Forgiveness

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Forgiveness

A little over a year ago on September 6, 2018, a man name Botham (Boethum Jhawn) Jean was shot and murdered in his own apartment by an off-duty police officer. The officer, Amber Guyger, had entered into his apartment thinking it was her own, as she lived directly below this one. When she entered, she saw Botham, thinking that he was an intruder. Scared for her life, she shot and killed him. Botham was a 26 year old, black accountant that was innocently killed while sitting on the couch, watching TV, eating ice cream. Killed by a white police officer.

If you pay attention to the news at all, you’ve heard about this story. Although this happened over a year ago, sentencing happened roughly a week and a half ago. She could’ve gone to prison for life for what she did. And you can imagine what the family was feeling. Yet another innocent black man killed by a white police officer. The hatred and anger that can fuel up.

I want to show you how Botham’s brother responded in the court room as he has a chance to speak to Amber. Watch this

**Clip**

“3 words. I forgive you.

And if you go to God and ask Him, He will forgive you.

I love you just like anyone else.

I personally want the best for you.

I don’t even want you to go to jail.

The best would give your life to Christ. I think giving your life to Christ would be the best thing that Botham would want you to do.

I love you as a person, and I don’t wish anything bad on you.

While this video of him forgiving Amber has been impactful for a lot of people, it’s also sparked a lot of conversation about whether someone should feel guilty about not being able to forgive someone in that circumstance. As extreme as murdering a family member, do you think it’s ok for someone to not forgive?

**Discussion**

Last week, Pastor Lee taught on what Scripture says about loving one another with humility. This 4 week class is focused on how we are to treat one another. As you can guess, this morning we’re going to learn about forgiving one another.

Question: When do we forgive others?

When we strive against all thoughts of revenge; when we will not do our enemies mischief, but wish well to them, grieve at their calamities, pray for them, seek reconciliation with them, and show ourselves ready on all occasions to relieve them. (Thomas Watson, Body of Divinity, p. 581)

I think this is a very biblical definition of forgiveness. Each of its parts comes from a passage of Scripture.

Resist thoughts of revenge: , "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord."

Don't seek harm them: , "See that no one repays another with evil for evil.

Don't seek to do them mischief: , "See that no one repays another with evil for evil.Wish well to them: , "Bless those who curse you."Grieve at their calamities: , "Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles."Pray for them: , "But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you."Seek reconciliation with them: , "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men."Be always willing to come to their relief: , "If you meet your enemy's ox or his donkey wandering away, you shall surely return it to him."

Wish well to them: , "Bless those who curse you."

Grieve at their pain: , "Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles."

Pray for them: , "But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you."

Seek reconciliation with them: , "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men."

Be always willing to help them: , "If you meet your enemy's ox or his donkey wandering away, you shall surely return it to him."

We’re going to be in . As you flip there, I want to give some background information. In this passage, Jesus shares a parable about forgiveness in response to a question Peter had about how many times he should forgive someone who sinned against him. The first thing to understand about Jesus’ response is to understand the context of Peter’s question.

You see, it was a very popular Jewish rabbi view that someone was supposed to forgive a repeat offender up to three times. And as Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive someone, he throws out the number 7. He more than doubles the standard 3, thinking that he’s going to look really good in Jesus’ eyes. As Peter is thinking this, Jesus comes back and reminds him of just how much he still has to learn. Let’s read the passage together.

Matthew 18:21–22 NIV

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Matthew 18:21 ESV

21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”

Another thin

Now, because we’re talking about forgiveness, I want to do a word study with you. A word study is something we do look at a specific word. It helps us understand the original word, it’s meaning, and how it’s used. How many of you know which primary languages the Bible was originally written in? Yes, Hebrew in OT and Greek in NT. Here’s the Greek word for forgiveness

αφιημι

This word is used 143 times in the New Testament, and 127 of those are in the Gospels. I think that’s pretty telling as we read about who Jesus is and what he expects of us, that almost 89% of the time the word “forgive” is used in the NT is in the gospels.

Other times this word was used in the gospel of Mattew:

Matthew 6:12 ESV

12 and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

Mt 6:12

Lord’s Prayer -

Matthew 6:12–15 ESV

12 and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. 14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 6:12–14 NIV

12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’ 14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Mt 6:12-

With the paralyzed man

Matthew 9:2 ESV

2 And behold, some people brought to him a paralytic, lying on a bed. And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Take heart, my son; your sins are forgiven.”

