Chapter 8 Resolving Conflicts
Preparing for Marriage God's Way • Sermon • Submitted
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Carefully study at least 15 of the passages and write down everything you see in them about strife, fighting, quarreling, and contention.
Identify
why people fight and/or quarrel
Make a list of helps to good communication found in the following passages.
What it says about why you get into quarrels
What it says about a person who quarrels and/or fights ans what it calls that person
The c
Genesis 3:
Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.”
Psalm 141:
Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!
but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen?
Genesis 32:
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
And the messengers returned to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother Esau, and he is coming to meet you, and there are four hundred men with him.” Then Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed. He divided the people who were with him, and the flocks and herds and camels, into two camps,
Now Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his sons, because he was the son of his old age. And he made him a robe of many colors.
Genesis 37:
Genesis 39:
So Joseph found favor in his sight and attended him, and he made him overseer of his house and put him in charge of all that he had.
Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.
When Joseph came to them in the morning, he saw that they were troubled. So he asked Pharaoh’s officers who were with him in custody in his master’s house, “Why are your faces downcast today?”
Proverbs 15:
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.
Then Joshua tore his clothes and fell to the earth on his face before the ark of the Lord until the evening, he and the elders of Israel. And they put dust on their heads.
The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.
Proverbs 15:
On the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion, because he loved her, though the Lord had closed her womb. And her rival used to provoke her grievously to irritate her, because the Lord had closed her womb. So it went on year by year. As often as she went up to the house of the Lord, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat. And Elkanah, her husband, said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?” After they had eaten and drunk in Shiloh, Hannah rose. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat beside the doorpost of the temple of the Lord. She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly.
The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips. Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt.
1 Samuel
The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.
1 Kings 19:3-4
Then he was afraid, and he arose and ran for his life and came to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there. But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.”
The poor use entreaties, but the rich answer roughly.
And Ahab went into his house vexed and sullen because of what Naboth the Jezreelite had said to him, for he had said, “I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers.” And he lay down on his bed and turned away his face and would eat no food.
1 Kings
The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.
Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure.
Proverbs 4:
Proverbs 20:5
There is gold and abundance of costly stones, but the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel.
For at the window of my house I have looked out through my lattice, and I have seen among the simple, I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense, passing along the street near her corner, taking the road to her house in the twilight, in the evening, at the time of night and darkness.
Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another’s secret,
Proverbs 7:10-13
And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart. She is loud and wayward; her feet do not stay at home; now in the street, now in the market, and at every corner she lies in wait. She seizes him and kisses him, and with bold face she says to him,
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.
She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Proverbs 31:12-27
With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone.
Mark 2:3-5
And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay. And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.
Jesus replied, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.’
Luke 10:30-
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
Luke 15:3-4
So he told them this parable: “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it?
Luke 15:
“Or what woman, having ten silver coins, if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp and sweep the house and seek diligently until she finds it?
The Preacher sought to find words of delight, and uprightly he wrote words of truth.
And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.
Luke 15:
Take counsel together, but it will come to nothing; speak a word, but it will not stand, for God is with us.
“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’
Isa
To the teaching and to the testimony! If they will not speak according to this word, it is because they have no dawn.
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?
Causes of communication Breakdown: Make a list of the “circuit jammers” found in these verses.
Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed. Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.
Proverbs 11:
For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.
The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult.
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,
Proverbs 12:1
Ephesians 4:
Proverbs 12:18
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Ephesians 4:26
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:
A fool despises his father’s instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Proverbs 15:5
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
A worthless man plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire.
Study the following verses and write down what each of them has to say about listening, hearing, paying attention, being quiet.
Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.
Proverbs 18:
Genesis 21:17-18
And God heard the voice of the boy, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What troubles you, Hagar? Fear not, for God has heard the voice of the boy where he is. Up! Lift up the boy, and hold him fast with your hand, for I will make him into a great nation.”
A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.
A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.
Proverbs
During those many days the king of Egypt died, and the people of Israel groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help. Their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God. And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob.
The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.
Exodus 22:
Proverbs 18:
“If you lend money to any of my people with you who is poor, you shall not be like a moneylender to him, and you shall not exact interest from him. If ever you take your neighbor’s cloak in pledge, you shall return it to him before the sun goes down, for that is his only covering, and it is his cloak for his body; in what else shall he sleep? And if he cries to me, I will hear, for I am compassionate.
Then Job answered and said: “Keep listening to my words, and let this be your comfort.
If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.
Oh, that I had one to hear me! (Here is my signature! Let the Almighty answer me!) Oh, that I had the indictment written by my adversary!
The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.
My soul also is greatly troubled. But you, O Lord—how long? Turn, O Lord, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love. For in death there is no remembrance of you; in Sheol who will give you praise? I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping. My eye wastes away because of grief; it grows weak because of all my foes. Depart from me, all you workers of evil, for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping. The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord accepts my prayer.
Proverbs 18:23
The poor use entreaties, but the rich answer roughly.
Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance,
Better is a poor person who walks in his integrity than one who is crooked in speech and is a fool.
Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching,
Proverbs 19:
A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will not escape.
but whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of disaster.”
Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.
Proverbs 20:19
Proverbs 2:1-2
My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding;
Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight,
It is a snare to say rashly, “It is holy,” and to reflect only after making vows.
Proverbs 20:25
Hear, my son, and accept my words, that the years of your life may be many.
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 25:24
Proverbs 25:24
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings.
Proverbs 26:18-
Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I am only joking!” For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.
Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I am only joking!”
My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding, that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge.
Proverbs
Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.
Hear, for I will speak noble things, and from my lips will come what is right, for my mouth will utter truth; wickedness is an abomination to my lips.
Pro
Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.
Proverbs 8:
“And now, O sons, listen to me: blessed are those who keep my ways. Hear instruction and be wise, and do not neglect it.
Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
Proverbs
Proverbs 10:8
The wise of heart will receive commandments, but a babbling fool will come to ruin.
The wise lay up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool brings ruin near.
Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
E
A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.
The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise.
But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices
Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife.
An evildoer listens to wicked lips, and a liar gives ear to a mischievous tongue.
Proverbs 17:
A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.
Proverbs 18:
If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.
An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.
Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.
Cease to hear instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge.
Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.
Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” But you were unwilling,
And the effect of righteousness will be peace, and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever.
Therefore he who is prudent will keep silent in such a time, for it is an evil time.
Amos 5:13
So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.”
1 Thessalonians 4:11-12
and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.
for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;
but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
