Dealing with Negative People
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New series… toolbox for life. Self help books will tell you that to be successful, you need desire and determination. That’s not totally true because I have met people with desire and determination that were not successful.
ILL - Farmer… hope for a great crop but if he plants the wrong seed… uses the wrong fertilizer… uses the wrong harvester machine, it won’t work. You have to have the right tools to succeed.
In life you have to have the right tools to succeed.
10 If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed, but skill will bring success.
Skills help you become successful. Yo have to have skills to be successful. I hope to give you some skills or tools to help you in life so that you can be successful.
If the axe is dull it requires more strength to chop the wood. If your axe is really sharp, it’s much easier.
This verse teaches us to work smarter not harder.
Hard work is good, but smart work is better. You have to Sharpen your saw. Right now, you are in church and you are sharpening your saw.
Stephen Covey - Sharpening the Saw physically, socially, mentally, spiritually.
Michael Hyatt - calls them morning and evening rituals.
You have to learn skills that help set you up for success.
One of the tools we need to know is is learning how to deal with negative people in your life. You can call them doubters or naysayers.
Ignoring Naysayers or doubters
Ignoring Naysayers or doubters
Naysayer: “A person who says something won’t work or isn’t possible; a cynic who habitually expresses pessimistic views.”
Naysayer: “A person who says something won’t work or isn’t possible; a cynic who habitually expresses pessimistic views.”
How many of you know at least one Naysayer?
Everyone who has accomplished anything in life has doubters or naysayers in their lives. The Wright Brothers … people said it was impossible to fly. Moses - when he led the Israelites into the dessert, some were saying that he was leading them into the dessert to die. Space travel to the Moon - we can never do it… we have a used car lot up there.
They haven’t heard what God told you! It’s not their dream. For everyone who goes after their dreams, there are 9 who are afraid to try. All they see are the problems. These problems are like Giants standing in their way.
All my life, and probably yours, I have had naysayers in my life. People say you can’t do that… you are too young… too old… not polished enough… you don’t have our DNA… too scared… Your background is … so you will always be … Sound familiar?
We had naysayers when we began this church. He’s too old… where will you be in 3 years?… it’s too much… you don’t have money, a place or anything… but here we are over 3 years later and we are a family. Sure we would like to see more people come to faith in Christ and grow here. We would love to see more ministries like CR, Connect Groups, Freedom ministries… grow.
Naysayers are not always bad people… some will actually be people that really do love you. Most are not, but some are. Some of the naysayers in your life want whats best for you, they are just mistaken.
They haven’t heard what God told you! It’s not their dream. For everyone who goes after their dreams, there are 9 who are afraid to try. All they see are the problems. These problems are like Giants standing in their way.
So how do you face doubters in your life… how do you face people who say you can’t do it?
The Bible has a story about this. Its about a shepherd boy and a giant. David and Goliath. David was a shepherd boy tending the flocks of his father while Israel was out fighting the Philistines. They had a giant named Goliath who as probably 9 feet tall, huge and a great fighter. He was taunting the Israelites and scaring them to death. So Davie hears about it and says, I’ll take Him on.
1 The Philistines now mustered their army for battle and camped between Socoh in Judah and Azekah at Ephes-dammim. 2 Saul countered by gathering his Israelite troops near the valley of Elah. 3 So the Philistines and Israelites faced each other on opposite hills, with the valley between them. 4 Then Goliath, a Philistine champion from Gath, came out of the Philistine ranks to face the forces of Israel. He was over nine feet tall! 5 He wore a bronze helmet, and his bronze coat of mail weighed 125 pounds. 6 He also wore bronze leg armor, and he carried a bronze javelin on his shoulder. 7 The shaft of his spear was as heavy and thick as a weaver’s beam, tipped with an iron spearhead that weighed 15 pounds. His armor bearer walked ahead of him carrying a shield.
1 Samuel
In Chap 16, Samuel is looking for the person to replace Saul. Jesse doesn’t even mention David. He parades all of his sons but David out to Samuel.
However, before he could face Goliath, he had to face some other Giants in his life. These were people who did not believe in his ability… dodn’t believe in his competence… who didn’t believe God was working in his life. He had to struggle and overcome those before he could overcome Goliath.
4 Naysayers David Faced ()
4 Naysayers David Faced ()
1. His Father held him back. ()
1. His Father held him back. ()
David’s dad was the first person to hold him back from his dreams. That’s often the case. A parent will be the one to hold you back and prevent you from being who God wants you to be.
I’ll be honest, my dad thought I was nuts when I left hospital management and started a YFC program.
1 Sam 17:12-15
12 David’s father Jesse was an old man, who belonged to the Ephrath clan and lived in Bethlehem in Judah. Jesse had eight sons: 13 the oldest was Eliab, the next was Abinadab, and Shammah was the third. The three of them had gone off to fight in Saul’s army. David was Jesse’s youngest son. 15 He took care of his father’s sheep, and he went back and forth between Bethlehem and Saul’s camp.
12 “But when you were afraid of Nahash, the king of Ammon, you came to me and said that you wanted a king to reign over you, even though the Lord your God was already your king. 13 All right, here is the king you have chosen. You asked for him, and the Lord has granted your request.
14 “Now if you fear and worship the Lord and listen to his voice, and if you do not rebel against the Lord’s commands, then both you and your king will show that you recognize the Lord as your God. 15 But if you rebel against the Lord’s commands and refuse to listen to him, then his hand will be as heavy upon you as it was upon your ancestors.
12 Now David was the son of a man named Jesse, an Ephrathite from Bethlehem in the land of Judah. Jesse was an old man at that time, and he had eight sons. 13 Jesse’s three oldest sons—Eliab, Abinadab, and Shimea—had already joined Saul’s army to fight the Philistines. 14 David was the youngest son. David’s three oldest brothers stayed with Saul’s army, 15 but David went back and forth so he could help his father with the sheep in Bethlehem.
12 Now David was the son of Jesse, an Ephrathite from Bethlehem in Judah. Jesse had eight sons. In Saul’s time Jesse was an old man. 13 His three oldest sons followed Saul to the war. The first son was Eliab, the second was Abinadab, and the third was Shammah. 14 David was the youngest. Jesse’s three oldest sons followed Saul, 15 but David went back and forth from Saul to Bethlehem, where he took care of his father’s sheep.
Have you ever been held back? Of course you have. Of course you have.
some of you because… too young… woman… race… language… not educated… You were not promoted because you didn’t have something someone else had. Maybe you were not athletic enough… smart enough. the guy that flunked out of GA Tech and began a hamburger joint - The Varsity
The fact is, everyone in this room has been discriminated against or held back by somone at some point in your life. You were not the right person… not good looking enough… too good looking…
David’s dad wanted him to be a shepherd the rest of his life, so he treated him that way even though he had been anointed king by Samuel.
The first barrier to your success will be delay.
The first barrier to your success will be delay.
When God gives you a dream, it rarely happens instantly. There is almost always a delay… a waiting period.
David’s dad wanted him to be a shepherd the rest of his life, so he treated him that way even though he had been anointed king by Samuel.
For David, he was anointed to be the next king of Israel, but it was many years before he actually became the next king.
His dad didn’t think he was experienced enough, big enough, old enough or smart enough to be king. Then one day Jessee sent David with a care package to his brothers.
While he was there, David heard about Goliath and about how
2. Everyone Else was Afraid & Discouraged
2. Everyone Else was Afraid & Discouraged
Everyone was afraid of Goliath. He was huge and no one thought he could be defeated. Goliath was creating this fear in the Israelites and they believed that he could not be taken down.
8 Goliath stood and shouted a taunt across to the Israelites. “Why are you all coming out to fight?” he called. “I am the Philistine champion, but you are only the servants of Saul. Choose one man to come down here and fight me! 9 If he kills me, then we will be your slaves. But if I kill him, you will be our slaves! 10 I defy the armies of Israel today! Send me a man who will fight me!” 11 When Saul and the Israelites heard this, they were terrified and deeply shaken.
They were terrified. Here is the second thing that will hold you back...
The second barrier to your success will likely be fear & discouragement
The second barrier to your success will likely be fear & discouragement
This is when everyone around you thinks it can’t be done. They think it’s impossible and they are living in fear.
8 Goliath stood and shouted a taunt across to the Israelites. “Why are you all coming out to fight?” he called. “I am the Philistine champion, but you are only the servants of Saul. Choose one man to come down here and fight me! 9 If he kills me, then we will be your slaves. But if I kill him, you will be our slaves! 10 I defy the armies of Israel today! Send me a man who will fight me!” 11 When Saul and the Israelites heard this, they were terrified and deeply shaken.
deeply shaken - discouraged.
Look at the situation. One person is creating a climate of fear in the entire nation. Everyone is discouraged and gripped with anxiety and fear. They are traumatized… paralyzed with fear. They can’t do anything.
Have you ever worked in a place like that? Everyone is afraid of making a mistake because the boss will fire you, so a climate of fear grips everyone and not one has any new ideas that might help the situation. No one even tries anything because they don’t want to get their head chopped off.
That was what was happening with Israel. The conventional wisdom was that no one could defeat Goliath. The problem was too big and no one could solve it.
Conventional Wisdom is wrong most fo the time. Public opinion is often wrong… that’s why you can’t use polls to determine what you stand for...
Moses and 12 spies. 10 said they could not… 2 said they could. They could have gone right into the promised land, but the majority was afraid so they wandered for 40 more years… until everyone that doubted God was dead except fo the two that said they could do it.
Why had everyone given up in the Israelites camp?
They were listening to the wrong voices.
16 For forty days, every morning and evening, the Philistine champion strutted in front of the Israelite army.
He was telling them what he was going to do to them… calling them cowards… and they believed him.
Who are you listening to?
Are you listening to the people who say you will never amount to anything? you are not smart enough? you don’t have the right background? You may be listening to yourself… but that doesn’t mean it’s true. People say things are good when they aren’t and bad when they aren’t.
What voices are you listening to? You need to be listening to God’s voice.
If you listen to all the negative voices, you will be paralyzed like Saul and the Israelites… you will become negative.
Here’s what happened. A little shepherd boy who did not know it could not eb done walked in and said, we can do this. I can do this. He had not been listening to all that negativity. He had been worshipping the Lord in the fields. He knew God could do it. He said with God’s help I will defeat this guy.
Often times the answer comes from outside the ranks… from the outside.
23 As he was talking with them, Goliath, the Philistine champion from Gath, came out from the Philistine ranks. Then David heard him shout his usual taunt to the army of Israel.
24 As soon as the Israelite army saw him, they began to run away in fright.
If you don’t get anything out of this message, don’t hang out with negative people. Your best friends should not be naysayers.
3. His brother questioned his motives.
3. His brother questioned his motives.
26 David asked the soldiers standing nearby, “What will a man get for killing this Philistine and ending his defiance of Israel? Who is this pagan Philistine anyway, that he is allowed to defy the armies of the living God?”
27 And these men gave David the same reply. They said, “Yes, that is the reward for killing him.”
28 But when David’s oldest brother, Eliab, heard David talking to the men, he was angry. “What are you doing around here anyway?” he demanded. “What about those few sheep you’re supposed to be taking care of? I know about your pride and deceit. You just want to see the battle!”
29 “What have I done now?” David replied. “I was only asking a question!”
His oldest brother questioned his motives and even called him wicked.
This is the barrier of disapproval from people you love.
This is the barrier of disapproval from people you love.
This one hurts because it come from FRAN… people who you know. We all want people to approve of us and what we are doing, but often disapproval comes from those who should be helping us or cheering us on.
You may have family members who don’t want you to go after your dreams… it upsets the balance in the family… might be jealous of you etc.
Sometimes confidence can be mis - interpreted and conceited or cocky. When God gives you a dream, and it will be a big one, people will often mis judge you.
David did find out the reward… wealth… marry the kings daughter… no taxes for life.
4. The experts doubted his ability.
4. The experts doubted his ability.
You will have people… experts… who will doubt your ability.
David had never been a soldier or served in the army. He had not military training. He didn’t even have weapons… all he had was a sling shot. He had killed a bear and a lion protecting the flocks.
