Sermon Tone Analysis

A Word on Love...

​ ESV29 Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.

30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’

31 The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’

There is no other commandment greater than these.”The

aid of the Enneagram

We begin our consideration of the nine types of the Enneagram with Type 2 — The Helper

1’s can be described as generous, unselfish, and a healing presence in our lives

When Healthy:

Healthy Twos can often name their own needs and feelings without fear of losing relationships.

They are generous in their efforts to love well and care for others.

These happy, secure Twos also have appropriate boundaries, knowing what is theirs to do and what is not.

They create a comfortable, safe space for others and are often considered to be a friend to many.

Loving and lovable, they adapt well to changing circumstances and are aware of the true self that exists beyond their relationships.

When Average:

Average Twos are convinced that the expression of their own needs and feelings will automatically threaten the stability of their relationships.

They are generous people, but they often consciously or subconsciously expect something in return for their efforts.

They have poor boundaries and generally only know themselves in relation to other people.

They are attracted to powerful people, whom they expect to define them, and they’ll use flattery to pull them in.

When Unhealthy:

Unhealthy Twos are codependent.

In their desire to be loved they will accept almost any substitute: appreciation, neediness, companionship and purely utilitarian relationships.

These Twos are insecure, manipulative and often play the role of the martyr.

They don’t give so much as invest, trying to earn love by meeting others’ needs—but always expecting a high return on that investment.

Two’s Deadly Sin:

Twos, Threes and Fours compose the Feeling or Heart Triad and represent the most emotion-oriented, relationship-centered and image-conscious numbers on the Enneagram.

All three of these types believe they can’t be loved for who they are, so each projects a false image they believe will win the approval of others.

Pride is the deadly sin of the Two, which sounds nonsensical because Twos appear to be more selfless than self-inflated.

But pride lingers in the shadows of Twos’ hearts.

It reveals itself in the way they focus all their attention and energy on meeting the needs of others while at the same time giving the impression they have no needs of their own.

The sin of pride comes into play in the way Twos believe other people are more needy than they are and that they alone know best what others require.

They relish in the myth of their own indispensability.

Twos are indiscriminate caregivers.

They foist their assistance and advice on those they deem to be weaker, less experienced and less capable of managing their lives than they are—people who would otherwise be lost without them.

It’s hard not to pat yourself on the back when you have an almost supernatural gift for detecting what others need and a seemingly unlimited supply of time, energy, treasure and talent to rescue them.

Twos love to jump on their white horse to save the day when others require their assistance, but they can’t imagine asking someone to lend them a hand when the situation is reversed.

Twos rarely ask for help, at least not directly, and they don’t know how to receive it when it’s offered.

It makes sense to Twos that others have to rely on them, but for them to rely on others?

Never in a million years.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but Twos suffer from an inflated view of their own power, independence and value to others.

What lies beneath that pride?

Terror.

Twos fear that acknowledging their wants will end in humiliation and that directly asking someone to fulfill their needs will lead to rejection.

What if the person refuses me? they ask.

How would I survive the shame and humiliation?

It would only confirm what I’ve known all along: I’m unworthy of love.

Though they’re not always conscious of it, the help unevolved Twos provide others comes with strings attached.

They want something in return: love, appreciation, attention, and the unspoken promise of future emotional and material support.

Their giving is calculated and manipulative.

Twos think if they can wrest appreciation and approval, and evoke a feeling of indebtedness in others, then others will sense when they require help and provide for their needs without their having to ask for it.

Unconsciously they’re drawing up a kind of quid pro quo arrangement: “I’ll be there for you as long as you promise to be there for me without my having to acknowledge or ask you for help.”

Twos believe they live in a world in which you have to be needed before you can be loved, and where you have to give to get.

And because they don’t believe you’d keep them around if they ever failed to render you service, Twos find it hard to put a cap on the time and energy they’ll devote to taking care of you.

It’s a wonder to behold when you see an immature Two behind the wheel of the Love Train.

Once it leaves the station it’s all but impossible to stop it.

