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Forgiveness
This morning we are going to finish our Relationship Tune Up, specifically what we began discussing last week.
I mentioned last week that (IMO) FORGIVENESS is the most Christ-like, the most God-like thing we could ever do.
Let’s look at God’s character and nature as it regards forgiveness.
At God’s core, it is who He is.
He is a gracious and forgiving God, slow to anger and abounding in love.
He is the hallmark of second and 122 chances.
He is the ultimate forgiver.
We even examined the purpose for Christ coming; it was to seek and to save that which was lost ().
The primary means for which Christ brought forgiveness and reconciliation in our lives was through His death.
It was through the shedding of His blood, through His covenant promises, that the forgiveness of sins was made ().
What Christ did for us he now want to do in us and offer through us.
ephesians 4: 31-32
NIV31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
The Scripture continue to tell us.
In looking at the life of Joseph, we saw a story filled with dreams, betrayal, deceit, temptation, misunderstandings, and opportunity for life-long hurt and bitterness in unforgiveness.
Genesis 50:15-20
His brothers still fearing Joseph’s retaliation and retribution for their wrongdoing use their father’s death as an opportunity for self-preservation.
They put words in their dead father’s mouth essentially asking for their own forgiveness for what they had done.
vs. 17 Joseph wept.
(This might be the most powerful statement telling us of the condition of his heart through all of this.
He could have remained bitter.
He could have hardened his heart towards his brothers.
He could have responded so many different ways.
But Joseph wept.)
vs. 18 His brothers threw themselves down before him declaring themselves to be his slaves.
Acknowledging that they were at his mercy for forgiveness.
19.
Joseph shifts forgiveness and judgement to something that only God can give and carry out.
Rick spoke about the effects of being judgmental in our relationships.
At its core and very essence, it is something that is just not ours to give.
We don’t have the right nor the responsibility to carry out God’s judgement.
Not here on earth and certainly not on that final day.
What we have been given is a ministry of reconciliation.
We are even warned that if we can’t give forgiveness we shouldn’t think that we can receive forgiveness.
vs. 20 Joseph recognizes the sovereighty of God in all things.
That what his brothers may have indented for his harm, God redeemed for the good purposes He had planned for Joseph since the beginning of time.
vs. 21 And Joseph (because of the forgiveness at work in his heart towards his brothers) was able to bring reassurance and speak kindly to his brothers.
This is the fruit of forgiveness: I am for you not against you.
TRANSITION:
I want us to build upon the ingredients we began to discuss last week that go into forgiveness.
We discussed a few things that are good identifiers of forgiveness, while also discussing some ingredients that get falsely mixed in with forgiveness.
WE SAID
Forgiveness IS:
Forgiveness IS:
When someone hurts us, we often feel like we have the right to hurt them back—to get even.
“You owe me” is the attitude of non-forgiveness whether said aloud or not.
Forgiveness is giving up our perceived right to get even.
Forgiveness is a cancelled debt.
Let’s take a look at a few other ingredients that often get mixed in as a component of forgiveness:
FORGETTING:
Forgiveness is not forgetting.
Most of us can remember the most painful things done to us by others in the past if we think about it.
Forgetting is a sign of brain damage!
NIV13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Part of moving towards forgiveness is to work to no longer “remember against” the other.
Forgiveness DOES allow the forgiver to begin putting the event into the past, but remembering the event isn’t the same as not forgiving.
Take a look at the cartoon: there’s a way to remember the Event and there’s a way to “remember against” the other.
CARTOON
CARTOON
CARTOON
ELIMINATE CONSEQUENCES:
Forgiveness does not eliminate the natural consequences of our behavior.
The world operates on the principle of cause and effect and there are some things that, once put in motion, cannot be stopped.
Some damage cannot be repaired.
Unacceptable behavior needs to be addressed.
Forgiveness does not excuse responsibility for behavior.
Whether forgiveness occurs or not, unacceptable behavior needs to be addressed.
DENIAL OF PAIN/PRETENDING:
Forgiveness is not about pretending that an event didn’t happen, or that it didn’t hurt.
In fact, the opposite is true.
If canceling a debt is a picture of forgiveness, then that debt has to be acknowledged before it can be cancelled!
So, denial actually prevents forgiveness from happening.
Acknowledging the hurt helps in healing and moving forward.
GRIEVING IS OVER:
Forgiveness does not mean the process of grieving is over, or the people involved are no longer feeling pain.
Forgiveness and grieving are different activities that often require different amounts of time.
Grief is the active process of working through painful feelings associated with losses in ways that promote healing of the soul.
The intensity of grief and pain often increases and decreases with the activity of life.
We can be reminded of our wounds by such things as:
-specific holidays
-television shows
-seeing someone who looks a certain way
-hearing an old song on the radio.
The damage from some offenses can linger a long time, even if the one hurt has forgiven the other.
RECAP
ADD TO
I want us to discuss a couple of other things that become assumed when we discuss forgiveness.
The first is TRUST.
Trust is not the same as forgiveness.
Trust is not the same as forgiveness.
Trust and forgiveness are not the same thing.
Trust is believing that you can depend on another to do what they say they will do, or not do what they say they will not do.
Trust should be given or withheld based on evidence.
Trust should be given or withheld based on evidence.
Trust should be given or withheld based on evidence over a period of time.
When trust has been betrayed, trust should not be given until the offender has:
-taken responsibility for his/her behavior
-changed (or working on changing) that behavior
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