Type 2 -- Enneagram

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A Word on Love...
ESV29 Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”The aid of the Enneagram

We begin our consideration of the nine types of the Enneagram with Type 2 — The Helper

1’s can be described as generous, unselfish, and a healing presence in our lives
When Healthy:

Healthy Twos can often name their own needs and feelings without fear of losing relationships. They are generous in their efforts to love well and care for others. These happy, secure Twos also have appropriate boundaries, knowing what is theirs to do and what is not. They create a comfortable, safe space for others and are often considered to be a friend to many. Loving and lovable, they adapt well to changing circumstances and are aware of the true self that exists beyond their relationships.

When Average:

Average Twos are convinced that the expression of their own needs and feelings will automatically threaten the stability of their relationships. They are generous people, but they often consciously or subconsciously expect something in return for their efforts. They have poor boundaries and generally only know themselves in relation to other people. They are attracted to powerful people, whom they expect to define them, and they’ll use flattery to pull them in.

When Unhealthy:

Unhealthy Twos are codependent. In their desire to be loved they will accept almost any substitute: appreciation, neediness, companionship and purely utilitarian relationships. These Twos are insecure, manipulative and often play the role of the martyr. They don’t give so much as invest, trying to earn love by meeting others’ needs—but always expecting a high return on that investment.

Two’s Deadly Sin:

Twos, Threes and Fours compose the Feeling or Heart Triad and represent the most emotion-oriented, relationship-centered and image-conscious numbers on the Enneagram. All three of these types believe they can’t be loved for who they are, so each projects a false image they believe will win the approval of others.

Pride is the deadly sin of the Two, which sounds nonsensical because Twos appear to be more selfless than self-inflated. But pride lingers in the shadows of Twos’ hearts. It reveals itself in the way they focus all their attention and energy on meeting the needs of others while at the same time giving the impression they have no needs of their own. The sin of pride comes into play in the way Twos believe other people are more needy than they are and that they alone know best what others require. They relish in the myth of their own indispensability.

Twos are indiscriminate caregivers. They foist their assistance and advice on those they deem to be weaker, less experienced and less capable of managing their lives than they are—people who would otherwise be lost without them. It’s hard not to pat yourself on the back when you have an almost supernatural gift for detecting what others need and a seemingly unlimited supply of time, energy, treasure and talent to rescue them. Twos love to jump on their white horse to save the day when others require their assistance, but they can’t imagine asking someone to lend them a hand when the situation is reversed. Twos rarely ask for help, at least not directly, and they don’t know how to receive it when it’s offered. It makes sense to Twos that others have to rely on them, but for them to rely on others? Never in a million years. Not to put too fine a point on it, but Twos suffer from an inflated view of their own power, independence and value to others. What lies beneath that pride? Terror. Twos fear that acknowledging their wants will end in humiliation and that directly asking someone to fulfill their needs will lead to rejection. What if the person refuses me? they ask. How would I survive the shame and humiliation? It would only confirm what I’ve known all along: I’m unworthy of love.

Though they’re not always conscious of it, the help unevolved Twos provide others comes with strings attached. They want something in return: love, appreciation, attention, and the unspoken promise of future emotional and material support. Their giving is calculated and manipulative. Twos think if they can wrest appreciation and approval, and evoke a feeling of indebtedness in others, then others will sense when they require help and provide for their needs without their having to ask for it. Unconsciously they’re drawing up a kind of quid pro quo arrangement: “I’ll be there for you as long as you promise to be there for me without my having to acknowledge or ask you for help.”

Twos believe they live in a world in which you have to be needed before you can be loved, and where you have to give to get. And because they don’t believe you’d keep them around if they ever failed to render you service, Twos find it hard to put a cap on the time and energy they’ll devote to taking care of you. It’s a wonder to behold when you see an immature Two behind the wheel of the Love Train. Once it leaves the station it’s all but impossible to stop it.

Working with Two’s:
The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery WingsIndustrious, reliable and well organized, Ones thrive in structured environments where they know what the deadlines are and who is responsible for what tasks. Because they’re afraid of making mistakes, Ones need regular feedback and encouragement. They so appreciate clear guidelines

Twos are intuitive people with highly developed interpersonal skills who need to work in positions where there’s a lot of people contact. Twos build community. They know who’s doing well around the office and who isn’t. They remember people’s birthdays and the names of everyone’s kids. First to get the inside scoop, they know the backstory to everyone’s divorce, whose kid needs rehab, and who’s pregnant before anyone else does (even the father). As leaders they know how to recruit the right people to accomplish a task and use encouragement and praise to inspire and motivate them. They’re empathic, optimistic, and—because they’re image conscious—they know how to make an organization shine in the eyes of the outside world.