Saul and the commanders did not think David had a chance…
32 “Don’t worry about this Philistine,” David told Saul. “I’ll go fight him!”
33 “Don’t be ridiculous!” Saul replied. “There’s no way you can fight this Philistine and possibly win! You’re only a boy, and he’s been a man of war since his youth.”
David had all the experts saying that he could not do it.
In your life there will be people who will tell you, you are not good enough… you don’t have the training… leave it to the people who do have the expertise. You are a lay person… an amateur.
ILL - publisher told RW the PDL would never sell… that he should have a professional writer rewrite it. It sold over 62 million copies… the most translated book other than the Bible (137 languages)
Noah, an amateur built the ARC… professionals built the Titanic.
These naysayers create the barrier of doubt.
These naysayers create the barrier of doubt.
David heard about Goliath because he was willing to serve in small ways first.
17 One day Jesse said to David, “Take this basket of roasted grain and these ten loaves of bread, and carry them quickly to your brothers. 18 And give these ten cuts of cheese to their captain. See how your brothers are getting along, and bring back a report on how they are doing.”
1 Sam 17
That’s how he heard about Goliath. He would not have known about Goliath… would not have said he could take on Goliath … would not have defeated Goliath if he was not willing to serve in small ways.
Before you get to go kill Goliath, you may have to greet… to clean up… to work with kids… you may have to cook… whatever.
God is looking for people who are willing to do the small stuff so that they will be ready for the heroic stuff. Are you willing to be faithful in the small things? David was.
Before God gives you more responsibility he wants to see of you are faithful with the small things.
Listen, small kindnesses open the doors to big opportunities. It may just put you in the right place at the right time like it did David.
How to defeat the Naysayers in your life
How to defeat the Naysayers in your life
Here are four things that David did that you need to do as well. Here is how you can learn the skill of dealing with the doubters… the naysayers in your life.
1. Remember that they are not God.
1. Remember that they are not God.
They may be good people… may even love you, but they are not God. So don’t treat their opinion like it’s God’s opinion.
3 so I replied by sending this message to them: “I am engaged in a great work, so I can’t come. Why should I stop working to come and meet with you?”
4 Four times they sent the same message, and each time I gave the same reply.
25 The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that.
Some of you are disabled and don’t know it. You have a disability and it’s the addiction to the approval of others. Listen the fear of human opinion disables. But trusting God protects you from that.
ILL - You want to know why “You say” is the number one Christian single ever… it’s because we want to know what God says and we have a built in need to hear it and believe it.
26 “But don’t be afraid of those who threaten you. For the time is coming when everything that is covered will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all.
25 It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe.
When you trust God, you don’t worry about the opinions of others. We need to only care about what God thinks about us.
ILL - You want to know why “You say” is the number one Christian single ever… it’s because we want to know what God says and we have a built in need to hear it and believe it.
You will get sidetracked from your purpose if you try to live someone else’s purpose for you.
13 Make the Lord of Heaven’s Armies holy in your life. He is the one you should fear. He is the one who should make you tremble.
If you fear God you’re not going to be afraid of anyone else because you know God’s going to take care of you. If you’re afraid of people, the bigger God gets in your mind the smaller people’s opinion gets in your mind. The bigger people’s opinion gets in your mind the smaller God appears.
18 I and the children the Lord has given me serve as signs and warnings to Israel from the Lord of Heaven’s Armies who dwells in his Temple on Mount Zion.
13 Make the Lord of Heaven’s Armies holy in your life.
He is the one you should fear.
He is the one who should make you tremble.
Isa
So the starting point if you want to be a leader, you’ve got to get a big vision of God because that will shrink all the problems. The bigger God feels in your life the smaller your problems are. The bigger God is the smaller the opinions of other people.
If you are the biggest thing in your life… thats pathetic. Do you really think God made everything just so you could live a comfortable life? No way. You were made for something bigger than that.
So start with a big vision of God. Remember, the people that are telling you you can’t do it… they are not God.
The second thing David did and you need to do is
2. Don’t get distracted
2. Don’t get distracted
Don’t get distracted by the negativity, by the people who say it can’t be done, by the people who tell you you’re not the person, you’re the wrong guy, you’re the wrong woman. Don’t get distracted.
Nehemiah - God gave him a vision to rebuild the Wall of Jerusalem. He immediately was opposed by the enemies of Israel and Jerusalem. Write this down...
With every opportunity there is opposition.
With every opportunity there is opposition.
Nehemiah’s enemies tried everything to distract him from rebuilding the wall. Ridicule ... Rumors… Threats … Let’s Discuss it…
Look at Neh response…
3 so I replied by sending this message to them: “I am engaged in a great work, so I can’t come. Why should I stop working to come and meet with you?” 4 Four times they sent the same message, and each time I gave the same reply.
The naysayers were very persistent.
Neh
This is even a bigger problem today with social media. There are plenty of people who will tie you up in meaningless arguments.
Billy Graham - You can wrestle with a pig but only one of you will enjoy it!
Billy Graham - You can wrestle with a pig but only one of you will enjoy it!
You do not hav e to defend yourself to trolls that go around looking for negative stuff.
Some of you think that if you can just explain yourself to these trolls they will understand… but they won’t. You try to explain yourself on … motivated reasoning, which is based on emotion not logic. You think you are being logical, but you are not.
People do this with accepting Jesus. They have an emotional fear of accepting Jesus so they try to create logic to back that up. But the real reason is emotional. They are afraid of losing control of their lives. Who do you think created you?
We make emotionally based decisions – motivated reasoning. And if somebody doesn’t want to like you they’re just not going to like you. Some people don’t want to like you. Hate to tell you that. But all the explanations that you give are not going to change their mind. In fact, if somebody has three reasons you’re wrong and three reasons they don’t like you and then all of a sudden you show them how logically those reasons are wrong, it doesn’t make them happy. It makes them madder. And all of a sudden they have to go find three other reasons. And you actually made them more mad because you’ve exposed that they’ve made a decision based on emotion, not based on logic.
Some mis-understandings will not be solved until heaven. Then the truth will be made known.
26 “But don’t be afraid of those who threaten you. For the time is coming when everything that is covered will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all.
Matt 10:26
So realize that they are not God. Don’t get distracted. and…
3. Never Attack Back
3. Never Attack Back
Never ever attack back to a naysayer.
12 It is foolish to speak scornfully of others. If you are sensible, you will keep quiet.
God would say that there are a lot of fools on the internet. People will say all types of foolish things on the internet. It’s foolish to speak scornfully of people who are different than you… different faith than you… different political beliefs. Solomon says you are smart if you keep quiet.
Secret: Some of the people that are talking about you… saying you will never… They are not too bright. Any fool can criticize. Solomon is saying don’t attack back. It’s a mistake if you do.
Billy Graham - the story about the pastor who was against him…
Look what Peter said about Jesus…
23 He did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.
1 Peter
We need to respond like Jesus did.
Write this down…
I am most like Jesus when I stay silent under attack.
I am most like Jesus when I stay silent under attack.
Just put it in the hands of Jesus. God will settle the score.
4. Stay focused on God and His Promises
4. Stay focused on God and His Promises
Don’t focus on the problem… focus on God and his promises. Don’t focus in the doubters… stay focused on God. There are all kinds of promises in the Bible … get a promise book....
6 David was now in great danger because all his men were very bitter about losing their sons and daughters, and they began to talk of stoning him. But David found strength in the Lord his God.
Where did David find his strength? The Lord.
Look at this verse…
6 The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?
This is what you need to do. Instead of focusing on the negative things people say and do to you, focus on the fact that God is for you so who in the world can be against you? And if they are, it doesn’t matter because because God IS on your side.
David said…
Psalm 118
41 Lord, give me your unfailing love, the salvation that you promised me. 42 Then I can answer those who taunt me, for I trust in your word.
David says that as long as the Lord loves him, it doesn’t matter about anyone else.
Psa 119
11 I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.
Psa 1
We need to hide the WOG in our hearts instead of listening to the doubters. What God says bout you is all that matters… what anyone else says doesn’t matter.
David mentioned the salvation God promised him… Have you received that salvation? One of the promises of God is…
13 For “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
Ro, 10:13
That’s a promise. Have you called on the name of the Lord.