In chapter 12 as Jesus talks about the forgiveness of sins

Matthew 12:31–32 ESV

31 Therefore I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven people, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. 32 And whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.

”31-32

This word has a broad range of meaning throughout the New Testament. It can mean to send away or dismiss, and in a legal sense to leave or divorce, it may mean to leave or depart, to tolerate, or to pardon or forgive. In this sense, it’s being described as a cancellation of a loan or debt. More commonly than that, it means to forgive sins.

As Paul used this word along with another word like it αφεσισ, he’s describing the cancellation of sin’s according to the infinite debt to God. Meaning that there is no way we can ever pay back God for our sins, but we don’t have to because he’s cancelled it through Jesus on the cross. This parable is a practical example of what this looks like in everyday life.

Matthew 18:21–35 ESV

21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. 23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. 31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

OK, so let’s break this down. The first servant owed the king 10,000 bags of gold. This is the equivalent to 200,000 years of income for the average worker. So this money was never payable, right? We can’t even fathom what it would looks like for an average worker now a days to owe someone 200,000 years of income.

The solution then was for this man, his wife, and kids all to be sold in order to repay the debt. The servant fell on his knees before him and begged for the master to be patient with him. The master’s response? He canceled the debt and let him go. He forgave him of the debts. This was a very business-like transaction.

So this servant was let go. This man that was just forgiven of this incredible amount of debt came across a servant that he know that actually owed HIM money. This was incredibly small in comparison to what he owed his master. This servant owed him 100 silver coins, equivalent to 100 days of income. And instead of being business-like like the king was, this servant got really personal. Pay attention to verse 28; he grabbed him and choked him, and he demanded “pay back what you owe me”. This servant fell on his knees and begged for pity. But he wasn’t having it. He threw him in prison until he could pay off his debt.

The other servants saw what had happened because this guy was being incredibly hypocritical, right? So they told the master and the master called him out on it. He said “shouldn’t you have mercy on this man just like I had mercy on you?” Then he threw him in jail and had him tortured until he could pay back everything he owed.

This is a parable that Jesus told to Peter, and for us, to understand the importance of forgiveness. This servant didn’t get it, did he? He was forgiven for something he never would’ve been able to pay back, yet he couldn’t offer forgiveness for something incredibly minor in comparison.

Jesus ends the parable by saying “this is how the Heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Forgiveness is about the attitude of your heart, not about the debt that needs to be forgiven.

Un-forgiveness can keep our bodies and brains in a state of high alertness and leads to the following unhealthy results

We focus on the hurt which reinforces our negative emotions and burns the event and pain even deeper into our neuropathways. When we’re not focused on a task, our inner self talk will often default to focusing on the painful situation

Even psychologists will acknowledge that forgiveness is necessary. They maintain that that holding on to a grudge is not beneficial for anyone’s emotional or physical health.

When we remain stressed for long periods of time (like when we refuse to forgive), it affects our memory center called the hippocampus resulting in a diminished memory.

There’s been multiple studies that have assessed forgiveness and whether there is a correlation to the brains anatomy. What they found was that people who consider themselves forgiving are not as easily offended as people who don’t consider themselves forgiving. They also found that forgiving isn’t related to verbal skills or a completely rational or controlled behavior that can be moderated by thoughts and feelings.

We also have amplified negative emotions as we are more sensetive and susceptible to further hurt and pain.

We begin to feel good when we see bad things happen to people we don’t forgive. It actually causes our brain to produce the pleasure neurotransmitter dopamine. This means that we secretly enjoy when those who have hurt us experience pain. This is the opposite of praying for our enemies like Jesus commands us to.

Question: How many times should we forgive others?

Steps

Admit the pain

Matthew 18:21–22 NIV

Journal; process the pain

70 times, or

Begin to choose to forgive the person. Notice the key word ‘begin’. The deeper the pain, the longer it takes. It’s not so much forgive and forget, but true forgiveness is more like remembering it less and less.

The NIV states 77 times. Someone look up the NLT in their Bible app. 70 X 7 (which is 490). Which is it. 77, or 70 X 7? And does it matter?

Draw deeply from God’s grace. God provides us a forgiving and transforming grace.

Colossians 3:13 NIV

13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Colossians 3:13