Supervisors need to have the freedom to provide constructive feedback when their employees need it. People who supervise Twos, however, should keep in mind that too much criticism or harsh words will crush them. Twos aren’t as interested as other types in climbing the ladder—or if they are, they keep their desire for recognition and attention outside their awareness because admitting they want it makes them vulnerable to disappointment.

The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery WingsOnes are great at sizing up what’s not working inside a company or organization and devising new systems and procedures to get it running right again.
The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery WingsBut there can also be problems with Ones in the workplace, like their tendency to procrastinate. It’s not a good sign if you spy a One tapping the eraser end of a pencil on her knee while staring blankly into a dark computer screen. Though they’re self-disciplined and driven to succeed, some Ones can put off starting or completing a project for fear they won’t do it perfectly. The occasional bout of procrastination, compounded by their hesitation to make quick decisions for fear of making a mistake, can slow things down for a whole team. This same fear of making mistakes will lead Ones to check and recheck their work forever, so others might have to encourage them to let it go and move on to the next task.
The Spiritual Life of a Two:

As is the case with every number, what’s great about Twos is what’s not so great about Twos. When people give too much, help for the wrong reasons, or serve others for selfish reasons rather than because they’re called by God, their giving becomes calculating, controlling and manipulative. If you’re a Helper, this chapter has likely been a difficult read for you.

Twos have long been afraid that people will reject them once they discover the Twos have needs and unattended sorrows of their own. Twos live in service to the lie that the only way to win love is through hiding the screwed-up, vulnerable people they really are behind the appearance and activity of a cheerful, selfless helper. Like all numbers in the Feeling Triad, they believe that if they show their true selves to the world, it will lead to rejection. The healing message for Twos is “You’re wanted.” Twos’ needs matter, and they can begin now to learn how to directly express their real feelings and desires without undue fear of humiliation or rejection.

All Twos have to learn the difference between self-interested and altruistic giving. Self-interested giving expects payback, whereas altruistic giving comes without any strings attached. As the saying goes, “When you give and expect a return, that’s an investment. When you give and don’t expect anything back, that’s love.”

The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery Ten Paths to Transformation for OnesOnes’ journey toward wholeness will have to include befriending their inner critic. As our One friend Richard Rohr says, “What you resist, persists”—which in this case means that Ones shouldn’t bother telling their inner critic to shut up as it only gives it more power. Many Ones say it helps to give the critic a funny name so when it goes on the attack they can say something to it like, “Cruella, thanks for helping me navigate the world as a kid, but as an adult I don’t need your help anymore.”

If Twos are going to learn how to attend to their own needs as much as they pay attention to the needs of other people, they have to work on their soul in solitude. If they try to do this work in community they’ll be tempted to help those around them grow spiritually rather than focus on their own development. In this situation Twos’ tendency to drop everything to help people in crisis is more a defense against facing their own needs and feelings than an act of service. In their time with God they might ask themselves, Who am I when no one needs me?

The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery Ten Paths to Transformation for OnesOnes do well to remember there’s more than one right way of doing things. Serenity means live and let live. Life isn’t always either-or, black or white, right or left. Bren
Relating to and with a 2:

Twos are very perceptive about what other people want or need from them. At the same time they are usually disconnected from what they need and want from others. One key to relationships with Twos is to help bridge the gap. Here are some other things to keep in mind:

• Twos experience anxiety when they recognize that they are feeling their own feelings. They don’t know a lot about how to act on their own behalf.

• Try to help Twos find a way to share with you what they honestly feel.

• Twos can only process verbally. They don’t think things through—they talk their way through them. You can avoid so much misunderstanding by keeping this in mind.

• Don’t trust their answer when they say they’re fine or good. Press a little deeper.

• Twos want honest feedback, but they take everything personally. So if you say, “I don’t like your spaghetti recipe,” they hear, “I don’t like you.” You don’t need to remind them that it isn’t personal; they know that and they’re trying to outgrow that way of thinking.