Working with Two’s:

​The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery WingsIndustrious, reliable and well organized, Ones thrive in structured environments where they know what the deadlines are and who is responsible for what tasks.

Because they’re afraid of making mistakes, Ones need regular feedback and encouragement.

They so appreciate clear guidelines

Twos are intuitive people with highly developed interpersonal skills who need to work in positions where there’s a lot of people contact.

Twos build community.

They know who’s doing well around the office and who isn’t.

They remember people’s birthdays and the names of everyone’s kids.

First to get the inside scoop, they know the backstory to everyone’s divorce, whose kid needs rehab, and who’s pregnant before anyone else does (even the father).

As leaders they know how to recruit the right people to accomplish a task and use encouragement and praise to inspire and motivate them.

They’re empathic, optimistic, and—because they’re image conscious—they know how to make an organization shine in the eyes of the outside world.

Supervisors need to have the freedom to provide constructive feedback when their employees need it.

People who supervise Twos, however, should keep in mind that too much criticism or harsh words will crush them.

Twos aren’t as interested as other types in climbing the ladder—or if they are, they keep their desire for recognition and attention outside their awareness because admitting they want it makes them vulnerable to disappointment.

​The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery WingsOnes are great at sizing up what’s not working inside a company or organization and devising new systems and procedures to get it running right again.

​The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery WingsBut there can also be problems with Ones in the workplace, like their tendency to procrastinate.

It’s not a good sign if you spy a One tapping the eraser end of a pencil on her knee while staring blankly into a dark computer screen.

Though they’re self-disciplined and driven to succeed, some Ones can put off starting or completing a project for fear they won’t do it perfectly.

The occasional bout of procrastination, compounded by their hesitation to make quick decisions for fear of making a mistake, can slow things down for a whole team.

This same fear of making mistakes will lead Ones to check and recheck their work forever, so others might have to encourage them to let it go and move on to the next task.

The Spiritual Life of a Two:

As is the case with every number, what’s great about Twos is what’s not so great about Twos.

When people give too much, help for the wrong reasons, or serve others for selfish reasons rather than because they’re called by God, their giving becomes calculating, controlling and manipulative.

If you’re a Helper, this chapter has likely been a difficult read for you.

Twos have long been afraid that people will reject them once they discover the Twos have needs and unattended sorrows of their own.

Twos live in service to the lie that the only way to win love is through hiding the screwed-up, vulnerable people they really are behind the appearance and activity of a cheerful, selfless helper.

Like all numbers in the Feeling Triad, they believe that if they show their true selves to the world, it will lead to rejection.

The healing message for Twos is “You’re wanted.”

Twos’ needs matter, and they can begin now to learn how to directly express their real feelings and desires without undue fear of humiliation or rejection.

All Twos have to learn the difference between self-interested and altruistic giving.

Self-interested giving expects payback, whereas altruistic giving comes without any strings attached.

As the saying goes, “When you give and expect a return, that’s an investment.

When you give and don’t expect anything back, that’s love.”

​The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery Ten Paths to Transformation for OnesOnes’ journey toward wholeness will have to include befriending their inner critic.

As our One friend Richard Rohr says, “What you resist, persists”—which in this case means that Ones shouldn’t bother telling their inner critic to shut up as it only gives it more power.

Many Ones say it helps to give the critic a funny name so when it goes on the attack they can say something to it like, “Cruella, thanks for helping me navigate the world as a kid, but as an adult I don’t need your help anymore.”

If Twos are going to learn how to attend to their own needs as much as they pay attention to the needs of other people, they have to work on their soul in solitude.

If they try to do this work in community they’ll be tempted to help those around them grow spiritually rather than focus on their own development.

In this situation Twos’ tendency to drop everything to help people in crisis is more a defense against facing their own needs and feelings than an act of service.

In their time with God they might ask themselves, Who am I when no one needs me?

​The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery Ten Paths to Transformation for OnesOnes do well to remember there’s more than one right way of doing things.

Serenity means live and let live.

Life isn’t always either-or, black or white, right or left.

Bren

Relating to and with a 2: