They are one. Think about this, Jesus is the head of the church, which is his body. The husband is also the head of the wife. That means husbands should see their wives as their very own bodies. That’s what he means in v.24 that in marriage, “two become one flesh.”

In a marriage, a husband and wife are one organism in the same way as a lock and its key are one mechanism or that a violin and a bow are one musical instrument (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity).

So how does that oneness between Christ and the church teach us how we are to love our wives? We should love with a...

I. Natural Love (v. 28-29a)

Ephesians 5:28–29 ESV

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,

Ephesians 5:28 ESV

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

18. v.28-29a “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

For years what I thought these were words of sentiment. I thought he was saying, “Husbands should love their own wives just as much as they love their own bodies.” After all it sounds a lot like the 2nd great commandment, “This is the great and first commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Maybe in one sense this is true. You shouldn’t love any other neighbor more than you love your wife. And, you are suppose to love them as much as you love yourself.

No, the love that we have for our wives is a much deeper and intimate type of love than love we have for a neighbor. He is not simply saying, “Love your wife as much as you love your own body.” He says they should “Love their wives as their own bodies.” Why? Because she is your own body.

That’s why he goes on to say, “He who loves his wife loves himself.” (v. 28b). That is just a statement of fact. You are one flesh. If you love your wife, you love yourself.

That’s why loving our wives should be one of the most natural things that we do as husbands. Why?

Ephesians 5:29 ESV

29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,

v. 29a “Because no one ever hated his own flesh.”

It is unnatural to hate your own flesh. Self –preservation is a core need of every human. Except of the few extreme cases, who would starve to death if a person had plenty of food to eat? Who would go cold if they had clothes to wear?

Yet many husbands have no clue that they are one flesh with their wives. I’ve met husbands who act like they hardest thing that they do in the day is to love their wives. But they don’t have any trouble loving themselves. They do all the things that they want to do. They make sure they are involved in all the hobbies they want. They never spend any time with their wives. And Paul says “That is completely unnatural.”

II. A Caring Love (v.29b-30)

Ephesians 5:29–30 ESV

29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

Christ doesn’t make the mistake of not loving his own body. He recognizes the all of us, his people, as members of his own body. And, as a result, he “nourishes” us and “cherishes” us.

26. Christ doesn’t make the mistake of not loving his own body. He recognizes the all of us, his people, as members of his own body. And, as a result, he “nourishes” us and “cherishes” us.

27. What does that mean? Let’s first ask what it means for Christ to nourish and cherish the church. The only other place the Greek word used for “nourish” here is in .

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Here it is used “to nourish up or to bring up.”

Ephesians 6:4 ESV

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

This word is used to denote the whole process of leading up to an attained goal. The Lord Jesus has a goal for his body. Men can understand that. We have goal for our bodies. When we are hungry, the goal is to feed it. When we are thirsty, the goal is to satisfy its thirst. For some, there goal is to get strong. Paul says that it is natural for a man to care for his body.

What is the Lord Jesus’ goal for his body, the church? He told us back in v. 25-26.

Ephesians 5:25–26 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

“Husbands, Love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her.”

“For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.”

Christ goal for his people is to fully sanctify us…to purify us…to make us sinless like he is. He gives us everything we need to be sanctified. He gives us his Word. He gives us his Spirit. He us his presence. He gives us his promises that we can trust in. Promises that he will meet all of our needs (), to have eternal life (), to protect us ().

The Lord is our protector. “We know that everyone who has been born of God does not keep on sinning, but he who was born of God protects him, and the evil one does not touch him.”

+How are we to nurture up our wives? We have a goal that they become Christ-like. We do everything we can to meet that goal. Bringing our family to church, making sure they are in a Sunday School class. We work to provide for her needs. We protect her from sin and all other dangers. We nurture up in the Lord.”

+How are we to nurture up our wives? We have a goal that they become Christ-like. We do everything we can to meet that goal. Bringing our family to church, making sure they are in a Sunday School class. We work to provide for her needs. We protect her from sin and all other dangers. We nurture up in the Lord.”

Not only does Christ nurture his body, but he also “cherishes” his body. This is a word that literally means “to make warm.” It conjures up the image of a mom covering her child with a blanket so that the child doesn’t get cold. This is the context the only other time this Greek word is used.

1 Thessalonians 2:7 ESV

7 But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.

“we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.” Here the Greek word is translated ‘care.’

It is the picture of intimate caring. The point is that a husband just doesn’t meet the needs of his own body, but he does it because he deeply cares for his own body.

Christ meets our needs because he deeply cares for us. Husbands are to meet the needs of his wife because he deeply cares for her.

Sometimes this works in reverse. By beginning to meet her needs, a husband will often time will begin to deeply care for his wife again.

*In his book, The Fine Art of Friendship, Ted W. Engstrom tells of a man named Joe who “had just about had it with his wife of three years. He no longer thought of her as attractive or interesting; he considered her to be a poor housekeeper who was overweight, someone he no longer wanted to live with.

Joe was so upset that he finally decided on divorce. But before he served her the papers, he made an appointment with a psychologist with the specific purpose of finding out how to make life as difficult as possible for his wife.

The psychologist listened to Joe’s story and then gave this advice, ‘Well, Joe, I think I’ve got the perfect solution for you. Here’s what I want you to do. Starting tonight when you get home, I want you to start treating your wife as if she were a goddess. That’s right, a goddess. I want you to change your attitude toward her 180 degrees. Start doing everything in your power to please her.

Listen intently to her when she talks about her problems, help around the house, take her out to dinner on weekends. I want you to literally pretend that she’s a goddess. Then, after two months of this wonderful behavior, just pack your bags and leave her. That should get to her!’

“Joe thought it was a tremendous idea. That night he started treating his wife as if she were a goddess. He couldn’t wait to do things for her. He brought her breakfast in bed and had flowers delivered to her for no apparent reason. Within three weeks the two of them had gone on two romantic weekend vacations. They read books to each other at night, and Joe listened to her as never before. It was incredible what Joe was doing for his wife. He kept it up for the full two months.

After the allotted time, the psychologist gave Joe a call at work.

“ ‘Joe,’ he asked, ‘how’s it going? Did you file for divorce? Are you a happy bachelor once again?’

“ ‘Divorce?’ asked Joe in dismay. ‘Are you kidding? I’m married to a goddess. I’ve never been happier in my life!’ ”

We are to love our wives with a caring love.

III. An Unbreakable Love (v. 31, 33)

Ephesians 5:31 ESV

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

That means you are inseparable. What happens to one affects the other, even spiritually.

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

1 Peter 5:7 ESV

7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Our relationship with our wives affects our relationship with God. In several ways, first off, have you ever tried to pray after you and your wife have had a fight. It’s almost impossible. I can add that it is hard to preach after a fight as well.The devil tries to get us all on Sunday morning so that it will destroy our time of worship.

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

44. Our relationship with our wives affects our relationship with God. In several ways, first off, have you ever tried to pray after you and your wife have had a fight. It’s almost impossible. I can add that it is hard to preach after a fight as well.The devil tries to get us all on Sunday morning so that it will destroy our time of worship.

Second, since we are one, we are suppose to be praying together, interceding together for our children and families and church. This can’t happen when you are not treating her right.

And unbreakable love means what affects her affects you. It also means that you are to never be separated. So, if you are a Christian, just take divorce off the table.

49. *Salt and Pepper Glued Ill.- Can’t separate them without breaking both of them.

48. Think about it, in light of all the sin that you have committed in your life. Has Christ ever divorced you? No. You are a picture of Christ and the church. It is not God’s will for you to divorce.

49. *Salt and Pepper Glued Ill.- Can’t separate them without breaking both of them.

50. The last words of Jesus before he left was to his church. In spite of all the sin he knew the church would commit, “I will never leave you or forsake you even to the very end of the age.” ()

51. Does your wife know that you love her with an unbreakable love?

*52. * There is a famous cigarette billboard that pictures a curly-headed, bronze-faced, muscular macho with a cigarette hanging out the side of his mouth. The sign says, “Where a man belongs.” That’s a lie. Where a man belongs is at his wife’s side loving her and their children and leading them to grow in righteousness.