• In an intimate relationship, Twos need to hear you say, “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. There’s nothing you need to do, there’s nothing you need to be, and there’s nothing you need to help me with. I love you for you.”

• Encourage Twos to let you address your own feelings.

• Twos need a partner who is demonstrative with affection. It is very reassuring.

• Twos need a partner who wants to meet and know their friends.

• While Twos are happy to be second in command, be sure to acknowledge their contribution.

• Try to have patience when Twos are overly concerned regarding their relationships with other people. Your impatience with that reality will only add to their insecurity.

• Anger or disproportionate emotional responses usually signal unmet needs.

Type 2 in the Bible: Martha

A 1 in the Bible: Nicodemus

ESV1 Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. 2 This man came to Jesus by night and said to him, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher come from God, for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with him.”
We are introduced in Luke’s gospel to Mary and Martha right after the Great Samaritan — who is the neighbor?
ESV1 Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. 2 This man came to Jesus by night and said to him, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher come from God, for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with him.”
The Sadduccees in Jesus day held all the organizational power, but the Pharisees were the grassroots movement that had become the most influential at a grass-roots level. Their religious political star was on the rise.They peddled a righteousness by works theological system that people then and now seek and cling to.
Luke 10:38–42 ESV
38 Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. 40 But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, 42 but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
ESV17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18 For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. 19 Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20 For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
So when Nicodemus comes to Jesus as a powerful Pharisee, he could have anticipated the conversation to be one that would not measure up to systems and structures — the dogma and law — of the Pharisee.Born againBorn of the Spirit
ESV16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.
The hero of our story — she is “helping”
ESV47 The Pharisees answered them, “Have you also been deceived? 48 Have any of the authorities or the Pharisees believed in him? 49 But this crowd that does not know the law is accursed.” 50 Nicodemus, who had gone to him before, and who was one of them, said to them, 51 “Does our law judge a man without first giving him a hearing and learning what he does?” 52 They replied, “Are you from Galilee too? Search and see that no prophet arises from Galilee.”
She is looking at Jesus reaction to Mary, who wasn’t helping.
ESV38 After these things Joseph of Arimathea, who was a disciple of Jesus, but secretly for fear of the Jews, asked Pilate that he might take away the body of Jesus, and Pilate gave him permission. So he came and took away his body. 39 Nicodemus also, who earlier had come to Jesus by night, came bringing a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about seventy-five pounds in weight. 40 So they took the body of Jesus and bound it in linen cloths with the spices, as is the burial custom of the Jews. 41 Now in the place where he was crucified there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb in which no one had yet been laid. 42 So because of the Jewish day of Preparation, since the tomb was close at hand, they laid Jesus there.
Unhealthy 2’s help to get… and you just see that brimming in Martha.
You hear the Lord discipling her — lay down the anxiety and troubles that go with score keeping and influence measuring… and come to me.
John 11:1–5 ESV
1 Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. 3 So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” 4 But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” 5 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.
John 11:17–26 ESV
17 Now when Jesus came, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. 18 Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off, 19 and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them concerning their brother. 20 So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house. 21 Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” 23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” 24 Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” 25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, 26 and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?”
She is huffy like a 2 — coming at Jesus. Here he had this opportunity to help and he didn’t help and she is none to pleased!
John 11:38–44 ESV
38 Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. 39 Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” 40 Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” 41 So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” 43 When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” 44 The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”
The resurrection shifts everything for Martha… a growing 2.
We see her full transformation in .
John 12:1–3 ESV
1 Six days before the Passover, Jesus therefore came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. 2 So they gave a dinner for him there. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table. 3 Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.
A Word from The Word for 2’s:
Galatians 5:1–14 ESV
1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. 2 Look: I, Paul, say to you that if you accept circumcision, Christ will be of no advantage to you. 3 I testify again to every man who accepts circumcision that he is obligated to keep the whole law. 4 You are severed from Christ, you who would be justified by the law; you have fallen away from grace. 5 For through the Spirit, by faith, we ourselves eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness. 6 For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith working through love. 7 You were running well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth? 8 This persuasion is not from him who calls you. 9 A little leaven leavens the whole lump. 10 I have confidence in the Lord that you will take no other view, and the one who is troubling you will bear the penalty, whoever he is. 11 But if I, brothers, still preach circumcision, why am I still being persecuted? In that case the offense of the cross has been removed. 12 I wish those who unsettle you would emasculate themselves! 13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 14 For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
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